Ash felt his heart start to crumble when he stared down into the crib at his sleeping daughter. She was picture-perfect, a cherub. For some reason he'd expected her to look like Fanny or even his mother, probably because they were females. Instead, Sunny looked so much like him it was incredible. His heart crumbled a litde more when he recalled how Sunny came into being—the result of his and Fanny's sexual encounter over Thanksgiving. They'd called her Sunny because she was like a ray of sunshine. He'd been the one to name her since Fanny named the twins. He remembered how Fanny had beamed her pleasure and said it was the perfect name. Even his mother had agreed.
Jesus, what was wrong with him? He'd acted like a first-class jackass last night when Fanny wouldn't go with him to the dinner. In his rage he'd gone out and betrayed all he held dear. And it wasn't the first time.
Ash hunched dov/n, his face eye level with the crib mattress. His daughter. His and Fanny's flesh and blood. Fanny said Sunny would be frightened if she woke in strange surroundings. Did year-old babies know the difference? Fanny said they did, so it must be true. His hand trembled when he reached out to touch the golden ringlets on the child's ears. Sunny stirred, her small clenched fist searching for her mouth. He helped her find it, a wide smile on his face. "I used to suck my thumb, bet you didn't know that," he whispered. "Your uncle Simon did too. Almost every day of my
life I learn something about myself. Like today, I learned I'm not a very nice guy. I made your mother miserable. I embarrassed your grandmother. Sometimes it's easier to say mean, nasty things than it is to say something warm and nice. I don't know why that is.
"Take your mother now. She never says mean, nasty things. Don't get the idea that she doesn't have a temper, she does. I've seen her give your brothers a whack on their bottoms for bad behavior. That doesn't mean she doesn't love them, she does. I could have used a few good whacks growing up. I have a feeling you're going to be one of those perfect little girls who never does anything wrong. I think I might have a talk with those brothers of yours as they grow older so they don't put frogs in your bed, things like that. They probably won't let you in their tree house, either. I don't want you to worry about that because I'm going to build you a playhouse in the backyard. Your mother will put curtains on the windows, and maybe we'll give you a doorbell so the boys can come to visit.
"There's something else you don't know. All the time your mother carried you she sewed clothes for you. I'm the first to admit I don't know a thing about litde girl's clothes, but your grandmother does, and she said the outfits your mother made are priceless. That means they're special, made just for you. I don't know much about labels, but I understand ladies buy clothes based sometimes on the labels sewn in the neck. Your mother made labels for your clothes. She calls them Sunny's Togs."
Ash's hands itched to pick up his daughter. He got to his feet, his hands clenched into tight fists. Fanny was right, he was a disgrace. He couldn't pick up his daughter after the places he'd been and things he'd done the night before. "God, how do I make this right?" he muttered.
Four days later, Fanny carried Sunny from the hospital, her husband at her side, her sons scampering ahead, shouting, "Sunny's coming home, Sunny's coming home!"
"What's going on?" Fanny asked as she looked around at the circuslike atmosphere on the center grounds.
"The center Ls having a fund-raiser starting tomorrow," Ash said. "The board wants to raise money for some new medical equipment as well as some other things. Mom wants the community to get involved. She did a huge mailing asking for new things to be donated. Saturday night they're having a big auction. What should we donate?"
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"Oh, Lord, I forgot all about it with Sunny getting sick. I'll think of something."
"You could donate some of those things you made for Sunny."
"The second layette. That's a wonderful idea. Ash. I never would have thought of it. They're homemade, though. People like things bought in a store; I'd die if nobody bid on them. Just because I tliink they're prett- doesn't mean other people will think so."
"Ask Mom's opinion," Ash said, settling the boys in the backseat of the car. "Fanny, I've been thinking. Let's go to Sunrise for a week or so. It will be a lot cooler for Sunny. I promised to build a tree house for the boys. Don't get excited now, it will be low to the ground. Pop is coming up, so he can help. It will be your job to bring us lemonade and sandwiches. Pop got the boys toy tool kits. They'll have Chue's kids to play with. What do you say, Fanny?"
