by Lisa Suzanne
I hang up and immediately realize my mistake—I didn’t leave a callback number.
And then I realize my voicemail may have been a tad aggressive.
I call back and get voicemail again. “Hi there, Emme Ford again. I just wanted to apologize if I was rude before. I’m dealing with a lot here, not the least of which is a bride who’s freaking out because she doesn’t have a photographer for the most important day of her life. Can you please call me back so we can figure it out?” I leave my number and hang up, satisfied that I at least corrected one mistake.
Figure it out. I just said it again, an echo of Axel’s words earlier.
You’re a smart girl. Figure it out.
Why are those words ringing a bell?
I run to the restroom before I head outside. I think hard while I’m in there, and I still come up short.
By the time I rush to get outside, everyone is waiting on me. I feel like a royal asshole, but to be fair, it’s not like I showed up late to this part of the night because I was off having fun.
“Is this the maid of honor?” some guy up front asks. He’s standing under an arch made of flowers, which I didn’t even notice until now. I didn’t notice a lot of things, actually. Carter is standing up front next to the man, who I’m guessing is the venue’s wedding coordinator. Carter looks nervous, and if he looks nervous now, I can’t imagine how he’ll look tomorrow during the actual wedding. The view behind him is absolutely gorgeous. We’re up on a hill overlooking San Diego, and, in the distance, the ocean. The sun has just set. The ceremony tomorrow will take place about an hour earlier than it is now, and the pictures will be in this gorgeous lighting—if we can find someone to take them. My eyes well with tears as I look at my best friend; she’s so happy, and it’s because of the man standing just up the aisle from where we are now.
Then I notice all other eyes in the place are on me—Courtney’s parents and Carter’s parents. Carter’s brother. Grandparents and other people I don’t know. Auntie Alice. My eyes finally land on Axel’s, but I can’t read what he’s thinking.
“Yes,” Courtney says.
“Then let’s get started.” He claps his hands together and walks toward us. He saves a special glare just for me.
“Sorry,” I mutter, glaring back at him.
“She was just taking care of something for me,” Courtney says.
“Well that’s her job.” He looks at me with disdain. “Don’t be late tomorrow.”
I want to scream Fuck you! at him, but I don’t. I just smile and do my best to kill him with kindness. “My apologies. I promise to be on time tomorrow.”
“Good then.” He claps his hands again. “Let’s get started. You!” He points at me. “Here.” He points to the spot next to him, and like a good little girl, I head over to where he points.
“Best man!” he calls next, and Axel stands while my heart pounds. “Here,” he says, pointing to the spot right next to me.
“Thanks, Wedding Planner,” Axel says.
“I do have a name,” he says.
“So do I, and it’s not Best Man.”
“My apologies. You call me Jasper, and I’ll call you handsome. How’s that sound?”
“I prefer Axel.”
“Fine then, Axel,” Jasper huffs, and if I knew what the hell was going on with Axel, I’d be laughing along with everyone else.
“So you two will walk up first. Axel, you offer your arm, and Maid of Honor, you take it.”
“I have a name, too,” I protest.
“That’s nice, sweetie,” Jasper says, and Axel barks out a laugh. Jasper pushes us closer together and I loop my arm through Axel’s. It feels nice to be close to him again. I can smell him from where I stand, and it dredges up memories of everything I’ve missed. “Now pretend you like each other.”
“That shouldn’t be hard since they’re a couple,” Courtney practically sings, and Axel’s expression sours.
“Harder than you’d think,” I hear Axel mutter.
“Okay, music!” Jasper yells to the pianist, and then the music begins. “Walk slowly.”
We start walking. “What the hell is going on with you?” I hiss so no one else can hear me.
“Slow down!” Jasper demands behind us.
We walk a little slower.
“What’s going on with me?” Axel hisses back. “What’s going on with you?”
“What are you talking about? Why are you so mad at me? I haven’t seen you in ten days and I expected a happy reunion, but you’ve been nothing but mean to me tonight.”
