The Beat and The Pulse Box Set 1

by Amity Cross

  I was horrified, embarrassed and heartbroken.

  All it did was solidify my belief that in the end, everyone just abandons you when things get hard. I wanted to curl into a little ball and just give up, but that would be too easy, right? I doubted anyone would come and check on me until a weird smell started wafting from underneath the storeroom door.

  A cold shower did wonders for waking me up, but not a lot for my melancholy. I stood under the spray, shivering for what felt like an hour before I had the guts to go back out into the studio. Breakfast went down without touching the sides and I slunk into the gym before Ash even arrived. Even then, I was too embarrassed to meet his gaze when he did show up for the days training.

  But that didn’t stop me from stealing glances when he wasn’t looking. How couldn’t I? His body was magnificent, total perfection, and it had almost been mine. He’d almost been mine, but now it was just another hurt piled on top of all the others.

  All day he smiled and laughed, his fingertips brushing Monica’s arm. Jealousy flared sharp and hot in all my nerve endings and didn’t subside—not for one second. If anyone was developing an anger problem, it was me. I wanted to scream and kick him right where it hurt, but all I did was run on the treadmill like it was some kind of screwed up metaphor.

  I managed to steer clear by hiding in the gym, only having the company of the Twins as they alternated on the bikes or the treadmill and whatever Dad had them working on out in the studio.

  I did circuits on all the equipment, only breaking for lunch and by mid-afternoon Lincoln finally felt it was time to intervene. He leaned against the arm of the treadmill as I climbed on for round something…I’d lost count a while ago. Tomorrow, my muscles would want to punish me, too.

  “Did something happen between you and Ash?” Lincoln asked, eyeing me with concern.

  I shook my head, not trusting myself to open my mouth.

  “If he’s fucked with you, Ren, just say the word.”

  “And what would that achieve?” I asked, rolling my eyes.

  “Did you give him that shiner the other week?”

  “Me?” I scoffed. “I wish.” The cut on Ash’s face was still there, but the bruise that had risen was long gone.

  “I’d like to shake the hand of the person who did.”

  “Good luck to you,” I replied, going for the controls. Fast. Yeah, let’s run fast.

  Lincoln snatched my hand away from the button. “You’re going to hurt yourself if you keep up that pace.”

  He was right, but I wanted to feel something else other than rejection.

  “Ren.”

  “Fine.” I sighed, stepping back to earth.

  “Take a hot shower,” he said, a hand on my shoulder like a protective older brother.

  I snatched up my towel and started toward the door.

  “Ren?”

  I turned at the last second.

  “I mean it, you know. Just say the word, okay?”

  “Thanks,” I replied, smiling thinly.

  Feeling slightly better that someone was in my corner, I crossed the studio with my head down and disappeared into the back. I could hear Ash’s voice echoing in the showers and I stopped short, peering around the corner. His back was against a partition between showers, Monica’s long model-esque perfect body pressed up against his. Suddenly, a pile of vomit rose in the back of my throat as his strange behavior last night was explained in glaring black and white.

  Her hand was on his crotch, rubbing his cock and that was all I needed to see. I backed out of the shower block before either of them noticed and escaped up to my closet, trying to ignore the pain slicing through my chest.

  I didn’t get why he was in bed with me one second and rejecting me the next. I didn’t get what was so wrong with me, but now I understood and it hurt more than I wanted to admit. Was I forever going to be dumped for the prettier sister?

  All answers were pointing to yes and wasn’t that a bitter pill to swallow.

  As darkness enveloped Beat, I switched on the back row of lights as per my usual nightly routine. I should’ve spent that night resting after my epic workout, but I hadn’t had a chance to hit anything all day. I needed to hit something before I hit someone.

  I pictured Ash's face as I pounded my fists and feet into a bag.

  Asshole. Punch. Dickwad. Kick.

