"No, but I'm not sure I'll be able to get a flight at this late date."
"Why don't you charter a plane? Or rent one and fly it yourself. It would be money well spent"
''Doyou want me to come, Fanny? What about Ash?"
Here it was, the question she'd been dreading. Fanny cleared her throat and said, "My divorce papers will be filed tomorrow morning. Please don't ask me any questions because I really don't want to talk about it. We parted fiiends, that's all I'm going to say."
"I'm sorry, Fanny. I know you wanted it to work. I'll teU you what, I'll see about getting to Nevada as soon as it gets light Nothing's open right now. As soon as I know, I'll call you. One way or another, I'll get there. Good night, Fanny."
Fanny undressed for bed and crawled beneath the warm flannel sheets. She scrunched the piQow under her head and struggled to get comfortable. She should be devastated that her marriage was finally going to be dissolved. She'd tried but failed. Everyone was still sleeping soundly, the earth hadn't tilted on its axis, the sun would come up in the morning and set again in the evening. Time wasn't going to stand still for her, for Ash, or for anyone else.
Her options were few. She could choose to get on with her life, whatever it would hold, or she could hunker down, suck her thumb, and let that same life pass her by. If there was anything to be thank-ftJ for, it was that she and Ash had parted with civility between thent They might not be the best of fiiends in the days to come, but they would at least be fiiends.
A moment later, Fanny was sound asleep.
Fanny escorted Simon into the living room as though she were about to present an Academy Award nominee. "And we have.
standing at my right, Mr. Simon Thornton who will be gracing Sunrise with his presence for the holiday season."
"Oh, Simon, it's so good to see you. Philip, look, Simon is here." Sallie moved his chair sHghdy so that Simon was facing his father.
Simon dropped to his haunches. "Hi, Dad. It's good to see you here at Sunrise again. I'm going to be here for a few days so we can ... do whatever . .. or just sit and talk." He got up and gave his father an awkward hug.
Fanny watched father and son and wanted to cry when Philip's eyes searched the path in front of him. He^s looking for Ash, wondering where he is. He doesn't care about Simon. The thought jolted her. She hoped Simon hadn't picked up on his father's intense gaze.
Simon stepped back when his father mouthed a string of unintelligible words. He stared at his mother, a blank look on his face.
"I think so, Philip. I know you don't like the chair, but you have to sit up for a while. I don't suppose it will hurt if we have Simon move you to the couch, but you have to sit up."
"He wants to be moved, is that it?" Simon whispered to his mother. Sallie nodded.
Five minutes later the twins came into the room. "Okay, we're playing chess with Grandpa. This is our time so you guys can do whatever you have to do. Keep your eye on Birch, Grandpsi, he cheats. If you want anything, wink."
Fanny, Simon, and SaUie left the room and headed for the kitchen.
"The boys will monitor Phihp," Fanny said. "When their stint is up, Sunny and BiUie will take over. It was their idea, not mine. They have all kinds of sit-dov^Ti plans as Sage calls them."
"I had no idea," Simon murmured. "He was looking for Ash. Isn't anyone going to tell him?"
"I thought I would lie and tell him there was some kind of emergency at the ranch. Or we can tell him the truth and hope it doesn't give him a setback. I have to defer to you, Sallie," Fanny said.
"Simon, what do you think?"
"I always opt for the truth. It saves wear and tear on the emotions. It should be Fanny who tells him. That's just my opinion. I think he'll handle it." SaUie nodded.
The phone rang in the kitchen.
"Isn't anyone going to answer it?"
Sallie and Fanny looked at one another. Both of them shook their heads.
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"Ash?" Both women shook their heads.
"Devin?" Sallie looked away, her eyes wet. Fanny picked at a loose thread on the sleeve of her shirt.
"I guess this is one of those things that's none of my business," Simon said. He watched as Sallie moved to the kitchen window, her back to her son and daughter-in-law. "Uh-huh, well, when I don't know what to do or when I'm at a loss for words, I eat."
"Eating's good," Fanny said, opening the refrigerator.
