by Nikki Lewen
Sadie, realizing the body she found was indeed Caleb’s partner, is a little embarrassed by her insensitivity, and her demand for information. Living so long without others has diminished her sense of social interaction, but images of finding Caleb remind her of how bad it must have been for him.
“Caleb, I think I found your partner. I...ummm…” she struggles finding a way to tell him. “I buried him at sea. It wasn’t too great of a funeral, but…it was...somethin’. I made a small cross and said a few things. I’m sorry.”
He’s surprised and at a loss for words. He never expected to hear about his friend from Sadie. Everything about her is astounding and it takes a while to let it settle before he can say anything more.
“The two of us were long-time friends. It was his cabin in Tahoe.”
Caleb stays quiet, and Sadie lets him take his time. He drinks the last of his tea before he’s ready to share more.
“We thought the island was empty…and…from the small clearing…where we landed…we headed out to explore. Our plan was to scout for resources and determine if people could live here. We followed an old logging road and…near the west side of the island, it Ts. We stopped to rest, debating whether to turn north or south…but…before we settled on a direction, we were ambushed. I was struck from behind, and…the next thing I remember is wakin’ up with a terrible headache…with my wrists and legs bound.”
“Both of us were taken captive and…the Splitters…were ruthless. They thought we were from here and tried to beat information out of us. I think they came from the north side and assumed we were from the south. After a while, they tied us to the back of their ATV and…dragged us along. I wasn’t able to learn much about ’em, but some of their conversations made me believe there were more of ’em around.”
Her fear and worries intensify. There are more!
“How many days were you with ’em?” she asks.
Caleb really doesn’t want to talk about it, but he doesn’t think it’s an option. “Three. They…tortured…him…makin’ me watch and listen. They wanted answers we didn’t have and used him to get to me. They…kept…” he can’t finish and Sadie understands.
She saw the body and doesn’t want to think about having to witness such cruelty. Caleb doesn’t talk again for a long while and Sadie can see the anger, sadness, and guilt that torment his soul. She gets up, makes them another cup of tea, and returns to his side. They drink in silence, but halfway through their drinks, Caleb finds his voice.
“I decided…I’d make those two pay for what they did. As we traveled…I observed their every movement and waited for my opportunity. I worked the rope loose, and…when one of ’em was distracted…gettin’ supplies off the quad, I attacked by grabbing his knife and slitting his throat. The other guy had wandered off to pee and when he returned…he knocked the knife out of my hand as we fought.”
Caleb shifts his weight but doesn’t stop, “It went back and forth…and…when I got to the knife, I was near exhaustion and not sure if I could continue. I lost a lot of blood and knew it had to end soon. He lunged towards me, and…luckily I was able to bury the blade into his chest. I was lightheaded, and my vision started to blur. I sat against a tree, tryin’ to find the strength to get back to the quad, where I knew there were some supplies. It was at that point…I saw you.”
He turns to look at her, “I thought you were a hallucination, a last dying image. When I woke up here…alone…I still wasn’t sure if you were real, or if you had anything to do with my rescue. You’ll have to tell me the rest.”
He looks at her with such intensity that it scares Sadie and not sure how to respond, she feels drained.
“Caleb, it’s late, and you should rest. Tomorrow, I need to leave early, but I’ll return before dark. When I get back, we’ll talk more.”
She can tell he’s disappointed and also in a lot of pain. He keeps trying to find a better position and Sadie moves to help him.
“I think more painkillers would help ya sleep. Yeah?”
He nods in agreement, and she prepares another injection. As she slips the needle out of his vein, he closes his eyes and visibly relaxes. Sadie pulls the covers up to his chin and whispers goodnight. Caleb smiles, then mumbles something incoherent, as she moves over to her side of the cave and curls up. Even though she’s tired, it takes a long time for sleep to come.
TEN
Sadie can’t stay on her feet as the ground ripples. With every attempted step, she loses balance and is forced to settle on crawling. She hears yelling and tries to reach him.