He was trying, really trying. "It sounds like a great idea."
"Now! Now!" the twins shouted from the backseat.
"I guess that's our answer." Fanny laughed. It was so nice when they acted like a family. Her heart swelled. She cuddled Sunny closer to her breast.
Ash swerved the car into the driveway. "All I ever wanted was to see them like that," Ash said, indicating his parents standing together on the front porch. "The only time they were together was holidays, and then there was so much tension even Simon and I could feel it. I don't want that to happen to us, Fanny. Honest to God I don't. If I falter, give me a swift kick."
"They love one another in their own way. Neither one of us has the right to judge them, .Aih."
"You're right about that, too."
"She's beautiful, Fanny," Philip said, holding out his arms to take Sunny. "It's amazing how much she looks like Ash. I see Simon in her, too."
Grandfather, son, and granddaughter walked into the house leaving Sallie, Fanny and the boys on the front porch. "Philip tells me you're going to Sunrise. If you want my opinion, I think it's a wonderful idea."
"Sallie, I forgot about the fund-raiser. If I give ou twenty-five dollars, will you bid on something for me?"
"Of course. What are you going to donate?"
"That's something else I forgot. Ash had a wonderful idea, though. I'm going to donate the second layette I made for Sunny.
If no one bids on it, don't tell me, okay? Don't you bid on it, Sallie. Promise me."
"I promise."
Sallie hugged her daughter-in-law. "Are things okay between you and Ash?"
"Things are okay, Sallie. Why are we standing here on the porch in this heat?"
"Because women do stupid things from time to time." Sallie laughed.
"I'll get the layette ready. I just want to put tissue paper between the garments and then wrap them in more tissue."
"Did you label everything?"
"Yes. It will only take a few minutes to cut those labels. I forgot about that."
"Don't take them out. Let the buyer think Sunny's Togs is the name of the company that made the layette. The labels might fetch a bigger price. I've been meaning to ask you, wherever did you get the idea for that whimsical sun decal you put on all of Sunny's clodies?"
Fanny laughed. "I guess you could call it my signature. When we were little and didn't have money to buy presents for each other, my brothers made their own. Daniel always put the sun on his packages. It's his own drawing. I always cut them off his packages. Each one is a litde different. I have hundreds of them in my album. I just picked the ones I liked best and then duplicated them. It seemed so . . . appropriate. I thought about it the minute Ash. said he wanted to name our daughter Sunny. I made a toddler overall for Billie's son. She said she'd pay me to make all of her children's clothes. She was just kidding. It was a long nine months, Sallie; it gave me something to do. Would you like to see the other things I made?"
"I'd love to. Good lord, what is all that stuff. Ash?"
"The kid's stuff. A man could go to war with less," Ash said cheerfully, as he loaded the car with the boys' things and all of Sunny's gear. "You might have to sit on the roof, Fanny."
"Mommy sit on the roof," one of the twins giggled.
Ash scooped up Sage and swung him high in the air. He plopped him on the roof of the car. "Do you think Mommy should sit up here?"
"Her's too big."
"Yep. Mommy is going to sit by m
e. It was a joke."
"Daddy said a joke, Birch."
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"Me up, Daddy," Birch said.
"Okay, little fellow, hold on."
Sallie closed the door. "He's acting like a real father."
"He's trying, Sallie."
"Show me everything," Sallie said as she watched Fanny rummage in her cedar chest.
"Darling, these are priceless. Sunny is going to be the best-dressed Httle girl in Nevada. They must have taken you forever. I never saw such fine stitching."
"Mrs. Kelly taught me to do needlepoint when I was nine years old. The stitches are small like that. It took a long time in the beginning, but after I made a few of them, it went faster. Here's the layette. Do you think it's enough?"
"Enough! Fanny, this is . . . these are ... I haven't seen anything half as good in the stores. I had no idea you were so talented."
Fanny flushed. "You're making me sound like a designer or something."
