Zarconi’s Magic Flying Fish

by Kirsty Murray

  Doc came lumbering down the narrow hallway to the front of the caravan, crashing into the walls like a rogue elephant in the dark. He flung open the door and stormed out into the night, slamming the door behind him. Gus held his breath. Then he heard the sound of Nance crying.

  Gus slipped out of bed and tiptoed down the passage to Nance’s bedroom. Nance was in her dressing-gown sitting on the edge of the red satin bed, sobbing. Gus didn’t know what to do. He pushed the door open a little wider and Nance looked up.

  ‘Oh, love, I’m sorry we’ve woken you,’ she said, wiping her eyes and trying to look composed.

  ‘It’s okay. I couldn’t sleep anyway.’

  ‘C’mon, I’ll tuck you up.’ She blew her nose noisily and pushed the small handkerchief into the pocket of her dressing gown.

  Gus didn’t really need ‘tucking up’, but if it made Nance feel better he was happy to let her.

  ‘You were a real trooper tonight, Gus, you know that,’ she said as she smoothed the coverlet across his chest.

  ‘Doc’s not angry with me, is he?’ asked Gus.

  ‘No, not with you – just with himself, sweetie.’

  ‘I heard him say my name.’

  ‘It wasn’t you he was angry with, pet.’

  Gus sighed. He gently took hold of Nance’s hand.

  ‘Nance, do you reckon you could call me Gus? I mean, it’s nice to be called love and pet and sweetie, but I’d like it if you called me Gus sometimes, too. It is my name.’

  She sat on the edge of the couch and stroked the hair away from his forehead. Her eyes were all red-rimmed and watery, but she took a breath and tried to smile.

  ‘Gus,’ she said softly.

  9

  THE OTHER GUS

  The next morning, Gus found Doc sleeping in the sawdust under the big top. He wouldn’t come into the caravan for breakfast but stood just outside the circus lot staring at the Flinders Ranges, sipping the black coffee that Gus brought over to him.

  It took twice as long as usual to pack up and get the circus on the road to Kimba. The evening performance was dismal without Effie and Gus was glad when it was over. It was nearly midnight by the time the circus was loaded up again. They headed south-west to Streaky Bay and set up in a field outside town overlooking the sea. Moonlight glistened on the surface of the ocean and Gus stood in the dark beyond the circle of caravans, taking in deep breaths of the briny sea air. The sound of the waves lapping on the nearby beach made him feel warm and sleepy. He curled up on the couch in his grandparents’ caravan and, for the first time, felt strangely at home, drifting off to sleep to the sound of the sea and the low hum of the generator.

  Despite the late night, Gus woke up early. The sky was a bright, pale blue and the morning air was cool and sweet. He pulled on some clothes and went outside.

  There was no one about – just the horses grazing in the long golden grass, and Kali blowing trunkfuls of dirt across her back. Gus put his hands in his pockets and sauntered over. She was swaying rhythmically, as if she could hear music from far away.

  ‘Hey, Kali.’

  She went on swaying as if she hadn’t heard him. Gus had tried this same routine every morning for weeks, but Kali still wouldn’t pay him any attention. If she’d only look at him or reach her trunk out towards him to let him know she knew he was there, he would have been satisfied. Gus looked over his shoulder to be sure no one was watching and then quickly slipped under the electric fence that surrounded her. He felt his heart beating faster as he stood in front of her with nothing between them but a few feet of ground.

  ‘You’re not allowed inside that barricade, Gus McGrath.’

  Gus spun around and saw Effie staring at him from the other side of the fence. He dived back under the wire and glared at her.

  ‘What are you doing up?’ he asked. ‘Aren’t you meant to stay in bed?’

  ‘I’m sick of being in bed. You don’t even come and talk to me.’

  ‘I did!’

  ‘Oh right, for about five minutes.’

  ‘Well, it’s too squashy in the caravan. I’d rather be outside.’

  ‘Me too,’ she grinned. ‘Let’s go down to the beach.’

  ‘Shouldn’t we tell someone?’

  ‘Nah, they won’t let me go if we do.’

