Something Like Lightning

by Jay Bell

  Flopping onto a sleeping bag, he reached for his cell phone before remembering it was still in the car. He spotted William’s and swiped it, typing in the password and checking reception. One meager little bar connected them to civilization. Maybe it would be enough for some surfing. He opened the web browser, finding it on the page William had been viewing last. Google Maps. Nothing interesting. Kelly was about to head over to his Flikr account when he noticed the address. It wasn’t just familiar. He knew it by heart because he’d been there himself. Countless times.

  Jared’s house. Why would William need to know where Jared lived? Kelly forced himself to stay calm and consider the possibilities. An affair? That was laughable. Kelly may have once deluded himself into thinking Jared was gay, but he harbored no such illusions now. Maybe William loved Kelly so much that he felt driven to pick a fight with Jared. But no, he was much too kind for anything like that.

  Kelly wracked his brain but couldn’t think of a single reason why William would need Jared’s address. Not one. William’s text messages and email revealed nothing. Finally, he got up and unzipped the tent. Keith had returned, the fire was nearing a roar, but Kelly had no intention of rejoining his friends.

  “Darling?” he said. “Could you step inside for a moment?”

  “Got a hankering for some hanky-pankering?” Layne asked. “No doubt my stories got you all riled up.”

  “That’s right,” Kelly said. “William, get in here so I can suck your toes.”

  He smiled at the laughs this summoned, but as soon as William was in the tent and the flap zipped shut, he became serious. “I didn’t mean to snoop,” he said, holding up the phone. “I was just trying to... What is this?”

  William, sitting on his knees, peered at the screen before realization dawned. “Oh.”

  “Oh?” Kelly repeated.

  William sighed. “I don’t want to have another argument. This is supposed to be our special weekend together.”

  “No one is arguing!” Kelly said, his voice rising. Then he forced himself to take a deep breath. “I just want to know why you were looking up the address of someone who— Ugh. Forget it.”

  “Someone who what?” William asked, crossing his arms over his chest. “Broke your heart?”

  Kelly gritted his teeth. “Someone who hurt me. And don’t tell me you’re still jealous of him!”

  William sighed and let his arms drop. “He’s in my sociology class.”

  “Since when?”

  “The beginning of the semester. Ever since we changed our classes around. You know, so I could spend more time with my boyfriend and eat lunch with him every day.” William offered a smile. “Remember that?”

  “Yes,” Kelly said, feeling a little better. “So why didn’t you tell me?”

  “Because I knew it would upset you.”

  “Damn right,” Kelly said, but he did so softly. Crisis averted. Almost. “I still don’t get why you have his address.”

  “We were assigned to work together on a project.”

  “So you had to meet after school? That must have been awkward.” William broke eye contact.

  “What? Tell me.”

  “You were friends with him for a reason, right? He’s a likable guy.” Kelly’s jaw dropped. “Are you telling me that you’re friends with him?”

  “We talked a lot while working on the project. His grandfather was in the Coast Guard, and they still have a lot of his things so—”

  “Are you kidding me? The fucking Coast Guard is your excuse?” “No!” William said. “I don’t need an excuse. He’s a nice guy and we hung out. Don’t act like that’s a bad thing because you were his friend once too!”

  “Yeah, before he made racist and homophobic comments. Has he mentioned that?”

  “We don’t talk about you,” William said. “He started to once, but I felt it would be disrespectful, like talking behind your back.”

  “Disrespectful is sneaking around to hang out with someone I—” “Still love?” William interrupted. “I know.”

  “No,” Kelly said, jaw clenching. “That’s not how I feel at all. And for someone you think I still love, you sure seem eager to spend time with him.”

  “I honestly don’t think about it. When I hang out with Jared, everything is normal. It’s only when you overreact like this that I wonder.”

  “Wonder what? That I don’t love you?”

  William shook his head reluctantly. “I don’t know.”

