The Island Affair

by Helena Halme

  'You've got yourself a job here? Does that mean you are planning to stay? And leave me?'

  Alicia gets up and goes back to the bed again.

  'I'm not sure. It's a long story. I literally popped in to enquire about freelance work and they offered me a part-time job.' She is smiling, but seeing Liam's serious face, she adds, 'I didn't know what to do after you left. I didn't want to come back to London, so ... but that's not important now. We are going to become grandparents. If you wish to be involved, that is.'

  Liam brushes his hand over his face. 'Are you sure this isn't some kind of ... hoax, or joke, or something?'

  Alicia takes a deep breath.

  'Never mind,' she says, trying to control her voice, which has suddenly started trembling. 'You don't need to believe any of it.' Alicia is quiet for a moment while she fights the tears that are welling up inside. 'For me, it's the most wonderful thing that has happened to me since ...' Alicia swallows and manages to keep her composure. 'I will welcome this little miracle into the world and into my life, but I know for certain we can do it without you.'

  With this Alicia gets up and goes over to the door. 'And now I think you should leave.'

  * * *

  Liam sits in his rental car, driving toward Mariehamn. He is numb and shocked by the man he found with Alicia. He just cannot process it in his mind. How could she have begun an affair with someone? And so soon? Liam knows he hasn't got any rights to Alicia, even if she still is his wife, but he is devastated that she has betrayed him.

  He is tired and suddenly enormously hungry. As he approaches the junction that will take him into the city, he sees a van selling Finnish meat pastries and hot dogs. He drives over and orders a pie with a sausage. There are a few youngsters, swaying and clearly drunk, eating hot dogs out of greaseproof paper. They watch silently as Liam pays and takes his pie to eat inside the car.

  He wonders if his son used to come to this fast-food joint when they were here on holiday, while he and Alicia were sleeping in their bed in the sauna cottage, unaware of his nightly escapes. Could it be true, Liam wonders? Could there really be a girl here who was impregnated by Stefan?

  But when?

  He knows that the last time Stefan was on the islands was in August last year. Whatever happened must have happened in the late fall. Is this girl (was it the same girl Stefan had fallen in love with when he was fifteen?) claiming that Stefan traveled over just before he was killed? Or did she come over to London? That is more likely, Liam thinks, but he shakes his head at the thought. How easy it is for someone to claim to a grieving mother that her son has miraculously made her pregnant? Surely it must be a cruel sting.

  Liam decides that he will not travel back to London on the early morning ferry as planned, but will take a room in one of the hotels in town and find out the truth. He will need help. Perhaps Hilda will help him? She has always had a soft spot for Liam. But first he needs to get some sleep.

  * * *

  As soon as Liam has shut the door behind him, Alicia puts her head in her hands and takes a few deep breaths. She is so angry and also sad that she doesn't know whether to scream, laugh or cry. Instead she gets up and pummels the bed with one of the pillows from the floor. A ping on her phone stops her.

  'Are you OK?'

  The message is from Patrick. Alicia stares at the words displayed at the top of the screen. She asked Patrick to leave when she discovered it was Liam standing outside the sauna cottage. She now wishes she hadn't. And then she realizes that she wouldn't talk to him about how she is feeling even if he was there. What is she feeling? She is so confused that she doesn't know her own mind.

  Patrick will not understand the connection she has with Liam. In spite of everything, their marriage has been a good one. Liam was a good father, he is kind, generous and intelligent. And even funny. Or, at least they used to laugh a lot together before. Before Stefan was taken away from them.

  She knows the affair with the nurse is partly her fault. She drove him away, not letting him into her own grief. Or comfort him in his. All she could do was keep herself breathing through the first days, weeks and months after the accident. Connie always says during their sessions that breathing is natural, but Alicia never feels she can take the air flowing through her body for granted. It's getting easier now, but only since she's been here, at home on the islands.

  What about Liam? Is he telling the truth about the nurse? Is it finished? And why was he so skeptical about Stefan's baby? Now her anger has abated, she hopes Liam's reaction to the news about Frida and her pregnancy was simply shock, and that with time he'll come around. He would be a wonderful grandfather, as he was a father, Alicia is sure of it. And turning up like he did tonight must mean that he wants their marriage to work.

