Sarah's Solace

by Sarah's Solace (epub)

  Ethan put his arm around me, sensing my worry.

  “Ethan,” she said quietly, “would you mind if I talk with Sarah alone for a moment?”

  “Sure,” he answered. “I’ll stay close by,” he told me.

  “So, what’s up?” I asked once he walked away.

  “What’s up?” she laughed. “I’m sorry. I just…this is so strange, isn’t it? I mean, he’s not the first ghost I’ve seen. I’ve seen many actually, and most of them scare the hell out of me. Ethan’s the first one I’ve ever been able to really talk to, so it’s pretty cool. How did you two meet?”

  “It’s a long story.”

  She didn’t push it. “I’m having some friends over after school. You don’t know them. I went to school with them in Chico. Anyway, I’d really like for you to meet them.”

  I tried to think of an excuse. I wasn’t sure if I was ready to hang out with her.

  “Think about it, OK? I’ll meet you here at your locker.”

  “OK,” I said.

  “Cool! He can come too if he’d like,” she said, looking at Ethan. “See ya later.”

  I debated all day and then decided. What did I have to lose? She already knew about Ethan, so what was the big secret? I was becoming more curious about her too. What other ghosts had she seen? Why did they scare her so much? If I had met Ethan before my coma, before I was a spirit myself, would I have been afraid of him? I couldn’t imagine ever being afraid of Ethan.

  Monica of course objected to me going somewhere with Veronica after school. Her impression of her was the same as mine had been. I realized now that I was too quick to judge. I was going to fib to her again and tell her Veronica and I were being forced to work on a project together, but I was tired of lying to her. Instead I tried to make her understand that Veronica was not how I thought she was, that she was actually pretty cool. At least I was starting to feel that way.

  I promised to call Monica when I got home. I could tell she was worried about any new friendships I made, especially with someone so different from her. I would have to console her later.

  Ethan didn’t come with me. He said he thought we needed to talk more without him listening, but he would stay close enough in case I needed him.

  Veronica drove an old van that sounded like it would break down any second, but she seemed to love it. She said her parents wanted to buy her something newer, but she liked old cars. She liked everything old that had a history. “I guess it’s because of the whole ghost thing,” she said nonchalantly. “I have feared them, but I’ve always been fascinated by them at the same time. But after meeting Ethan, I’m overcoming my fear,” she said, smiling.

  I still was a bit jealous, but I knew that I was probably thinking crazy. I didn’t believe she was after him, but how could anyone not fall for him? I remained at constant odds, wanting others to see him, yet wanting to keep him to myself.

  Her house was unbelievable, huge and expensive, situated in the most prestigious subdivision in Willows. I had no idea her family had so much money. Veronica never showed it. She told me her father was a movie producer and was quite a bit older than her mother. They met in Europe.

  When we entered the kitchen, we passed a plump, friendly looking woman who appeared to be a housekeeper. “This is Zelda,” Veronica said as she introduced us. Zelda gave me a strange look, as if she were studying me, and then she looked outside the window, a slow smile forming on her face at something she saw. She looked back at me, continuing to smile, and then exited the room.

  “She’s from New Orleans,” Veronica explained and then whispered, “She practices Voodoo.”

  “Really?”

  “Yeah, so I talk to her all the time about the ghosts.”

  I was fascinated. I wasn’t too sure about the Voodoo, but at least I was meeting people who were more open-minded, more understanding of the spirits. I looked out the window and saw Ethan standing behind a bush at the edge of the pool. Zelda must have seen him too, and she knew that we were together.

  Veronica’s friends arrived shortly, Penelope and Daphne. They were somewhat like Veronica, edgy and a bit punk in their appearance, but they were friendly. Penelope had a small frame and short brown hair, teased at the top. Daphne had more of a baby face and darker, shoulder-length hair. They also wore lots of eye make-up. I felt very square sitting next to them. I was still uneasy and accepted a cigarette from Penelope when she offered.

