Dear Aaron

by Mariana Zapata

  Luckily, he didn’t say anything else as we drove for all of six minutes longer before he turned left into a neighborhood of massive, colorful beach houses, one right next to the other. We drove passed aqua, blue, green, and white homes, but it was a bright purple house on stilts he headed toward. To one side was a small, fenced-in pool, and on the other side of where he parked was a silver Alero. Aaron shot me another calming smile as he opened his door and got out. I only felt a little nauseous as I got out too, hopping down. Aaron was already opening the back door as I pulled my bag out from the front and tossed it over my shoulder, looking around at the rest of the homes and listening for the waves that had to be close by.

  “Come on,” he said, snapping me out of looking around, as he stood there with his hand extended toward me.

  Neither one of my sisters would have taken it. I knew that.

  But they were them and I was me, and I didn’t wait until he realized I had to think about it before I took the two steps I needed to get to him and slipped my fingers through his, like we’d done this a thousand times in the past. His fingers were cool and rough and his palm was broad, and somewhere my subconscious was aware that these hands might have done something that wasn’t nice or tender, that Aaron had lived in dangerous places for a long time and might have done things he would never want to talk about.

  But I took his hand anyway and wrapped my fingers around his, hoping mine didn’t feel as warm and clammy as they would have with any other human being in this situation.

  The tiny smile that came over that beautiful mouth made the lines at the corners of his eyes crinkle, and for one moment, I couldn’t believe his crap about how he claimed he wasn’t in the business of smiling. I couldn’t see it. He seemed so good-natured and thoughtful and warm, I couldn’t see him for anything else but the man who went out of his way to make me comfortable.

  He didn’t say a word as he tugged me toward a white door in the center of the carport area below the house, opening it with the hand he’d been using to drag my bag behind us. Aaron didn’t let go of my hand as he led me into a mudroom and then reached back to drag my suitcase in and close the door behind us. He kept right on holding it while we walked up a flight of tiled white stairs that weren’t really wide enough for two adults and a suitcase, but we made it work somehow as anxiety at meeting people who had been in Aaron’s life for decades filled my thoughts and stomach even more than they already had.

  He smiled at me lightly on the next landing when he dropped my bag off besides the stairs with a “Your room’s on this floor. I’ll show it to you after we find everyone.” Then we were back going up the stairs, and it was subconscious when I squeezed the fingers still entwined with his, this man I’d barely just seen for the first time three hours ago.

  Aaron didn’t let go when we made it to the third floor, which opened into a huge living area painted in a bright blue with sea-themed frames and knickknacks highlighting white furniture. It was the sound of voices talking over each other that had me glancing to a big kitchen tucked to the right, further into the wide-open layout. I sensed Aaron perk up, his spine straightening, and something about him in general just changing. There were two men and two girls standing around the white kitchen island, arguing.

  One of the men, the tallest of the two, who might have been stunning if I hadn’t seen Aaron first, happened to glance up just as he finished saying, “I don’t want pizza either, but it’s the only thing open,” and spotted us. A grin immediately crept across his sharp face. I almost paused, but when Aaron kept walking, so did I.

  “Where have you been?” the man asked, almost immediately, looking back and forth between Aaron and me, not being very shy or sneaky about it.

  My friend, who had been nothing but soft spoken with me, tightened his hold on my palm. “We stopped to eat. I texted you.”

  The handsome stranger opened his mouth for a moment before slamming it closed. He reached into his front pocket and pulled out a cell phone, then frowned down at it in the time it took us to stop a few feet shy of the island, where the rest of Aaron’s friends were doing the same thing I would have done. Looking at the odd person out. Me.

  “I had it on silent,” the man admitted with a laugh.

  If Aaron screwed up his mouth into a smirk, I wasn’t positive. What I was positive of was how hard he smacked his friend on the shoulder. “Told you. You barely woke up?”

