Sarah's Solace

by Sarah's Solace (epub)

  Jessica finally returned thirty minutes later.

  “Sorry I’m late,” she said, but she was grinning like crazy.

  “What have you been up to? Some kind of mischief?” I asked jokingly.

  “Oh…nothing. Hey, by the way, I know I said that I couldn’t work this Saturday, but my plans got cancelled, so I can come in.”

  “OK. Thanks.”

  She busied herself straightening one of the paintings while she continued, “So, you know, if you want to get out of here Saturday then that’s no problem.”

  She was acting funny for some reason, but my curiosity was outweighed by my excitement at the thought of spending time with Dylan. He had something up his sleeve, and he was known for great surprises.

  “Well, actually Dylan wanted to make some plans.”

  “Cool. Go spend some time with him. I owe you anyway after what I just told you.”

  “You don’t owe me anything,” I reassured her.

  I woke up Saturday morning feeling great, a feeling I was getting used to, but I was also filled with anticipation. I woke up before Dylan did and decided to sketch as I drank my coffee.

  “Nice shirt,” Dylan said when he walked in. He was referring to my old, oversized Poison concert shirt that I was wearing with nothing else. “Flesh & Blood Tour,” he read. “I’m glad you kept loving music.”

  “Johnny took me to the concert,” I admitted, glancing up from my sketch pad to see his reaction.

  “So you dated him?”

  I didn’t want to get into it, but I didn’t want to keep secrets. “For several years, and then I broke up with him.”

  “So you must have been pretty serious.” He seemed a little jealous, but then he added. “I always liked Johnny.”

  “We started out as friends, but then it did get serious. A part of me did love him, but…” I continued sketching instead of finishing my sentence.

  “But?”

  “He wasn’t you. Nobody ever was.”

  He came behind me and put his arms around me. “Until you met Dylan.”

  I laughed. “Yeah, until I met Dylan.”

  “Well, you look cute in the shirt,” he said, giving me a kiss on my neck. “You’re drawing Jessica,” he observed.

  “It’s a going away present. She’s taking a job in New York.”

  “I know you’ll miss her.” He didn’t sound surprised. “We better get ready to go.”

  When I emerged from the bedroom, Dylan stared at me in awe. “You’re wearing the blouse. I don’t believe it.”

  I was dressed in jeans and the blouse that Priscilla had given me. “Is it creepy that I’m wearing this?” I asked hesitantly. “I mean, it’s the blouse I was wearing when I was a spirit.”

  “I know, but the blouse meant a lot to Priscilla, and she wanted you to have it. You look beautiful.”

  “I don’t know what made me put it on. I’m glad it still fits.”

  “Amazing,” he said, still staring at me.

  “Amazing that it still fits?” I asked defensively.

  “No,” he laughed. “It’s just amazing that you’re wearing it today.”

  “So are we ready to go?”

  “Sure. Grab a windbreaker.”

  “So, all I know so far is that we’re heading north, and that it will be windy,” I said out loud, hoping that he would give me another hint, but all he did was smile as he drove, keeping his eyes on the road.

  “Yep, that’s all you know,” he said.

  “Come on, just tell me!”

  “I thought you liked surprises.”

  I folded my arms and sat back, trying to be patient.

  “I hope that you’ll still get excited. Now that I think about it, I don’t know how many times you’ve been here,” he said.

  “Well, I’m sure I’ll love it anyway.” I looked out at the scenery again and finally noticed that we were following the roads that led to Napa Valley. I looked at him with a big smile that he returned. “No, I never came back. I wanted to keep that happy memory to myself, and I didn’t want to come back without you.”

  He patted my knee. “Now we can enjoy the ride together again.”

  My heart skipped wildly as I saw the beautiful, grand balloons sitting majestically on the lawn with their striking colors. Never did I imagine that I would experience this with him again, but here we were. I held his hand as we checked in and walked toward the rainbow colored balloon.

