Sarah's Solace

by Sarah's Solace (epub)

  Sarah’s mother thought that the woman was speaking to her, and she looked down at her coat which was still buttoned up. She politely smiled at the woman and thanked her, assuming the woman’s mind must be gone.

  I put my arm around Sarah as the woman continued to look at her. I looked at the woman’s gray hair and kind, old eyes. This was how it was supposed to be. Sarah should have been allowed to be an old woman one day, after having lived a long and beautiful life. It wasn’t fair.

  I squeezed Sarah’s arm and kissed her on her forehead.

  The woman smiled wide before speaking to Sarah again. “I can see he really loves you. Oh, to be young and in love again…but being old and in love is even better. I have beautiful memories of my husband.” Sarah’s parents smiled along with the woman’s nurse.

  Soon we reached the fourth floor. As we exited the elevator, Sarah’s parents walked briskly ahead.

  The elderly lady gently squeezed Sarah’s hand. Sarah gasped at the unexpected contact. “I wish you both a long and happy life together,” said the woman. Her nurse, who seemed used to her patient’s behavior, didn’t seem to think much of it.

  “Thank you,” said Sarah, with tears in her eyes.

  “Oh, don’t be sad, dear,” said the woman. “Whatever it is, you will overcome it.”

  We watched the nurse wheel the lady away.

  “If only she knew,” Sarah whispered.

  “Perhaps she does.”

  We quickly caught up to Sarah’s parents again. I noticed we were on the intensive care floor.

  “Mom must want to check on a patient,” Sarah explained.

  However, they first stopped to greet another couple in the waiting area.

  “That’s my Aunt Samantha and Uncle John!” exclaimed Sarah. “Aunt Samantha is my mom’s sister. I wonder what they’re doing here.”

  They hugged Sarah’s parents and said hello. They were obviously upset.

  Sarah grabbed my arm, very concerned.

  “Have you seen her yet?” asked Sarah’s mom.

  Aunt Samantha shook her head. “Not yet. We were waiting for you. The nurse told us there’s been no change.”

  “I wonder if my cousin’s been hurt. She was always running off and being wild,” said Sarah.

  As if to keep herself from crying, Sarah’s mom quickly asked if they were ready, to visit the patient I assumed.

  We followed them as they headed down the hallway. I noticed a lot of spirits with their eyes on Sarah.

  “Why are they all staring at me?” Sarah asked.

  “Probably because you are so new, they are waiting to see what you’ll do.”

  “What do you mean?”

  “Which way you’ll go, to the light or to the darkness. Some of them will try to persuade you, like the men who approached us in the woods that day, remember?”

  “I had been trying to forget those creeps, but I was curious. I could tell what side they are on,” she shuddered. “There’s always the other option, though, just remaining a spirit.”

  She was impossible. I was about to argue with her and try to explain again why we shouldn’t stay as we were. We had to move on eventually. It wasn’t the right time to discuss it, though, since we were about to enter the patient’s room. I just hoped it wasn’t someone she was really close to. She had enough to deal with.

  A nurse was leaving the room as we were about to enter.

  “Hi, Melinda. You doing alright?” she asked as she gave Sarah’s mom a hug.

  “No, but I’m not worried about me,” she answered.

  “I know. Dr. Reynolds will be here a moment.”

  “Thank you.”

  Once in view, I could see a young girl hooked up to the machines, lying there with her eyes closed. Sarah’s mom immediately sat down next to the bed and took the girl’s hand in hers.

  Sarah walked over for a closer look, and then she nearly fell back from fright. I quickly came to her side. It had to be very shocking to see a close relative in this condition. However, once I took a good look at the girl, I couldn’t believe my eyes.

  “Wow. I can’t believe the resemblance. Your cousin looks just like you,” I said.

  Sarah didn’t answer. She looked completely terrified, like she was about to faint, if that were possible.

  “Are you OK?” I asked her.

  She couldn’t speak.

  “Sarah?”

  “My cousin looks nothing like me, Ethan.”

