by Nikki Lewen
“Here,” Sadie whispers, handing him a hot cup.
They sit in silence until Sadie begins rearranging and packing her bag.
“Caleb, I’m headin’ out for the day. I’ll be back by nightfall. After that, I’m gonna be gone, a lot…longer. I need to digest all you’ve told me…and…check a few things out.”
He keeps his gaze on her, but says nothing. Sadie’s barely there, her mind’s elsewhere, and when she speaks, it’s still faint. The nightmare’s changed her demeanor and she’s doing a poor job of hiding it.
“But first…I’ll make us some breakfast.”
Before he responds, she already starts. Sadie makes them a meal of re-hydrated eggs and cheese, accompanied by a glass of milk. They eat in complete silence and afterwards, she cleans up, grabs her stuff, and turns towards him.
“You okay?” she asks, pausing at the door.
“What can I say?” He thinks, nodding as she disappears through the door. Caleb leans his head against the back wall and shuts his eyes. He’s such an idiot, and now that he’s got a chance to make amends, he can’t even figure where to begin. The best thing to ever happen to him was Sadie, and in his miserable state, Caleb has nothing but time to reminisce about his mistakes.
A lifetime ago they shared something most people never experience and the memories fill Caleb’s mind. He remembers locking eyes with Sadie, and literally, everyone else disappearing. He was close to earning his college degree when a terrible car accident killed Sadie’s mom and younger brothers. She went home for their funerals and Caleb stayed. It was too close to graduation to fall behind and Sadie thought that at least one of them should stay on track. Besides, she needed time to mourn, and felt compelled to stay with her dad after the tragedy.
Her dad blamed himself for the accident, which wasn’t healthy, so Sadie took the rest of the semester off with plans of regrouping the following year. At first, Caleb talked daily with Sadie, then, only every other day. He missed her deeply and at night, when her scent drifted up from the sheets and pillows, it drove him nearly mad. Gradually they spoke less, Sadie’s smell washed away, and his focus shifted to his own life—and needs.
He remembers talking to her about flying to visit over spring break, but at the last minute, he changed their plans. Several of his friends wanted to go camping as a last outing, before graduating and going their separate ways. He chose them, as Sadie started slipping more and more from his mind. Then, thinking she was surprising Caleb for his graduation ceremony, she showed up, and instead got her own surprise—he was with another girl.
Walking in on them, Sadie’s eyes went blank, her voice vanished, and what remained of her strength shattered. In slow motion, she turned and nearly stumbled while leaving. He should have chased after her. Instead, he watched, feeling ashamed, guilty, and angry, all at the same time. Thinking back, he doesn’t even recall the other girl’s name, or why he was with her in the first place. What he does remember, is how, afterwards, he lamely offered to drive Sadie to the airport.
The drive was gut-wrenching and he wishes he had acted differently there, too, and not been so foolish—driving without saying a single word, while Sadie, also, sat silent. When they arrived, she got out and he didn’t even look at her. He abandoned Sadie when she needed him the most, and then ended it all, by dumping her off alone at the airport.
Afterward, it was a whirlwind of women. He went from one to the next, losing track of himself along the way. Even though he never admitted it, even to himself, in some way he’d compared all of them to Sadie, and none ever measured up. He’s not sure why he’s stumbled back into her life, but feels fortunate for the opportunity, even if it’s only to finally apologize.
His mind replays their time together and the happiness they shared, but now, everything’s different, including Sadie. The more he reminisces, the more he begins to realize that some of his fondest memories were with Sadie at his side. Caleb begins thinking fate reunited them for some purpose. “Maybe…” he starts to ponder, but before he can finish his thought, the door opens as Sadie returns. He spent the entire day either napping or thinking of nothing but her. As she sets down her gear, he notices she brought back his rifle and ammunition, which surprises him.
“That’s mine. How’d ya…know?” He lifts his head to look at her.
“I didn’t. When I found you, I went through all the Splitters’ supplies…carried what I could, and stashed the rest. I thought you’d feel better havin’ it.”