  “I don’t believe you brought me here today. It feels so ethereal, like every moment I’ve been spending with you.”

  “It’s only going to keep getting better,” he said, squeezing my hand.

  “And this time I can talk to you in front of the other people,” I said with a laugh.

  “I requested…paid extra actually, for a ride for just the two of us.”

  “Really?” He didn’t need to be so extravagant, but I appreciated the thought. “That’s romantic,” I told him with a smile.

  After we got in the basket, Dylan stood close behind me, holding on to the edge with his hands next to mine.

  “You ready for take-off?” our pilot asked.

  “Absolutely,” Dylan answered.

  Funny how now that I could talk to him on the ride, I still stayed silent. I just wanted to relive the moment with him as I felt the rush of being high in the sky, with just the fiery, hot air keeping us up.

  “You’re being quiet,” Dylan said.

  “Just taking it all in and trying not to cry because I’m so happy.”

  “Well, don’t cry yet.”

  “Yet?” I turned around to look at him. He smiled at me, took my hand in his gently and got down on one knee, almost losing his balance.

  “Oh my God,” I said with a shaking voice, and then I put my hand over my mouth.

  The pilot looked at us and smiled, then he looked away to give us our private moment.

  Dylan pulled a small box out of his jacket pocket and opened it, displaying a gorgeous diamond ring that sparkled in the sun. I couldn’t speak. I wasn’t at all prepared for this moment.

  “Sarah…” He nervously chuckled. “I had this beautiful speech prepared, but now I can’t remember the words.”

  I let out a laugh as I smiled and cried. It didn’t feel real.

  “I love you so much, Sarah, that I can’t even describe it. I don’t know how I got so lucky, that I was able to find you again after all these years,” he continued, and I noticed that his eyes were full of tears. He glanced at the pilot, as if to remind himself that he shouldn’t say too much. “I believe it’s because my soul could never let you go, will never let you go. We belong together for eternity, and I want nothing more than for you to be my wife…forever.”

  “Me too,” I cried. “I love you, Ethan.”

  Neither of us cared that I called him by that name. My hand shook as he placed the ring on my finger, fitting it perfectly into place. He stood up, and I threw my arms around him, tears rolling down my cheeks. He kissed my mouth and gently wiped the tears away, and then I kissed him again.

  “I love you so much,” I told him again. “I can’t believe this is happening!”

  “I believe in everything now,” he said.

  44. Spreading the News

  I had never in my life felt so happy and content, but I felt like it was more than I deserved, and that it was too good to be true. It made me fear that it wouldn’t last. I tried to put these thoughts out of my head as I lay against Dylan, skin on skin under the soft sheets of my bed. I could hardly keep my eyes open, but I didn’t want to go to sleep. I didn’t want the day of my dreams to end.

  I gently traced Dylan’s chest with my fingers as I watched my ring sparkle in the candlelight. Dylan’s eyes were closed, but he gave me a squeeze, letting me know that he was still awake.

  “I love my ring,” I told him, and then I kissed his neck.

  “I wish I could have afforded more, but I’m glad you like it.”

  “Are you kidding? I don�
��t care how big it is. You didn’t even have to get me a ring. All I want is to marry you.”

  He smiled contently.

  “I do like the design, though,” I admitted.

  He smiled bigger. “Jessica did good.”

  I leaned up to look at him in surprise. “Jessica picked it out?”

  “She helped me pick it out. Why do you think she took such a long lunch the other day?”

  I laughed. “Well, aren’t you sneaky? You haven’t changed either, asking my friends for help.” I hoped he knew I was referring to our Christmas Eve at the cabin, not the day he left.

  “You’ve always had good friends.”

  “Speaking of friends…and family. This is going to be some pretty big news to them,” I said.

  “I know you can’t wait to tell them,” he said with a smile, not picking up on my nervousness.

  “What about yours?” I inquired.

  “They already know.”

  “What?”

  “I already told Jake that I was going to ask you, and then I called my mom on a whim last night and told her too. She can’t wait to meet you.”

