Skinny Dipping with Murder

by Auralee Wallace

  “Put the gun down!” a new voice called out.

  All eyes shot to the woods. Now who was here?

  A figure marched through the break in the trees, gun drawn, aim focused on Laurie.

  Rhonda! Where had Rhonda come from?

  “It’s over, Laurie,” Rhonda said. “Backup’s on the way. You’re done.”

  Laurie spun to point the gun at her. “You’re not going to shoot me.”

  “Oh, really?” Rhonda’s tongue darted to the corner of her mouth to dab at what looked like some raspberry filling. “’Cause I’m feeling kind of shootie.”

  “Shootie?” Freddie whispered to me.

  “And bangie,” Rhonda added with a quick jump of her eyebrows.

  Freddie buried his face in his hands. “We’re all going to die.”

  Seconds boomed by as the two women faced off.

  Suddenly Laurie fired a wild shot in the air and sprinted to the side.

  She was getting away!

  I jumped to my feet, and took off after her. She was running for the trees to the side of the berry. I was already losing her in the kilowatt glare. Suddenly, the black silhouette of a giant butterfly flew out of the brush feet away from Laurie.

  “Mom?”

  I skidded to a stop, floored by the sight. I had never seen something so fluttery look so enraged. But that didn’t change the fact that Laurie had a gun.

  “Mom!” I shouted. “No!”

  She launched herself at Laurie, her silky caftan rippling around her body as she flew through the air. Her outstretched arms slapped around Laurie, tackling her to the ground.

  I sprinted toward them just in time to hear, “No one! No one threatens my daughter!” She quickly straddled Laurie with strength I didn’t know she had, pinning Laurie’s arms with her knees. “Do you hear me?”

  “Mom,” I said, struggling to catch my breath. My eyes widened when I saw her hands wrapped around Laurie’s neck. “It’s okay. You got her. The police can handle this.”

  “I’m not sure she heard me,” my mother growled back through gritted teeth.

  “She did. She heard you,” I said, placing my hands on her shoulders. “You can let go of her throat now.”

  “Wow,” a new voice at my shoulder said. “I didn’t think she had it in her.”

  My head twirled around. “Tweety?” This was getting ridiculous. “What the—”

  “So the apple got it from the tree after all,” Kit Kat added, waddling toward our little group.

  “Where did you two come from?”

  Kit Kat’s eyes stayed focused on my mother, but she answered, “We came with your … what do you call them? The Omega Three … Six … or Nine sisters?” She jabbed her thumb back.

  I looked to the forest. All the women … all the women from the camp were filtering out of the trees. “What, is the entire town going to show up next? Whoa, Mom!” I had forgotten momentarily that my mother was still strangling Laurie. “Rhonda? Little help over here!”

  My mother tilted her face around, her big eyes meeting mine. She blinked a few times. “I’m strangling her, aren’t I?”

  “Little bit.”

  My mother pulled her hands away from Laurie’s throat. “I don’t know what came over me,” she said, taking a breath. “Although, in the wild, the mother is the most dangerous of animals.”

  “Uh-huh,” I said, helping her get to her feet as Rhonda ran up and planted a foot on Laurie’s abdomen.

  “I think it was the realization that you were in actual danger,” my mother continued, watching Rhonda lead Laurie away. She was jerking against her cuffs, but she seemed to sense it was over. “You see, I’ve been having a hard time believing this whole murder thing, but the women were having such fun. To be honest, I even wondered once or twice if you were making the whole thing up for attention, like when you were a kid.”

  “Attention?” My brow furrowed, hard.

  “You know, like when you used to bite all those kids,” she said, blinking her big eyes, “so that I’d spend more time with you?”

  “Mom—”

  Freddie suddenly stepped in front of me. “Ms. Bloom, may I say your caftan is lovely tonight, and the matching headband? Very Rambo-esque.”

  “Thank you, Freddie. It’s so nice to see you. I—”

  Freddie spun me away before my mother could finish. Two squad cars edged around Candace’s truck, illuminating the happy crowd of women rushing toward us. Rhonda handed Laurie off to another officer.

