by Melissa Hill
Mortification had settled in long before her feet left the ground.
The second Kate’s face began to slip away, Penny knew she was about to take an embarrassing spill. She squeezed her eyes shut awaiting the impact that didn’t come.
Then, as if out of nowhere, strong hands gripped her beneath the arms, holding her up, saving her.
“Falling for me, are you?” Mike’s smiling face appeared beside hers, his chin nestled in the crook of her neck.
Their warm breaths mingled in air before them as Penny’s heart hammered in her chest.
He’s here. She found herself smiling.
Chapter 10
“I thought you weren’t coming,” she managed as he set her aright, turning her to face him.
“Thought I’d surprise you,” he smirked. “Looks like you were attempting to skate.”
“Kate was making me. I’m awful and she knows it.” Her cheeks flushed.
“Let me.”
Her eyes widened in refusal, but the words never had a chance to be uttered. Before she could think, Mike’s arm was wrapped around her waist, his hand holding hers for stability while the other rested gently against her stomach, as his body fell into line with hers.
“First trick. Find your centre,” he instructed, eyes fixed upon her. The intensity of his gaze caused something in her stomach to flutter. Her heart stuttered as his fingers splayed beneath her ribcage, his grip tightening slightly as he told her to slide her right foot forward slowly.
“That’s it,” he encouraged.
She wobbled.
“Don’t worry, I have you,” he added as she squeezed his hand. “Now the left.” He smiled. “Good, now the right again.”
Penny hardly noticed as they moved away from the side of the rink, where Kate and Ian watched silently. Her mind was otherwise engaged.
Mike was so close.
She could smell his cologne. It was strong but not overwhelming, much like his grip – firm but gentle, cradling her against his body. She’d never paid attention to how strong he was before. She could feel the curve of his bicep against her back, the solidness of his chest where her arm rested against it, even from under his coat.
She swallowed hard, her face flushing as she took a deep breath.
“Penny…” he said her name and she felt her skin tingle. She liked the way it sounded on his lips.
This was all confusing. The feelings were strange after so long.
“Penny?” he repeated.
“Sorry?”
“I asked if you’d like to have dinner with me tonight,” he chuckled at her confusion.
She nodded, unable to reply. His face was right there. All she could see was the curve of his mouth, the way the right side rose slightly higher than the left. How the white lights in the trees reflected like crystals in his eyes.
“I’d love to,” she fumbled for words.
“Great. I made a reservation.”
The corners of her eyes wrinkled at the announcement. “You planned this?”
“Let’s just say I hoped,” he replied, gently turning her to face him, their bodies flush. “I was a boy scout. They taught me to always be prepared,” he smirked.
“You were a pretty good scout weren’t you,” her voice trembled.
“Very good.”
Chapter 11
There were few sights that could compare to the view from the deck of The River Café.
Situated at the base of the Brooklyn Bridge, with the Manhattan skyline canvassed before you, it was a truly stunning view, especially tonight.
Every building illuminated against a wintery backdrop, each light in the window like a star in the sky, framed by the frosted corners of the restaurant’s large windows – it was beautiful, romantic.
When he’d made the reservation it was with one hope – that she would agree. It had taken some name dropping and string pulling to get a private table on Christmas Eve at such short notice, but thankfully his work connections had paid off.
Still, it had been a bold move, but necessary.
He’d didn’t want to go too fast and push her when she wasn’t ready, after all she’d been through, but he didn’t have that much time.
Tomorrow was Christmas and two days after that she’d be returning to London. All he had was now.
Mike had never been a shy man. He was never one to rush either, or be ruled by emotion.
But with Penny, he simply didn’t know how to be. Ever since their carriage ride, where he’d told her things he’d never imagined sharing with someone he’d known only a short time, something inside him had changed.
But last night’s conversation, and the promise that there could be something more between them, that the pull that yanked at that deep place in his soul, that yearned each time he saw her, could be answered – he couldn’t let it go.
He couldn’t let her go without at least trying. For reasons he didn’t know and didn’t care to have explained, he wanted to show all of him.
Everything he’d never done, he wanted to do. He wanted to heal the hurt she still felt, to sooth the pain of her loss, to open her up again. He wanted to peer inside that precious place she’d closed off, the place that cried to be freed each time she smiled, forgetting the past – the place he could lose himself in – or find himself.
Now, seated with her at their table for two, overlooking the black glass of the East River, the lights of Manhattan reflected upon it, their dinner done, he felt bold.
Reaching out his hand, he placed them atop her fingers, watching her face for her reaction. When it came, it lit up someplace deep in his stomach. Her smile was the most beautiful he’d ever seen, lighting up her face and echoing in her eyes. He could see there was still some fear, that this was all strange, almost new to her, but he wasn’t deterred.
“I’m glad you came,” he smiled, to ease her concerns.
“So am I.” Her fingers closed around his.
“This place is amazing, and the view is just…” She looked out, trying to find words to describe it. “It deserves to have poems written about it or something. I don’t have words that could do it justice.”