  “What are you talking about? She looks just like…”

  I looked at Sarah’s face, and I knew. The realization hit me like a thunder bolt. My God, this can’t be happening.

  I studied Sarah’s face and noticed again the tiny scar just below her left eye, just like the girl lying on the bed. It all made sense now, only the thought never occurred to me before. I didn’t realize it was possible. I was so filled with emotion that I just stood there, frozen.

  “I’m still alive, Ethan,” said Sarah. “Can you believe it? I’m still alive!”

  She hugged me tight. She was ecstatic, but my mind was racing. What would this mean? My thoughts were interrupted when Sarah’s mom spoke, still holding her daughter’s hand.

  “Sarah, honey. It’s your mama again. We keep waiting for you to wake up. We all miss you terribly. I wish you could squeeze my hand, or somehow let me know that you can hear me.”

  There was still no response from Sarah’s body. Sarah walked over to her mother with a look of desperation and instinctively put her hand on her shoulder. Her mom suddenly smiled, acting relieved.

  “What is it, Melinda? Did you get a response?” asked her sister.

  “No…I mean, I didn’t feel any movement, but the strangest feeling just came over me, like I know that she is listening to me.”

  “She is,” said her sister.

  When the doctor came in, he explained that Sarah was still comatose, as she had been since the accident. They thought they had lost her in the beginning, but she kept hanging on. However, there had not yet been any response.

  Everyone was praying for her, staying by her side, and talking to her all the time, desperately trying to get her to open her eyes, move her hand, do anything that would ensure them that she was coming back. They never once thought of giving up on her yet.

  We watched her parents’ relentless efforts, and it was heartbreaking. Sarah felt helpless. She had no idea what to do, but she did not want to leave the room.

  “You led me to believe you were somewhat of a loner, Sarah. What do you make of all these flowers, get well cards, and constant visitors?”

  I walked over to the display of cards. “Who’s Johnny Putman?” I teased, attempting to sound jealous and lighten the mood.

  “Someone who pissed me off before I drove off that night. He must be feeling really guilty.”

  I then noticed an attractive young girl with curly blonde hair enter the room. She was dressed in white jeans, a bright blue blouse, and big white hoop earrings. Despite her cheery fashion, she looked very depressed.

  “Monica!” said Sarah. She was very excited to see her.

  Monica greeted Sarah’s mom, then sat down on the other side of Sarah’s bed.

  “Still nothing?” Monica asked.

  Melinda shook her head. “I keep telling her I’ve been waiting for that shopping trip. We were supposed to go the next day,” she said, trying to force a smile.

  Monica didn’t smile. “I just wish…”

  “Stop it,” Melinda said.

  “Stop what?”

  “Stop blaming yourself. This wasn’t your fault, Monica.”

  “I shouldn’t have let her drive. I could tell she was upset.”

  “People drive while they’re upset every day. Besides, do you think you really could have stopped her? You know how stubborn she can be.”

  “It wasn’t your fault, Monica,” Sarah tried to reassure her, but she wasn’t heard of course. “You told me to be careful.”

  I put my hand on Sarah�
�s shoulder. “You need a break from this. Let’s go outside.”

  It was a sunny, brisk day as we walked around the outside of the hospital. I held Sarah’s hand as we both contemplated how to handle everything.

  “I just wish they could hear me,” she said.

  “I know, but they probably won’t, because they don’t want to hear your spirit, they want the living Sarah to return.”

  I knew I had to handle this topic delicately, but I had to say it, as much as it hurt me. “Sarah…you need to return to your body.”

  She stopped walking and looked at me with fear and confusion, and then she shook it off. “I can’t. I mean, I don’t even know how. I couldn’t even make my finger move when I was in there.”

  “You would need to return to your body to do that.”

  She was silent for a moment and then said softly, “What if I don’t want to go back.” She couldn’t look me in the eyes as she said it. She knew I would object.

  I grabbed her shoulders. “Look at me, Sarah. You have to go back.”

  This set her off. “I don’t have to do anything I don’t want to.”

