Deceptions

by Dana Mansfield

  “That’s so nice of everyone,” I said and felt myself getting emotional again. Exhaustion always made it harder for me to keep control of my emotions and I tried hard to keep them in check.

  “We know you’ve been up for way too many hours and are tired. We figured if we cleaned up then you could get to bed earlier.” I cringed a little when she said this. I still did not know where I would be sleeping.

  “I need to run to the car to get my bag,” I mentioned to Millie. I had been more worried about getting the children’s luggage to the suite than my own. “Will you watch the kids for me?”

  “Of course,” she replied and slipped her glasses back on.

  “And when I get back, you’re putting your books away and I don’t want to see them out the rest of the weekend. Okay?”

  “Okay,” replied Millie with a smile.

  I slipped out of the suite with my keys and headed towards the elevator. The family was so large that when we needed to go anywhere together, it required two vehicles. Jack drove his Mustang with Millie and the boys while I drove the Suburban with Crystal and the girls. I hated driving when I was tired but with Crystal’s near constant chattering in my ear about everything she wanted me to do and how she expected me to do everything perfectly and not like last time when everything was not done the way she wanted, there was no chance of me even coming close to nodding off.

  I exited through the carved doors of the elevator and walked into the lobby which already smelled of turkey and pumpkin pie. My stomach growled at the thought of the traditional meal. I loved turkey, stuffing, mashed potatoes and pie. My mouth watered at the thought of the food but then came the worry. I knew I wouldn’t be able to hold back around all the rich food.

  So what are you going to do about it? asked the Terrible Voice.

  I knew the only choice was to put an extra half hour in on the lodge’s treadmill in the morning to compensate for the added food.

  I think you should do some time now just in case the morning gets too hectic, the Terrible Voice said. Instead of continuing towards the front door of the lodge, I veered to the right and into the lodge’s gym. Being so late at night, the place was empty, my preference. I didn’t like to run in front of others.

  My hip, however, wasn’t too keen on running again as it throbbed as I walked towards the nearest treadmill. Like my back, it had also been surgically repaired. I was a bad patient, however. The orthopedic surgeon didn’t exactly give me the okay to return to running but he also didn’t tell me I couldn’t. His words were simple – walk, swim or bike. I just equated running to fast walking. And, of course, I paid for it with pain but I had to run. The Terrible Voice inside me wouldn’t let me stop.

  As I started the treadmill up and took my first steps, my whole body ached with lack of sleep and with impending weather. With as much pain as I was feeling, I guessed the storm that was threatening the area was going to be a doozy. It had started snowing late in the afternoon and several inches already insulated the lodge. The wind was forecast to pick up by daybreak and the Pocono region and much of eastern Pennsylvania and all of New Jersey was under a blizzard warning. I was glad we were settled in the cozy lodge for the weekend. I was not a fan of driving in the snow but the task often came with my job. Not that I complained; I loved my job too much.

  Over the course of five minutes, I worked myself up from a jog to a fast run. I figured I could be gone for about forty-five minutes before Millie would wonder where I was. A fast run for at least thirty minutes would give me a head start on the next day.

  I can feel how much you hurt. Instead of running, you could always puke the food up tomorrow, the Terrible Voice suggested.

  You know I can’t always get away after eating, I replied. Jack might be watching. He can’t know my anorexia is back. I increased the speed on the treadmill and ignored my pain. By the end of thirty minutes, I was soaked in sweat and not feeling very good. For several minutes, I had to sit on a nearby weight bench until the room stopped spinning. As expected, forty-five minutes after leaving the suite, Millie texted me.

  Where are you?

  Talking with Mr. McEntaffer, I lied. My fingers shook as I pecked away on my cellphone. I’ll be up to the room in a few minutes.

  Okeydokey.

  I forced myself up onto my shaky legs and out of the gym. I was just about to the front door in the lobby when a familiar head of brown hair caught my eye. I stopped and looked closer; Jack was in the bar. I frowned. Seeing him alone in the bar was very much out of place. I wondered if Crystal was around but after a couple minutes, Jack still sat by himself.

