by Lee Heaven
Decker’s arms tensed around me and I put my hand on his chest to calm him down. Turning I look at Shawn and in the most calm voice I can find, I half whisper half yell my Jersey trucker’s mouth going off in full blast, says, “I’ve put up with your fucking shit for the last fucking time. You have mentally fucking beaten me down for the last God damn fucking time. I have put up with your shit for years because I’m not fucking worthy of most men. But I’ll be damned if I let another guy put his fucking hands on me. Your mental abuse is one fucking thing, but putting your God damn fucking hands on me is another fucking thing. You’re done with me, oh I don’t fucking think so, I’m fucking done with you and your fucking shit.”
“Ma’am?” I hear a stern voice behind me. I turn to see another set of police officers and a couple of paramedics. “Ma’am, we need to check you out. Do you mind sitting here please?”
Sitting down on the stretcher I let the paramedics check me out a clean my cuts. I also give the second set of officers my information and my side of the story. I can hear Shawn just inside the door giving his story except he’s trying to put the blame on me somehow.
“Ma’am, do you have some place you can stay tonight?” one of the officers asks me.
“She can stay with me,” Decker says.
“Bitch, you take my kid out of this state I will call the cops on you. And you’re not taking my car with you either,” Shawn yells from the front hallway.
“Ma’am?” the officer asks.
Did he seriously need to ask? I mean really like he had no idea who Decker was or where he lived. Please all someone had to do was look at Decker and there was no mistaking who he was. Plus there were three other players here and everyone knew who all four of them were.
“Decker lives in New York City and my car is in his name.” I said pointing towards Shawn. “Hell everything is in his name, just the way he wanted it so I would be screwed in the end. I can care less about the car.”
Decker turns to the man behind him dressed in an impeccable suit and without a word the man nods, turns, and walks a couple of feet while dialing his phone. Jason, I think that’s his name. I met him once; he’s one of Decker’s lawyers.
“Tyler, can you do me a favor?” I said looking up at him, tears running down my cheek.
“Anything, Sarah,” Tyler says.
“Can you go and check on Josie and Tobias? Can you make sure she hasn’t bored him to death? Upstairs, turn left and then her room is around the corner.”
“Sure. I’ll be right back,” Tyler says as he disappears into the house.
“Decker?”
“What, baby? What do you need?”
“I need you to stop pacing. You’re gonna wear out a patch of grass. Not only that the neighbors are starting to gather and I don’t need a bigger scene, it’s only a matter of time till someone notices who you are.”
Looking around, Decker sees the crowds gathering on the street and neighbors lawns, he nods his head and then sits on the stretcher next to me.
“Thank you. You were about to give me a panic attack.”
“Oh, baby. I’m so sorry.” I don’t know if he was apologizing for the pacing or what happened with Shawn tonight.
A few minutes later another squad car pulls up. The young lady officer gets out and hands a piece of paper to original officer that I was talking to. He looks at it and then at me, then Decker.
“Well, ma’am, looks like you have the company of the right people. The judge has signed an order allowing you to stay at Mr. Jensen’s tonight with your daughter. It states that you must show to court tomorrow at two or federal kidnapping charges will be placed on both of you. I suggest you go pack a bag for you and your daughter.” He hands me the papers.
Just then Tyler came outside. “They are fine. Josie fell asleep in Tobias’s lap as they were reading books. Tobias looks like he’s about to fall asleep to.” He chuckled.
I waited on the porch till they brought Shawn out. As he walked by he spit in my face and then yelled, “You’ll pay for this. You will see. You’ll get nothing. Not a penny from me. You’ll be lucky to walk out with the stuff that is yours. You stupid fucking cunt.”
If it wasn’t for the officer holding Decker back he would have punch Shawn. Turning I buried my face into his chest. I think more to ground himself then to protect me he wrapped his arms around me holding me tight.
Shawn looked back and yelled, “You fucking whore!”
I sobbed into Decker’s chest and he squeezed me tighter.
“What about the other two kids?” I asked the cop behind Decker.