  Freddie and I were swept up by the ladies to gather around our hero.

  “And that, my friends,” Rhonda said, looping her thumbs around her gun belt, “is how you apprehend a murderer.”

  We all turned to watch the squad car’s door slam, trapping Laurie inside.

  “How did you know?” I asked.

  “Well, I can’t take the credit for that,” Rhonda said. “Freddie here called 911.” Freddie smiled and waved his phone in the air. “Once I got the call,” Rhonda said, chest swelling to pop her badge forward, “I dropped my pie and, well, you know the rest.”

  I nodded.

  “And once we saw Rhonda heading for the berry, we just knew you were in trouble,” Susan Anderson said. The woman who cried every day now had happy tears in her eyes.

  I suddenly remembered something. “But what about Tommy? We need to question Laurie!” I took a few quick steps toward the squad car. “He could still be alive! We need to help him!”

  “Oh, he’s alive all right,” Grady called out, walking over, boxers now on. “I meant to tell you. He showed up at the police station looking for protection.”

  “From Laurie?”

  “No. From the development company. He thought…” Grady paused to flash a sideways look at Candace before lowering his voice. “He thought Candace and the development company were killing everyone to shut them up. He tried to stage his own suicide to throw them off his trail.”

  “But all that blood?”

  “Yeah, he was trying to make it look legit and cut a little too deeply,” he said, shaking his head. “He’s at the hospital now with Harry, who is awake, by the way, and doing much better.”

  “I told you from day one Candace didn’t do it,” Rhonda said, turning on Grady. “But you were still investigating her, weren’t you?”

  Grady shrugged almost sheepishly.

  “Some people’s bosses,” she whispered under her breath.

  I smiled, looking around at everyone. “I don’t even know how to begin to thank all of you.”

  “No need,” Lydia said, planting her hands on her hips. “I think I speak for all of us, when I say this retreat was exactly what we needed. You see, I was starting to believe my ex that maybe I was boring. Now, I know that’s the furthest thing from the truth. I owe you, Dr. Bloom.”

  I laughed weakly. “Lydia, my mother and I are really sorry if we somewhat intentionally gave you the wrong impression about what I do for a living. We—”

  She held up a hand. “Your mother tells me she’s hired a licensed professional starting next week. That’s all I need to know. In fact, I think the less said the better.”

  “But really, I want you all to know how grateful I am for your help,” I said, trying to meet everyone’s eyes. “Rhonda, if you hadn’t have shown up when you did…”

  “No sense going there,” Rhonda said, again hiking up her police belt. “It took us a while to find you guys. I’m just glad we made it in time.” Rhonda turned to look at Grady, still half naked. “You should really keep your phone on you.”

  Grady smiled, and the women let out a collective sigh. He then trotted off in the direction of his clothes.

  Freddie leaned in closer to me to whisper. “So what do you make of that whole streaking-the-festival business?”

  “I … I have no idea what that was all about.”

  “Issues,” Freddie said, nodding.

  “Seriously, right?”

  “But I think his heart, if not his ego, mi
ght be in the right place.” Then Freddie smacked me on the shoulder.

  “What?”

  “Go to him,” he said dreamily.

  I furrowed my brow. “Weren’t you the one who said we should stay away from each other?”

  “Oh, you totally should. There’s no way it’s going to work out. But this here is a moment. I love moments.”

  I didn’t need to be asked twice. I jogged over to Grady, who was lifting one foot into his pant leg. He stopped to look up at me.

  I suddenly didn’t know what to say. “So…”

  “So,” he replied.

  “That, uh, turned out well.”

  “All things considered. I’d say so, Dr. Bloom.”

  “Yeah, it’s an honorary title.” I shoved my hands deep in my pockets and rocked back and forth on my heels. “So you ran into Mrs. McAdams.”

  “Uh-huh. She was the one who caught you too back then, right?”

  “Yup.”

  “I thought she looked a little like she had seen a ghost. That’s when I realized I probably hadn’t thought this whole thing all the way through.”

