by Lisa Suzanne
“Doesn’t that just end up on the floor anyway?”
“It will, but I still need something nice for our wedding night. I placed an order online but I’m here to get something for backup in case it doesn’t arrive on time.”
“Smart thinking.”
She points to her head. “Not just a hat rack.”
I giggle, and then we make our way into the store. When we walk through the doors, we’re in the children’s section. I’ve never actually spent any time at all looking at the children’s section of a store. I’ve never looked at baby clothes, have never been interested in them. Even when a friend had a baby shower, I opted to give a gift card rather than spend any time around children’s clothing.
Today, I’m immediately drawn to a rack of outfits. I go right to the boy clothes even though there are many more racks filled with girly items.
“Oh my God,” I say, holding up a little outfit with a tie and suspenders. “How adorable is this?”
Courtney giggles. “What about this?” She lifts a pink dress with a frilly tutu.
I can’t help my smile. I never thought just looking at baby clothes would be so…moving.
CHAPTER 26
AXEL
Yesterday sucked.
I had to go into work a little before two to open. When I first came up with that stellar plan, I didn’t think I’d drink as much scotch as I did at Carter’s bachelor party. I knew I had a ride back to Carter’s place, and once Dog’s Tooth started clearing out a little, our group was able to find a table to sit together. We laughed, talked football and tits, and drank.
And drank.
And drank a little more.
I’m not a heavy drinker. I see firsthand what it can do to people too often, so I tend to only allow myself one or two upon occasion. The last time I was as drunk as I got on Saturday, I was in college and I swore I’d never do it again.
That’s a promise easily made in the morning when you’re feeling like shit, but it’s also the promise most commonly broken.
So, I had a rough day, and I couldn’t get Emme out of my head. Everywhere I turn, I’m reminded of her. I sat in my office with the door closed and my mind replayed all the times I’ve fucked her against that door. On my desk. In my chair. Home in bed, I thought of the way she sleeps with her hair splayed across the pillow, smelling faintly of something I can only describe as sunshine. I could still smell it on her pillow, and I held that pillow through the night as if she was there with me.
But she’s not.
If I thought yesterday sucked with its terrible hangover and sappy pining taking residence in my body and mind, that shit show of a day had nothing on today. Nothing.
I always check my email first thing in the morning, and today I had one from Courtney. It’s an automatic one that comes through every time something new is posted to her blog, and it shows the first hundred or so words of the article. I don’t always click the button to read every detail—especially not about Courtney’s love life with my cousin—but this one caught my eye.
HOW DO YOU KNOW IF YOU’RE IN LOVE? by guest author Emme Ford
I click it, and that’s my first mistake of the day. I’m not even out of bed yet and Emme has managed to break me a little with just the first line of the article.
Do you ever wake up one morning and realize you no longer even like something you’ve loved for a really long time?
Does she mean me? She doesn’t even like me anymore? I push that thought away and keep reading.
I read on and start to feel better—she loves me.
It’s right there in black and white. She loves me, but she’s scared; I get that.
Why would she say she loves me to Courtney’s audience before she bothered to say it to me, though?
I keep reading, captivated by the words of the woman I love.
It isn’t until I get to the middle that Emme smashes the hope I have for us into a thousand shards.
I wonder how he’d feel if he knew James kissed me, or even if he knew I saw James.
Who the fuck is James, and why was she kissing him when she couldn’t be bothered to even talk to me? She talks about hard truths and whether she loves me as much as I love her, and then she delivers the line that packs a punch right to my nuts.
I was too busy making time for an ex to make time for the one person who deserved it the most.
I can’t even read the rest because I feel physically ill.
I’m seething with anger. I hurtle my phone across the room. It hits the wall with a thud and drops to the floor.
Does she even want to be with me? What a fucking hypocrite. She got mad at me when Kasey kissed me, but she was off kissing some guy named James and didn’t even bother to tell me in person. I had to read it on a fucking blog post.
I’m honestly starting to wonder if things would be this complicated with someone like Kasey.
We all have our issues, but I don’t know if there’s enough fight left in me to battle against Emme’s anymore.
CHAPTER 27
EMME
Before I know it, the week has passed. Axel has left me alone, and while I should feel grateful, I don’t. Instead, I just miss him, and my mind plays tricks on me. I need to know what he’s thinking, where he is, if he still wants me, if I’m pushing him toward Kasey. I wish I had the answers, but my self-mandated vacation has kept me from knowing.
I want to go back to work—back to Axel—but I’m not ready. I’m still exhausted even after my time off, and I’ve been getting plenty done from home. The bands all have rides to and from the bar. They all get there on time. I track everything remotely, and I have people on top of every aspect of my job.
It’s nice that things are going smoothly, but it does sort of make me realize how very replaceable I am. It’s a little disheartening, but maybe a small part of me needs to know that my job isn’t as essential as I’ve always painted it. The Port could still use a marketing specialist, and I’ve spent time over the past week realizing the many different capacities in which I can perform my job.
The day before Courtney and Carter’s wedding sneaks up on me. I will see Axel tonight at the rehearsal dinner, regardless of whether I’m actually ready to see him.
