Losing It All

by Wilde, Kati

  A note of desperation creeps in toward the end—and I just know that I’ll lose my shit if she starts crying. She hasn’t pulled out the tears yet, though I was stupid enough to tell her all of my soft spots. But something tells me the tears are close. And won’t be faked.

  That happens, I won’t be able to hold out.

  I can barely withstand those desperate pleas to let her go. So I pull out the ball gag and straps for the first time since our Thanksgiving dinner, get her tied up spread-eagled on the bed. All that struggling got her riled up and sopping wet, her hot cunt and her big eyes begging for my cock. I don’t waste any time giving her what she needs. Like a man possessed, I ride that pussy until her juices and my cum are soaking the sheet, until she’s orgasmed so many times that she’s limp and quivering and so spent that she sure as fuck won’t be running anywhere again. At least not real soon.

  But I thought she was spent after a hundred yards, too. So I keep those straps and gag in place while I get dressed again for the meeting, and consider leaving her tied up the entire time. Knowing all the reasons I shouldn’t.

  Also knowing that she’s real close to making herself bleed while trying to get away. And that if she gets out, she’ll be killed.

  There’s no good outcome here. No way to avoid the pain that’s coming. But as long as she’s alive, I just don’t give a fuck.

  A knock sounds at the door. Probably a prospect sent out here to remind me about the meeting. I yell that I’ll be there in a minute, but a few seconds later, the damn knock comes again. I toss a sheet over my angel to cover her tits and pussy from prying eyes, then stalk to the door. I pull it open a few inches and a whirlwind shoves past my legs, barking and dancing in deliriously happy circles, the tags and bells on her collar jingling merrily. Daisy being Daisy, and so damn cute.

  And outside, Anna being Anna, fiercely staring at me like I’ve got a whole lot of explaining to do.

  I scowl at her. “Who the hell let you past the gate?”

  “Ah, geez. So good to see you, too, you big—”

  “Hold that thought.” Because Daisy just figured out there’s someone tied up on the bed and went to investigate a new playmate. I shut the door in my sister’s face and haul ass across the room. Half up on the bed, Daisy’s licking her cheek and snuffling her face, and my angel’s eyes are squeezed closed as if she’s afraid of being blinded by wet dog nose, but she’s giggling against the gag.

  “C’mere, Daisy girl. Ah, shit.” I untie the strap on her nearest wrist, because as soon as that’s free she can do the rest. Then I drag Daisy back, scratching at her ears and kissing her face. “Aw, you’re a good girl. Such a good girl. But we leave naked ladies alone.”

  My naked lady snorts out a muffled laugh, reaching behind her head to unfasten the ball gag. Then she goes still and quiet, looking past me.

  “Holy shit,” Anna says from just inside the open door, staring at us with her hands covering her mouth, as if in horror. “Holy shit. It’s true what they were saying. That you’ve a girl tied up in here and you’re torturing her for information.”

  Fury spits acid through my veins. “Who is saying that?”

  Eyes welling with tears, Anna shakes her head. “I don’t care what happened to you. This is not okay. It is not okay.”

  “You don’t know what the fuck you’re talking about.”

  But I’m going to bust the head of every asshole who ran his mouth at the bar she tends. And I’m sure as hell not having this conversation here, with my girl still naked and tied.

  “You all right to watch my dog for a minute?” I ask her. Her face is a fiery red, and she’s not looking at me as she unfastens her other wrist. Real embarrassed. So as soon as she nods, I hustle Anna outside, locking the door behind me.

  Watching me turn the key just sets her off again. “What the fuck, Aaron?” Anna hisses at me. “I mean, what the actual fuck?”

  Shit, now she’s using my given name. Only our parents do that.

  But that’s the least of my worries. Anna’s Prius is parked out front and I know damn well it wasn’t Gunner who let her show up out of the blue. I head over to the next cabin, where they store equipment for babysitting jobs, and snatch up a radio.

  “Who the hell is on the gate?” I say into it.

