Love and Information
Page 3
like names
like names like faces
we all
yes but
not worth worrying
but I want to learn
ah
huge amount of memorising
of course
vocabulary
yes
statistics
statistics
every imaginable
I see your point
stacks of information which I have to
somehow
somehow acquire and retain.
So how do you intend
this course this memory
to improve your
lists lists as exercises
like getting the muscles
muscles of the brain
which of course I know it doesn’t have muscles
and more than that a technique
for remembering
ancient ancient technique Romans
didn’t know they
and all sorts Renaissance
they had a lot of brains then in the
Leonardo da Vinci
so did he?
I don’t know that he actually did
not this technique
not necessarily this actual technique
though he might have done
it’s beside the point, the point
the actual technique
the actual technique is you take a place like you could take a house
take a house?
in your mind this is a mental take a house you know in your mind
like my aunt’s got a house
there you are take this house in your mind and you’ve got a list of things you want to remember
like what?
like anything like this list I’ve got here this exercise
crocodile pincushion
and you go round the house in your mind you go round and you put something in each room
can’t quite remember all the rooms because
can’t remember the rooms?
in my aunt’s house I’ve never
take where you live
only be able to remember three things
no you could go round the room and put one on the table and one on the chair
oh I see
but you’ll have to remember what order
what order I’m going round the room
is that all right?
yes I could do that.
So I’ve got my house when I was a child in my mind and I’m going to go round it now and put a crocodile on the doorstep
a crocodile on the table
a pincushion just inside on the mat
pincushion on the chair
pair of scissors in the sittingroom on the sofa
pair of scissors on the other chair
axe in the diningroom on the table
axe on the other chair
wristwatch
wristwatch
could you just in your head do you mind I can’t
I’m not bothered by hearing yours
keep seeing your room in my
because I don’t know where you lived as a child so it doesn’t
so I can still say
yes if it helps and I’ll just
thank you ok so wristwatch in the kitchen on the cooker elephant on the stairs poundcoin in the bathroom biro on their bed hedgehog on my bed tree in the attic
tree
makes ten. So now we go round
pick them up
on the doorstep crocodile
crocodile pincushion
pincushion yes scissors in the sittingroom
scissors wristwatch
no not yet
oh it’s on the other
sh
so it’s
axe
axe axe wristwatch
wristwatch
elephant
poundcoin
now where did I put?
oh
what?
bedroom
on top of the cd player
no in the bedroom I suddenly
biro
yes of course biro but I suddenly
what
saw my father
in his bedroom
my father getting dressed
he’s not he wasn’t
no it’s nothing
nothing awful happened you’re not remembering
no nothing like that at all I just suddenly saw him and
so when did you last
no it’s just that he’s dead and I don’t
of course years ago I’d forgotten I’m
no it’s nothing it’s just he was there in the bedroom
and that’s a memory is it
yes I suppose it is of course it’s a memory from
from when you were little
yes because he’s very I’m only half his size so
so is this like a new
yes a new memory and I’m seeing
you can see with your eyes when you were
say maybe four and the sunlight
sunlight
yes because it’s sunny in the room shining in behind him and on
the floor on my feet
you can see your feet
I can see my feet when I was four
which isn’t a memory you’ve always
no I’ve never
and you’re sure it’s not some horrible
some repressed no it’s not it’s just a memory isn’t it
so the room faced east
yes it’s morning in the room and I just saw it
some sort of crossed wire.
Because of course it’s biro
biro
hedgehog
I’ve lost the hedgehog wait oh it’s in the microwave I don’t know where I went next oh I know on the pile of old newspapers it’s a tree
tree in the attic.
So could we say the list straight off
I’m sure we could
and then do another list
lots of lists
and how do we keep the lists separate
I’m not sure yet I’ve got to
because I’ll keep getting the hedgehog in the microwave
wait a minute I’ll find out
find out what to do next.
DINNER
I did tell you
you didn’t
I did I said Wednesday we’re going to dinner with
but you didn’t
yes because I remember because you said
all right I must have forgotten I’m sorry
yes you did
I’m sorry.
PIANO
Three people.
This is Jennifer.
Hello, Jennifer.
Here’s the piano. You can play the piano.