  “For God’s sake, this isn’t a time to be stubborn!”

  “For God’s sake? Where has He been during all this?”

  “Don’t go there, Sarah.”

  “Why not? Because I really want to ask God why this has happened to me! Why is He keeping me half alive and half dead? Why has He allowed me to fall for you, forcing me to have to choose between staying here with you or returning to my family? I don’t understand!” she screamed.

  “I still believe everything happens for a reason. There are both good and evil forces, but something good brought us together. It was fate that brought us together, no matter what the outcome is. I wish you didn’t have to go through this, but I’m so glad I found you. Actually you found me in the woods,” I said, smiling.

  She was calming down now. “You believe we were meant to stay together?”

  She put her hand behind my neck and kissed me, slowly and passionately. How was I ever going to let her go?

  8. Neither Here nor There

  I was so tired. Ethan told me spirits don’t need actual sleep, but I sure felt that I could use some. Sleep could at least be a temporary escape. To believe you escaped death, only to find out you didn’t, then to find out that you were actually somewhere in between. It was more than I could bear. They say that what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger. Ha!

  And Ethan. He was just so ‘OK’ with it all. Two people in love should want to be with each other no matter what. But did that mean at the expense of hurting everyone else you love? I didn’t want to hurt them, but I didn’t really care to go back to my life. So I wouldn’t graduate, go to college, or have children. I was OK with that. I only wanted to be with Ethan, only I didn’t know what that would mean. What would really happen if we went into the light? Or would we avoid it forever?

  All these thoughts were circling through my head as I walked around on the lawn in back of the hospital, while Ethan rested on the bench. It was a quiet night, but the moon was brighter than ever.

  I sat down next to Ethan. “Let’s go to the bridge. I need a change of scenery,” I suggested.

  We closed our eyes and imagined ourselves there. In a moment we were. It was a beautiful night, just like it was the last time we were there. I remembered that was the first night we kissed.

  Ethan didn’t pressure me. He knew I needed time to think. We stood there quietly, looking out at the water. I was tired of asking questions that neither of us could answer. I didn’t feel ready to make a decision, but how long did I have? How long could I get away with procrastinating?

  I tried to push the thoughts away. I only wanted to think about this beautiful night and being with Ethan. I smiled and held him tight. Then, I noticed something in the distance. It was a bright light that seemed to dance across the water.

  “What are you looking at?” asked Ethan.

  “That boat out there seems to be coming this way pretty fast, and it’s moving all over the place!”

  “What boat? I don’t see it.”

  I laughed. “How can you not see that, Ethan?”

  As it came closer, the light got bigger. It drew me in, and I couldn’t stop staring at it. I had to squint. It was so bright.

  I was filled with such warmth and peace as it got closer. All my worries seemed to disappear. I was feeling only love and happiness.

  “Wow! What is it, Ethan?” My spirit was glowing, only I noticed Ethan wasn’t happy.

  “I see it now. It’s the light,” he said sadly.

  “What? The light? No!” I gasped. I turned away from it and looked at Ethan with my eyes full of fear.

  He held me and whispered, “It’s OK. It’s fading already. We’ll have other chances. You should never go unless you’re ready.”

  I was overwhelmed. I was so tempted to walk right into the light, and I would have if Ethan hadn’t explained what it was.

  “Good choice, Sarah!”

  I immediately stiffened. I knew that voice. I felt Ethan tense up too, instantly on guard.

  “What the hell are you doing here, Sawyer?” Ethan asked.

  “Oh, I’m sorry. Bad timing?” he asked, smiling. “I always enjoy a good display of the light. It chases me around too.” I gave him a curious look. “Are you surprised?” He didn’t wait for me to answer. “So, you have some choices to make, considering you’re comatose.”

  I stared at him, startled that he knew.

  “I know everything, my dear,” he said as he smiled and winked at me. It was an evil smile. I looked away. “Tell me, sweetie, what do you enjoy more, making everyone else happy or making yourself happy? Be honest.”

