Sarah's Solace

by Sarah's Solace (epub)

  He laughed. “I was talking in my sleep? Sorry if I woke you up.”

  “That’s OK. You were saying something to me actually. It sounded like you were upset. You told me to go back, and that I had to…live.”

  He stayed silent for a moment and didn’t turn around as he continued to cook. “You know, I vaguely remember now. I think I was having a nightmare about you being in the woods, you know, after hearing the story about your crash.”

  “Oh.” That made sense to me. “Sorry. I didn’t mean to give you nightmares.”

  He walked over to me with my plate. “It scares me to think that anything would ever happen to you,” he said.

  “Well, you’ve got nothing to worry about,” I said lightly as I took a bite of my bacon. “This is delicious!”

  He nodded. “Like I said, everything…”

  “Tastes better when you’re camping,” I said with a grin.

  He chuckled. “That’s right.”

  36. Visions

  I had already made several trips carrying in bags and equipment from my car before Jake finally offered to help.

  “I got it,” I told him, slightly annoyed. I set my last bag by the door before I slumped onto the loveseat.

  I looked around our tiny apartment and sighed. Jake wasn’t much of a housekeeper. I wasn’t either, but at least I made an effort when I was home, even if our furniture and attempts at decorating were pathetic.

  Ginger, a friend of ours who was one of the hostesses at Bamberger’s, came in from the kitchen with opened beers for all of us. I nodded a ‘thank you’. She smiled and took a seat next to Jake on the sofa, cozying up to him, confirming my suspicion that they had been hooking up.

  “So, how was it?” Jake asked, barely taking his eyes off of the football game.

  “Good,” I answered, trying play it cool and not sound as happy as I felt.

  “She wasn’t a sissy out there?”

  “No man, she did good.”

  I could tell that Ginger was trying to listen, but not look like she was.

  “Yeah? And?”

  “And we had a great weekend.” I got up and stretched.

  “He’ll give me details later,” Jake whispered to Ginger.

  “So you’re dating an older woman?” Ginger asked.

  Jake rubbed his temples, realizing Ginger was saying more than she was supposed to.

  “What? I think it’s cool!” she said defensively.

  I didn’t answer. I just wanted to be alone so I could process things. The weekend had stirred up a lot of emotions…and confusion.

  “Well, I’m pretty wiped out,” I told them. “I’m going to lie down for a while.” I carried my beer into my bedroom and turned on the TV, not caring what was on. I leaned back on the bed and put my hands behind my head, staring at the ceiling.

  It was the best camping trip I had ever been on with a woman, that was for sure. Every moment I spent with Sarah felt perfect, surreal almost. It felt so good to be with her that it made me nervous. She was beautiful, but not glamorous. I wouldn’t want her to be. She was more like the girl-next-door who the guys always fantasized about.

  It was a lot more than that, though. I felt completely at home with her, like we were meant to be, as corny as that sounded. I felt a connection with her that I couldn’t even explain, and I felt magnetized to her from the first moment I saw her. At the same time, I had fear and feelings that I couldn’t understand. Visions would pop into my head unexpectedly.

  I kept picturing her in different situations, sitting on a bed talking to me, hanging out in a park, or sitting at a desk and sketching with her pad and paper. The visions were always fuzzy, and she looked different than she did now, almost angelic, but also happy. She was always smiling at me.

  Only last night the vision had changed. I lied to her when she asked me about my nightmare. I remembered every moment of it vividly, but I couldn’t tell her the truth. Luckily, I didn’t say too much when I talked in my sleep, because it would have frightened her as much as it did me.

  We were walking on the beach and then walking around town, watching people again as we held hands, only then the scene changed. Sarah was in a hospital bed, and I was there with her loved ones. They were crying and begging her to come back. That must be when I spoke. Sarah heard me telling her that she had to go back and live.

