William Shakespeare's Alack! of the Clones
Page 2
And wherefore would they seek to harm me so?
Is our Republic come to such a state?
OBI-WAN
Our charge is to protect you, Senator.
Investigation is not our command.
ANAKIN
We will discover who hath made assault
Upon thy life, my lady: so swear I.
OBI-WAN
Our mandate shall not be exceeded, nay,
Speak thou not out of turn, my Padawan.
ANAKIN
I meant but in the interest of her
Protection, Master, nothing more indeed.
OBI-WAN
I need not tell thee once again that thou
Shouldst follow on my lead, young Anakin.
ANAKIN
But wherefore?
OBI-WAN
—Eh? What didst thou to me say?
ANAKIN
Good Master, wherefore would they put us in
Her service were it not to find the one
Who was her vicious would-be murderer?
Protection is a task fit for some brute,
A local force to keep a person safe,
Requiring not a Jedi’s skillful art.
’Tis far beyond all reason to employ
A Jedi in a simple sheriff’s trade.
In short: investigation is implied
Within the prime directive we were giv’n.
OBI-WAN
We shall proceed exactly in the terms
The Council hath instructed us, no more.
We are not led by implication, lad.
PADMÉ
[aside:] This conversation is not for mine ears:
The Jedi do forget themselves, I fear.
OBI-WAN
And thou shalt learn thy proper place, young one.
PADMÉ
Belike your presence shall reveal to us
The mystery of whence the threat hath come.
I prithee now, excuse me. I’ll retire,
For all shall be improv’d by rest and sleep.
[Exit Padmé.
TYPHO
I am reliev’d to have you here, good sirs.
For my part, I shall station officers
At ev’ry door, and take myself unto
The center of control to watch o’er her.
[Exeunt Obi-Wan and Captain Typho.
JAR JAR
Mees bustin’ happy t’see you, Ani.
ANAKIN
She hardly recognized me, Jar Jar. Fie!
Yet ev’ry day since we last met she hath
Been forefront in my thoughts, the leading light
Of ev’ry day that pass’d, surpassing all.
She thought of me but little, if at all,
I am a memory to her, forgotten.
What foolishness I must have shown to her—
My words fell trippingly from out my lips
As though I were a simple-minded fool.
Then Obi-Wan corrected me as though
I were an errant child. So must I seem
To her, and him, and all of them besides.
Enter OBI-WAN KENOBI.
JAR JAR
But she’s mo happy den in long time.
OBI-WAN
Thou art too focus’d on the negative.
Be mindful, Anakin, of all thy thoughts.
She was, indeed, most pleas’d to see us both.
I prithee, let us verify that all
The needed measures are in place to keep
The senator safeguarded and secure.
[Exeunt Obi-Wan and Anakin.
JAR JAR
Young Anakin would not speak with such ease—
Would not pour out the contents of his heart,
Would not with such a carefree boldness tell
The sorrows and complaints within his soul—
If he suspected I were more than fool.
For years I’ve watched among the senators,
The politicians’ greed, the laws’ delays,
The insolence of office, and the pow’r
That makes our little galaxy progress.
Is it a wonder turmoil comes to us,
Since we are led by such brutality?
Yet I may not my feelings true express:
I shall do what I may to set things right,
But never shall my fool’s comportment fall.
I chose, aye, long ago, to play this role
And I shall play the part unto the end.
What would they say if Jar Jar suddenly
Spoke as they do, or show’d an aspect wise?
Why, they would think me mad e’en as I spoke
More sanely than I ever did before.
Nay, it shall not be so: I’ll not remove
The mask I have put on. ’Tis for their sake:
For like this Anakin they comfort find
In having one among them simpler than
They know themselves to be. ’Tis passing strange.
These humans are a mystery to me,
E’en though I see them with an eagle’s eye.
Thus, keep thy fervent peace now, Jar Jar Binks.
Forever may they think my mind is weak;
This giveth me th’advantage that I seek.
[Exit.
SCENE 3.
On the planet Coruscant, in Padmé’s chamber and on the city streets.
Enter RUMOR.
RUMOR
Into swift Rumor’s net these mortals fly,
Ne’er guessing that the traitor’s there, within.
Thus doth the cord of Rumor neatly tie
Round all of them a band to wrap them in.
O, see how I my merry pranks do play,
Distracting them with votes and sep’ratists,
Unknowingly they scramble on their way,
Confus’d by fear that in their souls persists.
Into this time of doubt, another comes
Now entering the scene, a larger threat—
Gainsaying the Republic in vast sums,
Join’d with their enemies is Jango Fett.
