I wasn’t looking forward to the day, especially when my mother informed me that Thanksgiving dinner would take place at our house this year. She told me that if we did all the cooking, then we wouldn’t have time to think about anything but preparing the food. In other words, it would help keep our thoughts away from the void we felt without Alexis. I could see her point, but at the same time, the thought of dealing with my relatives all day without being able to openly talk to Ethan was excruciating.
When I woke up that morning, Mom was already in her busy cooking mode, cleaning the turkey and looking frantic. I walked into the kitchen in my bathrobe and poured myself a cup of coffee.
“Good morning, sweetheart,” she said with a smile. I had to admire her strength. She was really trying.
“Good morning. So, who all is coming over again?” I asked, lacking enthusiasm as I looked over the meal list on the counter.
“Pretty much everyone.”
“Including Aunt Shelly?”
“No. She’s too tied up with work.”
I smiled. At least that was one good thing.
I walked through the living room to the bay window. I noticed Dad’s car was not in the driveway.
“Where’s Dad?”
“Huh? Oh, he had to run an errand.”
“On Thanksgiving?”
“He’ll be back soon. We have a lot to do today, and I really need your help, OK?”
In other words, she was changing the subject, and I would be spending the morning cooking and cleaning. She was right, though, at least it would make the time pass quickly.
I went back upstairs to my room, where Blondie was curled up next to Ethan on my bed. I kissed them both.
“Good morning,” Ethan said and then kissed me back gently. “Happy Thanksgiving,” he said.
“I have to jump in the shower and then help Mom out.”
I suddenly felt like a selfish idiot, realizing that I had been so wrapped up in myself that I hadn’t thought of how difficult the holidays had to be for Ethan too.
“I’m sure you miss your family like crazy today,” I told him.
He slowly sat up. “I do.”
I didn’t want him to leave, but I still made the suggestion. “You should go see them.”
He thought for a moment, the look on his face reminding me of all his pain. “I will soon, but not today. Besides, I want to be here with you.”
“I will hardly get to talk to you.”
“But I’ll still be with you.” He smiled and added, “And wishing I could eat some of that turkey!”
I had to laugh, although I felt so bad for him.
“You better get in the shower,” he said, pinching my side.
“Why, do I stink?” I joked. “We don’t all get to smell like chocolate chip cookies!”
He laughed and then put his arms around me. “You look so adorable in this old, raggedy robe.”
He slowly, gently pulled on the belt of my robe. There was a longing in his eyes, playful, yet there was a sorrow there.
I ran my fingers through his hair. “I better take that shower.”
I actually did find Thanksgiving dinner more bearable than the year before. It was better with Ethan at my side. We shared the same sense of humor whenever any of my relatives would say or do something funny. He seemed to understand everyone so well, and he always knew what I was thinking.
So I spent the day concentrating on cooking, cleaning, and Ethan. It was enough to keep my mind busy so the day flew by. Before I knew it, we were kissing my Aunt Samantha and Uncle John goodbye. They were the last ones to leave, and by then I was exhausted.
“Well, that went pretty well,” said my mom, taking off her apron and slouching on the sofa with a glass of wine. “Thanks for your help today,” she told me.
“You’re welcome. Well, I think I’m going to turn in early.”
“You’re kidding, right?” asked my dad. “It’s only 6:00 o’clock.”
“I know. I’ll probably watch a movie or something.” I glanced at Ethan quickly, trying to hide my smile.
“Not so fast,” my dad said, smiling mischievously.
“What?”
I noticed my mom was smiling too.
My dad then shocked the hell out of me when he handed me a set of car keys.
“We’ll pick it up in the morning,” he said. “It’s an old Chevy Nova. I checked it out this morning, and it’s in pretty good shape.”
“Oh my God! Are you serious?”
“Your mother and I have given this a lot of thought. Despite everything that has happened, it’s ridiculous for us to keep you away from the wheel forever. But there will be rules.”
“Yeah, of course! Wow! Thank you!”
I gave them both a big hug and a kiss. No more bumming rides off of Monica. Now Ethan and I could go anywhere.
“I gotta go call Monica and tell her! Thank you so much! I promise I’ll look for a job too, so I can pay for gas and insurance and all!”
“That sounds like a deal,” said my dad as he sat down next to my mom and put his hand on her knee.
I smiled at them and bolted up the stairs.
“Oh my God, Ethan! This is awesome! Do you realize what this means? I can’t close my eyes and go everywhere with you anymore, but this is the next best thing!”
He hugged me. “I’m happy for you. It’s pretty brave of your parents too, even though they always worry about you.” He was silent for a moment and then added, “It will be nice to get out of the house more. I wish I could drive you places.”
“Well, how about this? You pick the place, and I’ll do the driving.”
“Any place? I do have something in mind,” he said as he played with a strand of my hair.
“It better be good,” I teased.
I couldn’t wait to see where he would take me, but I would go anywhere with him.
21. Surprise
“You’re beaming,” said Ethan as he grinned at me.