"Someday you may be one." Someday you will be one, Sallie said to herself
"Here it is. I suppose it should be in a box, but I don't have one."
"Not really. We'll display the layette so people can see it. Well, I'm off. Have a wonderful time at Sunrise. I'll call you to let you know how the fund-raiser goes."
"It's so quiet and peaceful here in the garden," Fanny said lazily. "You must have been very happy here as a child."
"At times. Other dmes it was miserable," Ash said flady.
Fanny watched her two sons frolic in the small wading pool. She felt like her heart was going to burst with happiness. In the whole of her life she'd never had such a wonderful rime. Thirty days of pure bliss with her family. She wanted it to last forever. She said so.
"Fanny, nothing lasts forever. Life would be pretty boring if it did. You have to be open to new things, new ways. You need to make challenges in your life and stride toward them, and when you reach them you have to stretch and embrace those things head-on. That's life. This was our family vacation. Vacations are usually pretty perfect. Like that time you and I were in Hawaii over Christmas. We both knew it couldn't last forever. If it had lasted, we wouldn't be sitting here right now watching our kids and that very fat bumblebee who is going to nip your big toe any second now."
Fanny squealed as she slid backward on the grass. "Are you trying to tell me something, Ash?"
"I suppose. We've all been so happy here, especially the boys. They romp from morning till night, they're eating good, sleeping through the night. That says something to me, Fanny. Look at you, you have color in your cheeks, you romp with the boys, you do your sewing in the afternoon while I nap, it's perfect. I think you should stay up here. I'll come up on the weekends. I'll leave around noon on Friday and stay through Monday noon. I know my mother would love it if you'd stay here. Pop will come up more often to see the kids. Those are the pluses. The negatives are we won't see each other three days a week. What do you think? It's a suggestion, Fanny, that's all. Don't blow it into something else. Invite Bess to come up with her kids for a week or so. You said Billie was going to come for another visit with her kids. Don't think I don't know that you two are planning something. This might be a good time for you to cUnch whatever that secret is."
Fanny sighed. "You overheard?"
"I'd have to be deaf not to have heard you squeal when Mom told you your layette fetched three hundred bucks. Then there was all that whispering with BiHie, and more squeals."
"It was your idea. Ash," Fanny said.
"Yeah, but I'm not the rich doctor's viofe who plunked out three hundred smackaroos to buy the layette. And wants to order more!"
Fanny closed her eyes and rolled over on her stomach. If there was an ulterior motive to Ash's suggestion, she couldn't see it. Yet.
"Okay. I want your promise. Ash, that the weekends are for me and the kids."
In a theatrical gesture, Ash placed his hand on his heart. "I do solemnly swear the weekends are for you and the kids. We need a dog around here, and a couple of cats for the boys. I've got to get my stuff together. I'll have one of the guys at the club drive your car up here next weekend, okay?"
"Sure. You're leaving now. Are you packed?"
"Did it this morning."
"What ifl had said no?"
Ash laughed. "Then I would unpack. C'mere, give me one of those sizzling kisses."
Fanny was the first to pull away, her eyes glassy, but not so glassy that she couldn't see there was more to come. She waited.
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"Fanny, you know that strip of land Mom didn't lease to those . . . gangsters . . . the one she kept for herself."
"WTiat about it?"
"What do you think about us building a casino like they want to build. They already have a name for it, The Flamingo. We could beat them to the punch. We could sell off the bingo palaces and poker parlors as well as the Silver Dollar. Mom has more money than God."
"Then why would she want to do that, Ash? She loves the palaces, it's how she got started. She likes to sing for the customers at the Silver Dollar. It's her life, .sh."
"They aren't making enough money. That's what I meant when I said you can't stand still, you have to move with the times or you get left behind. I want you to talk to Mom, Fanny. She'll listen to you."
Fanny wanted to cry. She should have known there was a glitch to all this wonderful togetherness. "I can't do that, Ash. I won't do it. You need to talk to her yourself. It has nothing to do with me." Her voice was shaking so badly, she could barely understand her own words.