  Hopefully he got the memo not to turn up tonight. I snorted. He wouldn’t come after the ultimatum I’d given him. I thought about all the places he went between closing at Beat until he turned up at midnight and wanted to gag. He was probably fucking Monica, then coming here to toy with me, but that still didn’t explain that cut on his face. Maybe she liked it rough? Puke.

  As soon as the thought splintered through my mind, so did an image of him fucking her. I hit the bag harder, tears springing into my eyes.

  Crying wouldn’t help anyone.

  “Ren?”

  He emerged out of the shadows like some kind of predator. Lucky me. Despite everything, Ash’d turned up in his usual silent creeper way to rub it in…just like clockwork.

  I stopped abruptly, my heart jackhammering. “Fuck off.”

  “I’m not going away, Ren.” His voice was low and deep and contained a hint of something that sounded like determination. Determination for what though? Keeping the game going for as long as he could?

  “You should.”

  His jaw clenched like he was trying to stop himself from saying what he really wanted to. He was never straight up, always biting back his words. I was sick of it.

  “I saw you with her. All day, every day—” In the shower palming your cock.

  “You’re jealous of her?” he scoffed.

  “Why wouldn’t I be?” I snapped.

  “She’s nothing.”

  “Fuck off,” I hissed, not looking at him. Liar.

  “Ren.”

  The way he said my name always set off this echo deep inside my body. It made me wet, but what was the point? It never went anywhere. I didn’t want to be his sloppy seconds. I didn’t want to touch him after his cock had ploughed into my evil half-sister only hours before.

  “You made yourself perfectly clear last night,” I said, trying to keep my voice clear. “So, if this is just pouring salt into the wound, just fuck off because I don't need it.”

  “Ren, listen to me—”

  I turned on my heel and shoved him hard in the chest, the contact sending spikes of pleasure up my arms. “No, you listen to me. I’m not a toy to be played with, Ash. You can’t come here and screw with me, then run off and fuck my heartless bitch of a sister behind my back. You can’t sleep with me, you can’t touch me and you sure as fuck can’t kiss me again. Ever. I’m a human fucking being and I’ve been through enough shit in my life without having you fuck it up beyond recognition. This is my time and my space. Get the fuck out of it.”

  He stared at me like I’d just kicked his puppy and it only made my rage flare into an inferno.

  “Didn’t you hear me? Get out.”

  Without another word, he slinked off across the studio and shoved the door open with a violent jab. It slammed behind him and then I was alone. Glaring, I went over and punched in the alarm code before locking him and the world out.

  I was a game. Remembering the day he fought with Dean in the ring, he'd split up the verbal slinging match between Monica and I and led her away, leaving me behind. He sided with her. He’d done nothing to stand up for me because he was too busy being an asshole. It was like he knew I was an easy target and was taking full advantage.

  I was so stupid.

  I was just a little girl that was in too far over her head.

  The moment I had enough cash, I was getting out of Beat and never coming back.

  21

  Ren

  “You never asked me yesterday.”

  I stood behind Seth as he battled with the steamer on the coffee machine. He promised to ask me out again yesterday, but he hadn’t uttered a wor
d to me all morning. Today was panning out to be much the same and I wondered if I’d hurt his feelings the first time round.

  I was finally ready to take matters into my own hands—matters being my life. I was no longer resigning myself to being slave to Ash Fuller and whatever that thing that sparked the air between us. Obviously, I was the only one who felt it. Time to cut the weeds out of my life and do what I wanted for a change.

  Seth shrugged, glancing over his shoulder at me. “Okay, so I’m asking now then.”

  I didn’t have to think very hard about it. “Sure.”

  Seth's entire face lit up. “How's tonight? Dinner.”

  Without hesitation, I replied, “I can meet you at Beat at six? Is that cool?”

  He nodded. “What’s with that place anyway?”

  “Beat?”

  “Yeah.”

  “My Dad owns it, I thought you knew?”

  “No…I mean I thought that might be it, but nobody ever mentioned it.” He seemed a little put off.