  We all took a seat at the round table by the pool. I didn’t know what to say to these girls, so I just puffed away on my cigarette, waiting for them to speak.

  “So,” began Penelope, then she paused to take another drag. “Veronica tells me we have something in common.”

  I shot a surprised and betrayed look at Veronica. What did she tell them? I was beginning to like her…

  “Sorry,” said Veronica. “Penelope is not much for subtlety. What she means is we all see spirits.”

  Penelope smiled. “Your secret’s safe with us, as long as ours is with you.”

  I was finally able to speak. “Yeah, of course.”

  “We all have had our own encounters,” said Daphne, smiling. She was less intimidating than Penelope. There was a sweetness about her that made me trust her more.

  “Where is he now?” asked Penelope.

  I was beginning to make up some excuse, and then Veronica interrupted me.

  “He’s right over there behind the bushes,” she said, smiling to let me know I didn’t get that one past her.

  “Is he shy?” Penelope asked, teasingly.

  She was rubbing me the wrong way. “He chooses not to let everyone see him,” I said defensively.

  “Well, this is a first for us. None of us have ever had one as a boyfriend,” said Daphne.

  “What’s that like?” asked Penelope, sounding more sincere.

  How could I answer that? “Challenging,” I said.

  Penelope laughed, although I wasn’t trying to be funny. It was time to change the subject.

  “What have you all experienced?” I asked.

  Even after all I had been through, I was still amazed by their stories. Penelope constantly saw other spirits, ever since she was a little girl, every day, only she didn’t realize they were spirits at first. When you are unaware, they appear to be living people, just a bit peculiar. Some she had never met before, but others made reappearances. I could tell that she was continually at odds with this. She was used to them, not frightened by most of them anymore, but at the same time, it was too overwhelming. She rarely had a moment alone. She sometimes tried to cast certain ones away. Sometimes it worked.

  Daphne didn’t have so many experiences, but the ones she had were very emotional. She was always being visited by deceased friends and relatives. I had a feeling she could relate more to my situation.

  Veronica saw her first ghost just a few years ago. It was her cat. She tried not to cry as she was telling me.

  “I believe the spirits were always trying to communicate with me,” Veronica explained. “My cat saw them before I did,” she laughed. “It all made sense to me later. She was always trying to tell me.”

  “At least now maybe she’ll stop being so afraid of them, after your boyfriend made her feel more at ease,” Daphne said to me.

  “He has that effect on people,” I said, smiling slightly as I could feel the tension easing a bit.

  “Well, I’m dying to meet him!” said Daphne excitedly, not realizing her poor choice of words.

  I still wasn’t sure. I glanced toward the bushes. Veronica was one person, but was I ready to expose him this much? Was he ready?

  “I’ll go talk to him,” I said as I got up. I could tell they were all excited.

  I felt guilty as I approached him. I was also realizing that although my time with these girls was interesting and made me feel more ‘normal’, I was wasting valuable time that I could be spending with Ethan. I didn’t want to waste one precious moment that we would have together.

  He
gave me his sexy smile and took my hand once I was near him.

  “So what are you girls talking about?” he asked.

  “They want to meet you,” I explained, reluctantly.

  “What?”

  “Veronica. She told them everything. They’ve all had experiences with spirits, but our relationship is new to them. They’re curious is all, but I don’t know.”

  “I’ll leave it up to you,” he told me.

  I thought about it for a moment. Veronica already knew, so what were a couple more girls who didn’t even go to my school.

  I rolled my eyes and took a deep breath. “OK. Here we go then.”

  I held his hand as we walked toward Veronica and her friends. I was extremely nervous, not believing what I was doing, kicking myself for it actually.

  Ethan pulled my chair out for me and then sat down at the empty seat next to mine. The girls were speechless. I could tell that they could all see him. They said they were used to seeing ghosts, but their astonished reactions were obvious. Daphne smiled kindly and nervously at him, then at me. Penelope, I could tell, was just trying to play it cool as she smiled at him and smoked.