His hand was on my knee as I was driving to school Monday morning. I couldn’t help it. I loved my new, old car. The 1972 Chevy Nova was perfect, blue and shiny. I fell in love with it immediately, but it wouldn’t have mattered what type of car it was. I finally had wheels again. That meant freedom. Freedom with Ethan.
“I love this car!” I told him for the hundredth time.
“I love you,” he answered.
I could only glance at him momentarily, trying very hard to be a more careful driver, but I couldn’t help tearing up. “I love you too.”
When we pulled into the school parking lot, Monica was standing against her car, waiting for me.
“This car is so you,” she said.
She was happy for me, but I could tell she would miss riding to school with me. I continued to feel like I didn’t deserve her friendship. All I wanted to do was be with Ethan while I could. I didn’t give her the attention she deserved. To make things worse, Veronica walked up to us.
“Hey girl,” said Veronica. “Hot car!”
Monica made a face. She hadn’t warmed up to her yet.
“Thanks,” I answered.
“Hey, Monica. How are you doing?” Veronica asked. At least she was trying.
“I’m fine, thanks,” Monica said curtly. “Well, I’ll see you later, Sarah,” she said as I noticed Phil walking toward us. Monica quickly walked over to him, and he put his arm around her as they headed inside.
“She hates me,” said Veronica.
“She doesn’t know you.”
“Yeah, well, whatever.” She turned to Ethan, now that she could talk to him. “So how are you doing, Ethan?”
“I’m good,” he said. “I get to be chauffeured around now,” he joked.
Veronica laughed. “You going to class with us again today?”
“No. I can’t.”
“What?” I asked. He hadn’t told me that.
“Calm down, Sarah. I just need to go take care of something.”
My anger making her
uncomfortable, so Veronica excused herself.
“Take care of what?” I demanded.
“It’s a surprise, OK? I told you I wanted to go someplace with you, hopefully Saturday, so I need to make some arrangements.”
What would he be able to do?
“I’ll meet you at your house after school,” he assured me.
“You know I won’t be able to concentrate all day now.”
“You never do anyway with me there,” he laughed and then kissed my forehead. “I’ll see you later. Don’t worry!”
The rest of the morning was torture. I drew in my notebook instead of listening to the lectures. I didn’t care.
By lunchtime, I decided to hunt down Monica instead of making excuses like usual, like I needed to go study, when really I was sneaking away with Ethan.
“I don’t believe you’re actually eating in the cafeteria,” she said.
“Well, we won’t get to talk on the way to school now, so now we can catch up during lunch.”
We took a seat by the window, just the two of us.
“So where’s Phil?” I asked.
“He has a quiz right after lunch. He’s cramming.”
“How’s it going with you two? You seem happy.” I smiled at her.
“I am,” she said, smiling back. “So what’s the deal with Johnny?”
Damn. She had to bring him up.
“I don’t know. He turned out to be really nice actually, but…”
“Always a ‘but’ with you. What type of guy are you looking for?”
“I always want the ones I can’t have, I guess.” If she only knew how true that was.
“Like who?”
“The man of my dreams,” I joked.
I noticed Veronica sitting by herself a few tables over. Monica turned around to see what I was looking at and then faced me, rolling her eyes.
“I suppose you want to invite her over,” Monica stated reluctantly.
“Give her a break, Monica. She’s nice. She’s still trying to make friends here, since her good friends are still in Chico.”
“What are they like? Do they where massive amounts of eyeliner like she does?”
“Be nice, Monica,” I warned as I motioned for Veronica to join us.
The rest of the lunch went surprisingly well. Veronica simply was herself, who Monica slowly discovered was an interesting and funny person. We shared jokes about some of our teachers and the other students, complained about the same classes, and compared gossip and our opinions about who was hot and who was not.
For a short time, I actually forgot about what Ethan could be doing and our pending demise, which was always on my mind. However, I prayed that Veronica would continue to be careful not to mention his name around Monica. I felt another pang of guilt that Veronica knew my biggest secret that I was keeping from my best friend.
“I guess she’s alright,” Monica whispered to me as we emptied our trays. “I really need to take her shopping, though.”
I smiled at her. I knew she would come around.
Ethan kept his promise and his secret. He was lying on my bed waiting for me when I got home that day. He had my headset on, listening to The Cure, which I couldn’t believe. He said he was broadening his musical horizons. I told him that I couldn’t believe that I still hadn’t heard him play his music. I would soon have to do something about that.
Everything seemed normal in the days that followed, too normal. I knew it was the calm before the storm, so I relished in it and savored it like there was no tomorrow. However, I couldn’t help looking forward to the big ‘surprise’. Ethan said he had it planned for Saturday, weather permitting.
When we woke up Saturday morning, he urged me to dress quickly.
“I don’t even know what to wear!” I said.
He looked out the window with a smile on his face, since it turned out to be a beautiful day. “Wear a windbreaker,” he said.
“A windbreaker? Where are we going? You know, you’re going to have to tell me since I’m the one driving,” I reminded him.
“Alright, alright. We’re going to Napa Valley.”
“Napa Valley?” I was excited, but I had to remind him, “You know I don’t drink wine, and they wouldn’t let me anyway.”