  I strolled over to Evan, Mr. McEntaffer’s nephew who was training to take over the place one day from his uncle. For now, though, he watched the front desk during the night.

  “Have you seen Crystal?” I asked the lanky kid.

  “No,” he replied. “Mr. Petrov has been by himself the entire time.”

  “Thanks, Evan,” I said and thought back to the day’s itinerary. The kids spent a good deal of the day with their parents. Jack skied the bunny slope – he was better about following what our orthopedic surgeon said – with the middle kids while Crystal alternated between skiing with Millie and Sasha and playing with Little Sofie and Annie in the snow play yard. At five, Crystal and Jack excused themselves. I surprised them with massages in the lodge’s spa and then ordered a nice dinner to be delivered to their cabin around seven. The kids and I went to the family buffet where I was on my toes making sure Sasha didn’t just eat steak, Natalya kept from poking Karie with her fork, Leo from reproducing the mashed potato mountain from Close Encounters, going through the buffet line with Annie who couldn’t see much from her wheelchair and then going back through with Little Sofie who also couldn’t see because of her short stature. And, of course, I had to make sure the kids spent more time at the dinner buffet than at the dessert buffet.

  With everything going on, I did not eat and the kids did not notice. In fact, it would have been more of a shock to the kids to see me eat. I noticed Millie and Sasha exchanging looks a few times whenever I came around them at the table. I tried to ignore them and hoped they wouldn’t be sending any texts to Jack. Guilt rose within me and I ignored it. Instead, I focused on my best friend in the bar.

  The fact he was in the bar and drinking alone meant something must have gone wrong between him and his wife.

  * * *

  Chapter 6

  A normal nanny wouldn’t bother her employer if he was trying to drown his sorrows but I wasn’t a normal nanny. Jack and his family meant too much to me and although he hadn’t treated me very nice lately, I felt obligated to see what was wrong and if he needed me to do anything for him. I couldn’t imagine what I could do with his foul mood but one thing I often did for him was just listen to his problems. For seventeen years, he was the talker and I the listener.

  Jack’s actions were clumsy as he poked at the fire with a wrought iron fireplace tool and I stopped a few feet away. He was dressed in the pair of worn jeans, Princeton sweatshirt, and athletic shoes from earlier in the day before he donned his ski clothes. I had to admit he was handsome even though he hadn’t shaved for a couple days and was dressed in what he called ‘dad duds.’ He ran his hand through his wavy hair and the nanny/personal assistant in me noted he needed a haircut. Can I get him in to his barber before he leaves for New York? It was such a silly thought at that moment but I pulled my cellphone out and made a note to call George Friday morning. On occasion, George would open up his shop special if Jack needed a trim and his schedule was too packed for a visit during regular business hours. Jack hated asking for special treatment; he never wanted to put people out because of his public persona. When possible, he just wanted to be normal.

  He made one last poke at the smoldering logs and tried to hang the poker back up. It took him a couple times to hook the tool on the stand and I knew from the clumsy action he was at least tipsy. It was obvious to me something went wrong that evening and it was m
ajor if he drank enough by himself to alter his coordination. Instead of going to Jack, I went to the bar and stood waiting for Butch to finish mixing up a fancy drink.

  “Hey, Penny,” the bartender said in his quiet voice. I had to look up at him because he was tall and muscular. Not only was he the bartender, he was also the lodge’s bouncer. Not that Mr. McEntaffer had to call on Butch for that particular job at the family resort often but on occasion, it was necessary to guide a guest back to a suite after a few too many hot toddies.

  “How long has Jack been in the bar?”

  “A couple of hours but I’ve cut him off.”

  “Thanks, Butch,” I said and looked at Jack who was hunched over, staring at his cellphone. His face was clouded with anger. It made me nervous. “Can I get a sandwich and coffee for him?”

  “Of course,” Butch said with a smile.