  Alicia puts her head in her hands and takes deep breaths. She goes over to the small sink and fills a glass with water. When she gets back to the bed, she sees her phone. She wants to give Liam one more chance. Alicia finds his number on her phone and types in a message. But when she's done, a message pings.

  'I'm out of town during the day tomorrow, but I need to see you. Meet me 6pm at the jetty in East Harbor. Kisses, Patrick.'

  Alicia looks at the message and shakes her head. How can he think that they will continue seeing each other while Liam, who is still her husband, is in town? She can't decide what to say, so she resolves to get some sleep and reply in the morning. She turns the lights off. In the semi-dark, listening to the wildfowl calling to each other, she wonders how her life has got so complicated. Then when she remembers the shape of Frida's round belly, she thinks about the baby, and how wonderful it will be to hold a small version of Stefan in her arms. She has been given a new chance at life and she is going to take it. If she has to carry on alone, without Liam, or Patrick, so be it.

  Forty-Nine

  Svarta Katten used to be Stefan's favorite café in Mariehamn when he was little. He grew out of the place when he hit his teens, but Alicia is certain he still had a soft spot for the Ålands pannkaka, the oven-baked semolina pudding with jam that the little café was famous for. As she climbs the stone steps to what is really just a sand-rendered residential house, she remembers the last time they visited the place together. She smiles as she recalls that Stefan wanted coffee instead of Fanta with his pudding, and how this simple request made Alicia realize her boy was growing into a young man. Alicia takes a deep breath and selects an open cheese and salad sandwich from the glass cabinet.

  Inside the café, she sees that Frida is already sitting at one of the sofas in the largest of the small rooms that make up Svarta Katten. The interior is a little like a grandmother's house, with several tiny parlors leading into one another, with mis-matching sofas, comfy chairs and tables scattered through the small spaces. Lace curtains hang from the wood-framed windows, increasing the sense of being in someone's home rather than a café.

  Alicia had the idea to meet here last night. She knew Liam would know the place and she wanted him to remember how much Stefan loved the islands.

  'How are you feeling?' Alicia says as she sits down opposite Frida. She pushes the sandwich toward the girl. 'In case you didn't have time for breakfast.'

  She wants to kiss Frida on the cheek, but she's afraid she may be appearing too familiar, or oppressive. They don't know each other well, after all. The sandwich is enough of a risk, she thinks, but Frida accepts it without a word. Although they have the large belly, now visibly a baby bump, very much in common, they only met a few weeks ago.

  Frida doesn't smile when she nods and says, 'Yeah, OK.' She does, however, add, 'Thanks,' as she takes the sandwich.

  She's wearing a green dress with black capri-length leggings underneath. She has large yellow hoops in her ears and her signature Doc Martens on her feet. This time they are red. With her blue hair, she is not unlike a human kaleidoscope. Alicia smiles at Frida. It seems she is no longer trying to hide her pregnancy, which Alicia takes as a good sign.

  'Have the police
been in touch?' Alicia asks, but Frida shakes her head.

  'I've decided to go round there after I've had this,' Frida says, tucking into the open sandwich.

  'That's a good idea. They just want to find out when you last saw Daniel and that kind of stuff. If you want, I can come with you?'

  Frida regards Alicia for a moment, but before she has time to reply Liam appears in the doorway, carrying a tray with coffee and a plate of Ålands Pannkaka.

  He looks unshaven and dishevelled, with red eyes, but Alicia realizes she is glad to see him. She's glad to have his support with Frida.

  * * *

  Liam can't believe what he sees in front of him. He smiles at Alicia and nods to the girl, who seems to be wearing every color of the rainbow—including in her hair. And this person is supposed to have had a loving relationship—or a relationship at least—with his son? No way, he thinks, and sits down next to Alicia.

