Sarah's Solace

by Sarah's Solace (epub)

  “Let’s get started,” said Veronica, taking another drink. She motioned for Daphne and me to join them on the floor, so that we’d all be sitting around the board in a circle.

  I couldn’t believe we were doing this. I was actually tempted to take the bottle from Veronica for some courage. Instead, Daphne winked at me and gave me a quick hug. “It will be OK. We’ve done this before,” she said, trying to encourage me.

  “And how did that work out for you?” I asked.

  “Not too bad,” she said.

  “Who wants to go first?” asked Penelope.

  I sure as hell wasn’t volunteering.

  Veronica spoke first. “Let’s you and I go, Daphne.”

  “OK!” she answered with excitement, and then they both put their fingers on the heart-shaped indicator.

  “My first question…” began Veronica.

  Penelope rolled her eyes. “I already know.”

  Veronica gave her a ‘shut up’ look, then continued, “I first would like to know if Fluffy is here in the room with us.”

  “Her cat,” Daphne whispered to me.

  “Oh, right.”

  I watched the heart move around the board slowly, then toward ‘yes’.

  Veronica laughed. “I thought so. Probably sitting in front of the fire.”

  The heart made small circle around the ‘yes.’ Daphne giggled.

  “OK, let’s move on now,” said Penelope.

  Veronica sat back and folded her arms, disappointed to be ending her conversation with Fluffy, so Penelope’s fingers took her place.

  “I would like to know how many spirits are with us now,” said Penelope, cutting to the chase.

  “At least one for sure,” said Daphne. We looked at her, asking. “My cousin, Cal. He’s been here all evening.”

  What?

  “He always had a crush on Daphne,” Penelope explained to me.

  “Shut up, Penelope!” yelled Daphne with anger. I was surprised to see that side of her. “Motorcycle accident a few years ago,” she said to me sadly.

  “Sorry, Daphne,” Penelope said, sounding like she really meant it.

  “It’s OK,” she told her.

  “Seriously, though, let’s close our eyes, and I’ll repeat the question. How many spirits, in addition to Fluffy and Cal, are with us now?” asked Penelope.

  I watched the heart make circles across the board. Daphne and Penelope did not appear to be moving it. They looked into each other’s eyes, as if communicating that they weren’t, smirking with anticipation. The heart moved across the board several more times before moving to the numbers, then directly to the number ‘3’.

  “Three,” said Daphne. “Who are you?”

  Why did I come here tonight? I had no desire to meet any more ghosts. I could feel my heart beating faster with fear. We shouldn’t be doing this. I tried to convince myself that it was all still bogus.

  “Better to keep the questions simple,” explained Penelope. “I don’t know why they won’t reveal themselves by letting us see them, but we’ll play along.”

  I never liked her tone, as if she were trying to entice them more than she should.

  “Have any of us ever seen you before?” she asked.

  The heart slowly moved to ‘yes’.

  “Who?” asked Daphne.

  Again, the heart circled all over the board, then directly to the letter ‘S’. Veronica looked at me, concerned, and then we quickly looked back to the board as the heart moved to the letter ‘A’.

  No!

  All three girls stared at me, Penelope still smirking.

  “Maybe it’s Ethan. Maybe he’s here now,” said Veronica, trying to console me.

  I wasn’t convinced. “No. Ethan wouldn’t play around like this, not if he thought it would scare me.”

  “Well, what other spirits do you know?” asked Penelope.

  I didn’t want to spill, but I had to at this point. “I’ve met a lot of them. There’s one in particular you don’t want to fool around with. He’s evil.”

  I prayed that it wasn’t Sawyer.

  “Why didn’t you tell me all of this?” asked Veronica, sounding hurt.

  “It’s a long story,” I told her, feeling guilty for using that excuse.

  “Well, let’s ask them some more questions then,” said Penelope, putting her fingers back on the heart.

  Daphne followed her lead.

  Veronica sat down close to me and put her arm around me in an effort to comfort, but I could tell she was nervous too.

  “Is Ethan here?” Penelope asked the board.