  Kelly stared at him. “I get upset about you hanging out with a former friend, and that somehow equals me not loving you anymore. Great! That makes perfect sense! So what does not taking my feelings into consideration when hanging out with your new buddy mean?”

  “This is exactly why I didn’t tell you.” William looked skyward in exasperation, head still shaking. “I totally saw this coming.”

  “Saw what coming?”

  “This!” William gestured around them. “We’re supposed to be having fun here, but instead you’re freaking out. Lately all I seem to do is piss you off. And you know what? I’m sick of it! Maybe I shouldn’t be around at all!”

  Kelly was so shocked by this declaration that he couldn’t think of anything to say. He found no words to stop William as he unzipped the tent and left. All he could do was sit and wonder if he’d just ruined everything.

  Chapter Eight

  Right or wrong? Kelly couldn’t decide. He sat in his tent, changing his opinion so many times it made his head spin. On one hand, he was hurt. William had known being friends with Jared would upset him, and he’d gone and done so anyway. Why? Because Jared was nice? Because he had some old Coast Guard medals or uniforms? There wasn’t a good enough reason.

  On the other hand, so what? Kelly wished he didn’t care. He really did. Logically it shouldn’t matter anymore. Jared was likable—or had been until the end. Even now he remained civil to Kelly during track meets. No homophobic jibes, no more flaunting his girlfriend. He knew about Kelly’s relationship with William. The entire school knew. And yet Jared had still been okay with hanging out with William—hanging out with a gay guy—after school. Just not with Kelly.

  That hurt.

  Unless Jared had seen the error of his ways. Maybe he was trying to show Kelly they could be friends again. Or maybe this was all a big middle finger. Why was it okay for Jared to be around William but not him? Because of the feelings Kelly had once confessed?

  Either possibility made him miserable. Kelly didn’t want to be Jared’s friend. Even after all this time, even with a handsome boyfriend who was wonderful and kind, the idea that they would be friends and nothing more still made him ache inside. What did that say about him? Or his feelings for William?

  And yet he knew he loved William. He absolutely knew it. That’s why they argued so much. Even the smallest thing that William did seemed hugely important. The littlest phrase or tiniest action had overwhelming significance because William meant so much to him. Kelly loved him, and he hated that a one-sided romance had returned from the grave to ruin what they had together. If only he could let go of the hurt, release all the anger he still felt when he thought about Jared. At times it seemed like he already had. Usually Kelly felt at peace, but William’s new friendship had stirred things up again.

  He had to find a way of fixing this. Losing William would leave him empty, hollowing out his heart. Kelly stepped outside the tent. Night had fallen. Not far away, hot dogs and marshmallows were roasting on sticks. A number of eyes turned to him. He looked at each, hoping to find a pair familiar and green.

  “Want to bite my wiener?” Layne asked.

  Kelly ignored him. “Has anyone seen William?”

  “He headed for the woods,” Bonnie said. “Looked pretty mad. That was awhile ago.”

  “But it’s dark out.” Kelly glanced toward the edge of the trees where everything faded to black.

  “I think he borrowed some stuff from Keith,” Layne said. “Supplies of some sort.”

>   “Like he’s going to camp in the woods alone?”

  “No idea.” Layne shrugged helplessly. “Sorry!”

  Kelly rushed off to find their group leader, catching him leaving his tent with a guitar in hand.

  “Everything all right?” he asked when he saw Kelly’s panicked expression.

  “William isn’t back yet.”

  “From fishing?” Keith asked.

  Of course! Kelly headed for the lake without answering him, soon wishing he’d brought a flashlight along. The night was dark, without even the moon to light his way. A shiver ran down his spine as something scurried through the underbrush to his right, like a bad horror movie come to life. He felt calmer when the trees opened up again, the lake ahead tranquil and quiet except for the gentle lapping of water. A silhouette sat on the dock, the shape of those strong shoulders instantly recognizable. Kelly hurried forward, his footsteps on the old wood causing William’s head to rise. But he didn’t turn around. Kelly hesitated as he neared.

  “Catch anything?” he asked.