  They rode bareback on Rosa and Anouk across the fields and along a winding dirt track that ended on a wide expanse of beach. There was no one anywhere and it felt as though they owned the world. Sea birds swooped low over the water and dived into the sea to catch their breakfast.

  Effie rode Rosa into the water and Gus followed. Anouk was much smaller than Rosa, so the top of Gus’s head was only level with Effie’s waist. He knotted his hands into Anouk’s mane and leant down against her neck, breathing in her musty smell and the scent of the sea.

  ‘I hear you’ve got a new name,’ said Effie.

  ‘How’s that?’

  ‘Zippo Zarconi,’ she said, laughing out loud.

  ‘Yeah. Well, I was pretty happy with my old name. It sounds stupid: “Zippo” – like a cigarette lighter or something.’

  ‘Clowns are meant to have stupid names.’

  ‘I don’t know what everyone’s problem with my proper name is.’

  ‘I think it’s just a hard name for Doc and Nance to say.’

  ‘G-u-s – couldn’t get a whole lot simpler.’

  ‘You don’t get it. There was another Gus – before you came along. And every time they say your name it’s like they have to think of him too.’

  ‘What other Gus?’

  ‘I don’t know who he was exactly but he was some sort of relative and they want to forget about him.’

  ‘How do you know?’

  ‘I heard Dad and Hannah talking about him when I was lying awake the other night. They took turns to sit with me the night I fell, and I heard them talking about it.’

  ‘So what were they saying?’

  ‘Well, this other Gus, he had a fall once too – like he fell and hurt himself and Doc always goes and drinks too much and does his block if anything like that happens ’cause he doesn’t like to be reminded. He likes to forget about that other Gus. Me falling reminded him.’

  ‘Did that Gus run away from the circus like my mum?’

  ‘I don’t know. Hannah just said that Doc was drunk because of Gus. And Dad said, “What did the poor boy do?” and that’s when she said, “Not him, the other one”.’

  ‘Well, I still don’t get it,’ said Gus, sliding off Anouk’s back. The cold water of the bay washed over his bare feet.

  ‘Don’t you see? Maybe that’s what your problem with him is all about.’

  ‘Look, I don’t have a problem with Doc, he has a problem with me.’

  ‘That’s what I mean. Maybe you remind him of that other Gus. Maybe that’s why sometimes he’s extra mean when you’re around. He’s definitely been a whole lot crankier since you’ve been around. Maybe he had a big falling-out with that other Gus like he did with your mum or maybe the other Gus was your father!’

  Gus looked out to sea and felt the weight of Effie’s words settle on his shoulders. He dropped Anouk’s reins and walked into the sea until the water lapped around his waist.

  ‘What are you doing?’ Effie shouted after him.

  ‘Going swimming,’ he yelled back.

  ‘With all your clothes on? You’re crazy, just like the rest of your family!’

  Gus dived under and his T-shirt billowed out around him. He wanted to swim far away from Zarconi’s and never come up for air. He cut the water with a fast breaststroke, swimming deeper with each stroke, and then turned onto his back and floated.

  His head was spinning with questions. Why hadn’t his mum told him any of this? Why did she run away from Zarconi’s? What had happened to the other Gus? Could he really be his father? He stared up at the blue morning sky and felt amazed at all the silences that hung around Zarconi’s like storm clouds.

  Sea-birds wheeled over
head and suddenly something clicked inside Gus. It was as if some of those dark clouds inside his head had parted just enough to let a thin beam of light through.

  Effie was furious by the time he freestyled back into shore.

  ‘About time!’ she said, handing back Anouk’s reins. ‘Doc doesn’t like me taking the horses without permission. It’s okay for you – you’ll be going back to Melbourne any day now but if I get on Doc’s bad side I’ll stay there for ages.’

  ‘Don’t worry. You’re not alone. I’m going to be around for a whole lot longer, whether I like it or not.’

  He took his T-shirt off, wrung some of the water from it and jumped up onto Anouk’s back.

  ‘That’s tough,’ said Effie. ‘You’re hanging out to go home, aren’t you?’

  Gus shrugged. ‘I am in one way. But there are a few things I want to find out before I go back.’

  ‘Like what?’

  ‘Like what’s the story with that other Gus. And why did my mum clear off and about a million other things about my crazy family.’