  I just had to convince myself that my nightmare was solely the result of hearing her tell me about her car crash when she was young. I prayed that it wasn’t some kind of premonition. I had this nagging feeling that she was in some kind of danger that I wouldn’t be able to protect her from.

  37. Little Things

  I felt like I was going through the motions at the gallery, when all I could think about was the weekend I spent with Dylan. I was already falling for him. It was a dangerous, yet exhilarating feeling. I couldn’t wait to see him again.

  I heard the phone ring, interrupting my daydreams, but Jessica was quick to answer it. “Sarah’s Collections,” she said sweetly. “Who? Mrs. Robinson?” she asked the caller.

  I rolled my eyes and motioned for her to hand me the phone. “Hi, Monica,” I answered, trying to hint with my tone that she had better back off.

  “I’m sorry. I couldn’t help myself,” she said laughing.

  “Ha ha. Very funny. You know, for a psychiatrist, you’re not very open-minded.”

  “OK. I’ll stop. You know I’m only messing with you. How was your weekend?”

  “It was great.”

  “Oh, come on. How was it really?”

  “Honestly? And you’ll stop teasing me?”

  “I will. I’m sorry,” she said sincerely.

  I walked into the back room for privacy before I continued, “Thanks, because I’m already starting to have some strong feelings for this guy. He’s…I don’t know. I can’t describe it, but I haven’t felt this way since I was a teenager.”

  “You never seemed to feel very good as a teenager.”

  I always felt guilty for keeping so much from Monica. “What I meant is, I really think I could have a relationship with him. He’s mature, sweet, thoughtful…”

  “He sounds perfect, Sarah. Finally.”

  “I know.”

  After lunch, I was alone in the gallery. Patrick and Jessica were running some errands, and I was manning the place while the sky grew dark and started a light rain. So much for business today, I thought, only I was in such a good mood that it was impossible to feel gloomy.

  I hummed along to the radio while the station played some 80’s music. I recognized all of the songs and would surprise myself when the lyrics that I hadn’t heard for so long would come easily out of my mouth. The next song that played was ‘Modern Love’ by David Bowie. I walked over to the radio and turned it up, singing and dancing along to it while I poured myself a cup of coffee. I was really getting into it, shaking and singing, until I turned around to discover that Dylan was standing right behind me. I almost choked on my coffee, and I felt my face turn red.

  “Dylan! I didn’t hear you come in!”

  I walked over to the radio and turned it down.

  He was grinning at me. “You had the radio too loud. I liked watching you dance, though.”

  I hid my face in my hands in embarrassment. “How long were you watching me?”

  “Not too long. You really should be more careful. It’s not too safe to be here working alone.”

  He looked really concerned, and I agreed with him. “I’ll be more careful.”

  “I brought you something,” he said, handing me a small bag and smiling again.

  I curiously looked inside, and I was immediately intoxicated by the smell.

  “Umm…chocolate-chip cookies,” I said.

  “I passed the bakery on the way here and thought it would be a nice surprise on a rainy day. I hope you like them.”

  “They’re my favorite. Thank you.” I couldn’t resist and immediately grabbed one to take a bite. They were freshly bake
d. The chocolate was still warm and gooey. “Oh my God, these are good. You want one?”

  “I already had one.” He chuckled at me. “You’ve got some chocolate on you.” He gently rubbed his thumb against my lip, making me forget about the cookie I was still chewing.

  “I’ve missed you already,” he said.

  “Same here.”

  I was feeling too vulnerable. I still feared that we were moving too fast. I heard my cell phone ringing. Part of me felt saved by the bell while the other part of me didn’t want to move.

  “Excuse me,” I finally said as I walked behind the counter and picked it up. I set it back down and sighed. “It’s my parents. I’ll call them back later.”

  “Call them now. I don’t mind. You wouldn’t want to worry them.”

  “I’m 37 years old. They need to stop worrying.” I stopped in my tracks, realizing my blunder. I hadn’t yet told him how old I was.

