Our Little Secret: The most gripping debut psychological thriller you’ll read this year

by Darren O’Sullivan

  ‘What’s that?’

  ‘Julia’s driving licence, with a different last name: Walker. I think it was from before they were married.’

  ‘Can I see it?’

  I handed it to Steve who examined it for a second.

  ‘The address is different.’

  ‘I think it was her old house perhaps.’

  ‘She lived on and off with her mother before she moved in with Chris.’

  ‘Have you tried contacting her?’

  ‘She died.’

  ‘Father?’

  ‘Nope, we never knew anything about him, other than that he lived in Australia. It was a bit of a shock when Chris said she’d gone to him. We never thought they were close.’

  ‘Do you think she’s out there?’

  ‘Honestly, no. I don’t think she is. I think, I hope, she’s still in the country and we can get some answers.’

  ‘What about going to the house?’

  ‘I’ve never known where her mother lived. Sarah, would you mind if I took this? I’m going to pay the house a visit. Maybe there’s something about Julia there.’

  ‘Of course; do you think there might be?’

  ‘I hope so.’

  ‘Surely if he was involved in her disappearance it would be on the news or something. Surely someone somewhere would ask questions?’

  ‘I thought the same at first, but then I really thought about it. Besides Chris she didn’t really have anyone. I’ve never met any of her friends, not since that first night when Chris and I met her.’

  I imagined that night. Chris being nervous but happy. I felt a growing ache deep in my stomach as I pictured his life when it wasn’t so desperately sad.

  ‘She hasn’t got any family. I rang her work and they said after her affair went public she left. No one questioned it. I mean, why would they? I might be the only person who has ever suspected she’s missing.’

  ‘What happens if she isn’t there at her mother’s house?’

  ‘I don’t know, Sarah. I don’t want to think of my best mate in this way. Let’s just hope she’s there. Regardless, after trying to find Julia I’m going to call him, tell him we need to meet tonight. Put on a little bit of pressure. He’ll either tell me what the bloody hell is going on, or start making mistakes if he is covering something up.’

  Steve’s apparent certainty that Chris was somehow involved in Julia disappearance unnerved me. I forced myself to not believe it. Although I wasn’t sure any more. Everything went back to the tool box and that book he’d tried to hide. I needed to read it and as we said our sombre goodbyes, he reiterated that I needed to be careful.

  I left knowing what I was going to do next. I had a spare key. I would wait until he left the house after Steve called and would break in, if you could call it that. I didn’t care if he caught me. I needed to know everything. I knew he would never tell me. I still held on to the idea that it had to be a massive misunderstanding. Chris wouldn’t hurt anyone. I could see it wasn’t in his nature. If he did catch me with the diary, I would explain. He would understand. Walking quickly I headed for home and my car. If I didn’t do it then I knew I would lose my courage.

  ***

  The woman with the baby finally moved but Steve had already seen whatever the train girl was taking from her bag. Moments later she got her things and left. Chris watched her walk away from the station quickly, deep in thought. He contemplated following her, but he knew he needed to stay with Steve, watch his movements, and see what he would do next.

  Chris hadn’t realized how delicate his existence had become since May. Before then everything had been fine-tuned. Decided. Now it felt similar to the weeks after Julia died. But somehow worse. One false step. One minor issue and the tapestry of his design would unravel and the monster who killed his wife would win.

  The stress was becoming unbearable, but the bourbon, half of it now warming his belly, helped. It clouded his thoughts, however, making him feel as if he was seeing the world from underwater. Him unable to breathe. As Steve got into his car and pulled away from the station Chris followed, three cars behind until they left the busy cycle paths of the city and went westwards. The opposite direction to where Steve lived.

  Alarm bells began to ring in Chris’s head. He knew, whatever the train girl had shown to Steve, he was following up. Opening his car window to cool the sweat that stuck to his forehead Chris followed far enough behind to not be noticed but close enough to not lose him as the city faded and the open countryside rolled in.