  “Don’t play these games with her,” Ethan warned him. I could see the anger in Ethan’s eyes.

  “I’m just trying to help, Ethan. The girl has the biggest decision of her ‘life’ ahead of her.”

  Ethan continued to glare at him. “She doesn’t need your help!”

  “Well, all you’ve done is confuse her just like you did Carla.”

  “Carla made her own choice, and she made the right one.”

  Who was Carla?

  “You think you can’t have it all, Sarah? You can. All you have to do is listen to me.” He laughed. “I mean, really, what has Ethan done for you? He’s a conflicted, clueless boy. Has he really made things easier for you? Has he been able to answer any of your questions? Is he even willing to stay with you? He wants you to return to the land of the living, and I’m sure he won’t take no for an answer, then…he’ll leave you.”

  He was getting to me now. He knew too much. He knew exactly what buttons to push.

  “Don’t listen to him, Sarah. This is what he does. He makes you doubt yourself and the ones you love, promising you happiness so he can pursue his own agenda.”

  “My agenda is to help Sarah,” Sawyer claimed.

  “Sarah is capable on her own,” said Ethan.

  “On your own. You hear that Sarah? He means without him.”

  “Alright, enough!” I finally yelled.

  Sawyer smiled. “I knew you had some spunk.”

  “What I want, Sawyer, what is going to help me, is for you to stay the hell away from us!”

  “The hell away from you? Interesting choice of words. Do you think that by following me you’ll be selling your soul to the devil? That I’ll lead you into eternal flames? You know that’s all ridiculous.”

  “Come on, Sarah. Let’s get out of here,” Ethan said as he put his arm around me, leading us away.

  “Wouldn’t you like to see Alexis?” Sawyer asked.

  This stopped me in my tracks, just like he knew it would. I turned around and stared at him. As much as I despised him, and knew I shouldn’t be listening to a word he said, I had to hear more.

  “What do you know about Alexis?” I scowled.

  “She wasn’t as innocent as you think,” he said.

&nbs
p; “Shut up, Sawyer!” Ethan gave me a pleading look. “He’s full of it, Sarah. He’ll say anything.”

  Not yet. I had to give Sawyer a piece of my mind. I looked at him defiantly. “You know, you must not have many followers if you’re trying so damn hard to recruit me. I’m not falling for it.”

  “You think you’re pretty strong, don’t you? I like that.” He looked at me seductively. “You will fall…eventually. You’ll let down your defenses.” His look suddenly turned mean. “I’m sure you will…and I’ll be waiting.”

  The look in his eyes filled me with a fear that was worse than I had ever felt. It chilled me to the core. He said no more, but slowly turned and walked away, and then disappeared into the night.

  Ethan held me close. “Are you OK?” he whispered.

  “No, but I’m OK for now.”

  “You’re stalling, you know,” Ethan told me.

  I ignored his comment. I tried to concentrate on the beautiful beach, the glistening water, the feel of his hand holding mine, anything but the decision I inevitably would have to make.

  I watched the children play, the adults soak up the sun, the teenagers flirting and laughing. This was real life, a life I still could have if I chose to. Ethan never had a choice.

  “Sawyer was right about one thing. I’m afraid,” I admitted.

  Ethan flinched at the sound of his name.

  “What are you going to do if I return to life? You will leave me, won’t you?” I looked into his eyes so I could really see if he would give me an honest and straightforward answer. I needed to know.

  “I can’t stay like this forever, with or without you, Sarah. I refuse to hold you back, and I don’t want you to go into the light, because we both know you’re not ready. I can’t let you stay a spirit with me, because you deserve so much more, and so do your family and friends. I can’t be that selfish. Nor should I allow you to hold on to me once you do go back. I won’t let you live your life chasing a ghost.”

  “So that’s it?” I cried. “You’re going leave me no matter what?”

  There were tears in his eyes. “You know I have to.”

  “Won’t you worry about me? I mean, Sawyer will still be after me!” I was desperate. I was saying things I knew I shouldn’t be saying.