Sallie sat down at the table and started to cry. Simon's eyes grew wide. He'd never seen his mother cry. He looked at Fanny, who could only stare at him, a turkey carcass in her hands. She set the platter on the counter. "I'm going to see if the kids want an early lunch." When she returned forty-five minutes later, Simon was alone in the kitchen, picking white meat off the bones of the turkey.
"Where's Sallie?" Fanny asked.
"I told her to go to town and talk to Devin." Fanny could tell that he was struggling with his emotions. "I didn't tell her what to say. He's a very kind man and he loves Mom," he said, almost in a whisper.
"And your mother loves him. But it's over now. That's what she's going to tell him." She paused, moved closer to him, almost reached a hand to his shoulder. "The kids don't want anything to eat."
"I don't eidier."
Fanny put the turkey back in the refrigerator.
"Wanna go for a walk?" Simon asked.
"Sure. What about Philip's lunch?"
"I told Mom I'd feed him. She said he needs a bib, and not to worry if I don't get much in him. Life isn't very fair sometimes, is it, Fanny?"
"Everything has a price, Simon. Life wouldn't be worth much if it was free. It's like that saying, let's see, how does it go, oh, yes, how can one appreciate happiness if one never experiences unhappiness? All we can do is our best."
"I knew I liked you for a reason," Simon said, taking her by the arm. "Twice around the yard to clear the cobwebs and then we'll trot our frozen bodies back to the house so you can make us some hot tea. Tea makes everything better. Mom always said that."
"Mothers are always right," Fanny said.
"I've heard that," Simon grinned.
Sallie felt older than her years when she sat down in Devin's waiting room. She looked around, trying to see everything, printing it
on her memory so that when she left this place she could recall it at a moment's notice. Today, with the winter sunshine filtering through the blinds, the room looked cheerful. Maybe it was the small Christmas tree on the coffee table. The office was cozier now, the room broken in with years of clients passing through. She knew people coming into this suite of rooms were worried, and when they left they were smiling. "Their steps are lighter," Devin's secretary had told her. "Mr. Rollins has shouldered their problems."
She heard his voice and started to tremble.
"I don't want you to worry about a thing, Mr. King. I'll file the necessary papers and when we have our response my secretary will call you and make an appointment."
Devin whirled around the moment he closed the door. "SaUie! I've been going out of my mind. I called the medical center every day. What can I do? Tell me and I'll do it. How is he, darling?"
"Not good, Devin. I'm hopeful that intensive therapy will help. John Noble, Su Li, and the specialists say he'll never be the same. He's ahve, so I'm grateful for that. We'll take it one day at a time."
"SaUie . . ."
Sallie shook her head. "I came down to ... to say good-bye, Devin. It isn't just Philip's life that will never be the same; mine won't either. I have to take care of him. Me, not other people. I did this to him. Perhaps not directly, but I did it. It's the only way I can make up for all those years of. . . of anguish I've caused him."
"No, I can't accept that. I won't accept it. I love you. You love me. You can't do this, Sallie."
"Yes, Devin, I can. We ... we had our time in the sun. Together we had more than most people get in a lifetime. I have to give back now. I can't do it halfway."
"I ... I won't kno
w what to do without you, Sallie." Devin's voice tore at her ab-eady-bruised heart. "You became my life. How can either of us go on?"
"I don't know, Devin, but we have to put it behind us. I realize it isn't going to be easy. I lived for you too, my darling, but nothing is forever. I'm trying to make it easier for both of us and botching it aU up."
"No. You make perfect sense. If Philip . . ."
"No, Devin. He isn't going to recover to the extent that he will be able to take care of himself I am all Philip has. He's totally dependent on me, and I can't fail him. Ash . . . Ash and Fanny have split up. Ash can't handle his father's disability. Philip makes him
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sick. I have to reconcile that mess in my mind too. There's no room left for you, Devin. Please, I promised myself I wouldn't cry and carry on."
"Can I call you?" Devin asked brokenly.
"No, darling, it has to be a clean break. I can't handle anything else. We'll have our memories."
"I don't want memories, I want you! There has to be a way around this. Boston has medical marvels, doctors that are . . . the best. You have the money, Sallie, get the best there is."
"The damage can't be undone, Devin. Su Li called in two specialists at the very beginning, one from New York and one from Boston. It's what it is, Devin. I've accepted it, and you must too."
"No."