  The second man, with light brown skin and bright green eyes, nodded as he gazed directly at the hand I was clutching, his eyes seeming to sharpen and narrow enough so that I started loosening the grip I had on Aaron’s hand. He held my hand tighter. “Not all of us can run on three hours of sleep like it’s no big deal,” the green-eyed man commented, still watching that spot between Aaron and me.

  My friend made a dismissive noise in his throat as his hand slipped out of mine all of a sudden, and before I had a chance to snatch for it again, he moved it… and settled his palm on my lower back. The next thing I knew, he was leading me forward as he shifted to the side, giving me room to stand beside him directly in front of the island. I hadn’t even realized I was standing partially behind him.

  “This is Ruby. Ruby, this is…”

  I didn’t mean to zone out as he pointed from one man to another and then moved on to the two girls, but I did. One of them was a younger girl in a cast, and the other was older than me. They were both smiling genuinely… at least I hoped it was genuine. All I could do was freeze there and breathe as I stood and listened to one name after another, going in one ear and out the other.

  I think I blinked and I might have smiled, but my heart started beating so fast, fast, fast again, there was no way I could be sure.

  What had to be Aaron’s palm rubbed at my lower back and swept up my lower spine to the middle of it, landing right by where my bra strap lay. That big hand had outstretched fingers spanning what felt like most of my back, and I swear I heard him whisper, “It’s fine.”

  And from one moment to the next, the hand on my back disappeared, and I sensed it move further up my spine before moving to cup my shoulder and gradually ease me in closer to his side. More than a little distracted and only slightly aware of what was happening, I reached out to shake each person’s hand across the island, trying to rack my brain for their names and who was who but failing miserably. One of the fingers on my shoulder rubbed a circle there.

  “We’re going downstairs. Neither one of us got any sleep. See you in the morning,” Aaron told them, the hand on the back of my neck sliding down to palm my lower back once more.

  The guy with the darker skin and light eyes was still glancing back and forth between us as he said, “We need to go grocery shopping, but the store closed at eight.”

  “We’ll go in the morning then. You good with going at ten?”

  The tall, good-looking man almost blanched. “Ten? In the morning?”

  The fingertips on my back did a little tap. “Nobody told you to nap.”

  The tall guy and the one with the green eyes made a noise that had Aaron making a noise in his throat.

  “Go by yourselves then. I’m going at ten. I’ll see you in the morning,” Aaron said as he took a step back.

  Nerves started to clog my throat, but I managed to mutter out a, “It was nice meeting you all. See you in the morning.”

  The four of them waved at me, two more nicely than the other two. With another bye, I followed after Aaron as we headed toward the stairs we’d just come up. He stopped to scoop up four bottles of water from a pack on the floor I hadn’t seen on the way up when I’d been too busy looking around at everything.

  Neither one of us said much as we headed down and turned off onto the second floor where he’d left my suitcase. He stopped almost immediately and frowned down at me. “You don’t have to go bed if you don’t want to. I just figured you were tired.” He paused. “We can stay up if you want.”

  Was I tired? Yes. It was only eight, and it wasn’t even pitch-black
outside, but for the first time since I was younger than ten, I was more than ready to pass out before midnight. Plus… “I can go to bed.” Then I thought about it. “Unless you don’t want to.”

  Aaron flashed me a lazy smile. “I’m tired.”

  I nodded at him and let out a breath that was supposed to be calming but really felt more embarrassed. “Will you tell me everyone’s name again tomorrow?” I whispered.

  That mouth smirked. “Yeah.”

  “Was the girl with the cast Max’s sister?”

  “Yeah.”

  I nodded. “And the other girl?”

  “Brittany. That’s Des’s girl.”

  I wasn’t sure which one was Des but hopefully tomorrow I would. Just standing there, I could feel my eyes getting droopy, and Aaron must have noticed too because he let out another tiny snicker. “Let me show you your room before you pass out.”