“You haven’t figured it out? Even though you’re a smart girl?”
“Why do you keep saying that to me?”
“Your post.” He hisses his words again.
“SLOW DOWN!” Jasper is yelling down the aisle in the middle of our discussion.
“What post?” I ask. I’m pretty sure neither of us slows and this seems like the shortest walk ever as I try to piece it all together. I don’t know why he won’t just say what the fuck is wrong.
“On Courtney’s blog.”
“SLOWER! SLOWER! GO IN TIME WITH THE MUSIC!”
I rack my brain as I think back to my last post. The last thing I sent Courtney was the bachelorette party hashtags. I look up at him. “The hashtags?”
He furrows his brows. “Hashtags?”
“The bachelorette party hashtags, that’s the last thing I sent Court to post—or are you mad about the one I wrote about you kissing Kasey?” We’re at the end of the aisle and in front of the altar, the flower arch, and Carter.
“No,” he hisses. “But I am kind of pissed about the one where you said you kissed your ex.” He turns away from me, and I’m supposed to turn away from him at the same time and take my spot next to where Courtney will stand, but I’m frozen.
“Maid of Honor!” Jasper yells. “Move over! Get out of the way! And MUSIC! We need the bride’s intro song! Oh my God, these people! We need a do-over.”
I hear Courtney talking to Jasper, but nothing registers.
The one where you said you kissed your ex.
I never posted a blog about kissing my ex.
I know it’s bad form, and I know Jasper is going to yell at me, but I pull out my phone—I have it tucked into my bra in case the photographer calls me back. I open a browser and find Courtney’s blog, and then I scroll through a few of her recent posts and find the one posted last Sunday.
HOW DO YOU KNOW IF YOU’RE IN LOVE? by guest author Emme Ford
The words stare back at me on the screen, and I’m pretty sure my heart stops beating for a hot minute.
Fuck. No, no, no. Fuck.
How did this happen? I word-vomited to see if it would help me feel better, and instead of saving that in the private recesses of my laptop, I sent it to Courtney for her to post to the entire world?
I think back to Sunday—that’s the day I took the pregnancy tests. Court came over, and I vaguely remember her asking me if I was sure she wanted me to post what I’d sent her.
I thought I’d sent her the bachelorette hashtags Fast Five. I never, not in a million years thought I sent her my private musings.
This isn’t at all how Axel was supposed to find out about James kissing me.
I said some pretty harsh things in there, now that I think back to it, but I also admitted I love him. Didn’t he see that part? Doesn’t he know he’s all that matters?
Oh, God. Did I say anything about being pregnant? I can’t help the anxiety that lances through me. What if Axel knows? What if that’s just one more reason he’s pissed at me?
I scan the article, and thankfully I don’t see anything about a possible baby. At least I was smart enough not to put that in writing. Then I read the last line: “But I’m a smart girl. I’ll figure it out.”
That’s why he kept saying that. I knew it sounded familiar, I just didn’t know he was actually quoting me.
I have to fix this, but I have no idea how.
“Excuse
me.” Jasper’s voice cuts into my thoughts. “Ex-cuse me,” he repeats. I look up. “Can we put the phone away? Whatever’s happening on your little screen can wait.”
I’m about to tell him to bend over so I can shove my phone right up his ass, but luckily Courtney steps in. “She’s checking into something last minute for me.”
Jasper huffs, and I shoot Court a grateful look. I’m met with eyes full of daggers.
Great. Now she’s mad at me, too.
CHAPTER 29
EMME
Jasper doesn’t make us practice again, but that’s not necessarily a good thing. I need more time to talk to Axel, and the only time I was able to do that was when we were walking down the aisle together. Now he’s off socializing with Carter and Carson with a bottle of beer in his hand.
My phone starts ringing just after Jasper’s first call to get us in our seats for dinner. I don’t know the number, but I’ve dialed so many photographers in such a short amount of time that I can’t realistically be expected to remember any of the numbers.
“Hello?”
“Emme Ford?”