She sets the rifle down near Caleb and helps him sit up. The underlying notion of him being left alone hangs in the air between them and he takes another moment before responding.
“The Splitters took it from me when they…captured us. It was the only gun we had.”
As Sadie unpacks, Caleb gathers his thoughts. She’s a mystery to him and he wants to know more. She begins making dinner and he can’t help but feel fortunate. He was beat-down, broken, and nearly dead when she found him. She came along, saved his life, and now, is taking care of him. He doesn’t deserve it and wonders how she feels about it.
Sadie disappears outside and comes back cleaned and refreshed. Her hair is wet and she’s wearing a change of clothes. The soup she prepared is ready, and as she leans over to hand him a bowl, his nostrils fill with her scent. She smells just like he remembers and his face flushes with a particularly fond memory. Sadie pretends not to notice and after they finish eating, Caleb speaks first.
“I’m a little lost here…” he starts, then trails off not sure which direction he intends to pursue. “How’d I get here? How far are we from where you found me? And…exactly how long, have you been here?” Now that he’s started, he can’t stop, and the questions keep pouring out. “How do you keep gettin’ water? Where are you goin’…how long will you be gone? And…do you have…to…leave?” His last question comes out awkwardly and it embarrasses him.
Sadie just looks at Caleb, which only makes him more uncomfortable. Caleb lowers his gaze and takes a deep breath. When he looks back up, Sadie is still watching him. She takes another moment and decides to start with how he got to her shelter. She shares all the details of dragging him, covering their tracks, and getting rid of the Splitters. The only thing she emits was her breakdown along the way and the damage her hands suffered. Caleb remains silent through her explanations and is shocked at what she’s accomplished. He didn’t realize how far they were from where she found him. Then, Sadie hesitates, not sure how to answer his remaining questions.
“Caleb, I’ve been alone since…the earthquakes. You’re the first person I’ve…talked…with. I…ummm…” she swallows, switches directions, and tries again. “I need to know how the Splitters got here, and…if there are more. I need to know if we’re safe or not. Findin’ out I’m livin’ on an island…baffles me…I need to see it with my own eyes. As for supplies and water…don’t worry. There’s more than enough for the two of us. You just heal so…we…can move together. Until then, I…” Sadie pauses, trying to estimate how long she’ll be gone, but she’s not sure.
In fact, she needs more info from Caleb. Unzipping one of her many bags, she grabs a journal and rips out the last page. She returns to his side, hands him the sheet of paper, and a pencil.
“I need a map…of what you saw,” she says.
Caleb still hasn’t digested everything she’s told him and he can’t fathom being alone since the earthquakes. He barely survived and that was with the help of so many others. And she did it solo—for all those years—and it mesmerizes him. He hesitantly takes the paper, unsure how to start.
“Sadie, when they dropped us off, we didn’t get the chance to see much. The marine layer was too thick…it blocked most of the view.” He stares at the blank page.
“Just draw what you did see and…the ground you covered,” she says, scooting closer.
Caleb isn’t sure where to start and gets distracted by her proximity. He takes the pencil, closes his eyes, and tries to remember.
&nbs
p; “Okay, we flew in…from the northeast…followed the coast south…before flying inland. Right here,” he marks the paper, “there are a few ridgelines and the clearing where we landed. I didn’t see the entire island, but this side is sort of shaped…like this.”
Caleb sketches a rough outline for the section of land he saw when airborne, and then adds more details from the time he spent on foot. He erases and re-draws several lines, until finally, he feels like he can add no more.
“This is the best I can do,” he says, handing her the pencil.
Sadie uses it to draw in the details from her land. She’s exact with the locations of each canyon, ridgeline, logging road remnant, and even the coastline to the west, as well as part of it to the south. She’s also able to include some of the property surrounding her territory from all the years she’s spent exploring and patrolling. Her section of the map could be the largest part, but she needs to check the unfamiliar areas to know for sure. Sadie outlines her tentative plan of covering the island, making sure Caleb knows where she intends to start, along with which way she’ll travel. Caleb doesn’t speak and isn’t happy about any of it.