“Sadie, NO! Get to the barn!”
Trees and branches crash all around, creating a constant barrage of noise and obstacles. He’s struggling too, and as a branch strikes his shoulder, he falls further behind, but she manages getting closer to hear his words.
“Keep going! I’m right behind you. Get to the barn! Get in the doorway!” he yells, worried about his wife’s safety.
She turns as a disturbing crackling sound draws her attention. A huge redwood collapses and the impact vibrates through her entire body. The trees, still standing, sway with such force that it’s surreal. The ground continues trembling and even on all fours, she struggles. Making it to the barn, Sadie clings to the reinforced, metal framework of the doorway, but she can’t see him. There’s too much debris, and more keeps falling. Overtaken with panic, the ground finally stills, but another shock wave hits just as she stands. An orchestra of cracks, pops, and smashing trees follows with such intensity that the atmosphere takes on a war-like quality.
As it falls, a tree smashes into the back corner of the barn. On the way down, it knocks down two more redwoods, partially crushing a steel beam supporting the structure. One tree falls to the side and another toward the barn’s front. They’re falling in every direction, and her only chance is to wait it out and hope he’ll make it. Her arms and hands ache with the effort of hanging onto the metal supports for what seems an eternity. Each time the ground stills, another aftershock rocks the earth. When finally able to stand and look around, she barely recognizes the area.
“Markus! Markus!” she screams.
He never made it to the barn, and frantically searching, Sadie continues yelling his name while climbing among the debris. Then, suddenly, she falls, wailing uncontrollably. He’s trapped under a fallen tree and only his legs are visible. The right one twitches, making her believe he’s still alive. She tries with all her might to move the tree but it won’t budge. Running to the barn and desperately searching for the log roller, panic overcomes her with each passing second. There’s no one to help, and she’s his only hope.
Spotting the handle of the implement, she grabs the simple tool designed to provide leverage for one person, but no matter how hard she tries, the log won’t budge. It’s too big, too long, and too heavy. She leans a shoulder into the wooden handle with such intensity it digs deep into her flesh. Ignoring the pain and gathering her might, Sadie makes another attempt. Both arms strain with the effort, and her legs jerk abruptly—waking her.
Sadie’s heart races, “Ohh…Markus,” she murmurs.
Her body shakes with sobs she can’t control. It’s a terrible dream that’s haunted her for years, and still, it robs her of sleep. The image of her husband’s twitching leg remains, as it always does. It lingers, with a mixture of guilt and shame still carried from leaving him behind, even though, Sadie knows that blaming herself, isn’t healthy. Lying in the dark, she recalls the days, weeks, and months that followed, along with the depression she barely survived.
For hours, she stayed at his side, trying to move the tree. Eventually, Markus’s leg stopped twitching and she didn’t know what to do. Unable to get him out, an irrational fear took over, and Sadie worried animals would eat him if he was left alone. Tired and delirious, she headed to the barn, and returning with a chainsaw she’d never before used—due to a fear of them—Sadie checked the gas, adjusted the throttle, and pulled the cord.
It took sev
eral attempts, but finally, it started. Looking back on the memory, Sadie knows it was truly a poor decision. At that time, she was in a terrible state and shouldn’t have attempted using such a dangerous tool. Making it even worse was her lack of experience. Beginners typically start with a manageable-sized chainsaw and small diameter logs, but Sadie’s first attempt was with a massive redwood using a forty-one-inch bar.
She could barely hang onto the damn thing, but once it dug into the wood, she committed to the task. Sadie struggled, to say the least, and nearly got the entire cut done before the bar’s tip caught on the ground and bucked so hard, she almost lost her grip. The chainsaw died and stuck in the log. For hours, she used wood wedges, pry bars, and even a hammer to try and free it.
Finally, it loosened, and once it was out, she could inspect the damage. Striking it on the ground ruined several teeth and loosened the chain, but after several adjustments, Sadie got it restarted. There was only a few inches left to cut, but it took a tremendous effort to finish, as the dull chain struggled. On the final push, she slipped and nearly cut her leg.