“Yes?”
“This is Nate from Everdome Photographix.”
“Nate! How’s the leg?” I ask him like we’re old friends, even though we aren’t.
“It’s pretty painful, actually.”
“I’m so sorry for you. Tell me, though, what are we going to do about Courtney’s wedding?”
“I called around to some friends, and I have a guy who agreed last minute. He charges more than I do, though.”
“So you’ll cover the cost, then.”
“I’m going to have bills from the leg. I can’t afford that.”
“You know what you can’t afford, Nate? The sort of press where you fuck up the Sanders-King wedding. The sort of press where you screw my best friend. Look, I have a lot of contacts in San Diego. I’m a promoter. You mess this up, you don’t work in San Diego again, got it?”
I hear him sigh over the phone. “I’ll take care of it.”
“Thank you, and I sincerely hope your leg gets better soon.”
“Thanks.”
I hang up and finally head to my seat. The head table is rectangular and located at the front of the room. Axel sits on one end, and then it’s Carter and Courtney. The open seat on the opposite end from Axel is mine. Apparently we won’t get to chat over dinner tonight.
Our table is on a platform facing out over several round tables filled with Courtney and Carter’s family and a few close friends. It’s a small rehearsal because it’s a small wedding party.
I slide into my seat and turn to Courtney. “Photographer is taken care of.”
“You’re the best,” she says on an exhale. She turns to give Carter the news, and he looks across Courtney at me.
“Thanks,” he mouths, and I totally understand what superheroes feel like.
Axel keeps his gaze forward through the whole exchange, and then Jasper comes up to us. “Time to practice for tomorrow night. Handsome, you’re up.” He hands Axel a microphone.
Axel stands, and his hands shake just a bit. I wish I could’ve given him a pep talk before he took the mic. He hates public speaking maybe more than anything else in the world—barring finding out his girlfriend kissed someone else, I suppose.
“On behalf of Carter and Courtney, thank you to everyone who came tonight to rehearse for tomorrow.” His voice has the tiniest tremble in it, but as he speaks, it goes away. No one would’ve noticed except me, and only because I’m familiar with every nuance and tone of his deep, gritty voice.
“I know some of you traveled a long way to be here,” he continues, “particularly the King side, and the bride and groom are grateful for your support. And now I’m going to practice part of my best man speech on you for tomorrow night. As you know, Karoline and Carlton were married two months after they met, and Carter and Courtney decided to give them a run for their money.” His words elicit a small chuckle from the group gathered.
“While it may have been a bit longer than two months, anyone who has met these two and seen them together knows they belong together. It’s good fortune to find someone who loves you, but it’s pure luck to find your other half, and these two have done it.” He turns toward Courtney and Carter. “Congratulations to the future Mr. and Mrs. King. Cheers.” He holds up a flute of champagne, and everyone else in the room holds up their glasses, too.
I notice my own champagne flute, too, and I pick it up and clink Courtney’s glass. I tilt the glass to my lips but don’t take a sip, and then I set it down.
Courtney gapes at me. “Did you just…”
I shake my head and give her a look, and then Axel passes the microphone to Carter. Carter looks at me and raises his brows, but I shake my head. Is it customary for the maid of honor to give a speech at the rehearsal dinner? I don’t even want to give one at the wedding, but I promised Courtney I’d say something.
Carter grins. “As Axel said, thank you to everyone for coming. We couldn’t be happier that you’re here to celebrate the most important day of our lives. To my bride,” he says, and he looks over at Courtney with shining eyes. I feel myself tear up.
God, I have got to get control of my emotions. This is getting out of hand.
We’re served dinner, and I finally nab my chance to talk to Courtney about the blog post. “Why did you post that article I sent you?”
Her eyes turn on me, and she looks shocked. Okay, in front of her friends and family maybe isn’t the best time to bring it up, but it’s not like it’s her actual wedding. This is just the rehearsal, and I need to know.
“I asked you about it and you said to post it.”
“I thought I sent you a Fast Five.”