“Their grandmother Mary is on her way. She’s going to spend the night here,” he responded.
“Ok. Is it all right if I stay till she gets here so I can let her know their schedule?”
“Yes that will be fine. We’ll wait with you. Why don’t you go work on packing a bag to take tonight?”
“Thank you. Decker, I’ll be back in a few minutes. Please behave yourself. Roman, Tyler…” They both look at me. “There’s a news truck down the street,” I said pointing to the truck. “Please make sure Decker doesn’t do anything to embarrass himself, me, or you guys even more then I have already done tonight. I’m sure the news gossip is drinking this up. I can already see the headline ‘Jensen’s angel falls from grace.’ Won’t that be a doozy?” I chuckle.
“Yes, Sarah. We’ll watch him,” They both say in unison.
I head upstairs and check on Josie and Tobias on my way to my room. Josie is sitting on his lap in the rocking chair asleep clutching her favorite doggie and Tobias dosed off with one arm around Josie and the other around one of her dogs. I chuckle and take a picture with my phone. I quickly text it to Decker and a second later I can hear the three men bursting with laughter.
I grab two suitcases out of the attic and head to my room. I pack almost all the clothes I have and head into my bathroom gathering what I need. Sad almost my whole life fits into one suitcase. When did my life become this sad? When did I lose myself so bad that I had nothing left?
Then I head to Josie’s room. Placing a suitcase on the bed, I walk over and plant a kiss on her forehead and then one on Tobias’s forehead. He open’s an eye and looks at me. I chuckle. “Thank you.”
“No problem. This is one amazing little girl you have here,” he said as he planted a kiss on her forehead.
“Thank you. She is my miracle baby,” I said with a smile. I went about opening draws and folding all her clothes placing them in the suitcase.
“Why do you say that?” Tobias asked confused.
“I wasn’t supposed to be able to have babies. I was told by countless doctors it would never happen. Then one day I got sick. I wasn’t getting any better so I went to the doctor’s. They did a bunch of tests and they came back and told me I was pregnant. I was floored. I never thought I could have a kid of my own.” A small smile played on my lips as I thought of the day I was told I was going to have a baby. I never thought I would hear those words.
“You and Shawn must have been really happy?” Tobias questioned.
I moved on to the closet, taking clothes off the hangers and folding them. “I was, Shawn less so. He already had two kids and really didn’t want another. He asked me to have an abortion. I refused as you can see. Shawn however, loves his daughter, but would rather have not had the burden. I’ve spent most the time raising her while he does whatever he wants.”
“That’s horrible. Does Decker know all this?”
I gasped slightly and sat on the edge of her bed. Shaking my head, “No, actually nobody does. You’re the only one I’ve ever told.”
“Your secret is safe with me.” He winked at me.
“Thank you, Tobias.” I stood and then plant another kiss on his forehead. I go back to packing Josie’s clothes. I grab a bunch of her doggies and Barbies and shove them in the bag also. I wrap her favorite Tinker Bell blanket around Josie and Tobias takes her to the car, while Tyler got her car seat out of m
y car.
Mary showed up and was really concerned. She was about to cry herself. I told her it would be ok and it was time this was over. I gave her a rundown of the kids’ schedule, what time they had to be up, what time the bus got them, what time they got off and then after school activities. She gave me a hug and we headed out.
Climbing in to Roman’s Escalade, Decker and I sat in the back row. Josie sat in her seat sleeping next to Tobias in the middle row, whenever she stirred he’d rub her head, I chuckled every time. Roman was driving and Tyler in the passenger seat. As we pulled out of the driveway and headed down the road the cameras were popping. A few were ready and started following us.
“Decker, your building is going to be swamped. I don’t want Josie to have to deal with this yet.”
“Hold on I can do something about that.” Decker reached into his pocket and pulled his phone and wallet out. From his wallet he pulled a business card and dialed a number. “Detective Kelly, it’s Decker Jensen. I’m sorry to be calling so late but I can use your help.” He proceeds to tell the detective what happened tonight and how we could use his help to keep the entrance to the garage cleared so we can get through with no problem. The detective was all too happy to help.