A vicious man and cruel to all his foes,
Ne’er was a bounty hunter so revil’d.
Giv’n to misanthropy, he hatred knows
Of ev’ryone—except a twinlike child.
Full many whispers doth this Rumor spread,
Engaging ev’ry mind in fear and doubt.
To ev’ry ear doth come my voice of dread,
Till all the galaxy in pain shall shout.
[Exit Rumor.
Enter JANGO FETT and ZAM WESELL on balcony.
ZAM
I hit the ship, sir, yet the job’s not done:
They did employ a decoy who’s now dead,
Yet our main target slipp’d away unscath’d.
JANGO
Yea, now we shall a stronger method employ.
My client groweth ever more impatient, Zam.
Pray, take thou this canister and let caution guide
thine ev’ry step. Little though these beasts may be,
they are most vicious—aye, and poisonous as well.
E’en now go hence, and pray remember—I’ll have
no more mistakes, upon thy life.
[Exeunt.
Enter OBI-WAN KENOBI and ANAKIN SKYWALKER.
Enter R2-D2 aside, next to PADMÉ, who is asleep.
OBI-WAN
Keen Captain Typho hath more men downstairs
To guard the senator than we shall need—
No smart assassin would make entrance there.
Hast thou seen aught of substance?
ANAKIN
—Nothing, nay.
’Tis quiet as an ancient ruin where
The dead lie still, unmoving in their tombs.
This waiting doth my better instincts thwart—
I would not on an incident attend,
Yet rather would preemptive action take.
[A sensor begins beeping.
What is’t?
ANAKIN
—The cameras she cover’d o’er.
’Tis possible she did not like mine eyes
A’wand’ring o’er her as she tried to sleep.
OBI-WAN
But this is madness! What is in her mind?
ANAKIN
’Tis well—she set R2 to sound a loud
Alarum should a base intruder enter.
OBI-WAN
There are more ways than one a senator
To murther—R2 shall but warning make.
ANAKIN
’Tis true, and yet we would the killer catch.
OBI-WAN
Then hast thou plann’d to use her as thy bait?
ANAKIN
Accuse me not, I pray—’twas her idea.
No harm shall come to her, for with the Force
I sense whate’er befalls within that room.
The air could not shift in the least degree
But I would feel an ’twere a hurricane.
I bid you, trust me.
OBI-WAN
—’Tis a risk unwise.
Thy senses are not well enough attun’d,
Particularly where she is concern’d,
My young apprentice.
ANAKIN
—Yours are better, eh?
OBI-WAN
’Tis possible. Pray, set aside thy pride.
Enter ZAM WESELL on balcony with PROBE DROID.
ZAM
Go, droid, take thou these beasts and do my work
Of death and murther—aye, get hence! This night
Shall see my just reward for task completed.
Thus shall a senator a coffin fill,
And thus shall Jango Fett my coffer fill.
[Exit Zam.
PROBE
A trick, a trap, a sudden death,
Someone shall soon be out of breath!
When I drop off these kouhun bugs
They’ll slink past curtains, walls, and rugs,
Delivering their lethal bite
Which shall bring death into the night.
’Tis bugs shall be the end of her—
We’re off to kill a senator!
[The probe droid flies to where Padmé sleeps.
OBI-WAN
Thou lookest sore fatigu’d, young Padawan,
And should find sleep, not watch o’er one who doth.
ANAKIN
I do confess, I sleep not well of late.
OBI-WAN
Is it thy gentle mother, Anakin?
ANAKIN
Yea; she is ever subject of my dreams,
Though wherefore this should be, I do not know.
OBI-WAN
Dreams, like a storm, may pass in their own time,
Till all is calm and quiet once again.
ANAKIN
Much rather would I dreams of Padmé have,
Such storms I could endure eternally.
To be near her again begins a squall
Which riseth in my heart, as windstorm ne’er
Did blow upon the dunes of Tatooine.
OBI-WAN
Be mindful of these thoughts tempestuous,
They do betray a spirit blustery.
A Jedi does not row by waters rough,
But seeks calm waters and a steady sail.
Thy charts are fix’d: the Jedi order is
Thy destination and thy harbor true.
To change thy course would be most difficult.
And Padmé’s but a politician sly,
Whose rudder may on any tide be mov’d.
[The probe droid begins to cut through Padmé’s window.
ANAKIN
Nay, she is unlike all the others in
The Senate: even-keel’d, direct, and firm.
Her glance could make a hundred storms be still,
Her face could set a thousand ships aright.
OBI-WAN
In my experience, when politics
Are at the helm, no course is ever true.