  “Well, well,” Penelope began, smiling mischievously. I knew she would be the first one to speak. “Veronica didn’t expand on how hot you were.”

  “Penelope!” said Veronica, laughing.

  Ethan looked embarrassed and smiled at me, but I was realizing that Penelope was the one I needed to watch out for in many ways. My instinct told me not to trust her.

  Daphne kindly introduced herself to Ethan, and then he offered a handshake. She was hesitant, but smiling with excitement and anticipation as she slowly brought her hand out to meet his and shook it lightly. She giggled a little after the handshake.

  “I’m sorry,” she explained. “You’re the first one I’ve touched.”

  “That brings us to an interesting question,” said Penelope.

  Oh no. Please don’t ask.

  Ethan saved me by answering her unspoken question very as-a-matter-of-factly. “I kiss Sarah all the time,” he said, putting his hand over mine. I could tell Penelope was jealous. I got the impression she had always been tormented by ghosts, not loved by one.

  “And?” she pressed.

  Daphne was the one quick to change the subject this time. “And so how did you two meet?”

  Nice try Daphne, but an equally uncomfortable subject. What an idiot I was to get myself into this.

  “Sarah was…lost at the time, and we ran into each other.”

  I smiled at him. Good answer. And it wasn’t a lie.

  “Is he the first one you’ve ever seen?” asked Daphne.

  “Yes.”

  “The only one?” Penelope asked.

  I hesitated. “No.”

  She was about to ask more questions, but we were interrupted, luckily, by an attractive older woman. She was tall and thin, with dark hair pulled back. She was elegant without trying to be.

  “Veronica! What are you doing?” she asked, agitated. She had an accent that sounded French. “Did you forget about your appointment?”

  “Damn,” said Veronica, rolling her eyes. “I gotta go.”

  Penelope put out her cigarette. “We need to get going anyway. I need to see Zelda before we go, though.”

  Veronica nodded with understanding. “I’ll keep my mom occupied for a few.” She looked at me. “Sorry. I forgot I have a freakin’ dentist appointment. I’ll take you home first. I don’t care if I’m late.”

  “Thanks,” I said gratefully. I certainly wouldn’t want to have to catch a ride with nosy Penelope.

  “Nice meeting you both,” said Daphne as we got up to leave.

  “You too,” Ethan and I said in unison. I pretended to say it to both of them, but I only meant it for Daphne.

  “See ya,” said Penelope.

  “I’ll meet you out front,” Veronica told me.

  She rushed into the house to say something to her mom as I noticed Zelda rushing out to meet with Penelope. She handed her a bag and Penelope hugged her.

  “I wonder what’s in that bag,” I said to Ethan. “Veronica told me that her housekeeper practices Voodoo.”

  “Voodoo. That’s interesting.”

  “It’s creepy.”

  “I’ll let you know if it feels like someone’s pushing needles in me,” said Ethan.

  I gave him a worried look.

  He laughed again and put his arms around me. “I was kidding! I do have a sense of humor sometimes.”

  Veronica apologized repeatedly to me on the way home. She realized she shouldn’t have caught me off guard by telling my secrets.

  “I was only thinking how cool it was that we all share this, ability I guess you’d call it.”

  I never thought of it like that, nor did I want to. I didn’t care to meet any other ghosts except for Alexis.

  “And Penelope,” she continued, rolling her eyes. “She likes to push things sometimes. She takes it all more seriously than Daphne and I care to.”

  “She talks to Zelda about her experiences too?” I asked.

  “Yeah. Zelda helps her out a lot.”

  “How?” I asked. I didn’t care how nosy I sounded. It was my turn to ask more questions. “I noticed she gave her a bag of something before we left.”

  Veronica nodded. “Little things to help her out. You know, some information, and I think some herbs and spices. It’s not all Voodoo dolls and blood!” she said, laughing.