  I tossed my dirty cloth at him. “Well then, tonight you can ask me whatever you want. As long as I get to ask you the same.”

  He deflected the rag with his shoulder and laughed. “You got it, Ren.”

  After I left the coffee shop, the last thing I wanted to do was go back to Beat, so in preparation for our date that night, I caught a tram into the city. I spent the rest of the day exploring the place I’d neglected for so long, Melbourne. I went into every dress shop along Bourke and Swanston Street until I found something that I could see the tomboy in me wearing out to a nice dinner.

  I was a jeans and T-shirt kind of girl through and through, but at the thought of going out with Seth, I found myself wanting to make an effort. I squashed down the knowledge that Ash would see me leaving later that night wearing it and swung the bag back and forth as I weaved through the afternoon crowd. I picked out a pair of shoes that would bring a tear to Josie’s eyes and tried not to dwell on the money I’d spent. The money that was my ticket out of Beat and to a place far, far away from Ash and Monica.

  I stole into Beat at five thirty and got changed in my closet, putting on some makeup and leaving my hair out because I had no idea what to do with it other than my usual ponytail. Without a mirror to look in, I decided to take a chance and wing it.

  My dress was a tight grey number with black leatherish panels down the sides. It hit mid thigh, leaving my long toned legs bare. I shoved my feet in the black patent three inch heels I'd gotten on sale at Target. I guess it suited me, I hoped so because it'd been the only thing that I'd liked. No flowers or frills for this woman.

  I paced back and forth, heels tapping on the polished concrete. How the hell was I going to get out without anyone seeing me? Monica wasn't here, thank god, but the Twins and Ash would still be downstairs until six. I should've told Seth six thirty. Shit.

  By the time I emerged from my closet and snuck down the stairs like I was a naughty teenager cutting curfew, I realized I was right when I thought I hadn’t left it late enough. Ash was hovering in the middle of the studio, Lincoln and Dean beside him. They were all dressed and on their way home, or in Ash’s case, off to fuck my sister, for the night.

  I groaned as the Twins elbowed each other, but Ash stared at me like I was something to eat and suddenly I wished I hadn’t bought the stupid dress.

  “Lookin’ good, Ren,” Dean called out.

  “Who’s the lucky guy?” Lincoln added, wiggling his eyebrows up and down.

  I flipped them the bird and kept walking, shoving open the outside door, my entire body zapping with electricity. I could feel his eyes on me, burning into my skin. I was going on a date with another guy, I shouldn’t be feeling this…aroused. Seriously, my lady bits were clenching so tight it was a wonder I could walk straight.

  I spied Seth down the street, walking toward me and I sighed in relief. I went to walk away, but the door opened behind me and a big paw of a hand wrapped around my bicep. By the way my body began to explode, I knew it was Ash and I twisted out of his grasp, not even bothering to look up. I didn’t want to hear it. I’d heard enough from that guy to last me a lifetime.

  Ash grabbed my arm again, forcing me to turn and I smacked hard into his chest.

  “Who’s the guy?” he asked, the anger plain in his voice.

  Wrenching my arm away, I hissed, “None of your business, Ash. You had your chance. Seth wants to take me out. He knows what he wants and he doesn't have to play any games.”

  He glanced up at Seth, who was getting closer by the second. “Him?”

  He said it like it was no competition. Like I was stupid for going out with some other guy who wasn’t a fighter…or wasn’t him.

  “It’s none of your business, Ash.”

  He swallowed hard, letting his gaze rake up and down my body and my stupid nipples began to tighten like traitors. I had to remind myself that he’d never bothered to touch them in the first place. That threw a proverbial bucket of ice water over my head.

  “You look—” He hesitated like he didn’t know how to give a woman a compliment.

  “You look like shit,” I spat back at him. Turning on my heel, I almost ran to meet Seth, who’d finally spotted me waiting for him.

  “Hey, Ren,” he said. “You look…” He hesitated, but it was the good kind. “Stunning.”