I’ve seen Courtney every day for the past ten days, and she’s kept quiet about Axel’s state. I think she thinks she’s helping me keep my mind off him by avoiding conversation about him or The Port altogether, but all it does is feed my curiosity.
The rehearsal dinner is at the same winery where Courtney and Carter will be married tomorrow night. There’s a restaurant at the winery where we will dine after we practice walking down the aisle, and the actual wedding reception will be held outside.
The old me would’ve been glad for the ride to the venue with Axel so I could drink at the rehearsal dinner without worrying how to get home, but I’m not the old me anymore. The drive is about thirty minutes, and I listen to the light rock station—very unlike me. It’s soothing, though, and I find myself humming along with the radio.
When I pull into the parking lot, I see Axel’s Jeep already there. After the relaxing ride listening to soft love songs, I feel completely unnerved at seeing his car. I see Carter’s Tesla, too, which means Courtney and Carter are already here, too. Knowing my best friend is here provides a small measure of comfort, but this night is all about her. She’s not going to have time to hold my hand just because I’ve been avoiding my baby’s daddy.
My heart starts racing.
This is it. I’ve been purposely avoiding him because I’m terrified I’m going to tell him what’s been going on with me, and I’m about to see him.
I really want to keep this quiet, just until I see my doctor, and especially tonight, but Courtney’s right—I suck at keeping secrets.
I get out of my car and start the walk toward the restaurant. Each step I take is seemingly in slow motion, and my heart pounds just a little harder as I make my way closer.
Then, out of nowhere, I h
ear a voice calling my name.
“Emme!”
I turn around and see Courtney’s mom. Her eighties bangs are on high alert tonight, but she looks like a beautiful mother of the bride in her navy dress. I blow out a quick breath of frustration and put on my happy face. “Hi, Lori! You all ready for tomorrow?”
“I feel like I’ve got about a million things to do before then, but yes, I think I’m ready. I just have one thing for you in my car. Would you mind?” She nods toward her car, and Courtney’s dad, Jerry, stands a few feet behind her looking a little like he has no idea what’s in store for the next thirty-six hours.
I follow Lori to her car, and she pulls out a small box. “I have the something borrowed to give to Courtney in the morning, but I wanted you to have something to give her, too. This is the something blue.”
I open the box and take a look. It’s a diamond bracelet, but where one of the diamonds should be is a sapphire. “It’s gorgeous,” I say.
“My mother’s matron of honor gave it to her from my grandmother, and my matron of honor gave it to me from my mother. It’s sort of become a family tradition.”
“Thank you for including me.”
Lori wipes a tear from her eye, and I see Jerry roll his eyes at me good-naturedly before he moves in to comfort his wife with an arm around her shoulders.
I set the bracelet in my car for safekeeping, and then the three of us walk toward the restaurant.
The little interruption on my way into the venue did nothing to quell my nervous stomach. He’s inside, the man I love, the man I have so much to tell…and I have no idea how I’m going to say any of it.
Tonight’s not the night, anyway. I have to keep reminding myself of that fact.
I can’t avoid him, exactly—and I don’t want to, either—but I want some time just for the two of us to talk. I wish we would’ve talked before now, but he’s the one who told me to take this time off, and I’m the stubborn one who stayed away.
When I finally step through the door behind Lori and Jerry, I immediately spot him. He’s standing with Carter and another guy who looks a lot like Carter, who I assume is Carter’s elusive brother Carson. My eyes are drawn to Axel like a magnet. He’s laughing at something Carter’s saying, throwing his head back in glee. I love when he laughs like that. It makes him look so young and carefree, which is so opposite his typical brooding front. He looks good—like good enough to eat.
Suddenly I want to drag him into the bathroom and have my way with him.
He’s wearing jeans, of course, and a black button-down shirt. His beard is a little longer than he usually keeps it, but it’s still groomed. He looks the same as he did the last time I saw him, but now he looks like the man I love, the man I’ve missed, the man I don’t want to spend another second away from. I’m ready for our long-awaited reunion. The time away from each other did exactly what it needed to—it showed me just how much he means to me and just how much I need him in my life.
“Hey, you!” Courtney grabs me into a hug.
I squeeze her back, and then she whispers so just I hear her, “Save me from my mother and all these people.”
I giggle. “You’ll be fine. It’ll all be over in like thirty hours and then you get to go on your honeymoon not too long after that.”
“Italy has never sounded so appealing.”
“Are you going to eat pizza while you’re there?”
She laughs; she’s got this weird thing about not liking pizza. “Carter already made me promise I would try it. He said it’s in his vows.”
“Perfect.”
She nods toward Axel. “You ready to tell him?”
I shake my head. “Not tonight.”
“You feeling okay?”
“Fine, just nervous and excited to see him.”
“Go get him.”
I give her one more quick hug, and then I square my shoulders and let out a breath.
I take the first step toward Axel, and I can’t help but think how it all begins with one step. No matter what it is—going on a diet, quitting a bad habit, getting off the couch and going for a run, or walking up to the man who owns your heart after you haven’t spoken to him in too many days—it all starts with one step.