  'This is Stefan's father, Liam,' Alicia says in English, and the girl stares at him. Her round face doesn't betray much, although perhaps there's mistrust around the corners of her eyes? Liam is amazed how somebody like that could have fooled Alicia. She is an astute journalist. Even if she hasn't been a full-time investigative journalist since Stefan’s death, she's still very aware of what is going on in the world. How can she be so gullible? Thank goodness Liam came over before any more damage could be done, or any money has changed hands.

  'So you knew our son?' Liam asks, trying to take the edge out of his voice.

  'What's this?' Frida's English is only slightly broken. She doesn't look at either of them but lifts a canvas holdall from under the table and gets up. It's a difficult maneuver because of her extended belly, which has got trapped between the curved back velour sofa and the coffee table.

  'Frida,' Alicia gets up too and tries to take the girl's hand. She speaks in Swedish, 'Don't go! Liam came over last night and I thought you two should meet.'

  Frida wrangles her arm out of Alicia's grip and continues to make her way out of the café. Now a pair of young tourists have got wind of their situation, and the English being spoken, and are staring at Liam and Alicia. They say something in Swedish to the girl, but she shakes her head and almost runs out of the room.

  'For goodness sake!' Alicia says to Liam and runs after the girl.

  The two youngsters, two lads about Stefan's age, continue to stare at Liam, who sips his coffee and cuts a slice of the sickly pudding. He tries to smile at the boys reassuringly. 'Nothing to worry about.' They go back to their own conversation, and Liam puts down his fork. He bought the Ålands Pannkaka for Alicia's sake, to show her he remembered it was Stefan's favorite, but it's no use to him now. It's far too sweet for him. Like so many things in this place, he just doesn't get it. How could anyone think the milky desert, something between a rice pudding and a French clafoutis, but with a skin as thick as a rhino's, could be considered a delicacy?

  Liam waits for ten minutes, aware of the glances from his young neighbors. It's embarrassing being left like that in a café, not eating his pannkaka, he thinks. After another five minutes, he decides to make a dignified exit.

  Fifty

  Although the sun is blazing down from a cloudless sky, the wind has got up when Alicia comes out of the Ålandsbladet office that afternoon. 'Alicia!'

  Squinting against the sun, Liam is standing a few paces away, across the small road, by the corner of Arkipelag Hotel. Is that where he is staying, Alicia wonders. He's still wearing the same chinos he had on that morning, and is holding the same jacket in his hand, but he's changed into a dark green T-shirt. The shirt shows off Liam's muscular arms, something she used to find attractive. It was Alicia's favorite shirt. Is that why he's wearing it now?

  'What are you doing here?' Alicia asks when she reaches him.

  They are standing facing each other. Alicia glances around; she's afraid Patrick will pop out from somewhere. He's been bombarding her with messages all day. She managed to reply evasively to one of them, while also fending off the editor's requests for news of the investigation into the Romanian boy's death. Harri also asked after Patrick, who didn’t turn up at the paper that day. Alicia and the editor had been the only reporters there. Frida had called in sick again, and Alicia wondered if the girl had come clean about her situation, because Harri didn't seem to worry about her absence as much as he did about Patrick's. It was the strangest situation Alicia had come across: Patrick, who didn't even work for the paper seemed to be held more accountable than the permanent staff.

  So much for my part-time post, Alicia thinks, but she doesn't say anything to Harri. She needs the job in Åland more than ever now, if she is to stay and support Frida with the baby on her own. Liam's performance in Svarta Katten that morning had been appalling. And infuriating.

  'I would like to talk with you,' Liam says. He glances at his watch. It's just past 4pm. 'We could have a beer?'

  Alicia looks up at Liam. She's forgotten how tall he is, and how comfortable she feels with him. Although she's still angry at the bloody man for frightening Frida. But she understands that Liam has a lot to cope with suddenly. And she feels guilty. She should have at least told him she was moving on with the job. And Patrick. Possibly.

  As it is, he's had a completely wasted journey to the islands. Unless he wants to see Frida again, that is.

  'I was planning to see if my mother can give me a lift home, and then call Frida,' Alicia says. After the morning's meeting with the girl, Alicia has decided against pressurizing her with messages during the day. But she needs to find out if Frida has been to see the police, and how she is feeling. And if she has told Harri about the baby.