  William didn’t respond.

  “Come back to the campsite,” Kelly said. “It’s getting cold.”

  “Are we pretending it didn’t happen?” William asked.

  “What?”

  “The argument.”

  “No,” Kelly said. “We can talk about it.” He sat down, realizing the conversation was going to happen here or nowhere at all.

  William continued to concentrate on the water. “Do you even like me?” he asked.

  “I love you!”

  “Yeah, but do you like me? Because I’m pretty sure they aren’t the same thing.”

  Kelly shook his head. “I don’t understand.”

  “The Coast Guard stuff,” William said. “You always act like it’s a waste of time or—”

  “I was upset that it made you want to hang out with Jared!”

  “I told you that wasn’t the only reason. He’s nice. He might have been a dick to you, but he’s nice to me. And what about when I took your brother down to Galveston? You didn’t even come along.”

  “I was pouting because I wanted to be alone with you.” Kelly sighed. “I’m fine with you wanting to join the Coast Guard.”

  “It’s not just that. Sometimes I get the impression that you think I’m weak. Just because I don’t tackle anyone the second they give me trouble doesn’t make me weak. I can take a lot, and yeah, sometimes I let people push me. I believe in second chances, sometimes even more. But when people push me too far... ”

  The sentence hung unfinished on the air. Suddenly Kelly wished very much for the all-too-amiable version of William to reappear.

  “We’re different,” Kelly said. “But I don’t think that’s a bad thing. We’re still getting used to each other. Sometimes I wish I was more like you. I can’t keep my cool. I don’t know how you do it. I don’t think you’re weak. I just don’t understand your strength.”

  William was silent. Kelly didn’t know what else to say. They sat side by side, staring out across the lake. Eventually Kelly’s nose felt frozen, his stomach grumbling.

  “Come back to the campsite,” he tried again.

  William shook his head. “I need to think.”

  “For how long?”

  “I don’t know.”

  Kelly held back another sigh. William was rarely in a bad mood, but when he slid into one, he got stuck in deep. “I’ll give you your space. I don’t want to, because I love you. And I like you. But if you need space, I understand.”

  William didn’t respond. Kelly stood and trudged back to the campsite, no longer worried about monsters lurking in the trees. Let werewolves bite his flesh, let zombies grope for his brains, and let vampires lust for his blood. None of them were as scary as the idea of losing William.

  Kelly lay on his back in the sleeping bag, staring upward. The campsite had gone quiet. He didn’t know how late it was, but William should have returned by now. He alternated between wondering if he was out there freezing, or if he had driven home alone. When the tent zipper slowly travelled along its path, he sat up, nearly reaching out when he saw William’s form.

  “Are you okay?” he asked.

  “Yeah,” William answered, his voice gentle again.

  “You can be friends with Jared,” Kelly said quickly. “I don’t care.”

  William stepped into the tent, zipping the flap closed again. “Yes you do.”

  “Maybe, but I’d rather you be friends with him than— I don’t want to lose you.”

  “I don’t want to lose you either,” William said. He crawled over to where Kelly was, bringing their faces close together. “I’m sorry. I knew it would hurt you and I did it anyway.”

  Kelly shrugged. “That’s the price of love, I guess. We’ll hurt each other occasionally, but the good times outweigh the bad. At least I think so. I hope you do too.”

  “Definitely,” William said, pecking him on the lips. “Now scoot over because I’m cold.”

  Kelly unzipped the sleeping bag for him while William got out of his shoes. Then he scrambled inside, Kelly rolling over so William could hold him.

  “You should be holding me,” William complained teasingly. “I’m the one who’s freezing.”

  “Which is why you need to cuddle up with something nice and hot. Like me.”

  “Ha”

  William wrapped an arm around him, pulling him close. It wasn’t long before the temperature had risen considerably. Kelly casually moved his rump, feeling William’s hardness pressing against him. That was good. Sometimes when emotions were unreliable, physical intimacy was needed to bring estranged hearts together again. Their thoughts must have been running along a similar course, because the moment Kelly rolled over, William’s lips were on his.