With a section cut from the tree, Sadie tried the roller again. Her strength vanished rapidly, but the fallen redwood moved just a bit. It was enough to give her hope and renew her determination. While manipulating the roller, she wedged rocks underneath the log, creating just enough space to slide a five-ton tractor jack below. With it in place, she worked the pump action handle until there was enough space to drag him out. Pulling Markus from under the log, Sadie saw what was left of her husband.
The memory causes the image to appear again and another wave of sorrow strikes Sadie. What remained of Markus was a whole new horror. He was smashed and lost all three-dimensional shape. His insides had squished out and she couldn’t stomach the sight. She dry-heaved, repeatedly, with eyes clenched shut. When recovered enough to move, she retrieved a blanket to cover him, but struggled wrapping his body. Once finished, she fell to the ground and passed out.
Sadie faded in and out of sleep, and eventually, the smell finally got her off the ground. He needed to be buried and it took her an entire day to dig the grave. Afterward, Sadie mounded rocks over the site so animals couldn’t dig him up. When she lifted the final stone and set it in place, emotions overpowered her, and Sadie slid to the ground, curled into a ball, and cried herself to sleep.
In the days that followed, Sadie could only weep and lie about. She locked herself into their home bunker and mourned. Unable to stomach the thought of food, she grew weaker by the day. Several weeks later, she could barely stand and was plagued by a constant headache. Everything around her conjured memories of their life together and she allowed grief and loneliness to take over.
She slipped in and out of consciousness, ready to succumb to death, when an old photo caught her attention. It was stuck between two shelves and was only visible from the angle she happened to be positioned in. For hours, she stared at it. The picture was of Sadie and her father, at the beach, on a day they spent kayaking and picnicking. It happened to be the day her father invited both Sadie and Markus to live with him, on the family property. He talked about building a small place for himself and giving them the house.
Markus wandered down the beach, leaving the two of them to talk in private. She knew, at some point, they’d move to the property, but at the time, they weren’t ready. Sadie tried to explain it, and eventually her dad came to terms with her choice. He settled on the notion that, at some point, they’d be back living together on the family’s secluded property. He realized, pushing too hard might keep them away altogether and it was the last thing he wanted.
It was her father’s fear of losing Sadie that pulled at his heart. He lost his wife and sons in an accident and felt that he failed at keeping them safe. Now, all the family he had left was his daughter and he constantly feared for her safety. He worried about the future and the struggles it held, yet he couldn’t find a way to reach Sadie about his concerns without sounding like a lunatic.
Even now, she hears his voice. “Sadie, promise me two things.”
The look in his eyes held enough conviction. She knew the accident had torn him apart, and afterward, his behavior was worrisome. Fearing he was losing his senses and that his habits were becoming obsessive, she hoped time would heal him.
“First, promise…if anything goes wrong, you’re lost or...not sure what to do, you’ll come home.”
Sadie looked carefully at her dad, knowing how important his request was. She always knew that, if trouble arose, she could count on him. At the time, she thought he just needed reassurance, so she gave it. Their conversation and how she responded, continues to replay in her mind.
“Dad, I know I can count on you…for anything I need.” Her reply wasn’t enough and his face grew grave.
“Sadie, I need to know you’ll come home. I mean it. Promise me.” He was fighting fear and Sadie hadn’t fully understood it at the time, but agreed anyways.
With her promise, he relaxed slightly before continuing. “Second…” he’d taken her hand, “promise that, whatever may happen…to me, to…everything around us...you’ll always find the strength to go on…and…live.”
Sadie jerked her hand away with his alarming words, “Whatever happens to you! What are you saying?”
“Nothin’s gonna to happen to me. I’m sorry. I ...didn’t mean to scare you. I just want to know you’ll always be strong. You’ll choose to fight and never give up. You’ll…survive.”