He laughed. “I know. No more questions. Let’s go!”
“What am I going to tell my parents?”
“Make up something.”
“Won’t I need some money?”
“Look in your purse,” he said mischievously.
I opened the wallet in my purse and discovered several hundred dollars. “Where did you get this?”
“Ask me no questions, and I’ll tell you no lies.”
I smiled at him. What had he been up to?
“Come on,” he said.
It took us a couple of hours to get there. I was a bit worried about driving my car that far since one never knows about used cars. If it broke down, how would I explain to my parents why I was driving to Napa Valley? However, Ethan assured me that he knew a thing or two about cars.
It was the most enjoyable road trip I had ever been on, though, just Ethan and I, driving along in my new car on such a beautiful, sunny day for December. We listened to music and joked around. I was sure the other drivers would wonder who I was talking to or what I was smiling about if they noticed.
“I really wish I could drive,” he said again. “The guy is supposed to be the one driving.”
“Says who? Besides, I think that would draw too much attention,” I laughed.
When Ethan finally directed me to our destination, I couldn’t believe what I saw. As if Napa Valley wasn’t beautiful enough on its own, I noticed several gigantic, rainbow colored air balloons tied down to the grass. They were magnificent.
“Here we are,” Ethan said eagerly.
“No! Really? We’re going on one of those?” I was scared and exhilarated. I had never done anything like it.
“Yes, we are!”
“Have you done this before?”
“No, but I always wanted to.”
“This is unbelievable,” I said as we got out of the car. “I want to kiss you so much right now!”
“You can thank me later,” he said with a wink. “For now, you’ll have to pretend you’re alone.”
I felt strange embarking on such an adventure ‘alone’. I hesitantly walked up to the attendant to purchase my ticket.
“Tell them your name,” Ethan told me. “I made a reservation.”
“How did you…?”
“Excuse me, Miss?” asked the man.
“Oh, sorry. Do you have a reservation for me? My name is Sarah Martin.”
“Ah, yes. I see you on the list. You’ll be riding with them.” He pointed to a couple, probably in their late twenties, who were very loving with each other, appearing to have already partaken in the wine tasting activities.
“You didn’t want to bring anyone along for the ride?” he asked.
“Oh…my friend couldn’t make it.”
“Well, enjoy! You’ll always remember this.”
“I’m sure I will. Thank you!”
Ethan held my hand as we stepped into the basket. It was so tiny compared to the huge balloon above it. My heart started beating uncontrollably. Sensing my nervousness, he put his arms around me once we were standing in place.
The tipsy, but friendly couple introduced themselves to me. I was friendly enough in return, but allowed my demeanor to make it clear that I didn’t want to chit-chat with them for the entire ride. I only wanted to enjoy it with Ethan.
As they began releasing the ties, I momentarily thought about jumping off. What was I doing? I gripped the edge of the basket so hard that my knuckles turned white.
Ethan laughed. “After everything you’ve been through, you’re going to be afraid of this? Don’t be afraid to live, remember?”
I smiled at him. He was right. This was an amazing experience, and I was so thrilled to be sharing it with him.
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Before I knew it, we were rising as the pilot heated up the air inside the balloon. I watched the fire rise through the center, and then I gazed out again as everything below us got tinier, and the view became grander. It was a gorgeous day, and the sights were breathtaking.
I realized I wouldn’t be able to tell anyone about this. I would have to come back and bring my friends or my parents with me sometime. I turned around to look at Ethan’s face. He was taking it all in, misty eyed. I was so glad he got to do this too. He deserved to experience everything he wanted also. He deserved to live…and he deserved to go to heaven, only I couldn’t imagine heaven being any better than this moment.
“Stop looking at me,” he said, holding me close, but not taking his eyes off the mountains. “You should be looking out there!” he pointed.
I turned back around, but I could still feel him holding me close.
“We’re two spirits in the sky,” he said quietly.
We were silent for the rest of the ride.
“Oh my God, Ethan! That was so wild!” I said loudly once we were back in the car. I was still so wound up and glad to be able to talk to him again.
“I had always wanted to do that,” he said as we began our ride home.
“You can still do so much more, Ethan.”
I didn’t want the conversation to take this turn, but it always happened anyway, no matter how much I tried to keep it at bay.
“It’s not the same,” he said sadly and a bit irritated.
“What else have you always wanted to do?” I asked, trying to keep the mood cheerful.
“I wanted to be successful with my music.”
“Which I have yet to hear?”
“You will.”
“What else?”
“What everyone else wants out of life, Sarah.”
I was upsetting him. Why did I have to open my mouth?
He continued, “I wanted to shoot a buck that day, the day I was shot. Now I wouldn’t wish anything or anyone dead.” He paused, deep in thought. “I wanted to go to college, travel, play my music, get married and have children. I didn’t think it was too much to ask.”
The sorrow I felt for him had never been greater. I felt guilty for getting a second chance…and I felt so selfish because I was always thinking about myself and what I wanted. I wanted him to stay by my side at all times, even though it was torturous for him, always being in a state of distance.
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