"Yes. There are no choices. I wish it were otherwise."
"You're giving up your life to a man who ... a man who can't recover. I can't believe Philip would expect or want you to do this. Not the Philip I know. This is so wrong, SaUie."
"No, Devin. It's right. Till death do us part. That's what I signed on for. I didn't love, honor, or obey. That part of it. . . Philip and I agreed to that part of it. I can't talk about this anymore. I can't afford to fall apart. I need to be strong for Philip. He needs me. He tries so hard to smile when he sees me. He would do anything in the world for me. I can't . . . won't do less for him. He's my friend as well as my husband."
"Sallie . . ."
"I have to go now, Devin." Sallie choked back a sob. What she wanted to do was throw herself in Devin's arms. "I will always love you, Devin. Always, forever, into eternity." Then she turned and left the room.
Devin walked into his office and closed the door. He looked around at the life he'd created for himself, recalling the early days when Sallie was his only client. He leaned back in his chair, closed his eyes, and brought his most precious memories to the forefront of his mind. When he had tucked away his fmal memory, Devin stood up. He tried to see beyond the moment, to tomorrow, the day after. He saw nothing but total blankness. What was the point in going on?
He worked steadily for the rest of the day, sorting through files, calling other attorneys, making plans. At the end of the day he wrote out a check, placed it in an envelope, and put it in the center of his secretary's desk. The last thing he did was place a call to Dr. John
Noble, asking him to stop by the office on his way home from making evening rounds. He spent the next hour writing personal letters, letters he left in the outgoing mail basket. He rummaged for a cigarette, saw that there was one in the crumpled pacL That was okay, he only needed one.
Fanny was alone in the kitchen. Simon, the twins, and SaUie were preparing Philip for bed. Sunny and Billie had gone down to Chue's to make Christmas cookies.
She sat at the table, her hands cupped around a mug of coffee. She knew if she drank it, she'd not sleep all night. The same feeling she had the day Philip had his stroke was with her once again. She gulped at the coffee, burned her tongue, and swore softly. She gulped again, this time more cautiously. What could possibly be wrong? This was the Christmas season, nothing goes wrong during the Christmas holidays, she thought. Somewhere, though, something was wrong.
When the phone rang fifteen minutes later, Fanny bounded out of the chair to catch it on the first ring. Her voice was hoarse and gruff when she said, "Hello." Her voice turned to a whimper when she heard John Noble identify himself. "Please don't tell me something happened to Bess. Please, John, don't tell me that."
"Bess is fine. Fanny, I want you to sit down. I'm going to tell you something, and then I'm getting in my car and driving up there. I want ... I need to prepare you so you can take whatever steps are ... are necessary. Is Ash with you?"
"No, John. My attorney filed for divorce this morning. What is it, John?"
"It's Devin."
"Devin? Whafs wrong?"
'T)evin... died in his office earlier this evening. I'm going to hang up now. I should be there in a little less than an hour."
Tears burned Fanny's eyes. Devin dead? Sweet, kind, wonderfid Devin, who gave her her first job, the man who loved SaUie more than he loved life?
Fanny poured a fresh cup of coffee and gulped at it. She was staring into the bottom of the cup when Simon walked into the kitchen.
"I know, you're a tea leaf reader in disguise. Tell me," he said dramatically, smacking his palms together, "v^ I meet a tall, blond, willovi^ lass who has millions and who can't live without me?"
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"John Noble called. Devin died. He didn't say how, but I think ... he's on his way up here now."
"God, Fanny, I told her to go to town to talk to him."
"Don't blame yourself. I've been telling her the same thing for days. Each time she called, I'd ask her if she spoke to him. I gave her ever>' single message he left. She'd look right through me when I was talking. She heard me, but she didn't hear me, if you know what I mean. Where is she now?"
"She said she was going to bed, not to sleep, but to read. She looked exhausted. Even with the twins' help, it was hard to get Dad undressed and into bed. Brushing his teeth was a horror. Poor guy, he tries to fight it. He wants Mom to do everything. I tried to explain to him, but I don't know if he understood. Mom weighs 110 pounds, Dad weighs 180. I think he was embarrassed that we had to diaper him and the boys saw . . . helped. They were real good about it, Fanny. I saw the way Sunny and BiUie were with him this afternoon. They didn't let up at all. They put in their time, gladly, willingly, and I even think they enjoyed what they were doing. Believe it or not, Sage and Billie can decipher what he's saying. You can be proud of them, Fanny."