“Well, you didn’t. You sent me an article confessing to kissing another man.”
“Why didn’t you try to stop me?”
“Are you fucking kidding me right now?” Her voice turns to a scary hiss, and I remember now that I never want to be on her bad side.
I hold up my hands. “Sorry, sorry.” I’m starting to feel like I can’t do anything right…well, except for when I saved the day with the photographer thing.
I lift my glass to take a sip of champagne and remember—nearly too late—that I’m not supposed to be drinking alcohol.
I fake a sip and set the glass down.
God, I really need a drink.
*
Once dinner is over and I’ve gotten the all-clear from Courtney, it’s finally time for me to find Axel. I scan the restaurant, but I don’t see him. Carter isn’t around, either, so I imagine they’re together somewhere. I make a quick round of the bar and the restrooms, but I still don’t see them. I can’t leave without seeing him, but the night has ended and I don’t know where he is. I suppose it’s possible he already left, but I can’t imagine he’d leave without saying something to me…would he? He has every right to be mad at me, but that’s all this is—right? He’s just mad. We’ll fix it and get through it.
We have to.
I say my goodbyes and head out to my car, hoping I’ll run into him on my way. As fate would have it, he’s standing with Carter and Carson next to his Jeep.
They’re all smoking cigars. Axel knows I hate cigars. They stink, and I can smell them from a mile away, maybe two miles now that I’m pregnant. I heave a little with nausea when the smoke finds my nostrils, but I take a deep breath and force it away.
They’re laughing, and while I’m glad Axel is having a good time with his cousins and I’m sure the three of them haven’t been together in a long time, I feel a little sad that he’s having a good time despite what’s going on between us.
Part of me hopes it’s a façade, an act to make it seem like everything’s okay when he’s secretly upset on the inside, but from my angle, it certainly doesn’t seem like it.
I clear my throat, and three heads swing in my direction.
“You should probably go talk to her.” That’s Carter nudging Axel
in my direction, and I wonder again if Courtney told him.
I hear a loud exhale from Axel, and I heave in a deep breath of my own. All I get, though, is cigar smell, and I cough.
“Excuse me,” Axel says to his cousins, and then he tosses his cigar on the ground and stubs it out with his shoe—maybe not the normal way to put out a cigar, but he does it anyway because that’s who Axel is. He doesn’t always care about convention.
We walk toward my car silently as we get away from other people. Just as it should be, this is a private conversation.
“Hey,” I say.
He doesn’t respond, just turns his gaze on me. The moonlight glints off his eyes, giving him an even more mysterious edge than usual.
“I’m sorry about the way you found out.”
He crosses his arms over his chest.
“I was going to tell you, but then you told me to take off until the wedding, and I was, well…I am…going through some things, and we didn’t see each other and I figured I would just tell you later.”
“But that’s not what happened because you gave it to Courtney to post instead.”
“Not intentionally. I sent the wrong file. It was right after the bachelorette party and it was late. It was an honest mistake.”
He rubs his forehead with his fingertips before running a hand down his beard. “Look, I can get over the kiss and the subsequent hiding of the truth. What I can’t get past is your hypocrisy. You were so mad at me because Kasey kissed me, but some other guy kissed you right around the same time and you didn’t even have the decency to tell me.”
I stare at a spot on the ground. His voice started rising during his rather impassioned speech, and I don’t have a valid response because he is absolutely right. “I’m sorry,” I finally whisper.
“I can’t stop thinking about that one fucking line you wrote about how you were too busy making time for him to make time for me. I’d been begging you to give me time, to talk to me, to show me you want to be with me, and you went and made a date with some guy from your past instead? Do you know how much that hurts?”
I lift one shoulder in yet another non-response.
“You said I love you enough to give you the truth, and that’s true. After what you went through with Declan, I couldn’t keep it from you. But Emme, you kept something from me, something big and important. And on top of that, you never even bothered to give me the truth about how you feel about me. I had to read through some blog post that you think you might love me.”