  ‘Your mum left because she hated being in the circus, just like you.’

  ‘I don’t think that was the reason. If I was an acrobat like she was, if Doc let me on the flying trapeze, I don’t think I’d ever want to go. I reckon I’d be like you.’

  ‘You will never be as good an acrobat as me, Zippo Zarconi!’

  ‘Wanna bet?’

  ‘No, but I’ll race you to the end of the beach.’

  ‘Like that’s so fair!’ said Gus. ‘Anouk’s legs are half as long as Rosa’s!’

  ‘Chicken. I knew you’d be scared of losing,’ Effie said smugly.

  ‘I’m not scared of anything!’ said Gus, and he kicked Anouk into a canter before Effie could turn Rosa around, gripping her mane firmly and hanging on tight. Sand flew up around them as Rosa drew alongside.

  ‘You cheated,’ Effie shouted.

  Gus laughed and reached around to slap Anouk on the rump and in that instant, he lost his balance. Anouk’s legs flashed past him as he rolled over and over in the damp sand.

  Effie reined in Rosa and leapt off her back.

  ‘Gus, Gus,’ Effie cried as she ran back up the beach and knelt beside him. He lay flat on his back with his eyes shut, not moving. Her hair brushed against his face, tickling his mouth and nose. Suddenly, he sneezed.

  ‘You pig,’ she said, punching him in the arm. ‘You scared me!’

  ‘So who’s the chicken, then?’

  They sat glaring at each other for a moment.

  ‘You know something?’ said Effie. ‘You’re not as wimpy as you look.’

  ‘Is that a compliment?’

  ‘If you want it to be,’ she said coolly.

  They were still kneeling in the sand, eyeing each other warily, when they heard Cas’s voice calling them.

  ‘We are in big trouble,’ said Effie.

  ‘At least we’re in it together,’ said Gus.

  10

  FISH TALES

  It was Vytas’s idea to spend the next day on the beach fishing.

  ‘You like to fish, little Gus?’ he asked.

  ‘I think so. I’ve never really done it.’

  ‘It is most excellent fishing around here, I am told.’

  Vytas tried to talk everyone into joining them but only Hannah and Effie were interested.

  Effie whistled Buster into her arms as she and Gus waited beside the battered four-wheel drive. Gus reached out and cautiously stroked Buster between the ears. He’d learnt to be wary of the dog, it was as unpredictable as Effie.

  ‘So, we make a day of it?’ said Vytas, loading a basket of fishing gear into the back of the car.

  ‘Have to be back by 6.00 pm,’ said Gus seriously. ‘If I’ve got to do Zippo Zarconi tonight, I want some time to think up a better routine and get ready for the show.’

  They drove along a dirt road heading west, following the coast. There were small bays and coves along the way that all looked like good fishing to Gus, but Vytas seemed to have somewhere particular in mind. He stopped the car on a hill overlooking a small cove, with a coral island about 100 metres from the shore. Effie and Hannah spread their towels on the sand, but Vytas hitched his fishing gear on his back and gestured for Gus to follow. They waded out through the ankle-deep water towards the coral island.

  The island was only 50 metres wide and 100 metres long. They scrambled up its side and walked gingerly across the rough, rocky surface to reach the ocean.

  Vytas spread his jacket on the sharp coral and sat down, pulling his fishing tackle out of the basket. He showed Gus how to bait a line with the greasy little fish that he’d brought with him. It only took a few minutes for Vytas to get a bite and haul a writhing silvery fish out of the water. Gus climbed down to fill a bucket with fresh seawater to keep their catch in.

  ‘Just a tiddler,’ laughed Vytas, unhooking it and dropping it into the bucket.

  They sat in silence for a few minutes. Looking at the deep blue sea horizon meeting the sky in a sharp line, Gus felt the inside of his head stretch right out to that far southern point. He had to look away to stop a giddy feeling of freedom making his head spin.

  The fishing lines stretched like taut wire into the sea. Gus fiddled with the roll of tackle that Vytas had given him. He had an idea something was biting at the line but every time he hauled it up, he found the bait gone and nothing on the hook.

  ‘Vytas,’ he asked suddenly, ‘how long have you been with Zarconi’s?’