“I’m not sure how long it’ll take, but…once I get here,” she points to the east side of the island straight across from their current location, “I’ll head back to check with ya. I think I can do it in seven…maybe…ten days. If I’m not back…”
Caleb cuts her off, “Not back! Not an option!” He nearly yells, letting his emotions get the better of him as a stab of pain jolts through his torso.
It catches Sadie off guard. For years, she’s survived alone, not interacting or even communicating with another soul and she isn’t prepared to have her decisions questioned, especially by him. She dragged his sorry ass all the way here, saved his life, took care of him, and now he’s going to tell her about options? She starts to snap back but thinks better of it, after all, he’s in a strange place, hurt, and obviously concerned.
“Caleb, I’ll be all right. I know this land. I’ve been travelin’ it for years. We should have a back-up plan, that’s all. You’ve got enough food and water…for two months, maybe three…if you conserve.”
He’s still upset and not calming down. “I don’t wanna hear ’bout being alone for a couple months!”
“Caleb, please. We have to be smart…and work together. If somethin’ happens to me you need to know where to go…how to find…stuff, and,” Sadie looks up, as their eyes meet, “how to help...me.”
He grows quiet, and Sadie uses his silence as an opportunity to show him the route back to her main shelter and how to gain access. She copies their map and hands Caleb the one he started.
“Come on, get up. I wanna show you somethin’ outside.”
A feeling of discomfort washes over Caleb. He’s going to be left alone, and there’s nothing he can do about it. Sadie’s right, she’s the only one able to scout about and she is a local expert. Caleb doesn’t like it, but some fresh air might help. He’s been cooped up, and suddenly, he feels the need to get out. Once outside, they settle between the two big logs, while Caleb recovers from the effort. The pain, emanating from his ribs, serves as a reminder of his limitations.
It’s just about dark, but there’s just enough light to still see. Sadie points out the details of their surroundings while explaining what’s located in each direction. Using the map, and indicating their location on it to review with Caleb, she can tell he isn’t happy with the conversation, but he’s listening and concentrating. Ducking back inside, Sadie returns with a water kit.
“You need to learn how to use these…just in case,” she says.
Sadie explains how the collectors work and where it’s best to use them. She also demonstrates how to collect rainwater at the cave, if, by chance, more appears. As she finishes returning all the materials to the kit and putting it away, Sadie steps back to find Caleb’s head resting between his hands. He doesn’t hear her return, and in that moment, Sadie sees how distraught he really is. She recloses the door, so it makes noise, and Caleb immediately looks up.
“Let’s get you back inside,” she says, returning to his side.
They lock eyes again, and she freezes with what his show her. In that moment, Sadie fights the urge to dismiss her plan and stay with Caleb.
She breaks eye contact first. “I have to go. I have to find out if we’re alone, if there are more Splitters, and…if so…how many. I won’t be able to sleep or relax until I know.”
Caleb steps closer to Sadie. He hesitates and then takes her hand.
“I don’t want you to go. We just…found each other,” he says, lightly caressing the back of her hand as a rush of emotions surges through Sadie. “Please stay. When I get better, we’ll go together.”
Sadie jerks her hand away and stares at him. “Caleb, that’s not fair! You can’t ask that of me!” Upset, she nevertheless maintains her train of thought. “Broken ribs take at least six weeks to heal. I can’t sit here that long knowin’ they’re out there. I have to find ’em, before they stumble upon us.”
Sadie turns around and goes back into the cave so upset, she wants to scream. She didn’t sleep well the night before, the nightmare’s visions followed her all day, and now—when her gut is saying, “Go!”—Caleb wants her to stay. She’s tired and letting him confuse her. Sadie looks around for something to take her mind off of things, but everything that needs to be done, is done. She’s packed for the trip, the cave is clean and organized, and everything Caleb might need is available. Then, she has an idea. Sadie grabs a bucket, heats some water, and fills it part way. She goes back outside, trying to think logically.
“Caleb, I’m too tired to argue. I know I have to do this. Think it through. You’ll see the logic and agree. Besides, you’re not in a position to fight me.” She goes to his side and sets the bucket down. “I brought you here to save your life. This is the only option…the only safe place to heal, and that’s what you need to do. Here…” She hands him a small bar of soap. “Clean up, you’ll feel better.”