These senators may seek to please those who
Would fund campaigns and make them seaworthy,
But nothing more. They’d cut the anchor of
Democracy at tempest’s first raindrop
Without a thought, if they but funded are.
ANAKIN
Now shall I hear another lecture from
The ancient mariner, e’en Obi-Wan.
What do you know of economics, sir,
Which rough, high seas were once your albatross?
[The probe droid releases two kouhun bugs into Padmé’s chamber.
PROBE
The merriment begins at once!
The unsuspecting Jedi dunce
Hath miss’d mine entrance to her room
And shall, anon, behold her doom!
R2-D2
Beep, squeak! [Aside:] My scanner hath detected life,
So shall I scan the chamber thoroughly.
Nay, nothing by my scope discover’d is,
So shall I to my droidly sleep return.
[The kouhun bugs crawl, advancing, under Padmé’s bedclothes.
PROBE
The droid hath miss’d them—pretties, go,
Be neither legs nor bodies slow!
With puncture swift our payment take,
And from this sleep she shall not wake.
ANAKIN
You do but draw a picture general,
Not ev’ry ship that sails th’Republic’s seas
Is bound for stormy weather—Palpatine,
Let him stand for a counter to your point,
A bulwark ’gainst the flood of sep’ratists,
Our chancellor doth float a level tack.
OBI-WAN
’Tis Palpatine shall be thy paragon?
The man is politician through and through,
And is a clever navigator of
The passions and desires of senators.
[The kouhun bugs prepare to strike Padmé.
ANAKIN
Yet I believe he is a noble soul,
Fit to direct our vessel—wait, alack!
OBI-WAN
I sense it, too—her room, let’s thither go!
[Obi-Wan and Anakin enter Padmé’s room. Anakin brandishes his lightsaber, destroying the bugs.
PROBE
Our errand fails, and I must fly,
Be off into the darken’d sky!
If they should catch me stalking here
My master’s punishment I fear.
[Obi-Wan jumps through the window, catching the probe droid.
PADMÉ
What’s this—what hath occurr’d?
ANAKIN
—Stay here, I pray!
For Obi-Wan was right: a storm doth brew.
R2-D2
[aside:] O, curse my wires, I was not fast enough,
And now these gallant Jedi danger face!
[Exeunt Padmé and R2-D2. Exit Anakin severally. Obi-Wan continues to cling to the probe droid.
OBI-WAN
Methinks this droid shall be the end of me,
For up and down Coruscant’s busy lanes
It pulls me, with a mind to shake me loose.
Enter ANAKIN SKYWALKER on balcony, climbing into a speeder.
ANAKIN
On speeder’s wings I fly most speedily,
My master to recover and protect
And rescue him from peril dire. E’en more,
I’ll find the worthless rogue who doth attempt
To murther my most precious Padmé. Go!
[Exit Anakin in speeder.
OBI-WAN
Past speeders several I barely dodge,
And see the fear on ev’ry driver’s face.
They little do expect to see a man
A’hanging from a droid midst traffic jamm’d.
If I should fall, they may find bits of me
Strewn yon and hither on the city streets.
One driver calls me “Jedi poodoo”! Aye—
If I should fall upon the ground below,
His bitter prophecy may be fulfill’d:
I shall, like poodoo, make the bottom foul.
Enter ZAM WESELL on balcony.
ZAM
The droid returns, but what hangs thereupon?
A Jedi Knight? Alas, I am undone—
Some failure doth his presence here portend.
Yet he shall not discover who I am,
For he shall taste the ghastly consequence
Of mine exacting rifle’s fiery blast.
PROBE
O, thither stands my master, joy—
This hanger-on doth so annoy!
Yet what is that within her hand?
Her rifle? I don’t under—
[Zam shoots the probe droid, destroying it, and Obi-Wan falls.
ZAM
’Tis done. Now I shall flee from wrath of Fett.
[Exit Zam.
OBI-WAN
From bad to worse this moment swiftly goes;
All downward fly my chances to survive.
Look how the ground doth speed toward my body—
Let this not be the end of Obi-Wan!
Enter ANAKIN SKYWALKER in speeder.
ANAKIN
Behold, I see him, falling yet alive—
’Tis not the fall, but landing, that shall hurt.
Now quickly, Anakin, fly just below,
And give him space to break his fall with ease.
[Obi-Wan lands inside the speeder.
OBI-WAN
What kept thee? Hadst thou some employment
elsewhere?
ANAKIN
’Tis ever so when fac’d with such a choice—
What speeder should I use? A cockpit must
Be open to the air, with speed to match.
The color must be pleasant to the eye.
A young man must consider this, so to
Bedeck himself with style, is this not true?
OBI-WAN