  With sweaty hands I had clenched at my sides, I nodded, almost relieved. “Thank you so much for inviting me again,” I told him as he led me toward one of six doors I counted, stopping at the one furthest away from the stairway. “I’m sorry for being so awkward, but hopefully tomorrow—”

  Aaron shook his head. “Stop saying you’re sorry. Everything is all right, Rubes. Right? I’m just me. You’re just you. We’ll be fine. You’ll be back to giving me hell in no time with everyone around.”

  That had me smiling.

  Which must have made him smile.

  Something brushed against the balled-up hands I had at my sides, and I didn’t need to know it was his knuckles. “I’m in the room right next to yours,” he said, gesturing to the door just behind his shoulder with the hand he’d just touched me with. “The bathroom is the door in front of mine. There’s another one upstairs. If you need me, any hour, wake me, all right? Get some sleep.”

  I nodded at him for a moment before reaching forward to grab ahold of his wrist. His skin was warm and his wrist thick, and that focus on me was almost too much. Sliding my grip down the length of his fingers, I dropped my hand and swallowed, trying so hard to act like this was all normal. “Goodnight. Thank you for inviting me again.”

  He dipped his chin down and handed over two of the four bottles of water he’d been holding before taking a step back, toward his door. “Night,” he whispered, that smile still playing at his lips. “I’m glad you’re here.”

  I was screwed. Here I’d come, expecting and hoping that this weekend would help me get over him and… I was screwed. Even if I knew this road went one way and one way only.

  A little sister. That’s what he saw me as. I couldn’t let myself forget it.

  I flashed him a smile I only partially felt before turning around and pushing the door open, dragging my suitcase in behind me. More white walls and seashells and sea dragons stared back at me in the small room that was quickly going dark as all traces of the sun completely disappeared. Flicking on the light switch, I kicked off my flats and stumbled toward the bed, ripping my clothes off and dropped the bottles of water beside the frame. Too tired to shower after wiggling out of my tights, I crawled on top of the mattress after shutting the gauzy mint-colored curtains. I’d just tugged the sheets up to my neck when I thought twice about it and jumped back off, grabbing my computer and phone from my weekend bag and hooking the smaller device up to charge. I’d call my mom tomorrow, or at least text her. She hadn’t responded to my last message and I wasn’t surprised.

  I opened my computer and found a Wi-Fi connection, thankful that whoever owned the house had a framed portrait with the password on it directly in front of the bed. I launched the Skype app without thinking. It had barely finished logging me in when it pinged with an incoming message.

  AHall80: Night, Rubes.

  AHall80: I’m glad you’re here.

  RubyMars: Me too :)

  RubyMars: I promise to try my best and not be an awkward twat tomorrow.

  AHall80: You’re not an awkward twat.

  AHall80: Goofy

  AHall80: Cute

  AHall80: Not a twat

  RubyMars: Stop.

  AHall80: Why?

  RubyMars: Because you don’t have to say that stuff. I know what I’m like.

  AHall80: Me too

  AHall80: I’m falling asleep. Go to bed, Ru.

  RubyMars: Okay, I will.

  AHall80: Text your mom.

  RubyMars: Yes, ma’am.

  AHall80: …

  AHall80: I’m ready for the sassy whenever you’re ready to bring it.

  RubyMars: I don’t know if you’re ready for it in person all day.

  AHall80: I’m ready.

  AHall80: Night. Tell me if you need anything.

  RubyMars: I will. :) Goodnight.

  AHall80: Night, Rubes.

  Chapter 17

  It was still dark outside when I woke up.

  Only the palest hint of blue lit up the curtain covering the window. It didn’t take but a minute as I lay there in bed, groggy and grumpy, to remember where I was and who was in the room right by mine. I’d stayed up for an hour after I’d logged off Skype, snuggled there under the covers beating myself up for how awkward and quiet things had gone with Aaron on-and-off since he’d picked me up. There had been these moments that seemed so right, so similar to the way we had been online… and then there were the other moments where I’d crawled back into myself and let my nerves get the best of me.