“All taken care of, ok. Roman, just head into the garage when we get there.”
“Thank you. You got to give that man some game tickets as a thank you,” I said to Decker.
He chuckled. “I should. I’ll get on that. Come now put your head on me and rest.”
“Why did you come tonight?” I laid my head on his shoulder and wrapped both my arms around his arm.
He looked at me as if I were crazy. As if he was saying ‘Why wouldn’t I come for you?’
“I didn’t like the way he was talking when I called. I could hear something in his voice. It scared me. As soon as the guys saw my face they knew. It was actually Roman’s idea to come get you.”
Roman, really it was his idea? I could hear Decker through the phone and I knew he wasn’t happy, but I never would have guessed Roman came up with the idea to get me before Decker did.
But then again that just shows me how loyal and loving these guys are to each other and how I have been accepted into their circle even though I was no one.
“Really? Roman, is that true?” I asked as I sat up so I could see him.
“Yes is it is, sweetie. I hate to see my man there upset and I could tell by the look on his face that he wasn’t going to rest until he saw for himself. Plus we could hear Shawn yelling through the phone. I’m just glad we got there when we did. Who knows how far he would have gone. I nearly busted the door down myself when I heard you fall down the stairs.”
“Thank you, guys. I don’t know how I’ll ever repay you for everything you did for me a Josie tonight,” I said. “Especially you, Tobias,” I added mockingly.
All the guys started laughing.
“What, what’s so funny?” Tobias asked.
Decker handed him his phone and showed him the picture. He shot me a look of ‘I’m gonna get you back’ and I laughed. “There’s nothing wrong with being in touch with my childish side. I’m still all man.” He puffed his chest up like he had something to prove. We all laughed.
Tyler turns half in his seat and looks at me. “You know you just about floored be back there. I have never seen so many vulgar words come out of someone’s mouth at once. You must have dropped the F bomb at least a dozen times when you were yelling at him. And that’s not to count for all the other swear words you said. My God, you kiss your mom with that filthy mouth.”
Decker starts laughing. “Get used to it, boys. This little lady was born and raised with a Jersey mouth that can knock a trucker off his chair.”
They all laughed.
I laid my head back on Decker’s shoulder and sighed.
I must have dozed at some point because the next thing I knew he was whispering in my ear, “Baby, wake up were home. Come let’s get Josie in bed and rest ourselves.”
Thank God we were already in the garage. I can hear the hounds outside yelling to come around the corner so they can get a picture. Tyler was already getting the suitcases out of the back of the car, Roman was holding the elevator and Tobias had Josie all bundled in his arms, her favorite doggie tucked under his chin.
“I love you, guys, so much,” I say to all of them as Decker helped me out of the car. I wince when I step down. My ankle has swollen a little.
“Are you ok, baby?” Decker asks.
“Yeah, I’m fine. Must have landed wrong on the stairs. Didn’t bother me before. I’ll see the doctor in a few days if it doesn’t get better.”
“Ok. Good. Come let’s get inside.”
Once in the apartment I help Tobias put Josie in bed. Then head out to say goodnight to all the guys. Giving them each a hug and kiss.
Maggie had left tea for us on the table and retired to her room. It was late and I didn’t want her driving out to Long Island at this hour so I insisted she stay. Sipping from my cup I look at Decker. “I think I’m gonna go sleep with Josie tonight. It’s a strange place and if she wakes up I don’t want her to be scared.”
“That’s a great idea. Are you ok? Are you in pain? Do you need anything?”
“In all actuality I am good. Not in too much pain. Nothing an Advil won’t cure. I could however use a hug.”
I didn’t even have to wait. He was up and around the table pulling me to him. Wrapping my arms around his waist, I fist my hands in the back of his shirt holding as tight as I could. Decker grabs a hold of the back of my neck and head and squeezes tightly.
“I’m sorry, Decker. Sorry for everything. Sorry for throwing this all on you.”