  I wondered what exactly he told his mother about me, about us. “How old is she by the way?” I asked.

  “She’s 43. My dad is 48.”

  He confirmed my fear. “She’s not much older than me. Does she know that?”

  “I told her you were older. Don’t worry.” He kissed my forehead. “She’s happy for me.”

  I put my head back on his shoulder, starting to relax a little more.

  “So, now I get to officially meet M&M,” he said. “I already know them so well, but I have to pretend like I don’t.”

  “That will be strange,” I said, realizing that he’ll once again by in my parents’ house and in my old room, and it made me laugh. It was going to be very interesting indeed.

  “Are you serious?” Veronica screamed on the phone when I told her. I had to hold it far away from my ear. “Sarah, that’s awesome! I am so excited for you two!”

  “I feel like I’m floating, like I’m still on that balloon ride,” I said with a laugh. “I just can’t believe this is all happening so fast.”

  “Not really,” she reminded me. “You’ve had to wait for too long.” She paused and sniffled. “You’re making me cry now and smear my make-up before I meet my new client.”

  “I won’t keep you then. I just couldn’t wait to tell you.”

  “I’ll call you later today so we can talk more. I want to hear more details…and talk about your wedding!”

  “OK. I need to call Monica back, so I’ll give her the good news too.”

  Veronica paused. “How much are you going to tell her?”

  I let out a deep breath.

  “Just think it over, OK?”

  “OK. I will. Love you.”

  “Love you too. Bye.”

  I sat down on the sofa, alone with my thoughts while Dylan was at cello practice. I had already been thinking about it, and I knew what I had to do. I picked up my phone and dialed Monica’s number.

  “Sarah!” she answered. She sounded very busy as usual. “What have you been up to? I was getting worried since you hadn’t returned my texts.”

  “Hey, Monica. I’ve had a lot going on. I’m sorry. All good things, though. How are you doing?”

  “I’m doing well. So, what kind of things?”

  “Can I come by your office tomorrow so we can talk?”

  “Sure. Or we could go out for lunch?”

  I was not going to be able to eat while talking to her I was sure. “I’d rather just come see you in the morning, if that’s OK.”

  “OK. You sure everything’s alright?”

  “Everything’s great. Sorry to keep you in suspense, but don’t worry.”

  “Alright then. How about 10:00?”

  “I’ll be there. Enjoy your Sunday.”

  “You too!”

  Next, I called Jessica to thank her for picking out such a perfect ring. She knew about the balloon ride as well, and I was amazed that she was able to keep it all a secret from me. Patrick, on the other hand, was completely shocked, but he was also thrilled. He wanted to celebrate with me immediately. I would have to insist that he be a part of my bachelorette party if I had one.

  I walked into the kitchen and poured myself another cup of coffee, taking a short break before calling my parents. I didn’t want to tell them officially until we were face-to-face, but I was afraid that they would know something was up.

  I sat back down on the sofa, crossing my legs to get more comfortable and took some deep breaths before dialing.

  My father answered, and I was grateful, since my mother was more intuitive.

  “Hi, Dad!” I said cheerfully.

  “Oh, hey!” I heard him putting down his paper. “How you doing, honey?”

  “I’m doing well. How are you and Mom?”

  “Nothing exciting to report, but we’re good. Haven’t heard from you for a while.”

  “I know. Been busy.” I paused and then broke the silence. “So, I was thinking of coming to see you next weekend.”

  “Oh, really? That would be great. You know your mom will be thrilled. What day are you coming?”

  “Probably Saturday evening after I leave the gallery. Would you mind if I bring a guest?”

  “A guest? Sure. Who is it?”

  “His name’s Dylan. We’ve been seeing each other, so I would like to introduce him to you.”

  “Sounds serious,” he said. I didn’t want to elaborate yet, so he spoke again before I answered. “Well, we’d love to have him. I’ll let your mother know.”

