I drove around the French Quarter and found a place that we could park without having to pay an arm and a leg. The weather was beautiful, so I wasn’t worried about having to walk.
I took my guitar and placed it in the trunk so no one would be tempted to break one any of my windows before locking up and heading down the street.
Emery’s eyes danced over the old buildings, each drowning in its own history.
“What do you want to see first?” I asked her as her smile spread.
“Jackson Square?”
“Boring.”
She made a face as she thought it over for a moment. “The French Market?”
“Come on, Emery. You’re in The Big Easy.”
“Ugh. Fine. Let’s go get bourbon faced on Shit Street,” she groaned as I looped my arm around her neck.
“Hell yeah.”
The streets were still packed from the Satchmo SummerFest that had just ended a few days ago. Jazz music seemed to play from every direction, and the parties flowed from inside of the clubs out into the streets where people drank freely. Our arrival also coincided with the last days of the Southern Decadence Festival, so rainbow flags flew proudly.
I grabbed Emery’s hand to keep her from getting lost in the crowd as we navigated our way down the road.
“I want some beads,” Emery squealed, pointing to a woman who had about twenty of the costume necklaces around her neck.
I cringed at the thought of innocent Emery flashing her chest to gawking strangers. “I’ll buy you some. They sell them in these stores. I think I’ve been in enough fights this week and I don’t want to have to kick anyone’s ass for looking at your chest.” I tugged her inside a small shop that was lined with racks of t-shirts and hats. The wall was covered in decorative beads, some larger than my head.
“It’s my chest. I can let them look at my boobs if I want,” she grumbled.
“No. See, you’re a minor, so you don’t get to make that call.”
“You’re a minor too.”
“I’m seventeen. Since I am older than you, I’m in charge.”
“I’m sure that’s what the cops will say too when they catch us.”
“You think that’s funny?” I snatched the beads from her hand and placed them back on the hook.
Emery smirked as she slid her fingers over different necklaces, inspecting each one. The smaller, plain ones were sold in sets, but the more ornate were sold individually and were much more expensive. I’d have to be careful with my money if I wanted us to be able to make it more than a few days here, but when her eyes landed on a string of faux pearls, I knew I’d have to get them for her, regardless of the cost.
“No one is looking for me, Ford, even though Momma would just love the attention.” She rolled her eyes. “The sheriff would be too embarrassed to tell anyone. Besides, They got my brother to worry about.” She grabbed the pearls, her grin spreading.
I smiled, getting lost in her excitement. There was something about her ability to turn any situation into something positive that was contagious.
“They’d look good on you,” I agreed as I slid the strand from the hanger and held them up. Emery had a classic look about her, and I could picture her donning a string of real pearls in the pretty white dress she had worn yesterday. As much as it had annoyed me at first because it was a glaring reminder that she came from a charmed life that I could never give anyone, I realized that it suited her. She didn’t need to try to fit in because even in a paper sack, Emery would always stand out and that was something she hated now, but later would love about herself.
“What?” Emery glanced down the front of herself before looking back at me with confusion.
“Huh?” I shook my head, realizing I’d been lost in thought.
“You were staring at me like I had something on my face, and you were trying not to laugh at me.” She frowned as she put her hand on her hip.
“You thought I was staring at you because I wanted to make fun of you?” I chuckled, but it only compounded her confusion. “Sometimes it amazes me how different you really are.”
“You’re a jerk,” she snapped as she turned to storm out of the store.
“Emery,” I called after her as I tried to navigate through the tight space that was filling with tourists. “Wait!” I stepped out onto the street, my eyes searching the mass of people but Emery was nowhere to be found. “Fuck.” I began shoving through the crowd as I called out her name, growing more desperate by the second when I couldn’t locate her.
I’d always felt alone, and I was okay with that, but after hanging out with Emery, I realized I didn’t want to feel that way anymore. My calls became frantic as I desperately tried to find her. “Emery!”
“What?” Her voice called out from behind me. I spun around to see Emery with her arms folded across her chest and a scowl on her face. She was pissed, but I couldn’t help but smile, relieved that she was okay.
“Jesus, I thought I’d lost you.” I hadn’t realized how much I enjoyed having her by my side until that moment.
“I’m surprised you even noticed I was gone,” she sneered.
“Emery, I wasn’t laughing at you. I promise.”
“Did you –” She reached down and took the necklace I clutched in my hand. “You stole the necklace?”
“Shit! Shh...” I put my finger over her lips to keep her quiet and was rewarded with a smile before her tongue darted out and licked me.
“I guess we’re both outlaws now.” I took the tag from the necklace and slid it over her head, pulling her long hair out from under it. As my fingers skimmed the back of her neck, she shivered, and my eyes dropped to her lips. She did the same, and I felt myself being pulled to her, leaning in infinitesimally as I thought about what it would be like to press my mouth against hers.
But fate had other plans and just when I felt like I may have the courage to kiss her, some asshole stumbled into her side, spilling a cup of his Hurricane drink down the front of her shirt.