He gazed so imploringly, as a whirlwind of thoughts, concerns, and questions raced through her mind. Sadie really didn’t know how to respond or what to think. At the time, she thought she was losing him.
“Sadie, it’s important to me. It’ll give me peace of mind. I need this. Please…promise me.”
Solemn and near tears, she could feel his heartache and Sadie knew she was all he had left. If her word eased his suffering, it was the least she could do, so she promised.
Looking at the picture, Sadie’s promise, nearly forgotten, surfaced. Slowly, she crawled from her position and went to the photo, feeling dizzy and forced to stop several times to keep from fainting. With it in hand, she clutched it to her chest. She lost her mom, her brothers, her dad, and her husband. She was alone, and it hurt, but she’d given her word and wasn’t going to fail her dad.
Finding the courage to continue, she crawled to get water. After a long drink, Sadie tried standing, but was unable. She was so feeble that even lifting her head took too much effort. Barely able to move, Sadie realized she needed food to regain her strength. Painfully slow, she made it to the food stores and grabbed a jar of peanut butter from the bottom shelf, since it was the easiest item to reach.
Sadie struggled with the lid, but once it was off, she jammed a finger into the jar and then into her mouth. Lying on a side, she resembled a child sucking her thumb. She didn’t even have the strength to find a spoon. She forced herself to eat and as the peanut butter melted, she swallowed. Little-by-little, and in between mouthfuls of water, her only focus was on eating and drinking.
It took a while, but she managed to eat a quarter of the container. Several times, Sadie’s stomach tried refusing and the urge to vomit was intense. When she just couldn’t take any more, she slipped into sleep. Awaking hours later in the same position, she ate more, and still unable to stand, she continued forward on all fours. Over the next few days, her battle continued. She could consume only small amounts and at times, even chewing felt too arduous.
Days turned into weeks, and weeks into months. She stayed in the security of the shelter, but gradually returned to some form of normality. Every day was a struggle and sleeping filled most of her hours, but small tasks, such as brushing her hair and teeth, returned to her routine. Once Sadie regained her physical strength, she found ways to distract herself from the loneliness, but she refused to venture outside. Grief damaged her mental state and she feared leaving the bunker’s security. After several more months, she knew, in order to surviv
e, she had to get out. Determined one morning to overcome the fear, Sadie willed her feet forward and opened the door.
Outside and leaning against the door while repeating the mantra, “I can do this. I can do this,” she took her first step.
As the distance from the shelter increased, so did her fear. Overwhelmed with feelings of insecurity, a squirrel running up a nearby tree, nearly frightening her to death. Sadie scrambled back inside and locked the door. With heart racing, she cursed repeatedly at such foolishness. She grabbed her crossbow and arrows, demanded self-discipline, and went back out. From that moment on, Sadie carried the bow, as it provides a sense of security and the courage to face what’s left of the world.
ELEVEN
After lying in the darkness, emotionally spent from her recurring dream and the thoughts that followed, Sadie’s unable to fall back to sleep. She gets up and moves about, trying not to disturb Caleb. Quietly, she prepares for the day ahead as he rolls over and painfully sits up.
“Sorry, to wake you…I couldn’t sleep,” she whispers, making tea.
“That’s okay…can I have some, too?” Caleb asks.
He’s actually been up for a long time. Sadie’s nightmare woke him long before tearing her from slumber. He’s been lying still listening as she fought to gain control of her sobbing. Her sorrow affects him deeply, digging up his own feelings of guilt. Long ago, he too, brought pain into Sadie’s life and has never made things right. Time passed, he pushed it aside, and then the world flooded and survival took priority.
Being in her presence stirs up a lot of old feelings and regrets for Caleb. He’s having enough difficulty grasping their current situation without any former baggage clouding his judgment. When he woke and heard Sadie crying, he had to fight the urge to crawl over and wrap his arms around her. He wanted desperately to comfort her but wasn’t sure if she’d accept the gesture, or if it was even appropriate. Instead, he remained still pretending to sleep.