  “Thank you.” I turned back towards Jack and took a deep breath. His behavior towards me since June had been so different than what I was used to and I often found myself walking on egg shells around him which was not characteristic for me. I was used to walking like that around Crystal, when she bothered to be around, but I was not used to it with Jack. We used to be so close and then things changed between us. I knew why. I figured my words that led to our actions that weekend in June destroyed my most important relationship ever.

  The heaviness surged within me.

  I had been dealing with depression for twenty years and I tried to fight it by throwing myself into my job. Jack used to help me with my battle but after that horrible 4th of July, I faked the lessening of my depression so his focus was on the kids and getting them through their grief. My depression increased because of the accident along with my father’s death a few months later and the ending of my relationship with my former abusive fiancé. He left me this past December, almost a year ago, and the depression skyrocketed more even though it was a godsend I was no longer involved with Shane. Every day since the last beating from Shane, the heaviness ground me down. Hiding it from the family became another full-time job for me and so far, no one seemed to have noticed. At least, I hoped not. I never had to worry about the younger kids but Millie and Sasha knew I struggled with depression and anorexia. Maybe they had noticed and said something to Jack. I didn’t think they had as Jack said nothing to me. Then again, maybe he no longer cared. I didn’t know; we no longer spoke words outside of the employer-employee realm anymore.

  I stood for a few more moments. The fireplace gave off heat but I shivered even though I was damp from my run. I wore a long sleeve t-shirt, hoodie, and yoga pants but I was still cold. I zipped up my hoodie and the action caught Jack’s attention. He looked up at me with his dark brown eyes. I used to draw comfort from them and for a brief moment, I thought I saw their soothing familiarity but as quick as it appeared, it was gone.

  Jack slurred something in Russian. I had picked up a lot over the many years but when he spoke completely in his native tongue, I was often lost.

  “Ivan, please, in English.” Jack’s real name was Ivan but when he came to America, he started to go by Jack. Calling him his real first name was something I had done for the shits and giggles since our friendship began. In turn, Jack would call me by my full name – Penelope.

  “You need to drive me back to Voorhees.” Jack’s voice was rough but slurred just a little. He was indeed a bit tipsy and not full on sloshed. “Tell Millie to watch the kids. You will drive back to the lodge so you are here for them when they wake up. Go. I am tired of waiting. Toropit’sya.”

  Familiar confusion and irritation rose within me as I jogged through the lobby towards the elevator since Jack ordered me in Russian to hurry up. I’m tired of waiting. Jack made it sound as if I should have known to find him in the bar earlier but kept him waiting. I felt as if I failed him and when I exited the elevator, I sprinted down the hallway. My body hated me for running again but I didn’t want to make Jack wait any longer.

  “What’s wrong?” Millie asked in a loud whisper as I leaned over the breakfast bar to try and catch my breath. The room was a little wavy before my starved eyes but I pushed the lightheaded feeling away.

  “I need you to watch the kids for me. I have to take Jack back home.”

  “What?” she asked and I pulled her into the small half bath so we didn’t have to talk in whispers. “What’s going on?”

  “I don’t know,” I honestly said. I had my suspicions about what happened but I kept them from Millie. She would be irate to learn Jack and Crystal might have fought. “He just said I had to drive him back home.”

  “This doesn’t make sense. Jack brought us up here to be together for Thanksgiving. Why is he going home?” Millie was confused but then anger twisted her pretty face. She was a Petrov, after all, which made her very bright. “Crystal,” she growled. “She’s behind this. That bitch!”

  “Millie! We don’t know what went on. Don’t vilify her until we know what happened.”

  “Penny, this is crazy. We’re supposed to be together; it’s our favorite holiday.”

  “It’s not the first time we’ve been apart on Thanksgiving,” I noted. There had been a few times over Jack’s career where he missed an important holiday because the Ivy Brothers were performing.

  “But it’s the first time since the accident.” The angry look on Millie’s face melted into one of sadness and tears spilled from her eyes for a second time that night. The accident on that awful 4th of July was when things started to change, and not for the best, with the Petrov family.