“I know you didn’t really want to come to New York for Christmas, but I hope your view of things has changed. At least a little.”
“I didn’t want to come. If it weren’t for Kate being who she is, I definitely wouldn’t have, but I’m happy I did. It’s been too long since I’ve seen her or Ian. And Toby. He’s a different child since I last saw him. It’s like the world moved forward and I got left behind, but being here, in this city, with all of you, has made me see what I’ve been missing.”
He stroked the back of her hand with his palm, urging her to continue.
“Christmas was always favourite time of year. A time I looked forward to despite my circumstances. Kate’s family became my family and each year was something I cherished. When I met Tim, and we started having Christmases together, it was like having my own family. When I lost him, I felt as if I lost everything I’d ever hoped for.”
Her eyes glistened, and though every reflex wanted to tell her not to go to that place, he knew she had to.
“Everyone told me that things would get better after he died. But none of them had ever lost someone they loved. No one could understand.”
He inhaled as she did, needing that calming breath as much as she. Her heart was beautiful, even through the pain.
“Then there was you,” she continued. “You were first person I felt understood – that I wasn’t alone with those feelings – that there was someone who got it. Me.” Her heart quickened as the words flowed free.
“I don’t know what it is I’m feeling right now.” She squeezed his hand tighter. “This is like a dream, that I don’t want to wake up from, and it’s scary. I barely know you, but somehow it feels…it feels –”
“Like something you can’t explain, but don’t want let go of.”
Penny stilled, his words reverberating in her mind.
How could he know what she felt? In the past few days, the more she thought of him, spoke to him, saw him, something had changed inside her.
Some lock that had been rusted, had been broken off, the door opened. She hadn’t laughed this much in years. Felt this much in years.
And though it was frightening, though her every sinew told her to run back into that little room where she’d been hiding, protecting herself, for the past three years, there was the part of her that screamed to hold on to what she was feeling now.
Not to let it go. Not to run away but to towards. She didn’t know which was more terrifying – the dark, or his light, and the possibility of losing again.
She couldn’t breathe.
“Penny, I know what you’re feeling right now. I can see it in your eyes.” He took a deep breath. “I know it’s scary to feel. When I was younger, after my brother’s death, I didn’t want to feel. I couldn’t feel. I tried for a long time to hide. To stay buried. Low to the ground. Alone. But Ian helped me to find my way. He was my friend and encouraged me, and the first time I saw you, I saw something of me in you. I saw the person who didn’t want to be seen, who wanted to shy away. That day I reached out hoping to help this beautiful woman I didn’t know, not knowing what you were going through, not understanding that you were going through what I had. But even after you tore my ego in two,” he smiled. “I couldn’t forget you. And now I’ve had the chance to know you a little. I can’t forget you.”
Be bold. You only have two days.
“What I’m saying is … I like you. A lot. And it doesn’t make sense. But does it have to?”
She was still there. She hadn’t run. It spurred him on, even though his words might very well be burying him in her silence. He couldn’t stop now. Finally, he said it.
“Let me make this Christmas in New York one to remember.”
Chapter 12
There were snowflakes dancing on the buildings.
A cathedral of lights of pale blue and white, welcoming you through ornate light gates. A diva on a cloud above a Taj Mahal with a disco ball roof. Ice castles behind shop windows, illuminated in purple and pink. A tiny sparkling penguin riding upon a glittering white Lexus. Then there was the reindeer, pulling a sleigh full of robin’s egg blue and white-ribboned boxes of varying sizes, large jewelled brooches tucked in between.
Her night with Mike hadn’t ended as a typical date would.
There was no dinner and straight back to the house, but a walk along 5th Avenue, which was a carnival of lights in the middle of the city.
They looked into each window as they shared a bag of roasted chestnuts, purchased from a street vendor dressed as an elf. Penny had even gotten a free elf hat out of the encounter, when he heard it was a very special Christmas for her – thanks to Mike, of course.
Their gander down the avenue had taken longer than expected, as Penny took her time to admire the hard-work that had been put in to the Christmas windows, and the warm, happy feeling that seemed to emanate from every pane, sucking you into the merriment of the holiday season.
She’d understood then when so many people wanted to be in New York for the holidays. It was like nothing that could be compared to any experience she’d had before.
By the time they got in at two in the morning, with fingers intertwined, she was thoroughly tired, but exceptionally happy.
He hadn’t pressed for a kiss. She wasn’t sure she was ready for it, but she did grace his cheek with a peck before wishing him goodnight.
It was every woman’s dream evening, and even in her sleep, Penny smiled at the memory of it.
“Merry Christmas!”
A shout started her awake as a slender body pounced onto the bed beside her.
“What?!” Penny exclaimed, utterly confused.
Kate smiled beside her, a Santa hat on her head and red pyjamas on. “Merry Christmas sleepyhead! You were taking too long to get up so I decided to speed you along.” She smirked. “Must have been a good night with Mike. I waited up until one before I headed to bed, and you weren’t in yet.” She looked like the Grinch, the way her smile consumed her entire face.