"I feel like I should cry. I want to cry, but I can't. Someone has to cry for Devin. Do you think your mother will, Simon?"
"No. I don't know why I say that, either."
"Devin has no family left. He was talking about that just a few months ago. He said the Thornton family was his family. I guess that means we have to make . . . do . . . you know. .. take care of things. Sallie told me once Devin wanted to be cremated. I'm a Catholic, so I'm not too comfortable with . . . that. If you do that, there's nothing left, that person is totally gone. Sallie got such comfort from vis-inng in the cemetery. There won't be a place to go. A memory isn't good enough, not for someone like Devin. I'll keep the ashes if his will says he's to be cremated. I will, I'll. . . what I'll do is ... I don't know what I'll do, but I'll do something. No scattering, Simon."
"Maybe . . . maybe we could bury the ... whatever the ashes are in ... in the cemetery."
"He's not family."
"Cotton Easter wasn't family, either," Simon said.
"Yes, but this is . . . was . . . Easter land. Oh, Simon, the kids are going to take this real hard. They adored Devin. Christmas is going to be very difticult."
"Only if we make it difficult. We have a lot to be thankful for.
Dad's alive. Christinas isn't just packages with red ribbons. If I have a vote, I say we go ahead with the plans for the tree and the Christmas Eve dinner. I'm sure you've got all your gifts wrapped. I don't think we should tell Dad about Devin."
"I agree."
"I'd like some coffee," Simon said. "I hear a car." He went to the door to wait for John Noble,
"I'll make the coffee," Fanny said.
"Where's SaUie?" John asked from the open doorway.
"In bed readin
g," Fanny said. "We didn't tell her. She's in a fragile state right now." Fanny looked him straight in the eye. "Was it. . ."John nodded.
"Did he leave a letter or anything?"
"Everything was on his desk, the letters, his will, his insurance policies. Letters of instructions to other attorneys regarding pending cases. Sallie's affairs, as I'm sure you know, were separate, in the second room off the hall. Everything was packed in boxes, properly labeled, and a name of an attorney who he thought would handle her affairs as well as he did. I scanned his will to see if there were any burial wishes. He wanted to be cremated. I had him moved to the mortuary awaiting your decisions."
"How .. . ?"
"He shot himself. He used a pillow so ... it was a tidy death, for want of a better word. It was so like Devin to do it this way."
Fanny held out a mug of coffee to him.
"I'U have it after I talk with Sallie. Is she in the same room?"
"Yes, at the end of the hall on the left," Fanny said.
"We'll wait here," Simon said.
John knocked softiy on Sallie's door. He waited for the command to enter. "You don't seem surprised to see me, Sallie."
"I take things one day at a time, John. It is rather late for a house call, isn't it?"
"I have bad news, Sallie. There's no easy way to say this, so I'm just going to say it. Devin committed suicide this evening. He called me earlier. I guess he wanted me to be the one to find his body."
Sallie closed her eyes. "I appreciate you coming all the way up here to teU me."
"I don't understand, Sallie."
"It's not terribly complicated. I had to tell Devin that my place
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was here now with Philip and that I couldn't see him anymore. I never thought I could love someone so much, and Devin felt the same way. It's rare, John, for two people to find the kind of love we shared. My life is over, at least my life as I knew it, before Philip had his stroke. I owe so much to Philip, and I can't turn my back on him. I couldn't share my life with Devin any longer. I explained it to him, and I thought he understood. I never said in so many words that I felt dead. Devin knows . . . knew me so well. When two people love one another, they are very attuned to one another. He didn't want to go on, and I understand why he did what he did. I'm not being vain, John, when I tell you he couldn't live without me. Because I feel so ... I hate to keep using the word dead, but I must, because I feel as I do, I know I have to take care of Philip. When Phihp .. . goes, I will do the same thing Devin did. If the situation was reversed, I would do what Devin did. Thank you for coming up here, John. I think I'll go to sleep now."
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