  We were traveling in two vehicles. Danny drove his Jeep with Millie, Sasha, and Leo while I was in the Suburban with Jack, Crystal, Natalya, Annie and Little Sofie. Also in the Suburban was Ellie, Sasha’s fraternal twin. Danny followed us as Jack drove. We had just pulled onto the highway from the curvy road leading from Jack’s cabin in another part of the Poconos when two drag racing cars, without their headlights on, came flying over the hill and through the stop sign. Both cars hit the Suburban. Ellie and I took the brunt of the first hit and Ellie and Jack the second.

  Both Jack and I were knocked out although I woke up as they were cutting me from the carcass of the destroyed vehicle. Jack’s main injuries were a shattered left arm and leg while mine were a shattered hip and pelvis and a broken back. I was very lucky; my spinal cord was not severed but for a month after the accident, I had no feeling from the waist down due to severe bruising and swelling and even on occasion now, if I twisted too swiftly or unexpectedly, currents of electricity shot down my legs despite the titanium rods in my back. Dr. Nelson, our orthopedic surgeon, repaired me but I often experienced pain. Only within the last couple months had I been given the okay to lift anything heavier than ten pounds. I refrained from telling the no nonsense doctor I had been lifting heavy things for quite a while. I had no choice; I needed to for my job.

  Ellie. She was so sweet and special. Born after Sasha, there were complications and she suffered brain damage from lack of oxygen but she lived such a happy life despite her limitations. Many people, including her own mother, were frustrated with her behavior which made it hard for people to love her. I worked with her to help improve her behavior and to identify right and wrong. I loved her so much and she had a special place in my heart. The accident left her with a traumatic brain injury and two days after the accident, Jack made the agonizing decision to remove Ellie from life support. It was not the first time a decision of that magnitude was left up to him.

  The younger girls, sitting on the right side of the vehicle that did not take the direct hit, only received cuts and bruises except for Annie who ended up with nerve damage to her legs. The doctor hoped within the next couple of months she would be able to graduate to braces and crutches but even two and a half years after the accident, it was slow going and she relied on a wheelchair. Often, I held her as she cried during moments of extreme nerve pain.

  Ellie wasn’t the only child Jack lost that day. Crystal was five months pregnant and al
though she was unscathed by the accident, the shock of what happened sent her into labor the doctors were unable to stop. Baby Fyodor – he would be called Freddy in memory – did not survive. Crystal left the hospital several hours after giving birth, even before Freddy died, and left all decisions up to the seriously injured Jack.

  That was the moment when I fully understood the hate I had for Crystal. It saddened me because we were once very close.

  Jack took the next year and a half away as the lead singer of the Ivy Brothers to focus on his family and to recuperate. With great reluctance, he returned to writing and recording this past January. The new album, a double one, was finished, the first single and video released and already at number one on the charts. The album would be released the Tuesday after Thanksgiving. The anticipation was high from both the industry and the fans. Jack, however, was not eager to return to the limelight.

  He gave no interviews after the accident, imposing a media silence which his record company respected after losing two children. He chose to end the silence this previous week with none other than Oprah Winfrey. It would be the only time he would speak about the accident and the deaths of Ellie and the baby. The days Oprah spent with Jack, the family, and the band were emotional and I wanted to talk to Jack about it, to make sure he was okay, but I found myself hesitant to strike up the conversation. It needed to be a conversation between friends and it had been many months since we last spoke like that.

  My cellphone vibrated in my hand. I am waiting. Millie was still crying. She needed comforting and I hugged her. I ignored my annoying phone for a few moments; Millie needed me more right then. The pain the accident left us all with was immense. I had no one to comfort my pain I still felt and I didn’t want Millie to feel that way. However, I also wanted to make sure I was there for the kids when they woke up. The news that their father was not at the lodge would be upsetting and I wanted to be the one to tell them so time was of the essence. The trip home and back would take at minimum six hours but with the snow, my travel time would be an hour or two longer. I had to get going not just for Jack but for the kids.