Penny promptly hid her head beneath the sheets. “Still sleeping. Come back later.” She batted her away.
“Nope. Wake up. It’s after ten and you need to help Mike and Ian with dinner.” She yanked the comforter from Penny’s head, ruffling her hair. She moaned in response. “Now come on! The faster you get up, the faster we eat and the faster we get to presents!”
Kate had always been a Christmas Day pixie, flitting here and there, enchanted by every bit of finery she could find. It was utterly endearing and completely annoying all at the same time – especially when all you wanted to do was sleep.
It took almost half an hour for Penny to emerge from her bedroom, but once she did she was greeted by the sight of Mike, casually dressed in dark jeans and t-shirt with Frosty the Snowman on it, chopping away at some unfamiliar vegetable.
“Good morning,” he greeted her as he tried to suppress a smirk. “You can start over here by me.” He tapped the chopping board with his knife, beckoning her.
“What are we doing?” she asked, peering over his shoulder curiously, looking at the piles of different vegetables and spices that enveloped the counter.
Ian was near the oven inspecting a large turkey.
“You and I are dealing with veggies and side dishes. We’ve got seasoned potatoes, asparagus, candied yams, Brussels sprouts and wild rice on our menu today. Ian’s handling the turkey, cranberry sauce, stuffing and everything else. He picked up dessert yesterday, so we’ve got cherry almond cheesecake, a Yule log and some macaroons.”
Penny was dumbfounded. “All that for just the four of us?”
“Not four of us,” Kate piped in as she folded napkins on the dining room table. Toby was playing in his playpen quietly. “Our parents usually join us, but this year mine are in Jamaica, so it’s just going to be seven of us.” She looked up from her work, the grin she’d had early still painted on her face. “We always go big, just like back home. Remember?”
She did.
Christmas was always a production, with the performance happening on the dinner table. Penny always preferred the pres-how cooking in the kitchen however, and spent most of the day there helping out. She rolled up the sleeves on her lavender cardigan.
“Let’s get going.”
Bing Crosby was crooning ‘A Marshmallow World’ as they settled in around the tree. Anna and Peter, Ian’s parents, were seated together on the couch.
Anna was drinking eggnog that she’d brought with her, while Peter and Ian discussed plans for a New Year’s football game.
Kate was situated right under the tree with Toby, who was pulling at a silver candy cane ornament.
Mike was packing away the last of dinner. Penny had offered to help but he’d refused, telling her to enjoy herself.
And she had.
She played with her godson, watching him laugh and try to call her ‘Auntie Penny’ which came out as ‘Annie Peeny’, which only made her laugh. It was a bit like being a foster child again, surrounded by people she cared for, and who cared for her.
“Gather around everyone. Time for presents!” Kate proclaimed, holding up a large box. Toby clapped.
They each took turns exchanging gifts, cooing and giggling as they unravelled each in turn, showing them off.
Finally it was Penny’s turn. First she gave Toby his gift, followed by Kate and Ian. She hadn’t planned for Anna and Peter, so their consolation was a large hug each. Finally, there was Mike.
She’d hesitated on whether to get him anything or not, but finally she’d decided that she would. She pulled out the envelope and handed it over to him, their fingers brushing in the exchange, sending a ripple through her stomach.
He had once again found himself beside her on the floor. The card inside was simple, a note to wish him a merry Christmas, bought the evening after their carriage ride. A
thank you for the wonderful day. She hadn’t expected there would be more to add only days later, or that she’d find herself wishing she had something more to give him.
“It’s just something small,” she explained as he opened it, nervousness causing her stomach to turn.
“Thank you,” Mike replied with a smile. “I have something for you,” he whispered, concealing his words from the curious ears in the room. “It isn’t here though. Meet me tomorrow?”
Penny was perplexed, but more so, she was curious. What could he possibly have for her that would need for them to meet?
“You keep surprising me.”
“I know,” he smirked.
Chapter 13
Another night of thinking of him.
This time was different however.
Penny kept being plagued by thoughts of returning home tomorrow, her dream self running from the plane that was to whisk her back to her life.
She woke breathless and even more confused. What did it mean? Her life was in London. Everything she cared about was there. Everything she wanted.
Wasn’t it?
She only had one day to figure that out – today – tomorrow she was scheduled to board a flight, first thing.
Mike arrived around ten, and the pair spent most of the day talking, lamenting that Christmas Day was over already. Both avoided the ever looming elephant in the room, that was her soon departure.
They left at two, for lunch at Del Frisco’s Double Eagle Steakhouse, another unforgettable experience.
The restaurant boasted floor-to-ceiling windows that looked onto 6th Avenue and Rockefeller Centre.
They shared crab cakes and salad, Mike opted for steak while she had seared tuna, as their main. Lunch was long and full of even more conversation. They talked about the things they wanted in life – a home, family – a place to call their own. They had similar desires they discovered, but neither mentioned what it could mean.