  I looked away to squint into the headlights of a squad car. “Probably not.”

  We both paused for a beat.

  Finally, I made a clicking sound with my tongue and said, “I think I might owe you an apol—”

  Grady held up his hand. “I’ve been thinking about that thing you said about the dog going back to sniff the spot?”

  I nodded.

  “I think maybe you were on to something,” Grady said, leaning toward me. “We don’t seem too great at talking.”

  All sorts of squishy things were happening all over my body. I couldn’t tear my eyes from his lips, moving quickly toward mine. Finally. I felt the heat from his breath—

  “NO!”

  Grady and I jerked back.

  Candace stomped toward us like the maddest sunflower ever.

  “This is not okay!”

  Grady and I exchanged uh-oh glances.

  “You two don’t just get to kiss like it’s some happy ending to the Erica and Grady story!”

  “Candace,” Grady began, “I really am sorry for—”

  “For what?” she screamed. “For making me out to be an idiot?”

  “Well, that’s a little harsh. You’re not an id—”

  “Aw, you’re worried about my self-esteem. How sweet.” Her hands flailed above her head. “A second ago you thought I was a murderer!”

  I cleared my throat. “Candace—”

  “And you!” she said, turning on me with a wicked pointed finger. “I have been nothing but nice to you! All while you were being a total b—”

  “Hey,” I shouted before dropping my voice. “No need to swear.”

  “In fact, I have been nothing but kind to this entire town!” she said, turning to face everyone.

  “I was on your side the entire time.”

  My jaw dropped as I spun to look at Freddie. “No you weren’t!”

  “Well, I was…” he said. “Right up until the end there.”

  Candace let out a scream of frustration.

  “All I have done is care about this town! Worry about how change would affect its citizens! I’ve been fighting my douche of a boss for weeks! And that!” she screamed, pointing at the back of the giant berry. “Do you know how many weeks I had to lobby for the company to pay for that? I even chipped in some of my own money.”

  “Aw, honey,” Kit Kat said. “You shouldn’t have done that.”

  Tweety nodded. “It’s a little much.”

  “A little much,” Candace said, shaking her head back and forth. “A little much,” she repeated. “A little much?” she screamed. “You people suck! I was trying so hard to be nice! But you know what? You don’t deserve nice!” She spun on her heel. “That’s it!”

  “Candace?” Grady called. “Where are you going?”

  “I’ve had it!” she screamed. “I’m taking back my raspberry!”

  We all exchanged confused glances as we watched her get in her truck and rev the engine.

  Grady and I ran after her.

  “Candace!” Grady waved his arms above his head for her to stop. She didn’t cut the engine, but, after a moment, she unrolled the window. “You’re not going to do anything crazy, are you?”

  “Crazy? Me? Oh, that’s rich,” she said, gripping the wheel. “No, unlike every single one of you wack-jobs, I’m not crazy. I’m going to go to the transistor and turn off the power. It’s costing me a fortune! You people can light up your own damn social!”

  “Um, Candace,” I said, stepping forward a little. “I’m not sure you should be driving. You seem a little upset.”

  “Do I, Erica? Do I seem a little upset?”

  Suddenly the tires spun … in reverse. Candace’s eyes widened in surprise as the truck launched backward.

  Everyone screamed as the rear cab plowed into a set of wood beams that anchored the giant raspberry to the ground.

  Earsplitting cracks filled the air as wood splintered.

  Then everything stopped.

  The only sound that remained was the steady thrum of the still running engine.

  “Candace!” Grady yelled, rushing forward. “Are you okay?”

  Her pale face nodded from behind the windshield.

  “Turn off the truck, and get out very slowly,” he ordered.

  Candace nodded again then followed his instructions. Once she was out, we rushed over to the rest of the group before turning back to see the damage. The truck had destroyed at least a third of the wood scaffolding.

  “It’s okay, right?” my mother asked in a whisper.

  “I think so,” Grady muttered. “It looks stable.”

  “I didn’t mean … I mean…” Candace put her hand to her chest. “I didn’t cut corners. It should be fine.”