I’ve never played the piano.
You sit here.
He sits. He plays well and JENNIFER sings. He gets up.
Hello.
This is Jennifer.
Hello, Jennifer.
FLASHBACK
Breathe
ah ah ah
just breathe
ah ah
I’ve got you, it’s all right
ah
all right.
Thank you. Sorry. I keep seeing… I can see… I can’t stop seeing…
I wish I could stop it for you.
Short of smashing in my skull.
They say time, you may be able to forget, even if it’s a long time.
Once it’s in there. Once you know that stuff.
5
LINGUIST
How many languages do you know?
To speak fluently
or a bit
well of course some languages I only know a few words, while others
take something like a table, take a table, how many languages
can you
table table trapezi stol mesa meza tarang tabulka
; That’s so fantastic. Tabulka. Meza. They all mean table.
They all mean the same thing as each other.
Table.
Table means the same thing.
Yes, they all mean table.
Or they all mean meza.
Oh if you mean Chinese.
Or in fact Swahili.
I can’t help feeling it actually is a table.
MATHS
I don’t want to spend an evening with them again.
You like them. You like her.
He will keep making his point about mathematics not corresponding to reality because it’s just a system our brains developed as we evolved in the world and we’ve had that argument.
Whereas maths is really true.
Yes.
Which is why if an equation wouldn’t work without there being an infinite number of universes there really must be an infinite number of universes.
That sort of thing.
But we do only have our senses, don’t we, to perceive with and maybe there’s all sorts of other things we haven’t evolved to perceive. Like an earthworm can’t know about flying or a bird can’t know about computers.
Don’t let’s have this conversation.
Why not go and see them and keep off the topic? We can argue about politics.
Because he won’t keep off the topic, he likes trying to make me angry because he fancies you. And nobody understands what we’re talking about and the evening’s ruined and we all get drunk and I feel like shit in the morning and can’t work.
Are you saying you never want to see them again?
He says maths is just consistent with itself. He keeps saying it doesn’t mean anything.
What does it mean then?
All right, we’ll go and see them.
She fancies you.
SEX
What sex evolved to do is get information from two sets of genes so you get offspring that’s not identical to you. Otherwise you just keep getting the same thing over and over again like hydra or starfish. So sex essentially is information.
You don’t think that while we’re doing it do you?
It doesn’t hurt to know it. Information and also love.
If you’re lucky.
GOD
God gives your life meaning. You’ve said that.
Yes, so?
If there wasn’t God there’d be no meaning to your existence?
And?
So does God have a higher god to give his existence meaning? and that god a higher god and that god
no of course not
of course not, so all this stuff he’s done, he might find it all a bit meaningless. I’m surprised he’s not depressed.
I don’t think he minds whether he means anything or not. I don’t think he thinks about it.
So why do you think about it?
I’m not God am I?
But I don’t mind not meaning anything, does that make me God?
It makes you really annoying.
RASH
It’s just a rash.
But why, why a rash?
There’s all kinds of like detergents and animals and stuff in the air. Shall we have him tested?
He’s trying to tell us something.
Oh come on.
Or he’s trying not to tell us something.
Did you get the new cream?
CHILDREN
You can’t have children?
No.
You can’t have children?
No.
How did you find that out?
When I was married, it came up, we had tests and it was me.
So was that why?
No of course not.
I thought it was because she went off with the Spaniard.
She did
and she’s got a baby now hasn’t she, she and the Spaniard have got a bambino.
So it makes a difference does it?
SHRINK
It used to just be pain
the memories of what happened to you when you were a child and
and the things I wasn’t letting myself remember of course
the things you’d
yes and now
so the analysis has stopped it hurting
not so much stopped
as what?
changed it into
changed it into?
transformed it
into what though?
It has meaning.
Because you see where it comes from?
partly that
and how it’s affected the way you are?
partly that
and partly what?
It just has meaning now.
What does it mean?
It doesn’t mean something. There isn’t exactly another thing that it means.
Then what do you mean when you say it has meaning now?
You spoil it. You completely spoil everything. You always do.
That must be painful for you. You can take it to your analyst and have it turned into meaning.
6
THE CHILD WHO DIDN’T KNOW SORRY
You have to say you’re sorry.