  “They have reason to worry. They almost lost you once, after already losing Alexis.”

  I was shocked that he didn’t react at all to my age, but even more shocked that he said my sister’s name. I stared at him, my forehead crinkling with confusion. Something felt very odd.

  “What? Are you OK?”

  “Yeah. I just don’t remember telling you my sister’s name before.”

  He didn’t comment. He looked confused, but then he seemed to dismiss the thought. He walked up to me slowly and took my hand. “So, I would bravely like to invite you to something. I’m performing Friday night.”

  “Really?”

  I had been dying to hear him play.

  He smiled widely. “Yeah, well it’s just me playing my cello, accompanied by a friend of mine playing piano. It’s at a wine bar just outside of the city.”

  “Are you kidding? I would love to go!”

  “I’ve played there a few times already. I guess I don’t completely suck or they wouldn’t invite me back, right?”

  “I can’t wait to see you play!”

  I could see that this made him very happy. “Cool. I have to get there early, though, so I have to go straight from class.”

  “Just give me directions, and I’ll be there. I’ll bring a friend.”

  “Speaking of class…” He looked at the time on his phone. “I gotta go. I’ll call you later.” He put his hands around my jaw and kissed me on the lips, lingering like he didn’t want to leave, and he groaned in protest.

  “You better go,” I reminded him, but my body language was begging him to stay.

  “I know,” he said, forcing himself to back away from me. “Enjoy your cookies…and keep an eye on that door.”

  “I will, and I have some mace.”

  “Be careful,” he said as he was walking out.

  I shook my head and smiled, then I grabbed my cookie again before I picked up my phone to call my parents back. Before I could dial, my thoughts caught up with me. I called Veronica.

  “Hey, Sarah!”

  “Hey. How’s it going?”

  “Fine. Everything alright?”

  “Really good, but strange. I really need to talk to you. How about meeting me for drinks tonight?”

  “Sure. Name the place.”

  We chose a little bar close to my apartment so I could walk home. I offered to let Veronica stay with me if she wanted. The bar was intimate and not too loud. It was perfect for having a conversation. We ordered Margaritas on the rocks and snacked on pretzels. Veronica was in a good mood after just having finished a big decorating job. She was dressed in jeans and a black blouse that showed her bare shoulders. I was also in jeans, but she pulled it off more elegantly. I didn’t want to bring her down with my paranoia, but there were some things that I couldn’t get off of my mind, and she was the only person I could talk to about it.

  “So, I hear that you and Dylan have been pretty hot and heavy! And you went camping?” She laughed and took a sip of her drink.

  “You and Monica discuss me a lot, don’t you?”

  “It’s time you know the truth, Sarah. Our lives revolve around you.”

  I rolled my eyes and smiled. “Very funny. And yes, I went camping. It was fun!”

  “You’re really into this guy, aren’t you?”

  I noticed a couple of good-looking men pass by us, and one of them couldn’t take his eyes off of Veronica, but she didn’t seem to notice as she intensely waited for me to answer.

  “I think I’m falling in love with him.”

  “Wow! I’m shocked.”

  “Me too. We haven’t known each other long, but it just feels right, like this is what I’ve been waiting for.”

  “Who you’ve been waiting for.”

  “Exactly.” I paused, not knowing where to begin. “But…”

  “Of course there’s a ‘but’.”

  I sighed, not wanting to continue if she didn’t want to hear it.

  “I’m sorry,” she said. “I just don’t want to hear any more about the age difference.”

  “No. It’s not that. I don’t give a crap about that anymore.”

  “Good! What is it then?”

  “I don’t know. There are just some little things that are freaking me out a bit. For instance, he had this nightmare when we were camping. He kept saying that I had to go back. I had to live.”

  Veronica was taken aback. The words reminded us of the same awful memory. “That’s pretty wild,” she finally responded.