My first step is followed by a second, and my feet carry me across the room toward Axel. He’s laughing again at something Carter said, and I’m standing behind him awkwardly waiting for him to notice me. I don’t want to interrupt his conversation, but he hasn’t even looked in my direction since I walked into the room, which is a bit disconcerting.
Carter finally looks at me. I watch his smile fade a bit, and then he nods in my direction. I plaster a smile on my face, determined to act like everything is normal, like I just saw him yesterday and seeing him here isn’t some big, weird thing—oh, and like I’m not hiding the most life-changing secret imaginable inside my belly.
Does Carter know? Did Courtney tell him?
I can’t help but wonder if that’s why his smile faded when he spotted me, but maybe it’s just my overactive imagination.
Axel finally turns around, and our eyes meet. Where I expect to see heat and desire—or at least a little warmth—I’m greeted with none of that. Instead, I watch as Axel’s smile fades, too. His lips turn down into a bit of a frown, and his eyes harden a bit, the remnants of the gleeful laughing he just partook in fading quickly. He runs his hand over his beard.
“Hi,” I say gingerly. I take another step toward him and walk into him for a hug. It’s all I need right now—Axel’s warm arms around me letting me feel how much he loves me.
But that’s not what I get. His arms don’t wrap around me, so I back up awkwardly.
Axel clears his throat. “Uh…hey.”
“We’ll give you two some space,” Carter says, and then he nudges his brother and they walk away.
“How are you?” I ask awkwardly. Small talk is maybe the one thing I least expected here.
He rubs his lips together and runs a hand along his beard again. “Not great.”
A nervous tingle travels up my spine. “What’s wrong?”
He looks away from me as he lets out a hollow chuckle. “What’s wrong?” he repeats. His eyes land back on me, and they flash with anger. “Um, let’s see, how about the fact that you’re a hypocrite?”
I step back as if he landed a physical blow on me. “What?”
“You heard me.” He grits out the words through clenched teeth.
My hand flies to my chest in defense. “What are you talking about?”
He glares at me. “You’re a smart girl. Figure it out.”
His words hit me like a bomb detonating in my chest. Shards of my heart scatter all over the room, and I have no idea how I’m going to pick them up.
This was just a hiatus, a break. This wasn’t supposed to be the end for us.
Panic sets in.
I’m carrying this man’s baby, and he’s clearly very angry about something but I have no idea what it is. Was it because I stayed away? I thought we agreed to that.
I’m totally confused, and I stare after him as he starts to walk away from me.
What the fuck just happened?
CHAPTER 28
EMME
Courtney rushes over in a total panic. “The photographer just called me. He said he broke his leg falling down some stairs and he can’t come tomorrow and now I don’t have a photographer for my wedding day! What am I supposed to do now? Why does everything happen to me? Why do bad things happen to good people?” She’s nearly in tears by the time she finishes rambling, but I’m still struck dumb by what just happened with Axel.
I take a deep breath. “Okay. I’ll find someone. I’ll take the fucking pictures if I have to. Go mingle with your guests and leave it to me.”
“You’re a lifesaver.” Tears actually do start to run down her face. “Don’t tell my mom. And thank you,” she says, and she throws her arms around me and hugs me tightly.
“Pull yourself together. F
orward me the voicemail and the photographer’s info. I’ll figure this out.”
She nods, sniffles, and excuses herself to the restroom, and I’m still trying to piece together what just happened with Axel. He’s across the room talking to Karoline and a man I assume is her husband, Carlton. He’s facing my direction, and I’m certain he can see me in his field of vision, but he keeps his gaze glued to Karoline.
He’s flat-out ignoring me, but I don’t have time to puzzle together what’s going on with him.
I pull out my phone and start searching for photographers in San Diego. It’s nearly seven the night before the wedding. I can’t imagine any of the good photographers aren’t already booked, and I find it odd that the one she chose doesn’t have some sort of backup plan for emergencies. I call the first one I find, but I get voicemail. I sort of doubt I’ll actually get through to anyone on a Friday evening.
Courtney’s text comes through with the original photographer’s information. I give him a call, but it goes to voicemail. I’ll try again in a bit.
I keep scrolling and dialing numbers. I get voicemail after voicemail. I realize I look like I’m being antisocial, but I’m actually trying to save the day.
We’re told to meet outside in a few minutes because the rehearsal will be starting shortly, but I need to find a photographer. All I want to do is head outside because I know I’m walking down the aisle with Axel, and maybe we can find a chance to talk so I can figure out why he’s so mad at me.
I’m not sure I’ll get the chance.
I try the original photographer again, and this time I leave a voicemail. “Hi, this is Emme Ford. I’m calling on behalf of Courtney Sanders and Carter King. You’re supposed to take pictures tomorrow for their wedding, and a broken leg is a bad excuse. Don’t you have some sort of backup plan? Don’t you have an assistant, or a friend, or a sister, or a fucking dog you can send to take pictures? Figure this out. You’ve been paid a lot of money to be here to take pictures, so you better send someone. The Kings aren’t people you want to fuck with, and if you breach that contract, God help you.”