I’m not sorry.
But you know you hurt him. You have to say you’re sorry.
I don’t feel sorry.
You have to say it.
CLIMATE
I’m frightened.
Just walk instead of driving and don’t take so many hot baths.
I’m frightened for the children.
There were those emails those scientists, I can’t remember the detail
no it didn’t make any difference in the end
no I think you’re right, most scientists all agree it’s a catastrophe. The question is how bad a catastrophe.
It’s whether they drown or starve or get killed in the fights for water.
I’d choose drowning.
Are you really not going to take it seriously?
I don’t know how to.
I don’t know how to.
CENSOR
Page forty-two.
Page forty-two.
The sentence beginning ‘On the 21st of May…’
Yes, I’ve got it.
I’m afraid that’s going to have to go.
Why is that?
The Ministry of Defence considers it a breach of security.
It’s not classified information.
That is nevertheless their view.
Have you got a lot of these?
About thirty.
Let’s hear the next one then.
WIFE
But I am your wife.
You look like my wife.
That’s because I am. Look, even that little birthmark behind my ear. Look.
Yes, I see it.
It’s me. Darling sweet, it’s me. I’m here.
No, she’s gone. They’ve all gone.
Who’s gone?
Everyone I know. Everyone who loved me.
No, I love you.
I don’t want you to love me, I don’t know you.
There’s things only we know, aren’t there. That day on the beach with the shells. You remember that?
Yes, of course.
And cabbages. Why is cabbages a funny word, we’re the only ones who have cabbages as a joke because of what happened with the cabbages. Cabbages is a joke, yes?
Cabbages was a joke I shared with my wife. I miss my wife.
But I am…Let me touch you. If you’d see what it feels like to touch me. If we made love you’d know it was me because there are things we like to do and no one else would know that, if I was a stranger pretending to be her I wouldn’t know those things, you’d feel you were back with me, you would I know, please.
You disgust me. You frighten me. What are you?
DECISION
I’ve written down all the reasons to leave the country and all the reasons to stay.
So how does that work out?
There’s things on both sides.
<
br /> How do you feel about it?
No, I’m trying to make a rational decision based on the facts.
Do you want me to decide for you?
Based on what? The facts don’t add up.
I’d rather you stayed here. Does that help?
THE CHILD WHO DIDN’T KNOW PAIN
But what is it?
Pain is pain, it’s just
if I pinch
aah, get off. But if I pinch you
nothing
nothing at all
but stop because I get bruises.
How come you don’t
I never did when I was a baby
you were born like
yes and I used to chew my fingers
you mean chew?
and they got bandages put over or I’d chew them to the bone because you know how babies
put everything in their mouth
I’d put myself in my mouth because it wasn’t any different.
And if you fell down
I threw myself down
because it didn’t hurt
jumped down a whole flight of stairs because that was a quick way
and you were all right
broke both my legs and once when I went swimming there were rocks under the water and when I came out my legs were pouring blood because I hadn’t felt
so you can’t feel anything
emotions I feel feelings
but physical
not pain, no.
And why not?
because there’s no signal going up to my brain
from your legs
from anywhere to my brain to say there’s damage, it’s hurting
so you never know what hurting is
so tell me what it’s like.
Hurting is well it’s pain, it’s like uncomfortable but more, it’s something you’d want to move away from but you can’t, it’s an intense sensation, it’s hard to ignore it, it’s very
but why would you mind that?
because it hurts. But no, sometimes pain’s all right if it’s not bad like if your gum’s sore and you keep poking it with your tongue or you might cut your finger and you hardly notice, yes if you’re doing something exciting, soldiers can lose a leg and not even know it
that’s like me
yes but they know it afterwards. And bad pain
yes but why, what is it?
if someone’s tortured if they give them electric shocks it’s unbearable or if they’ve got cancer sometimes they want to die because my uncle
yes but I still don’t know what it is about pain
it’s just pain
but what is it?
You’ve been unhappy?
yes
if someone you love doesn’t love you, you thought they loved you and they don’t
yes
or you’ve done something you wish you hadn’t done it’s too late now and you’ve hurt someone and there’s nothing you can do to put it right