  “I know! I mean, I did mention my car crash to him, but I didn’t go into detail. He acted funny about it when I asked him, but he said the nightmare was a result of what I told him.”

  “Well, that happens all the time. We hear or see something during the day and then have a strange dream about it.”

  “Oh! And he said that my drawing of Priscilla looked familiar.”

  “People say that all the time about drawings, portraits, people…”

  “OK. Well, listen to this. He brought me chocolate-chip cookies today. You remember what I told you about chocolate-chip cookies, right?”

  Veronica laughed and shook her head. “Sarah…”

  “He also mentioned Alexis. I told him that my sister died, but I swear I never mentioned her name.”

  “So what are you saying?”

  “I don’t know what I’m saying,” I said, taking a deep breath.

  “Sarah, I think you’re reading too much into things…and you’re thinking about him again.”

  I bit my lip and didn’t answer.

  She looked at me seriously. “You’ve never been able to get him off your mind, and if you don’t stop…then it will be your demise.”

  I took another drink of my Margarita, feeling tears in my eyes. “You’re probably right.”

  “You’re crazy about Dylan, right?”

  “Yes.”

  “Then enjoy being in love with Dylan and let the past go.”

  I gulped down the rest of my drink and ordered another. I wanted to sleep well and stop my mind from going back in time.

  Veronica did spend the night at my apartment. I woke up early and tried to be quiet as she slept on the sofa. I poured myself a cup of coffee and sat down on the chair next to her. Even though I was up early, I didn’t feel like going to the gallery for a while. I knew that Patrick would be there early, so I took my time. I looked around the kitchen, laughing to myself as I remembered the rest of our evening.

  We stayed at the bar late and eventually talked to some of the guys there, but it was all for Veronica’s benefit. I made it clear that I was taken, but they still tried to flirt with both of us. We even danced at one point I recalled, and I’m sure we looked ridiculous. Eventually, we stumbled back to my apartment. We never ate dinner, so we raided my kitchen, deciding on frozen pizza.

  It wasn’t quite the evening that two grown women should have, but we seemed to need it. It had been a long time since we really cut loose like that. Only now, my head was pounding, and I wanted to sleep but I couldn’t. I started thinking about Dyl
an again and smiled at the thought of his face. I had been wanting to sketch him, so I grabbed my pad.

  After I had been sketching and drinking coffee for about a half an hour, Veronica woke up.

  “What are you doing?” she asked sleepily.

  “I couldn’t sleep,” I replied, continuing to sketch.

  She got up and stretched and then walked over to look. I tried to quickly hide my pad, but she was too quick.

  “He really is gorgeous,” she said, reviewing my work. “Something about his eyes. They’re compelling.”

  “Tell me about it.”

  Veronica chuckled as she poured a cup of coffee. “You drove all the men crazy with your rejection last night.” She sat back down on the sofa and looked at her phone and smiled. “I already got a few texts from the lawyer.” She quickly returned the text, laughing as she wrote, and then she set the phone down. “So, when do you see him again? Soon, I hope.”

  “Actually he’s performing Friday night. It’s a solo performance. Would you like to go with me? I don’t want to sit there by myself.”

  “Yeah, sure!”

  “Cool. Well, I better get my butt in gear and get to the gallery. Thanks so much, Veronica.”

  “For what?”

  “For being such a great friend. For always being there for me.”

  She smiled and took another sip.

  38. Melody

  When Friday came around, Veronica was almost as excited as I was. I even felt nervous for Dylan, but I was unsure why. He told me that he had played at the bar before, but I just couldn’t imagine being in his shoes with everyone watching me like that. It meant a lot to me that he really wanted me to be there to hear his music, and that he wasn’t too nervous to have me in the audience.

  I decided to wear my favorite little black dress, with killer heels that made my feet ache, but always got me compliments. I even intensified my eye make-up. I had to admit to myself that I was attempting to stand out in the crowd, and I wanted to look good for him.