  “It was open,” Anna tells me, just as Knucklehead comes on from inside the clubhouse’s security room.

  “Opened it up until the meeting,” he replies.

  “Keep it closed.”

  “You want me to open it up fifty times?”

  Each time a brother comes through. Though it won’t be that often—and doesn’t matter if it were. “Yeah, I do. Unless you maybe want a couple of SUVs rolling in as easy as my sister just did.”

  “Not so much. Will do, brother.”

  Anna narrows her eyes at me. “What SUVs?”

  “That’s club business, pipsqueak.”

  “And that is a bullshit answer that I don’t take anymore. Not after you went missing and everyone said ‘club business,’ like you weren’t my brother, too,” she says, her breath hitching as she comes closer to stab me in the chest with her finger. “Not after that asshole showed up at our house and made me give you a message that said you had to fight in a death match.”

  A message given while she was bleeding and bruised. Throat thick, I tell her, “That fucker got what was coming to him. Is that the business you want to know?”

  “I don’t give a fuck about club business. I care about you!” She blows her hands wide as if this is a big fucking revelation. “Because you get out of the Cage, but you’re still gone. You don’t ever come see Daisy. You don’t go see Mom and Dad. Gunner says you went through some bad shit and I’ve just got to give you a little time to work through it. Okay. Sounds good. Except that is not an okay way to work through it.” She waves wildly toward the cabin. “That.”

  That rot boils in my chest. “You think I’d rape a girl?”

  “No,” she says immediately, her breath hitching, her eyes going from fiery rings to big wet puddles. “I know you wouldn’t. No matter what you’re going through.”

  “She was the one who offered. And she said yes, clear. And she knew that if she ever said no, I’d back off.”

  “I know you would! But, Aaron, you’ve also got her locked up. And you know—maybe you know better than anyone now—someone might make choices while in a cage that they’d never make if they were free.”

  Like making Crash’s spine pop apart in my hands. And the rot is thick, so fucking thick, I can’t breathe.

  “If you gave her a choice right now,” she says in a gentle voice that ruthlessly tears me apart, “between getting into bed with you or going out that door—which would she choose? And that’s all you need to know.”

  That’s all I need to know. There’s nothing but rot in me. I’m choking on it. “Anna—”

  “It’s okay.” She wraps her arms so tight around me, buries her face in my shoulder. “It’s okay. You’ll be okay. And I’m so sorry. I know you’re hurting so much.”

  Gonna be hurting more. I hold her close, my throat so fucking raw I can barely get the promise out. “I won’t touch her again.”

  She nods.

  “But I can’t let her go.”

  “So it’s like that?” Anna takes a deep breath before hugging me tighter. “Then maybe consider what they say about letting go of someone you love. If she comes back, then you know that love was meant to be.”

  “This ain’t nothing to do with love,” I tell her hoarsely. “She’ll be killed out there.”

  “Oh.” Anna leans back a little to frown up at me. “And she still wants to go?”

  Jaw tight, I nod.

  Sympathy deepens her gaze. “Well…I mean, I know you’ve got a thing for girls in trouble—but you can’t save everyone from themselves.”

  “I know that. I just want to save her from Papa.”

  “And I just want to save my brother.”

  Too late.
My short laugh feels like it rips my guts out. “I’m pretty sure your brother died in that Cage.”

  “No,” she says firmly, reaching up to catch my face in her hands, her gaze holding mine. “I think he got hurt really bad. I think there will be scars. But it won’t be the first time you got scarred up. And you were still my same brother after.”

  After scarring up my face. “A real stupid brother. Because the first time sure as hell didn’t teach me a lesson about going home with girls who are trouble.”

  Her lips curve in an impish little smile. “Maybe second time is the charm.”

  “Yeah. Lesson learned.”

  There won’t be any more girls. Not after this one. Can’t imagine touching anyone else again.

  But I sure as fuck wish now that I’d let her touch me a little more before it was over.

  “Hey,” Anna says softly, watching me. “I know you’re not okay. But you will get through, yeah?”

  Somehow. My throat’s a fucking mess, so I just nod.