  The sun was beginning to sit heavy and washed out in the sky. Within an hour or so it would be completely dark. That was a good thing. Darkness was better at hiding secrets. Taking deep breaths he tried to remain calm. He tried to convince himself it could be nothing. That it was his paranoia. But still, he wasn’t going to take any risks. Not when he was so close. Steve would either remain in the dark, or if not, Chris had to convince him to remain quiet.

  Chapter 42

  8.49 p.m. – Columbine Road, Ely

  Chris watched as Steve’s car turned left onto Mallow Close and stopped fifty feet from the junction. Putting his car into neutral he turned off his lights and engine. He didn’t need to follow Steve any more. He had questioned, then suspected, then known where Steve was heading. What he didn’t know was how the train girl had found out the address to give to him.

  She was proving to be smarter than he gave her credit for. Getting out of his car he stuffed his hands into his pockets and let his eyes adjust to the twilight that had now set in before walking towards the corner at which Columbine Road and Mallow Close met.

  If Steve was still in his car or by the front door Chris would continue to walk by, like he was just a guy casually going home after a few beers in the pub. He certainly looked the part, staggering a little as he walked. Trying hard to keep both his balance and focus. But he doubted Steve would still be sat in his car. He knew Steve and suspected that after a quick look through the front door he would more than likely be at the back of the house. Trying to see inside without alerting any neighbours. If that was the case, he would follow.

  Crossing the road he dared to look at the back of Steve’s Audi to see he wasn’t inside it or at the front door. He loved how predictable his friend was. Taking his phone from his pocket he pretended to text. As he turned right he walked quickly towards Julia’s mother’s house. Texting meant two things. The first was his head would naturally be cast towards the ground. Just in case anyone might recognize him. The second was that a man who was texting casually wasn’t the type of person who was about to commit a crime. He would look above suspicion – well he hoped so.

  As he approached the front garden gate he saw the small patch of lawn was now overtaken with weeds that were knee-high. It looked obvious the place was unoccupied. Steve would know that now. Opening the rusting gate he cursed to himself as it squeaked angrily. It caused him to involuntarily pause, listening for sound of Steve’s footsteps. None were forthcoming. Opting to leave the gate ajar he walked towards the taller, wooden gate that ran down the side of the house. It wouldn’t be locked. It never was.

  As he passed the large bay window of the empty front room he thought he saw a shadow inside. He looked again: nothing. Chris forced himself to calm his mind. He knew that soon the pressure and stress would make him lose it entirely so as he stepped towards the gate he repeated to himself: ‘Just over twenty-four hours, Chris. All you have to do is keep them safe for just twenty-four more hours.’

  Stepping through he closed it behind him and pressed his back to the wall of the house. With the fence being over six feet tall and only a few feet from the house he was now perfectly hidden in the passageway that led to the open-plan garden. Looking up he could see a gap in the clouds. He started to look for his father’s star but stopped himself.

  A sound came from the back garden. A muffled smash of glass. It snapped him away from thoughts of his father. Steve was not as predictable as he thought. He hadn’t envisag
ed him breaking in.

  He waited and listened as Steve made noises that suggested a struggle before a lock snapped and a door quietly opened and then closed. After counting to ten in his head Chris walked around the corner and looked inside to see Steve’s back as he walked through the kitchen towards the lounge. Quietly calling for Julia as he did.

  Once he was out of sight Chris opened the door and stepped inside. A fusty smell coming from the carpets filled his nostrils. It had only been empty for just over two and a half years. Though it felt longer. As he stepped through the kitchen he saw his reflection in the glass of the bay window in the lounge. He looked as tense as he felt.

  As he walked into the living room he realized the furniture had remained untouched since the day he came alone to cover it with dust sheets a few weeks after Julia’s mother died. She had never been there with him; although after reading her diary he knew she had been back a few times, with James.

  Chris heard footsteps above him, two soft, followed by two heavy. Steve was going from room to room his shifting weight almost seeming like he was in two places at once, no doubt with each step his conviction of Julia not being in Australia was cemented.