"I don't get it. You'd take from her to start up a baby business, but you won't ask for help for the business she already has."
"Where'er did you get an idea like that? WTien would I have dme to start up a business?"
"I heard you talking to Billie. She's going to come up with the colors for you. What was that corncob yellow, hayride beige, and red wagon business?"
"That was just a fun conversadon. Billie and I do that sometimes. I wanted to make some larger-size clothing for Sunny, and ... it was just a brainstorming conversation. The colors were a point of reference, kid stuff. I won't allow you to throw guilt on me like this. Another thing, Ash, I don't have to explain my phone conversations to you. You had no right to eavesdrop? You were, so don't deny it."
Ash didn't bother to deny it. "You won't talk to Mom then?"
"Absolutely not. That's your job, Ash. You understand the business, I don't. I c^n't believe you're even asking me to do something like that. Your mother would see right through it the minute the words were out of my mouth. No!"
"Son of a bitch!" Ash said, stomping his foot in front i)f Fanny. "You Ve going to regret this. The good life is going to start dwindling, and I'm not going Xo let you take any more money from my mother.
We'll make it on my salary. No more freebies. That means you go back to town and live on my salary-, doing ail tlie things other housewives do. You'll have to stretch your food allowance, cut back on your personal shopping, make sure there's enough money to pay all the bills. You might as well make plans now to get rid of all your help. We can't afford it. We can't afford two cars; yours will have to go."
Fanny's heart fluttered in her chest. "What are you talking about? You make good money. Stop spending it."
"You see, you didn't listen to what I said. My mother is subsidizing us. The palaces and the Silver Dollar are barely making it. Mom has to put money in every month to make the payrolls. She knows everyone and won't let them go because they depend on their salaries. She hands me a check. It's never the same amount. Sometimes she's vei*y generous, other times she's stingy. I can't count on the same amount every month. I work my ass off, Fanny. I don't slack off. She tells me Fm running things, but those are just words. She's running things. Every time I make a decision she countermands it. Fm thinking of looking for another job, maybe going with my father. How hard can it be to learn the chicken business? He offered to pay me twice what Mom is paying
me."
"Without talking to me? I don't believe Fm hearing this. Your mother will take all of this as a betrayal."
"You don't listen, Fanny. You're just like she is^—she doesn't listen either."
Fanny heard the whining tone in his voice. She squared her shoulders. "You need to call your mother and tell her evei->thing you just told me. It's the way you say things, Ash. It's all in the presentation. For once in your life try and be a little humble. This is the way the world is. It's not the navy, where you were this big hero and you lived on your adrenaline."
"Jesus! It's amazing how much you sound like my mother. Get your stuff together, we're going back to town."
Fanny's heart started to flutter again. If she did as Ash wanted, all the rest was a lie. He'd tricked her into coming up here, wooed her, and now this. She thought she could feel something in her die. "No."
Ash's eyes narrowed. "No what? No, you aren't getting your stuff together or no, you aren't going back to town?"
"Both," Fanny said in a strangled voice. "For now." The "for now" was the coward in her speaking. She knew Ash recognized the words for what they were. She wanted to hit him, to wipe the smirk
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from his face. She clenched her fists and stared him down. It was all she could do.
Fanny didn't move for a long time. She heard the car backfire, heard Ash race the engine for her benefit. He was daring her to come to the driveway to say good-bye, to say, okay, Fll talk to your mother. She clenched her teeth. Her dream was crumbling, and she was powerless to stop it.
So that she wouldn't cry, Fanny widened her eyes to stare at the familiar surroundings, surroundings she loved. The cottonwoods were beautiful at thLs time of year, the flower beds more vibrant, the carpet of grass, greener than emeralds. The filtered sunlight was just right as it swept through the leaves to create lacy patterns on the freshly mown grass. The scent of the fresh grass and the smell of sagebrush seemed to circle around her, just the way it had yesterday when she and Ash had made love in the gazebo under the stars. She could hear the birds now, chittering as they nesded in the cotton-woods, preparing for the evening. She felt the need to cry. Crying never solved anything.
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