  “All right.” She gives me another tight hug before stepping back. “And don’t shut us out. Not Mom and Dad, not me and Daisy. Or next time I’ll send Mom—and if you think a gate will stop her…”

  I give a thick laugh. “I’m not that stupid, pipsqueak.”

  “Good.” She bites her lip. “Can you especially make the effort with Daisy? Mom and Dad and I, we all understand that you might need space. She doesn’t. Now she’s licking her leg constantly and the vet says it might be a self-comfort thing. So if you could just stop by more often, or I’ll bring her out here more, or even if you do the video thing on the phone—”

  “I will.” I’m such a fucking asshole. “Thanks for looking out for her.”

  “Of course. Though it’s Mom and Dad who are keeping her most of the time.”

  “You have her tomorrow morning?” At her nod, I say, “I’ll stop by, yeah?”

  “Yeah. Oh! Just don’t be surprised by—” She wiggles her engagement ring, the diamond sparkling. “I’ll have a visitor.”

  Gunner. But considering that neither of them banged anyone else for ten years, not real surprised they’re making up for it now. “Is he moving in?”

  “Kind of already has. Except I’ve got to figure out space for his books.”

  “I’ll find another place. Then you can have the upstairs.”

  Dismay fills her expression. “You don’t have to—”

  “I know. But just…give me a little time to get it worked out. Don’t just throw my stuff out on the lawn.”

  “Aw, man. There goes my plan to landscape the front yard with piles of your ratty sports shit from high school. Though I guess all your stuff wouldn’t be much different than what Daisy leaves out there.”

  Ow. I grin and then all at once Crash’s spine pops apart in my hands, and my girl’s begging me to let her go, and I can’t fucking breathe again.

  “Aaron?” Concern sharpens her voice.

  “Just…I need to walk around and clear my head.” Because if I return to the cabin right now, my girl might destroy me if she asks me to let her go again. I press the key into her palm. “Lock it up again after you get Daisy. Don’t look at me like that—I’ve got to figure out the rest first. Just don’t let the girl go, no matter what she says. Because it’ll kill me if she…” I can’t finish that thought, because it kills me just thinking about it. “Just give the key to Gunner.”

  “Okay,” she says softly. “I love you.”

  Throat in a knot, I head off. “Love you, too, pipsqueak.”

  One good thing to maybe get me through. Because the rest of this doesn’t have a thing to do with love.

  I don’t even fucking know her name.

  26

  I haven’t been giving much thought to the future. Not anything further than getting out of here and rescuing Matt. But one visit from a dog changes everything. Because I’m scratching her ears and giving her all the loving that she wants, and suddenly I am thinking ahead. That after freeing Matt…there might be a chance for more. If nothing else, at least giving Stone an explanation.

  After my brother is safe.

  I’m on the floor with Daisy when the key scrapes into the lock. I’ve dressed—in a pair of shorts and one of Stone’s shirts—so I don’t go scurrying for cover. And I try not to think about how I must have looked before, tied up and gagged and still flushed from sex. While his delicate fairy of a sister looked at me in horror. Because she’d thought Stone was torturing me.

  And he does. But…not in a bad way.

  To my surprise, she’s the one with the key. She barely looks at me. “C’mon, Daisy. Time to go.”

  Wearing a happy grin, the boxer immediately races to her side. Like so many of her breed, Daisy’s only got one speed: go go go. She’s fun and silly and probably exactly what Stone could use right now.

  And I hate the way his sister looked at him. “He’s a good man.”

  “Oh, you think so?” Sarcastic fury burns through that reply, her gaze scalding my face. “You think you know anything about my brother? You don’t. You’re just another toxic piece of ass that he felt sorry for and tried to save.”

  My chest tightens. “Okay.”

  “And you don’t get to talk to me at all. Not after what you did, playing bait. You’re the reason he was in that Cage. You’re the reason he’s hurting so bad now.” Her gaze swings around the cabin. “I don’t agree with what he’s doing here, but one thing is for damn sure—you should be locked up somewhere.”