  “Thanks, Dad. I love you.”

  The next morning, I called the gallery and told them that I would be in late because I wasn’t feeling well. It wasn’t a lie. I felt sick to my stomach and exhausted from not being able to sleep the night before. Every time I rehearsed what I would say in my mind and then envision the outcome, fear would shoot through me. Dylan kept telling me that everything would be OK and offered to come with me for moral support, but I told him not to. I had to do this on my own.

  As I parked in front of the medical building, I suddenly was craving a shot of liquor, anything to calm me down. Instead, I took a couple of aspirin and concentrated on using some of the breathing techniques I had learned in yoga class years earlier. It didn’t work, so I convinced myself to stop worrying about it and just do it. It would be like pulling off a band-aid. I would get out of the car, walk in to Monica’s office, make some small talk, and then…blow her mind. I imagined the scenarios of her reaction. Either she would think I was crazy, in which case she would give me therapy, or she would believe me and then be furious that I never told her before. In any case, the outcome would not be good.

  I finally realized that I should have told her years ago. She was my best friend, and I didn’t trust her with my biggest secret. I was consumed with guilt, so not only would it be good to get it off of my chest, but it was the right thing to do, even if I was over 20 years too late.

  When I walked in to Monica’s office, it looked immaculate as usual, clean and modern, with a lot of white and baby blue. She believed that the colors calmed down her patients. Her secretary, a friendly young brunette, recognized me and said that Dr. Watley was expecting me. She called Monica on the intercom, and I heard her say to send me on in.

  I took another deep breath before opening the door and then quietly shut it behind me.

  “Hey, Sarah!” Monica said, smiling brightly as she got up from her desk. She rushed over to give me a hug.

  “I brought you some coffee,” I told her, handing her the cup.

  “Oh, thanks!” She motioned for me to sit down on the sofa. She sat down next to me instead of on her usual chair where she listened to her patients.

  I attempted to make myself comfortable. I set my purse down on the floor while still holding my coffee in my left hand.

  “Oh my God!” shrieked Monica. I didn�
��t realize how quickly she would have noticed my ring.

  I gave her a big smile that I couldn’t contain. “I was getting to that,” I explained.

  “You’re engaged?” she asked loudly, already knowing the answer. “Oh my God, Sarah!” She hugged me again, nearly making me spill my coffee. “Dylan? He proposed?”

  “Yeah!”

  I started tearing up with excitement. Despite her jokes, I knew that she was genuinely happy for me. She had wanted me to get married for so long.

  “Wow!” she exclaimed. “I wasn’t expecting this so soon! You just met!”

  I was about to speak, but I hesitated, so she continued, “That doesn’t matter, though. As long as you know it’s right.”

  “I’ve never been so sure of anything…and I’ve never been happier. Dylan and I were always meant to be together,” I said, overcome with emotion.

  She smiled at me, but she of course had no clue what I was really saying.

  “I need to tell you the whole story, Monica.”

  She looked at me with concern. I took a deep breath. Just like a Band-Aid, I reminded myself.

  I took her back to the beginning, all the way back to that party we went to in 1988, my fateful crash, meeting Ethan and realizing that we were dead, only to then realize I had to return to life. I didn’t leave out any details. I explained to her how we continued our relationship after I came out of my coma and how he was always with me, even in Monica’s presence. I was lost in reliving the moments and the emotions as I told my story, stopping only periodically to look at the expression on her face. She didn’t speak nor interrupt. She was used to just listening, but I could see the confusion and the hurt in her eyes. Was she feeling my pain or was I hurting her? I couldn’t tell, especially when I described the loss I had to endure when Ethan went into the light.

  I had to stop and try to get some reaction from her. “Please, say something,” I insisted.

  She stayed silent for an excruciatingly long time before she finally spoke. “What do you want me to say, Sarah? I…this is crazy!”

  Her reaction was exactly what I had expected. “You think I’m crazy,” I said, confirming my disappointment.