  Chris thought about going upstairs and as he began to move he could hear Steve descending. He backed up against the fireplace, bumping into an iron stand that held a small shovel for the fire. He waited. The stairs creaked. Steve was on the third from the bottom. He knew that because of the times he and Julia stayed over, near the start of their relationship. Chris having to sleep on the sofa, in keeping with her mother’s requests. His mind flashed to the first night he snuck upstairs to be with her. Julia’s quiet giggles from the upstairs banister as he tiptoed towards her, the third step almost giving him away.

  Shaking his head the memory vanished, Julia’s giggles replaced with the deep voice of Steve talking on the other side of the living room door.

  ‘It’s Steve. Yes, I’m here now. No, it looks like she’s never been here.’

  There was a pause.

  ‘OK. OK. I won’t, not yet. Where are you? Where? At his house? How? Jesus, Sarah. I’ve told you; it’s not safe. Is there any sign of him? Good, don’t go in. Do you hear me? Yes, I’m going to call him now. Be careful okay?’

  Chris was shocked that Sarah was at his house. Something he would have to deal with after dealing with Steve.

  Steve walked into the living room, closing the door behind him. He didn’t see Chris stood back against the wall watching. With his phone still in his hand he pressed the screen a few times and a few seconds later a quiet buzzing could be heard. At first Chris didn’t realize it was from his phone. Steve looked towards the source of the sound, shocked to see Chris in the shadows.

  ‘Shit, Chris, you scared me.’

  ‘Steve.’

  ‘What are you doing here?’ he asked, trying to sound light and interested. His high tones suggesting it was more fear than anything else.

  ‘I should ask the same of you.’

  Chris knew he had worked it out. What he didn’t know was how and as he kept his eye on him Steve looked towards the back door in the kitchen, no doubt planning on bolting for it. Casually, Chris stepped from the shadows and blocked the doorway.

  ‘So, Steve, why are you in mine and my wife’s house?’

  Steve hesitated for a moment, unsure what he should do next.

  ‘This is Julia’s mother’s …’

  ‘Left to us after she died. Don’t deviate from the question.’

  ‘I came to see if I could find Julia.’

  Chris didn’t speak. He didn’t blink. He just kept his eyes on his friend, on the man in front of him.

  ‘Chris. Please, mate, you need to tell me. What’s happened to Julia?’

  Slowly moving from the doorway back towards the fireplace Chris spoke calmly. ‘She’s gone.’

  ‘Gone, gone where?’

  ‘You know this, Steve. She left me.’

  Steve took a step forward, closing the gap between them to two arms’ lengths. ‘Where, Chris, left you for where?’

  Chris backed away and turning he looked out of the living room bay window into the street that was now dark. ‘Australia, I’ve told you.’

  Steve took another small step. His hands raised ready to defend or restrain if he needed to. ‘Where is she, Chris?’

  ‘Steve, please. Don’t.’

  ‘If you don’t speak to me I’ll have no choice but to call the police.’

  ‘No. Please don’t, Steve, it’s too dangerous.’

  ‘Dangerous? What do you mean dangerous?’

  Chris turned back to Steve and almost spoke but caught his words. Prompting Steve to press further.

  ‘I’ve tried to find her, Chris. Her phone isn’t on, and her Facebook is dormant. She’s not been at work since last June, resigning, because of her affair, which you’ve never mentioned. An AFFAIR, Chris – why the hell didn’t you tell me about this! She’s not on sabbatical like you’ve told everyone. She’s completely disappeared and then I find out that you were trying to kill yourself a month ago. That’s how you met Sarah. You know more than you’re telling me. So I’m going to ask you again. Where is your wife?’

  ‘Steve, please, just give me one more day; that’s all I ask.’

  ‘One more day for what? Chris, what the fuck is going on?’

  Steve was shouting. It prompted Chris to raise his hands and try to quieten his friend before the neighbours heard.

  ‘Steve, you need to calm down. Someone will hear.’