At first, his anger rises, but as she comes even closer, he softens. As Sadie undoes his bandages, Caleb carefully lifts his arms so she can unwind them from around his ribs. When she finishes, Sadie returns to the cave, giving him privacy. Caleb stands there for a few moments, and then washes the best he can, which does make him feel better. Finishing, he calls to Sadie. She appears almost instantly, carrying a few more items. Checking his cuts and stitches, she applies some ointment and fresh bandages and then begins to re-wrap his ribs. As she works around him, Caleb faintly detects the scent of her hair and enjoys the pleasure it brings. Sadie’s focus, however, is entirely somewhere else.
“Your stitches will dissolve. But you have to keep ’em clean and limit your movement so these ribs heal. When they do…” Sadie pauses, not sure how she wants to continue, “then…you can move around and…be able to…travel.”
Caleb remains silent as she helps him back inside. Sadie puts everything away, still feeling a little unsettled.
“I’m leavin’ early in the morning, and…I need to sleep,” Sadie says, lying down on her side of the cave. She’s tired, but her mind stays on the map and exploring the island. She forces herself to focus solely on breathing and as she tries to relax, Caleb finally speaks.
“Sadie, please be careful. Make sure…you come back.”
TWELVE
Sadie leaves the cave while it’s still dark with plans to scout the areas she’s familiar with first. To shorten the search, she decides to skip the entire western side of her property along the coast. Yesterday, she returned there and to the clearing where she found Caleb and since it appeared no one had been there, she feels comfortable heading out today and eliminating that section. Instead, she’s weaving the long way back to her main shelter where she’ll re-supply and then push south.
Along the way, she kills two mourning doves by slingshot, and by nightfall of the third day, arrives to where she calls home feeling rejuvenated to be b
ack in her sanctuary. She roasts the birds and sits down to enjoy a hot meal. When finished, Sadie cleans up and gathers what’s needed for the rest of her journey. With full intentions of being properly prepared, Sadie knows she’ll be traveling heavier than usual, so she carefully scrutinizes each item.
The following morning, she’s out again before sunrise. Even with a heavy pack, traveling goes fast, and within two days, Sadie’s at the southwestern tip of her property, where her in-depth exploration will begin. Emerging from the woods, she walks to the edge of the cliff that juts out into the ocean. From her position, there are views north, along the west coast, and towards the east, along the southern edge of the island.
Sadie, taking in the sight, plans on walking along the entire southern coast and then up the island’s east side. On several occasions, she’s traveled parts of this coastline, but she’s never gone more than a mile or two past her own land. She’s been under the impression it remained connected with the rest of California and assumed so, because the land eventually curves south. This discrepancy is confusing for her and it’s the reason she couldn’t understand Caleb’s explanation of her home being an island.
As always, the marine layer clouds most of the ocean view while she travels. Sadie continues east, following the coastline, and by the end of the day, she scouts for a place to camp. Never having overnighted along this particular route, she normally would have returned inland, where she maintains a small emergency foxhole, dug into the side of a slope. It’s nothing fancy, but it serves her well as a place to safely overnight. Sadie actually has several of them, strategically located in various sites and she contemplated using the one nearby, but instead, decided to save time by staying on course. Besides, from here forward, she’ll be camping in new areas—without the safety and comfort of her go-to locations—so she figures she might as well get used to it.
Finding a suitable location, she sets about constructing a basic lean-to. A fallen redwood, lying against another tree’s trunk, creates most of the structure, making its set-up an easy task. Finishing the shelter, she scouts for a second site and hides the rest of her supplies, in case she’s forced to evacuate quickly. It’s an emergency strategy Sadie implemented years ago, and she intends to use it every night, this way, if she needs to leave in a hurry, she’ll be faster without the heavy load, and she can always return to retrieve it once it’s safe. Using this precaution provides her some peace of mind, allowing Sadie to relax enough to sleep, as she settles in for the night with a knife in one hand and her crossbow at the other.