  The heart moved immediately, as if to shout ‘NO’.

  Something was definitely wrong.

  “Does Sarah, or do we, have any reason to fear you?” she asked next.

  The heart moved all around the board, for what seemed like forever, not wanting to stop.

  “They’re not answering,” finally said Daphne. “Let’s rephrase the question. Does Sarah fear you?”

  The heart slowly moved to ‘yes.’

  “Interesting,” said Veronica.

  “Don’t be afraid of them, Sarah,” Penelope said sternly. “They are the ones being afraid reveal themselves.”

  Suddenly, it was like a strong wind swept in and suddenly blew out all the candles in the fireplace.

  Penelope laughed. “Ooh, I’m really scared!” Why did she try to provoke them so much? I was really beginning to hate her.

  “Knock it off, Penelope!” yelled Veronica.

  Simultaneously, all the lights in the room started flickering on and off, and the curtains opened and closed. The lamp on the table next to us fell onto the floor, almost hitting Daphne. She gasped and moved closer to Veronica and me.

  “Sawyer, if you’re here just tell me!” I yelled.

  “Sawyer?” asked Daphne.

  As quickly as it started, all the commotion stopped. Penelope urgently put her hands back on the heart. “Is Sawyer here?”

  The heart jerked to ‘NO’, causing Penelope to jump.

  Who was it then? I still wasn’t relieved. Whoever it was didn’t like me very much to be doing this.

  “Well, this is frustrating,” said Penelope before she took another drink from the bottle. She thought for a moment, and then she was back to the board. “What do you want?”

  The heart moved in what looked like figure eights, then settled on ‘Y’, then ‘O’ and then ‘U’. For the first time, Penelope looked frightened.

  “OK. I’ve had enough! We’re going too far, and this is really freaking me out!” said Veronica.

  “Shut up!” Penelope told her. “What do you want from me?” she yelled at the board. Then she looked to us and added, “Seems I’m always asking that question.”

  I was feeling sympathetic toward Penelope again, and confused. I thought they were after me.

  “Tell me! What do you want?” she asked again.

  The heart moved to the letter ‘K’, then ‘I-S-S’.

  Penelope was silent and then let out a laugh. “What? You want to kiss me?”

  Without realizing it, she took her fingers off the heart, but it didn’t matter. I held my breath as the heart began to move on its own. It circled the board and landed on ‘yes’. Penelope sat back and looked around, wanting so badly to see the spirit.

  “This is crazy, Penelope,” said Daphne. “We don’t even know who this is! They know Sarah, but she’s afraid, so I’m sure she has a good reason to be.” She asked me, “Who could it be Sarah? Who else have you seen, besides Sawyer, who you would be afraid of?”

  I thought for a moment. Everyone I met at Priscilla’s party was friendly. I never felt afraid of them. I had to take myself back deep into my memories of when I was a spirit. I thought back to the beginning, when I was in the woods, and then suddenly it hit me.

  “The woods!” I exclaimed. “You were there with Sawyer.”

  Instantly I felt like the wind had been harshly knocked out of me. I gasped loudly. I
couldn’t breathe for a moment, and then I felt completely confused and out of control, like I had no power over my movements. I tried to say something, but I couldn’t. It was like being paralyzed, but I wasn’t. I was invaded.

  “Sarah, are you OK?” asked Veronica.

  They were all looking at me, like they could see something that I couldn’t. Their voices sounded far away. I remembered being really drunk one time, when Alexis had a slumber party and one of the girls smuggled over some Tequila. I felt a bit like that, only worse. I felt my lips form into a smile, but I didn’t feel like smiling.

  I chuckled, and then I heard my voice, “Don’t worry. I’m fine.”

  They didn’t look convinced. “Oh, come on, girls! I thought we were having fun! You don’t want to play with the board anymore?” my voice asked.

  “No,” said Veronica, harshly.

  “What about you, Penelope?” I asked, smiling.

  “Not right now,” she said.