  We hugged and I shook the feeling that something was missing. I just didn't know him that well yet, that was all. Not every relationship had to have that tingle, did it?

  “Everything okay?” Seth asked, glancing back at Ash, who was still standing on the footpath glaring daggers at him.

  “Yeah, it’s fine.”

  “Sure didn’t look like it.”

  “You gunna defend my honor?” I asked with a grin.

  “Against that guy?” His eyebrows rose in mock surprise.

  We started walking down the street, leaving Ash and his toxic bullshit behind, and I shoved a shoulder into his. “You and I both know I can do that on my own.”

  “Point.”

  We laughed as we walked down the lane toward Sydney Road to catch a tram to the city, my hopes rising to unbelievably high levels.

  22

  Ash

  I watched her walk down the street away from me and hug the skinny douche who, I suddenly recognized, worked at the cafe with her.

  The thought of another man with his hands on my Ren drove me insane.

  But that was the problem. I thought of her as my Ren, but she wasn't that at all. We trained together at night. It was something that had felt almost sacred, something that was hers and mine, and I took it and made it into something completely selfish.

  I kissed her, I slept with her, but I never touched her. I'd have to be a fucking idiot not to notice that she was aroused every single one of those times. She was sporting the female equivalent of blue balls and she was walking away from me with another dude.

  To make things worse, she thought I was fucking Monica. Like hell.

  Fuck, I was such an asshole.

  I didn't have the right to stop her. She wasn't mine.

  I walked away from her.

  Maybe I should stay away.

  23

  Ren

  After we left Beat, Seth and I caught a tram down to Lygon Street.

  It was the Italian part of Melbourne and the street was lined with all kinds of pizzerias, restaurants and gelato shops. It was mild out, so there were people jammed into tables on the footpaths, waiters calling out at customers walking by, cars driving slowly on the road. Fairy lights twinkled in the trees along the median strip as noise and laughter washed over us. The air smelt like pasta and cheese, totally mouth watering.

  “I know a place just over Faraday Street,” Seth said, guiding me through the chaos.

  “Yeah?”

  “It’s not that crowded, they have nice seated areas inside. They don’t do straight up Italian, so they’re a little quieter than everywhere else.”

  “Sounds
great.” It did sound like a nice place to eat, since the noise was bordering on deafening outside. Friday night was one of the busiest for this part of town.

  I let Seth lead the way and he pointed out the restaurant as it came into view. Rushing forward, he opened the door and held it for me. “After you.”

  Shit, a guy opening a door for me? What the hell did I do to deserve that? Suddenly, I found myself wondering if Ash would do something so chivalrous. A beefcake fighter throwing his jacket over a puddle seemed the most outrageous thing ever.

  The place was a seat yourself kind of deal and Seth slid his hand on the small of my back and guided me toward a table at the back. It was a little booth in a dark secluded corner and my heart skipped a beat. All quiet and intimate. I wondered what it would be like to go out to dinner like this with Ash.

  “Here okay?” Seth asked.

  “Sure.” I slid in one side and he took the other, handing me a menu.

  “It’s pretty informal here,” he said. “But the food is good.”

  I flipped open the menu and did a quick scan. It was traditional pub food, all fish, chicken and steak. At least he wasn’t trying to impress me with something fancy. Fancy kind of scared me with all the artfully placed food in tiny portions. I’d never been to one of those places and it didn’t really do anything to float my boat.

  “Looks good,” I replied with a small smile.

  “So, where were you living before Melbourne?” Seth asked, trying to get some conversation going.

  “Um, before here I lived with my Mum out in Deer Park.”

  “Oh, that far out of the city?”

  “It’s not that far,” I said, kicking him under the table.

  He laughed. “The trains don’t even go that far.”

  “Yeah, they do!”

  “So, why’d you move to the city then? Got too boring out there?”

  I flushed, realizing Seth didn’t know about my Mum and the real reasons I came to the city. “Oh, no, nothing like that.”