  In jail. For what I did.

  That’s probably fair.

  “Okay,” I whisper past the clog in my throat. And I would have done what she wanted and not talked to her at all, but this isn’t about her. Or even Stone. “Daisy’s got a hot spot on her right foreleg. You should get it checked out.”

  “I know she does. That’s why we’re here. She misses him because he’s stuck out here with you.” She gives me a narrowed look. “As if you give a shit about a dog. Is that what you’re doing? Taking advantage of all his soft spots so you can keep clinging to him? You need to just leave him alone. Because you’re right, he is a good man. And you’ve done enough harm.”

  My head feels utterly numb when I nod. All of me is utterly numb as she leaves, slamming the door and turning the key.

  Except my eyes and throat and heart are burning. I bury my face in my upraised knees, and every thought of a future turns to ash. Because what did I think, really? That I’d help rescue Matt, then triumphantly return and tell Stone everything? That we’d just pick up where we left off—or truly go back, to that night in the tavern. And I’d tell him my name instead of lying, and we’d have everything that might have been?

  While his family hates me. While his club blames me.

  While he still doesn’t even want me to touch him.

  There’s no going back. I’ve done what I’ve done. There’s no future beyond rescuing Matt. Not here.

  And Stone is a good man. I always knew it, but now I have an even clearer picture of him. A man who loves his dog, and who stood in front of one of those do-it-yourself dog tag engravers, feeding coins into a slot and pushing a button so that if he ever lost her, it would be so easy to contact him and let him know she’s been found. So he made a small tag engraved with Daisy’s name and his phone number. Then put that tag on her collar.

  I look at it now. Thin, sturdy metal. A diamond shape that will fit perfectly into a screw head. With one push of a button, a good man gave me a way to escape—and a way to contact him afterwards.

  Even if it’s only to say that I’m sorry.

  * * *

  I’ll have to apologize for stealing from him, too. Two pairs of socks, a black hoodie, dark gray sweatpants—and a hundred dollars that I peel off the roll of cash on the table.

  I’ll pay it back. But I have no idea where we are now, or how long it’ll take me to reach a police station. So I might need the money.

  Getting through a hole in a wall ends up being a
lot harder than getting through the bars over my stall. More painful, too. It feels as if I scrape away most of the skin over my hipbones—and scrape away the sweatpants, too. But I keep wriggling through, and it probably looks as if the cabin gives birth when gravity takes over and I land on the ground in a sweaty, bare-assed heap.

  Oh god. I lay in the dirt, half laughing and half crying, then drag the pants back up my legs. I lift the hood up over my hair. The sun set a little while ago, so the dark clothes should help me get through this next part undetected. I saw security cameras on our walk earlier today, but they only seemed to cover the front of the cabins.

  So I’ll go behind.

  Creeping, so quietly. I’m not afraid of being caught. Not in the same way as in the barns. I’m afraid of being stopped, but not afraid of any punishment afterward. Despite all that I’ve done, Stone has never hurt me. I suspect hurting a woman is a bright red line that he won’t cross. Maybe something could shove him over that line. Like it did in the Cage. But it would have to be an immediate threat to someone he loved.

  Behind the cabin nearest to the clubhouse, I flatten myself against the ground. A motorcycle rolls into the lot ahead, the headlight sweeping the side of the cabin. Not shining on me, but I remain absolutely still, watching.

  I know they’re having some kind of meeting, and the lot is completely full of bikes. A few are parked less than fifteen feet away from me. But the only biker I see is the one who just rode in, and he stops near the clubhouse entrance.

  As soon as they’re all inside, I’ll steal a motorcycle and go. These bikes are a lot bigger than the dirt bikes that Matt and I used to mess around on while we were growing up, but the basics must be the same. Throttle, clutch, gearshift, brake. If I can figure out those, I’m golden. Even if someone on a security camera sees me leave, while I’m in these dark clothes they probably wouldn’t realize right away that I’m not one of their own. They’d just assume someone was leaving the meeting early.