  “No? You wanted to channel the spirits. Why stop now? You’re the brave one. You’ve had to be, because the spirits have haunted you your whole life.” I moved closer to look her directly in the eyes. “Some have really tempted you.”

  “What is she talking about?” asked Daphne, confused.

  Penelope looked at me intensely, somewhat glaring, but she stayed silent.

  “The cat’s got her tongue. Maybe it’s Fluffy!” I laughed.

  “That’s not funny, Sarah. What the hell’s wrong with you?” yelled Veronica.

  Penelope studied me. She looked deep into my eyes, trying to read me, and then she quietly spoke. “It’s not Sarah.”

  “What?” asked Daphne, and then she started breathing heavily. “Oh my God.”

  Penelope smiled at me, fascinated. “Who are you?”

  “Someone who wants to know you better,” I said.

  “No!” cried Veronica. “Get out of Sarah’s body! Leave her the alone!” she yelled.

  Penelope continued to stare at me, staying still, her eyes not leaving mine.

  “You said you wanted to know what it was like,” my words reminded her. I put my palm on her cheek. She looked nervous, but didn’t want me to stop. Her breathing accelerated, anticipating what she knew I was going to do. My face moved in closer, as in slow motion, and then my lips touched hers.

  24. A Little Too Late

  I watched my father drive away before my mother closed the door. I stood there not moving. I wanted to scream at them that I was there, that I never really left yet, but it was too late for that, and I was too selfish to want it. They were moving on, and to my amazement they were back together. If the pain of losing me had anything to do with that, then at least that was one good thing.

  I made my legs move and started walking down the street. I could easily have closed my eyes and wished myself back to Sarah, but I chose to wait. I didn’t want to spend another day at school with her, having to pretend I wasn’t there, except in front of Veronica. I hated not being able to be normal when we were together. It wasn’t fair to either one of us.

  I loved Sarah more than life and more than the light that kept calling out to me. It didn’t just come and go anymore. It lingered. It was like a constant sunrise, always on the horizon, and it felt like a magnet, always drawing me in while my heart was always pulling me back.

  I kept walking, watching the cars go by, listening to the birds sing and the dogs barking. I was tired of being a bystander. I wouldn’t wish myself anywhere today. I would take the bus. I would pretend I was like every other living human being, if only for one day.

  When I arrived back in Willows, I again took a long walk from the bus station to Sarah’s house. By the time I was in her neighborhood, it was already dark outside. I shouldn’t have taken so long. Sarah would surely be very worried, probably angry with me by now.

  I worried about her so much. What would she do after I was gone? Would I not be able to see her or protect her anymore? I had to assume I wouldn’t, in case that was true. I hated the thought of it. I knew I had to go soon. She knew it too, as much as she tried to avoid the thought. I had faith in her, though. I had proof of how strong she could be. She just needed to convince herself.

  As I entered her house, it felt very empty. Her parents weren’t home yet, and there were no lights on or noise from upstairs. Blondie ran over to greet me, and I leaned down to pet her. I was really kicking myself for not getting back sooner. Something didn’t feel right.

  As I reached the top of the staircase, I could see light coming from her bedroom. I smiled to myself in relief. I quietly pushed the door open, anxious to have her in my arms again.

  Only when I looked inside, she wasn’t there. I turned around to check her drawing room, then I jumped when I saw him.

  “Hi, Ethan,” he said. “Did I startle you?”

  “What are you doing here?”

  I recognized him as one of the men from Sawyer’s group. Corey was his name. He had dirty blonde hair and a smug smile. I didn’t hesitate to grab him and shove him against the wall. I took him by surprise, but he only let it show for a moment before he smiled at me, not moving. I didn’t loosen my grip. Blondie kept barking, knowing something was wrong and not liking the confrontation.

  “Where’s Sarah? What have you done with her?” I asked furiously. I wished I could kill him. I wished it were possible, because I wouldn’t hesitate to do it if he had done something to her.

  “Nothing! She left actually. I guess you didn’t notice her car wasn’t in the garage.”

  “Where did she go?” I wasn’t about to play guessing games. “Tell me right now Corey, or I’ll…”

  “You’ll do what?” he laughed.