“Baby, you have nothing to be sorry about. Sarah, if I didn’t care I wouldn’t have come to you tonight. If I didn’t care you wouldn’t be sitting here right now. Baby, never doubt that I want to protect you. Never doubt anything. I heard you tell Shawn that you didn’t think you were worthy of anyone because of your scars, but you are, you are worthy of many things. Scars don’t make up what’s in your heart and your head. It’s what’s in that head and heart that makes you worthy, not your body.”
“But my body image and self esteem are what screws with my mind and my heart. You don’t understand.”
“So tell me. Tell me about the scars. Tell me how you got them. Tell me how bad they are. Show me.”
No, no ,no I was not telling him about my scars. Especially not after everything that we just went through tonight.
“Decker…please…don’t…not tonight…I can’t…I already hurt so much. If I tell you, if I show you I don’t want you to turn from me…please not tonight.”
“Sarah, you must tell me someday soon.”
“I know but I’m so tired already. I just want to go see Josie.”
Decker looked down at me and with one swoop had his mouth pressed to mine. Exploring my mouth, neck, throat, the crest of my breast. His hand moving to my waist and starting to unbutton my pants.
“Decker,” I whisper breathlessly as his tongue sweeps across the base of my neck.
“Baby, please. We’ve both been fighting it for too long. Let us have this.”
Oh God I wanted it. Giving in, he yanks my pants down to the floor and picks me up. Walking a few steps back he drops me on the table and lies me down. Moving his mouth across my body I bow my back in ecstasy. Decker let out a low guttural groan from deep within him. His hand roams from just above my knee, up my thigh leaving flames of heat where ever he touches.
Just as his finger reach the edge of my panties I hear, “Mama, where are you?”
Decker and I both freeze. I groan out of frustration.
“Baby girl, I’m coming,” I yell. Sitting up I look at Decker and shrug. He leans in a kisses me. “Welcome to parenthood, where sex is killed by your kids.”
“Go to bed, baby. She needs you more than I do,” he smiled down at me.
“Oh do you know how to sweet talk a mama.” I gi
ggle as I kiss him goodnight. “I’ll see you in the morning.”
I climb down off the table and grab my pants and cup of tea. Looking back at a smiling Decker I smile and blow him a kiss. “I’m coming, baby girl,” I yell to Josie.
I get Josie back in bed. Looking at the clock it’s one-thirty in the morning. I’m just too amped to sleep. I grab my iPod out of my purse and crank it up, placing the ear buds in my ears. Big & Rich’s Save a Horse (Ride a Cowboy) comes on and I start laughing to myself. What an appropriate song I would have just rode Decker if it wasn’t for Josie.
I leave Josie cuddled in bed with her doggie and head down the hall, around the living room and down the other hallway. Opening the door the room is dark. I know my way around like the back of my hand I’ve walked through this dark room for the past sixteen weeks, so I don’t bump into anything.
I’m there. Decker’s bed. I press pause on the iPod and drop it and the ear buds quietly onto the night stand. I lift the covers and slide in. I scoot close to him and turn my back. I just need to be near him. I put my head on the pillow and close my eyes. A few tears leak from my eyes and slide silently down my cheek and into the soft pillow.
An arm comes flying across me and pulls me close to his chest into a spooning position. It’s warm, muscular, and safe. “Please don’t cry, baby. I’ll keep you safe from now on.” He plants a kiss on the back of my neck.
~~~
No please don’t. What are you going to do with that? No please stop! Owwwww that hurts. Please stop. No. No. No. No! No!
No don’t touch me. I’m bleeding. I’m bleeding from multiple places. The pain it hurts. Everything hurts!
“Sarah, wake up! Sarah, please!” Decker is screaming at me.
I jerk awake. “Decker! Decker!”
“I’m right here, baby. I got you. Open your eyes and look at me. I got you.”
“Oh God, Decker,” I sob out.
“Baby, tell me what were you dreaming about.”
“My scars, the day I got my scars. I haven’t had a dream about it that bad in almost fifteen years. Decker, kiss me. Take it away. Please.”