  'It's Frida I wanted to talk to you about,' Liam says. His voice is calm and he looks serious, but his expression is open and his eyes have lines of concern around them. He seems different from how he’d been that morning. Perhaps he's getting used to the idea of Stefan's baby?

  'Ok, I'll message Hilda to say I don't need a lift.'

  'It's already done, I spoke to her earlier in the shop,' Liam says, and he takes hold of Alicia's elbow to lead her across the little garden and down the steps toward the East Harbor. As if she is one of his patients.

  'What, you saw my mum?' Alicia is flabbergasted. Liam and Hilda have always got on well, but seeing his mother-in-law without Alicia would have been awkward in the circumstances. Of course, neither Hilda nor Uffe knew about her involvement with Patrick, but at least Hilda was aware (and Alicia assumed she had told Uffe) that Liam had left the islands because of a row, and that their marriage was in trouble. But neither knew about the baby.

  If there was one thing Liam hated more than anything else, it was an awkward situation. A face-to-face conversation with Hilda today would rank as very uncomfortable in Liam's mind, she's sure of it.

  'Is that OK?' Liam asks, not answering Alicia's question and pointing toward the floating restaurant, von Knorring. Liam and Alicia had often gone for a drink in the pub on the top deck during their holidays here.

  Alicia glances toward the jetties and spots Patrick's boat. It seems to be empty and locked up. She lets out a sigh of relief. A confrontation between the two men is the last thing she needs now.

  'Shall we go up to the top?' Liam is behaving very strangely, Alicia thinks, but she nods in agreement and they ascend the wooden steps to the upper deck of the old steamer. The ship is all shiny mahogany, with tilting wooden decks, round brass portholes, and tables made out of barrels. While Alicia selects a seat at the stern, which is covered and a little more private, Liam heads for the bar. Before he goes, he asks Alicia, 'What will you have? White wine or Lonkero?'

  Alicia smiles. She's touched that Liam remembers the Finnish bitter lemon and gin drink.

  'OK, I'll have a Lonkero,' she says and smiles.

  'Cheers!' Liam says as he sits down. He is sounding far too cheerful for the circumstances. What on earth has got into him?

  But Alicia doesn't want to say anything. She nods and pours her dr
ink into a glass. She takes a sip of the drink. Boy, it tastes good. It's carbonated, bitter and sweet at the same time. She hasn't had a Lonkero since the first sauna evening. Usually Hilda buys cans and cans of it for her, but this year she seems to have forgotten. As has Alicia.

  'How are you?' Liam asks. He looks deeply into Alicia's eyes in a way she cannot remember him doing for a long time. There's concern in his eyes again and suddenly Alicia wishes she could just lean her head on Liam's shoulder and tell him all her troubles. And share her excitement for Stefan's baby.

  'You haven't asked me how I am—and meant it—for a long time,' she says instead. She is speaking in a low voice, and Liam pushes his upper body over the solid wooden table to hear her better. Their eyes meet again, closer this time. Alicia can see Liam hasn't shaved. There are prickly dark hairs all over his chin and some on his neck. His lips look dry, but it's his eyes that have changed. Although she can see he's tired, there's an honesty, a clarity to the green pupils that she hasn't seen for months. He is really looking at Alicia, truly seeing her.

  Alicia moves her face away. Guilt, which she thought she didn't possess, suddenly rises and she has an uncomfortable, constricting sensation in her chest. She can't breathe. Don't think about Patrick. He's not important. Stefan's baby is.

  'You don't believe Frida, do you?' Alicia says when she lifts her eyes to Liam again.

  Liam shifts on his seat and moves away from her. He takes a swig of his beer.

  He's buying time.

  'It is rather surprising, isn't it?' Liam says after a few moments have passed.

  'I knew it,' Alicia says and feels a new anger rise inside her. It hits her head like a wave. 'But I don't care what you think.' Alicia gets up, but Liam takes her hand and pulls her gently back down.