  I loosened my grip a bit, but didn’t move. I waited for him to say something. He stretched his shoulders and rubbed his neck, pretending to be relaxing again. I knew he was stalling.

  “She went to go see a friend. Where have you been? I know you’ve been shacking up here all the time now, so I’m surprised you were willing to leave her side.”

  I said each word slowly and calmly. “Where is Sarah?”

  “Don’t you want to know where my friends are?”

  I glared at him while my fear of Sarah being in danger was keeping me in a rage. “They better not lay a hand on her!” I yelled. “Is Sawyer with them? Is he back?”

  This hit a nerve. “No, Ethan! Sawyer is not back! Sawyer has chosen to abandon us, thanks to you and your little girlfriend.”

  I felt satisfaction for that at least. I was pretty sure he had left for good, but it was better to hear it validated.

  Corey continued, “We don’t like people getting in the way of what we’re trying to accomplish.”

  “What are you trying to accomplish, Corey? Going to hell? I don’t care anyway. Just tell me where Sarah is!”

  “She wrote you a note…but I lost it. Maybe the dog ate it,” he laughed. He tried to pet Blondie, who growled at him in protest.

  “Screw you, Corey! I’ll find her anyway!” There were only so many friends’ houses she could have gone to.

  Corey sighed. “Oh, what the hell. They’ve had enough time anyway, and I’m getting bored. I always get elected to be the look-out guy. She went to Veronica’s.”

  I arrived at Veronica’s house instantly. The energy of my anger increased my travel speed. Unfortunately, Corey arrived at the same time. I ignored him and entered the house.

  When I walked in, I first noticed two of Sawyer’s friends standing in the candlelit living room, smiling at me. As I moved in closer, I saw Sarah, and she was kissing Penelope. I didn’t know what to make of this scene. Veronica and Daphne remained frozen, like they didn’t know what to think or do.

  “What’s going on here?” I said loudly.

  Sarah broke away from her kiss and looked at me, annoyed. “Hi, Ethan.”

  “Sarah, what are you doing?”

  “What does it look like I’m doing?”

  Something wasn’t right. Sarah certain
ly didn’t seem right. I just stared at her in confusion, not knowing what to say next.

  “You’re not the only one who gets to have all the fun,” said Ryan, smiling at me.

  Ryan had long brown hair held back in a pony tail and a massive amount of tattoos. The other guy in the room, Brandon, the really skinny one with the shoulder length black hair, glared at me.

  “Ethan!” yelled out Veronica as she ran toward me, frightened. “It’s not Sarah. It’s one of the spirits here. He’s in her body!”

  “No!” I yelled as I ran to her. “Sarah!” I grabbed her shoulders, but she just stared at me with a silly smirk on her face, like she was in a daze.

  “Who’s in her body?” I asked the men forcefully. They stayed silent. I tried to remember the faces and names of the rest of Sawyer’s followers.

  “You don’t remember me, Ethan?” said Sarah’s voice. “My name’s Carlos. You and I go way back.”

  I remembered Carlos as one of the first spirits I met. He was a musician, the wild, long-haired drummer of a heavy metal band, who died in a bus accident while he was in his early twenties. He was on his way to a gig. He was a nice guy when I first met him, but very angry and resentful, as we all were at first, but he was never able to calm down and accept his fate. He wanted to lash out. He was the perfect prey for Sawyer.

  “Carlos! Get the hell out of Sarah’s body, or I swear to God…!”

  He laughed. “You swear to God?” He looked at his friends. “You can show your faces now, you know.”

  The other men followed Carlos’ instructions and slowly became visible. The girls stared at them. They seemed frightened, except for Penelope.

  “So, your name is Carlos,” she said, as if she were being introduced to a new friend. “I want to see what you look like,” she said seductively.

  This convinced him. He suddenly released himself from Sarah’s body, causing her to jerk and then collapse. I ran over and threw my arms around her. “Are you OK?” I asked.

  She slowly came to, as if she had been asleep.