  ‘Ah, many years now – I stepped off the boat in Fremantle, and there was Zarconi’s, as if waiting for me. The big top was right down by the docks and I thought to myself; “This is meant to be – a magic sign that Vytas Gatevackas must become one with Zarconi’s in his new home!”’

  ‘That was Latvia – you came from Latvia, didn’t you?’

  Vytas spat into the sea and raised his eyebrows.

  ‘No, Lithuania. But that was another life then. I don’t like to think about that life there. I was in England for a while before I came to this country. But that was not such a happy time either. This is the best country to be in if you are with the circus. This is a country that loves its circus. In England, they treat us like gypsies. We camped in terrible places and always with the damp and the cold and always the police looked to move us on. It was not a happy time – not like here, with Zarconi’s. Look at this beautiful place. Only with a circus like Zarconi’s do you see these beautiful places.’

  ‘So did you know my mother? Were you with Zarconi’s when my mother was still with the circus?’

  Vytas’s eyes narrowed and he looked at Gus carefully.

  ‘Yes,’ he said slowly, ‘I was with Zarconi’s when your mother was a young girl like Effie.’

  He pulled his line up out of the water quickly but he hadn’t had a bite.

  ‘Your grandparents. They have been very good to me, Gus. I am very grateful to Doc and to Nance.’

  He re-baited his line as he spoke and stood up to cast far out into the water.

  ‘So you can tell me about my mother? Why she left the circus?’

  ‘Little Gus,’ he said sternly ‘Your grandparents, they loved your mother very much. Because Doc shouts a lot, this does not mean he is not a loving man. Because Nance, not often she smiles, it doesn’t mean she is not a loving woman. They are good people, your grandparents. They have been very good for me when I am getting old now. They are like family to me.’

  Gus hauled up his line again and reached for another slippery piece of bait. He could tell he wasn’t going to get far on the subject of his mother.

  ‘How about the other Gus?’ asked Gus without looking up.

  Vytas winced and hauled in his line again.

  ‘There was another Gus, wasn’t there? That’s why you call me little Gus, because of that other big Gus, isn’t it?’

  Vytas coughed.

  ‘Was he my father?’

  Vytas looked startled.

  ‘Yo
ur father? Gus? No, no, this other Gus, he was a beautiful young man – like a bird, he was such a flyer – but he was not your father,’ he said, and then he coughed again. ‘But I see you have baited your line incorrectly. You will lose your bait very quickly if you make like this. Give it to me and I will show you again how you make it work for you.’

  Vytas began talking very quickly about the bait, the fishing tackle, how to catch a fish. When Gus finally tried to get a word in, Vytas slammed the tackle down on the rock beside them.

  ‘You speak too much and you frighten away the fish,’ said Vytas in exasperation. ‘You must be silent or we won’t have anything to show for our work!’

  Gus hunched his shoulders and stared down into the water. He cast the line again but, after a while, he grew sick of fishing and got up to explore the coral island. There were all sorts of crevices full of crabs and sea creatures. He stuck his fingers into the sea anemones and felt the queer sucking of them against his skin. The coral cut his bare feet so he climbed down the side of the island to wash his wounds in the salty water, and then dived under. It was the sweetest seawater he had ever swum in. He could see everything clear and sharp – coral outcrops and deep pockets of darkness. The sea washed away his frustration. Turquoise turned to ultramarine as he headed into deeper water. He could imagine swimming forever, swimming all the way to that great southern horizon.

  He heard Vytas shout at the same moment as he saw the fin rise up in front of him, a sharp dark triangle only an arm’s length away. Gus felt a rush of panic. He gasped and his mouth filled with brine, as he turned and made for the coral island, thrashing wildly. The water whirled around him. A huge dark body surged up out of the sea. He cringed, shut his eyes and waited for the pain.

  ‘Look, little Gus, look!’ cried Vytas, his voice full of delight.

  Gus opened his eyes just in time to see the body of a dolphin arcing over him. It circled Gus twice and then leapt out of the sea again. Gus turned his face up and watched the dolphin moving between blue sky and blue water. Rough skin brushed against his leg as it dived in beside him and then it was gone, a dark shadow heading for the horizon.