  I wanted to blame it on the fact that Aaron could practically be considered spectacular by any mortal woman, but I knew it was more than that. It came back to him being everything and more than I’d thought he would be. I’d lain there and thought about how he’d brought me water while I’d basically flipped out, and hadn’t brought his friends to the airport, and hugged me, and held my hand, and… it was all too much. Too freaking much. Him as a person was beyond my expectation.

  Sometimes it was easy to let people who had disappointed you in the past make you think everyone was like that, but apparently that wasn’t the case. At least not with him. I wanted to have a good time this weekend. I wanted things to be as normal as they could be. I wanted… I wanted a lot of things, but I’d take what I could get.

  Knowing there was no way I could go back to sleep after lying there for who knows how long, I got up and started going through my suitcase. In no time, I found clothes, underwear and my toiletry bag. I hadn’t showered the night before and I’d regretted it, but I hadn’t wanted to walk out of my room and chance running into someone.

  Sure enough, the house was totally quiet when I opened my door and snuck into the bathroom. It didn’t take long to shower, shave, and scrub off the makeup I’d left on from the day before, which was gross. I tried to be as quiet as possible as I headed back into my room to drop off my things.

  For a second, I thought about staying in there until someone else got up but decided that’s what normal Ruby would have done, so instead, I went right back out. Up the stairs, the oversized kitchen and living area were empty. Blue and lavender colors filled what I could see of the sky through the giant windows, and I knew it was only a matter of time before the sun took its throne. I grabbed a bottle of water from the pack on the floor that Aaron had picked at yesterday and headed toward the sliding doors connected to the living area. On the deck outside were a handful of colorful chairs and patio furniture. I closed the door and plopped down into the one furthest down the deck.

  It was a lot cooler than I’d imagined it would be as I set the bottle on the floor besides the leg of the chair and brought my legs up, knees to my chest, heels close to my butt. Wrapping my arms around my bare shins, I shoved aside the idea of going back inside for a jacket and pants and simply sat there, sucking it up, watching the horizon just behind the row of houses facing the one we were at.

  The silence and fresh air were wonderful. I wondered how long it would take for everyone else to get up, and then I wondered what we’d do that day besides go to the beach and grocery shopping. When I was done wondering
about that, I thought about Aaron for about the hundredth time over the last twelve hours.

  Coming here had been a mistake. I realized that. A giant mistake. The worst kind of mistake. Because I’d come to hopefully get over him, or at least cement our platonic relationship and move him into the friend zone, and in less than four hours, he’d pretty much built himself a house in I Will Never Look at Him as Just a Friend land, and that was worse.

  But it wasn’t like I had another choice.

  I could talk to Aaron like he was the man I’d gotten to know online, I tried to tell myself for only the thousandth time. It would be the same thing as having a friend who was really, really unattractive. You had to see and focus on what was on the inside. Because really, that was all that mattered at the end of the day. Beauty faded… unless you were my mom and somehow managed to stay attractive every year.

  And Aaron had proven himself to be a good friend plenty of times over the past few months. I didn’t want to screw this up. I could keep it together and be a friendly, normal friend who wasn’t making moony eyes at a guy who was so far out of her league, he saw her as a little sister. Me.

  That thought was a lot more miserable than I would have liked it to be.

  There was no way I’d been out there longer than half an hour when I heard the door slide open and found Aaron standing there, balancing a tray in his hands. When I went to stand up and help him, he shook his head. It took him a second to balance everything, but he slid the door mostly closed behind him and walked toward where I was sitting with a groggy, rough, “Morning” in that wonderful timbre that was almost hoarse so early in the day.

  I whispered back, “Good morning,” as I dropped my feet to the floor and sat up straight as he set the tray down on one of the small tables and took a seat on the chair closest to the one I was on. His blond hair was damp and his skin still held a hint of pink beneath the golden color. In a faded, old gray T-shirt that said HALL AUTO and aqua blue swim trunks that nearly reached his knees, he was barefoot.