  For a second Chris swore he heard creaking from the stairs once more and shot a look towards them, Steve’s movement making him look back.

  ‘No, I’ll not be quiet. That’s it, I’m calling the police!’

  Steve turned and began walking towards the door. Chris knew he had no choice. He had to come clean, so he ran and grabbed his friend and spun him round. They were eye to eye.

  ‘OK, Steve, just calm down, okay. I’ll tell you. Just calm down.’

  ‘Chris, where is she?’

  Chris stepped back from his friend, just a few steps until he walked into the covered sofa, stumbled and ended up sitting on its arm.

  ‘She’s dead.’

  ‘What? What the fuck have you done?’

  ‘I haven’t done anything. She was killed. I was forced to watch.’

  ‘Killed? Killed by who?’

  ‘I don’t know his name. He was from that night years ago, remember? The one where you had to come and get me out of jail.’

  ‘What?’

  ‘He killed her, Steve. He killed her and he made me watch. He strangled her right in front of me and there was nothing I could do to stop him.’

  ‘Shit.’

  Slumping to the floor Chris let the tears fall. Steve stood, unmoving.

  ‘He made me watch her die.’

  Steve lowered himself to be nearer to his friend. His voice calmer, quieter.

  ‘Why haven’t you gone to the police?’

  ‘Because he promised to kill you, or anyone else I got close to, if I said a word. And now you know.’

  ‘I don’t get it. If it who you say it is, why would he come back after all this time? Why would he kill her?’

  ‘To punish me.’

  ‘Jesus, Chris, you can’t keep this to yourself. You have to call the police.’

  ‘Didn’t you hear? I can’t do that, Steve.’

  ‘Chris, we have to do something.’

  ‘Just give me twenty-four hours and it will all be taken care of.’

  ‘Why, what’s happening in twenty-four hours?’

  ‘I can’t tell you. You just have to trust me, okay?’

  ‘Trust you? You’ve lied to me for nearly a year, Chris, and then tell me my wife’s life is in danger. No, I’m calling the police now.’

  Steve stood and walked towards the back door, dialling 999. As he did Chris saw a movement out of the corner of his eye. He spun around, coming face to face with the large bay window an
d there he was. The man who murdered his wife.

  Suddenly Chris felt a shift, his breathing turned heavy and hard like a caged zoo animal wanting to fight its spectator. Somehow this monster had gotten in whilst Chris was focused on Steve, on fixing the problem. In his hand was the fire shovel. Chris could feel his heart beating wildly, so hard his hands began to tingle.

  Chris tried to speak, to warn Steve, but found no words. His legs began to buckle as the man pushed past his last resolve. Raising the shovel above his head he charged at Steve, bringing it down upon the back of his skull. He watched his best friend’s body fall limp on the floor. His right leg twitching.

  Chris dropped the shovel to the ground, looking down at his friend lying facedown in a pool of blood that was slowly growing. As he spoke his voice was different, gravelly. ‘He tried to warn you, Steve.’ Stepping over his body Chris made his way towards the back door. His mind already on fixing the other problem that would be just as easy to fix, for outside his house was the train girl, and it was time they had a little chat.

  Chapter 43

  9.24 p.m. – London Road, Peterborough

  I had been sat outside Chris’s for about an hour, waiting to see a light go on inside as it got dark, or for him to message saying he wanted to see me like he had done the night before. Neither happened. His house remained a shadowed, lifeless mass of bricks and windows.

  I looked to my passenger seat, his key catching the orange lights that threw the road into an artificial dead daytime. Grabbing it I took a deep breath, opened my car door, and stepped into the cool night. There were forty-four steps between the safety before his front door, each one intensifying as I waited for him to call my name, or a concerned neighbour to raise alarm and stop me. Nothing happened.

  When I slipped the key into the lock I expected him to be stood on the other side, confused but pleased to see me. Again, nothing. I entered his house without anyone trying to stop me. Almost like it was mine and I belonged.