  “It’s okay,” Freddie said. “We’re good.”

  A deafening metallic PING! tore through the air.

  A support wire snapped.

  PING!

  Then another.

  The one side of the berry began to lean forward toward the festival tents.

  Everyone screamed.

  “The town!” Freddie yelled. “The berry is going to flatten the entire town!”

  Chapter Twenty-four

  “Okay, so I might have jumped the shark with the whole ‘the berry’s going to flatten the town!’ thing,” Freddie said, waving his hands in mock terror.

  We sat on a dock at the town marina watching the sun come up. I looked over my shoulder at the giant berry, the very top corner bent in, just a touch.

  “Nah, I really thought it was going to go too,” I said, taking a sip of coffee from a paper cup.

  “Leave it to Candace to nail the details,” Freddie replied. “Did you notice she requested to give her statement at the station? Guess she didn’t want to hang out.”

  “Yeah, I actually tried calling her about an hour ago to apologize. She’s already blocked my number.” I sighed. “It’s too bad. I like her so much more for losing it like that.”

  “She blocked me too,” Freddie said, staring out at the water. “But don’t worry. I’ll Facebook her.”

  I nodded.

  “All things considered, though, we did an awesome job solving this murder,” Freddie said. “I’m seriously thinking we should make a business out of this or something.”

  I scratched my forehead. “You know we didn’t actually solve the murder, right?”

  Freddie turned to look at me. “But it wouldn’t have been solved without us.”

  “Huh, you’re right,” I said, splashing my toes in the water. “It’s practically the same thing.”

  “Practically, exactly.”

  “So, I haven’t even asked you how the book is going,” I said, watching the sun break the horizon. “Have you written anything?”

  “Not yet.” Freddie stopped to take a sip. “But I’ve spent about five hours on the Internet looking u
p stuff, and I came across a formula to name private detectives. It works every time.”

  “Okay.”

  “First you pick a four-letter boy name, and then, for the last name, you pick a tool.”

  “Seriously?”

  Freddie held up his fist. “Jack Trowel. Abel Saw. John Rake,” he said, adding a finger with each name.

  “Huh.”

  “You try it.”

  “Um, okay, Jeff … Hose.”

  Freddie’s hand dropped, his expression a mixture of confusion and disgust. “Way to ruin it.” He sighed and looked over his shoulder. “Uh-oh, here comes trouble.”

  I turned to see Grady walking down the main strip toward us.

  “How is it possible for him to look that good after being up all night?” Freddie asked. “Sometimes I hate him.”

  “Me too.”

  “And sometimes you looove him,” he said, bumping me with his shoulder.

  “You think I should go over?”

  “I’ve decided it’s probably best to stay out of it.”

  I got to my feet, picking up my shoes in one hand.

  “Oh! But I forgot to tell you,” Freddie said. “You missed it, but Kit Kat and Tweety had a go at Grady when you were being questioned.”

  “Huh?”

  “Oh, yeah, they were listing all of their crimes, trying to get him to arrest them.”

  “What?”

  “Yeah, I heard Tweety, or it might have been Kit Kat, yelling ‘Take me in, Sheriff! I’ve got a pocket full of dollar bills’! Then she chased him for a bit, trying to shove the money in his pants.”

  “Oh, that’s fantastic.”

  “Yeah, the paper might have even gotten a picture,” Freddie said happily. He then looked up at me, shielding his eyes with one hand. “So what are you going to say to him?”

  “I don’t know,” I said, inhaling deeply. “Maybe I’ll ask him if he wants to have coffee … maybe … maybe in Delaware.”

  * * *

  A few hours later, my mother and I were standing on the porch with the last handful of women getting ready to leave for the airport. I closed my eyes and inhaled deeply. It was a perfect late-summer day. Hot, but not humid. Only a couple of cotton-ball clouds dotting the sky. Air heavy with the smell of cedar and maybe a hint of apple. Just perfect.

  Susan Anderson came up beside me to take in the view. We watched some teenagers in the distance water-skiing. “I always wanted to try that.”