  She thought for a moment and then was more serious. “We’re all just trying to understand the meaning of it all. You know what I mean? Why us? What are we supposed to do? Help them? Or are they here to help us? Do some of them wish to harm us? Penelope has had some pretty mean ones reveal themselves to her. They’ve haunted her pretty badly, so she wants all the help she can get.”

  I felt bad for Penelope then. I thought of my own frightening encounters with Sawyer. I prayed he would never bother me again.

  “Good luck trying to make sense out of it all, Veronica,” said Ethan. “I still don’t understand everything myself, but like I told Sarah, there’s good and bad everywhere and in everyone, including the spirits.”

  20. Thanksgiving

  The week that followed my introduction to Veronica’s ghost whispering friends was fairly uneventful, for which I was content. I listened to Monica, was polite to Veronica, and asked Johnny how he was doing. I couldn’t ask about his mother, since he still had not told me about her. I wondered how he was coping, especially with the holiday season.

  I couldn’t wait for Thanksgiving break so I could stay home with Ethan, but at the same time, Thanksgiving reminded me of two things. The first being how much I missed Alexis. Thanksgiving dinner still didn’t feel at all happy with her gone. Last year, I could barely eat before I burst into tears and ran to my room. I still wasn’t sure if I could handle it. Secondly, Thanksgiving meant there was just one holiday to follow, just one month to be with Ethan, since he promised to stay with me through Christmas.

  I was already beginning to see Christmas decorations in the stores. They would be a steady reminder of our pending departure. I knew there was no more arguing with Ethan, and I knew it was hard for him too, but I had to think of some solution. I pondered over it as I sketched a picture of Veronica and her cat. I liked her story.

  “What are you thinking about?” asked Ethan. “You look sad.”

  I didn’t answer. I walked over to the chest of drawers that contained my art supplies, looking for some more chalk.

  “Come on, Sarah. Talk to me,” he pressed, making me more agitated.

  I dropped my chalk on the floor and got down on my hands and knees to look for it. I noticed a piece of paper further back under the chest of drawers. I stretched my arm to pull it out and then stood up slowly as I unfolded the crumbled page. I couldn’t believe what I saw.

  “What is it?” asked Ethan.

  “It’s…something that Alexis wrote,” I answered, smiling. �
��It’s addressed to her graduating class.” I laughed at the memory. “She wanted so badly to be named valedictorian of her class. It was a huge goal of hers, so it appears she was already working on her speech,” I said, my voice beginning to quiver with emotion.

  I sat down on the floor with my legs crossed and read to Ethan what she had written. Her speech began with the usual greeting, thanking those who helped them along the way, reflecting on memorable events, etc. It was the part toward the end that really got my attention, surprised me actually. She wrote,

  So now I’m supposed to tell you all to follow your dreams, be successful, plan to come to our high school reunion and brag about your life. It’s good to have goals and to strive for what we want…but don’t make the mistake of always working so hard for something in the future that you forget to live in the present. Make sure that you live your life, not just continually plan for it.

  We’re put on this earth for such a short time. Savor it. If you take time to enjoy the moments, be with the ones you love, and appreciate life for all that it has to offer, then you can brag, then you will have something to be proud of.

  I couldn’t speak. All I could do was stare at Ethan with the tears rolling down my cheeks. He sat down next to me and held me close as I cried into his shoulder.

  “Your sister really understood, didn’t she?”

  “More than I realized,” I cried. “She always seemed so obsessed with being perfect. I always felt inferior to her. I felt so guilty when she died. Why her and not me? I still think that.” I started to get angry again as I pulled away to look at Ethan. “I got to come back and she didn’t. It’s not fair!”

  “Nothing ever really is,” said Ethan. “Listen to what she was saying, though. You wanted to communicate with her spirit. You wanted to hear her speak to you again and now she has.”

  “I’m so glad you’re here with me, Ethan. The holidays will be easier with you here.” Even though you’re going to leave me too.

  He didn’t say anything else. He just held me close.