  They threw open the sleeping bag, struggling to get their clothes off so their skin could touch. Rolling back and forth, they kissed and pawed at each other. Once William was on top, he began grinding his hips against Kelly. Finally! He had wanted this for months, but felt it best to let William take things at his own pace. Now seemed to be the right time. After coming so close to losing each other, the moment couldn’t be more perfect.

  “Hold on,” Kelly said, reaching for his backpack. He dug inside until he found a miniature bottle of lube. He hesitated, thinking of the condom, but he’d been getting tested every six months since his first time. William hadn’t been with anyone else, so they should be okay.

  “What’s that?” William asked.

  “It’ll help things go smoother,” Kelly said.

  “Oh. Uh...” William’s features crinkled with concern. “How do we decide who—”

  “Don’t worry,” Kelly said with a chuckle. “I know my place. In bed, at least.”

  William still looked conflicted, but that was probably just first-time jitters. They would take things slowly. Hell, it had been so long for Kelly that he had no choice. He made it as playful as possible, spreading lube on two of William’s fingers before moving his hand downward. Sweet William was back, since he kept asking if he was hurting Kelly. The best way of reassuring him was to moan, even though this would cause plenty of amused commentary at breakfast tomorrow. If they were going to be overheard, Kelly intended to give them something worth talking about.

  “Come here,” he said, pulling William close. Holding on tight, he forced him to roll over, so that Kelly was on top.

  “I’m confused,” William said. “I thought you wanted me to—”

  “I do, but this makes things easier on me, and you’re not going to be so easy to take. Once we get going, you’ll be able to do whatever you want.”

  William stared up at him. Kelly watched his face the entire time. The way his eyelids fluttered in pleasure once he was inside, how his breath became shallow as Kelly gyrated his hips, and most of all the realization that this was something completely different from what they had done before. In a physical sense, that was obvious, but the connection that had grown weak and
weary was now revitalized and strengthened. Maybe more than ever before, because when Kelly rolled over onto his back, clutching William to him as his thrusts intensified, that connection blazed with light. Their love was safe, rescued by an act that intertwined their souls together once more.

  “Hello, Mrs. Townson. You look lovely today! So lovely that I wish I was ten years older. And straight.” Kelly hoped the flattery came across as friendly, and not sarcastic.

  Mrs. Townson seemed in high spirits today because she smiled. “Try twenty years older,” she said. “It’s your lucky day though because I happen to have a son your age. I believe he’s waiting for you.” She stepped aside so he could enter.

  “Thanks,” he said. Then in more serious tones, “You really do look nice.”

  “I’ve been working out back in the garden. It must be the sun.”

  “You actually tan,” Kelly noted. “William only burns.”

  “He gets that from his father.” Her features tensed a little, but it was clear that she was doing better. She hadn’t started dating, but William said she had found a new rhythm and was moving forward. “Willy is upstairs.”

  “Thanks,” Kelly said, adjusting his backpack. It felt odd to be carrying it on a Saturday. No school today, but what the backpack held was of much greater importance than textbooks. Kelly’s heart began to race on his way up the stairs, and not from exertion. Today was special. So far he had kept the date to himself, hoping William hadn’t realized. Kelly wanted him to be surprised.

  Six months. The time had flown by. They were doing well too. Sure they still bickered, but he knew now that William had a low threshold for such things. Since the camping trip, when they’d come so close to losing each other, Kelly tried hard to rein back on his temper. They’d been given a second chance, and since then it had been one long honeymoon. For him, at least. He could only hope William felt the same.

  Taking a deep breath, he opened the bedroom door without knocking. William froze in the middle of getting dressed. A crumpled tank top lay on the bed, the shirt he was putting on a navy button-up. They had picked it out together, Kelly trying to wean him off the polos William was so fond of. Even with the shirt hanging open and lose on his shoulders, he looked sharp. Did that mean he knew the day was significant?