She jumped as he apologized profusely, but I wanted to hit him for ruining the moment for us. He offered up several strands of beads from his own collection around his neck, but Emery just bit her lip and declined as her fingers went to her single strand of pearls around her neck.
I was grinning like an idiot because her only wanting the beads I’d given her felt like she was saying she might like me too.
14
EMERY
“Momma’s gonna kill me. Do you think it’s ruined?” I asked Ford because I had no idea what else to say. My eyes kept going to the thin cut across his bottom lip. I wondered if he kissed me if it would hurt. I wondered if he’d care.
“No,” he whispered.
My stomach fluttered as I tried to hold my sticky, damp shirt from my chest. I smelled like a brewery, which made me fit right in with the crowd.
“At least, let me buy you a drink,” the man said as he watched our interaction.
“Sure. Fine,” I mumbled, my eyes never leaving Ford’s. The guy disappeared, but we didn’t move, lost in the sea of people, but it was like none of them existed. Countless novels replayed in my head as I thought about the different ways I would write out this scene. That’s typically how I lived my life, vicariously through the characters. But now I had the chance to actually experience something if I just had the guts to make that move.
“Here,” the man who’d spilled his drink was back at my side holding a large plastic drinking cup filled with a vibrant red beverage and two straws poking out of the top.
“Oh, thanks.” I took the drink and nodded before taking a sip. Ford told the guy not to worry about it, and he finally went on his way, leaving us to ourselves. I was suddenly very aware that my tank top was now partially see-through and as I held it pulled out, Ford had one heck of a view from above, but his eyes never left my face, and somehow that felt more intimate.
“Want my shirt?” He asked and picturing him without clothing was causing my whole body to heat u
p in response. I must have been the shade of a lobster by now. Before I could answer, he grabbed the neck of his shirt and pulled it over his head. He held it out to me, and I took it, trying not to stare at his chest or the scar that left a jagged line across his ribs.
I took the shirt, thanking him as I slid it over my head, inhaling deeply as I pulled it down. I kept my arms inside and slipped off my tanktop before pushing my arms through the sleeves.
“Perfect,” he said with a laugh as he took in the sight of me in his oversized shirt.
“Except you’re half-naked in public.” Perfect, I thought.
Ford smirked as he looked around. “Have you seen how the people dress around here? No one will notice. Trust me.” But I was noticing, and any girl with eyes was sure to see Ford’s toned chest and the ridges of his abdominal muscles. It was unfair how good he looked, and I assumed that’s why God had given him such a bad attitude. It was the universe’s way of balancing things out.
I took a sip of my drink hoping that the alcohol would help me relax around him, but as he leaned closer again, I felt like my first kiss was imminent, and my mouth suddenly became dry.
I let the straw fall from my lips, as I stood, frozen in place, like the guy who was painted silver and entertaining tourists for tips.
His lips parted, and I could feel the cooling fan of his breath over my nose as his mouth circled the other straw, and he took a drink, my heart deflating.
“That tastes like shit,” he groaned, his face twisting in disgust. “I need to find me a man drink.”
“A man drink?” I snorted, shaking my head as I took another drink, and we began to make our way through the crowd. “What’s that consist of? Motor oil and lawn clippings?”
“Laugh at me if you must, but I won’t be the one with an upset stomach from all of that sugary shit.”
“Whatever,” I rolled my eyes as we navigated the crowded street.
Ford found a bar that opened up on the street and ordered himself some hard liquor that smelled like rubbing alcohol. He looked exhausted, but he didn’t complain as I excitedly toured the city.
I didn’t think about where we would go for the night as the sun began to fade. The music only seemed to grow louder, and I didn’t want to ever go to sleep, afraid that I’d miss something.
“I think I may die of exhaustion, but there is so much to see here, I can’t understand how anyone gets any rest.”
“It’s easy to forget how beautiful something is when you see it every day. They take it for granted,” he replied, but it seemed like he was talking more to himself.
“I would never take this place for granted. Not one minute.”
“You may not be saying that when you see the type of hotel room I can afford.”
I laughed, and he offered me a tired smile. “Let’s go.”
I think Ford would have stayed out there with me all night if I wanted. He wasn’t nearly as bad as he saw himself. In fact, he was kinder than most people I knew all my life, even though he’d never admit it.
We left the Quarter and got a room a few streets from all of the chaos. Even though the room was small and dingy, it wasn’t cheap. But he didn’t complain as we pulled his car into the parking lot and he unloaded our bags, insisting on carrying mine for me.
When we stepped inside, my eyes went to the one double bed that sat in the center. Ford didn’t seem to even notice, but my mind was racing as I thought about having to share it with him.
“You want to run through the shower first?” he asked, and I remembered how sticky I felt.
“I guess.” I shrugged, chewing on my lip as I struggled to pretend my heart wasn’t thudding against the wall of my chest. Could I actually strip off all of my clothing just a few feet away from him?
Taking my bag from his hand, I walked over to the bathroom door and looked inside.
“Sorry, this isn’t as nice as you’re used to.” He ran his hand over the back of his head nervously, and my heart sank.
“No, it’s great. Really.” How did I explain that I hadn’t ever shared my space with a guy I liked before? I’m sure he knew considering I’d never really left my house.
“Look. It’s just until I have some steady income, alright?” There was an irritation to his voice, and it was setting off the panic in my belly.
“It’s not that, okay?” I dropped my bag on the floor as I felt my face heat. “This is just... weird.”
His face screwed up in confusion as he walked to my side and looked into the bathroom before his gaze fell to meet mine. “Looks like a normal bathroom to me, princess.” He roughed up my hair with his hand like you would do with a dog or a toddler, and my anxiety turned to rage. Blame my teenage hormones or the lack of medication today, but I was getting really tired of being misunderstood.
“I don’t want to get naked in front of you, asshole!”
He stumbled backward a step, and he looked as though I’d slapped him. “I didn’t ask you to,” he yelled back with just as much anger.
I groaned loudly, stomping into the bathroom, and slamming the door.
“Emery,” he called from the other side, and I twisted the lock to give myself a moment alone. Sinking down on the edge of the tub, I cried into my palms as everything that had been happening sank in.
I wanted to know if my brother was alright and if my parents even cared that I was gone, or if they were relieved not to have to bother with me anymore.
“Emery,” I didn’t mean to embarrass you,” Ford’s muffled voice cut through the sound of my sobbing.
“Go away.”
“Where do you want me to go? You know what? Fine.”
I stood up and listened as his footsteps grew faint and then the door to our room slammed shut behind him. I waited a moment before pulling open the bedroom door, instantly feeling more alone than ever.
The room was empty besides our belongs that had just been brought in.
I retreated back into the bathroom and hurried through my shower while I still had a little bit of privacy.
I used the time to shed a few more tears as I wondered if he’d abandoned me for good, heading off into another unknown.
My mind went to my phone that was still in the front pocket of my bag. I would never hear the end of it, but I was still pretty confident my mother would come to get me and not just write me off as a lost cause, even though that’s what she had done to my daddy.
As many chances as they’d given my brother, I couldn’t imagine that I’d used up all of mine just yet.
But I knew she still felt guilty over his hearing loss, and she had blamed herself. Forgiving his transgressions eased their conscience. I, on the other hand, didn’t have what they perceived as an excuse, and I’d always excelled at my school work. I had set impossible standards, and now anything less than perfection was regarded as a failure.
I was glad that I had a slight reprieve from that, but I also worried that I’d be missing the beginning of school. I wouldn’t get to pick my own seat in each class, I would fall behind on the lessons and have to work doubly hard to make up all the testing I’d missed.
It was then I realized where Ford’s frustration with me was coming from. This was real life for him. For me, it was only an escape. I never truly committed to never seeing my momma again. How could I? She wasn’t who I was running from.
Grabbing my book from my bag, I did what I always did whenever I was overwhelmed by real life, I got lost in a story and imagined I was the main character, living vicariously through the written words. But this story didn’t have a happy ending, and part of me knew that my story wouldn’t either.
15
FORD
August 8, 2018
Normally, spending some time alone in New Orleans would have been a dream, but knowing Emery was back in our room mad at me was driving me crazy. I shouldn’t have cared what she thought and the fact that she was so offended I was even in the same room where she would shower pissed me off.
I�
�d tried to be her friend and open up to her, but it was glaringly obvious I would never be good enough. I was just glad we were interrupted earlier before I kissed her in the middle of the road and humiliated myself.
She wasn’t even my type. She wasn’t anyone’s type who wasn’t a figment of some fictional character’s imagination.
I drank my lukewarm beer from my plastic cup before lighting a cigarette and disappearing into a cloud of smoke.
My skin itched with anticipation. I couldn’t wait any longer. I trudged out into the muggy night air and made my way to Tremé. It was only about a twenty-minute walk, but the fresh air did nothing to change my mind.
I hoped he feared the retribution. He had to have known one day I would come looking for him.
The street was dark and in the distance I could hear a couple of guys talking up the block. I slipped to the back of the tiny home, left in shambles after being ravaged by Hurricane Katrina. It was dark. I could see that at some point someone had returned and tried to clean up after the mess, but it appeared they’d given up.
I wanted to scream. This was supposed to end tonight; the fear, the wondering. I wanted his blood on my hands. I’d earned it with every blow; every night I was forced to cry as I slept on the floor next to my bed because he didn’t see fit to treat me like I was a child. I was worse than an animal, he’d say. I wanted to show him how right he was.
I’d been gone for hours, and it was growing increasingly impossible to keep my eyes open as the night gave way to early morning. My legs felt like they were going to give out from my own weight, or maybe it was the weight of my problems I carried on my shoulders.
Before I knew it, I was staring at the old hotel, my car, black and shiny, standing out like a sore thumb in front of the gray exterior. I could have slept in it tonight, had I thought to take my keys with me when I stormed out of the room.
The curtain to room 226 moved, and I realized Emery had spotted me.
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