Sarah's Solace

by Sarah's Solace (epub)

  This made me smile. “Yeah. It was all fun and games until she started crying.”

  “I wonder how she’s doing.”

  I took the next right, down to the fifth house on the left, and parked across the street. There was a car in the driveway.

  “This is it.”

  Sarah stared at the house and then looked at me as if she suddenly wanted to chicken out herself.

  “You know they might not even live here anymore,” she said.

  We sat there quietly, not sure what to do, until Sarah spoke again. “I won’t be sure if it’s them unless you come to the door with me.”

  I looked her in the eyes. “I can’t do it.”

  She put her hand on mine. “I understand.” She quickly got out of the car and prepared to cross the street.

  “Sarah! What are you going to say?”

  She ignored me and kept walking. I leaned by head back on the seat and let out a deep breath, and then I quickly got out of the car and hurried to catch up with her. She smiled at me and took my hand. We slowly walked up to the door, and I took another deep breath as Sarah rang the bell. I was surprised, disappointed, and relieved when a teenage Asian girl answered the door.

  “Hi,” she said, wondering who we were.

  “Hi. Is this the Walker residence?” asked Sarah.

  “Yes.”

  “Who is it, Sadie?” yelled a woman’s voice.

  The girl turned around to say she didn’t know as the older woman appeared behind her. I squeezed Sarah’s hand, trying to keep it together. The woman was my mother. She looked just the same except for more lines on her face and a little more weight, but she was still beautiful. Sarah glanced at me with tears in her eyes.

  “May I help you?” my mother asked.

  “Hi, Mrs. Walker. My name is Sarah Martin.”

  My mother smiled at us and waited for Sarah to continue.

  “I’m sorry to just drop by unexpected like this, but…I knew your son,” Sarah said.

  I couldn’t believe what she was doing. I was scared to death of what she would say next. My mother’s face turned white as she slowly opened the door. The young girl was still standing behind her and also looked very surprised and apprehensive.

  “Please, come on in,” said my mother. She opened the door, and as we walked by her, I almost couldn’t take it. I wanted so much to hug her and tell her that I was home.

  She led us into the den, and we took a seat on the sofa. I noticed my picture, with my old face, sitting on the mantel. Sarah noticed it too, and she took my hand again for support.

  My mother sat across from us and smiled. “Would you like something to drink?” she asked.

  We both declined. The young girl sat down and stared at us. She was very pretty, and I noticed pictures of her growing up on the mantel as well.

  “So, how did you know Ethan?” she asked Sarah.

  “We were friends,” answered Sarah.

  My mother waited for her to elaborate.

  “He probably didn’t tell you about me, but we were pretty close. He talked about you and his father a lot, and I’ve always wanted to meet you. I happened to be in Sacramento, so…”

  “Well, it’s nice to meet you too, Sarah. My husband’s on a business trip, though, and won’t be home until this evening. This is our daughter, Sadie. She always wishes that she knew Ethan, so I’m glad she’s getting a chance to meet you as well.”

  Sadie smiled at us, but didn’t say a word.

  “I’m sure you miss him every day, just like we do,” said my mom, trying to hold back her tears.

  “I’m sure he misses you too…but his spirit will always be with us,” Sarah said and then glanced at me to see how I was holding up. “I’m sorry. This is my fiancée, Dylan,” she told her.

  “Nice to meet you, Dylan,” said my mother, smiling at me.

  I could barely find my voice. “It’s nice to meet you too.”

  Sarah decided that it would be best not to stay too long, so she picked up the speed. “Well, we’re on our way back to San Francisco, and I don’t want to take up too much of your time.”

  We slowly stood up to leave, and then Sarah noticed an acoustic guitar sitting in the corner. It was my old guitar, but it had Sadie’s name engraved on it.

  “You play?” Sarah asked her.

  “Yeah,” smiled the girl, her eyes lighting up.

  “Ethan was a wonderful musician,” said Sarah.

  “That’s what I’ve heard,” she answered.

  “You know, Dylan plays the cello.”

  “Really?” she asked, looking at me.

  I cleared my throat. “Yeah. We should play together sometime.”

  Sadie was ecstatic at the suggestion. “That would be cool!”

  Sarah handed Sadie her business card as my mother smiled at us and then led us to the door.

  “It was nice meeting you again,” Sarah told my mother before we walked out.

  “You too,” she answered.

  She gave Sarah a hug. “Congratulations to you two.” She surprised me by hugging me as well. I couldn’t hug her as long as I wanted to, but it was long enough to smell her familiar scent and feel her warmth. I missed her so much.

  Sarah was once again trying to hold back her tears as she watched us. “You know, our wedding is in a few weeks. I know you don’t know me, but I would love for you to come. It’s on Halloween, so it will be a fun party!”

  “Halloween?” she laughed. “That does sound fun.”

  “I’ll send you an invitation,” said Sarah.

  I finally started breathing again as we walked back to the car.

  “Are you OK?” asked Sarah.

  “That was pretty wild.”

  “I know.”

  “I’m OK. I’m glad we did this.”

  I opened the car door for her and then walked around, waving again at my mom before I got in.

  “I hope they come to the wedding. I want you to be able to see your father too,” Sarah said.

  I shook my head and smiled at her, still not believing what we just did with her persistence. “You’re pretty pleased with yourself, aren’t you?”

  She grinned widely at me.

  “I want a drink as soon as we get home,” I said.

  Sarah laughed as we drove away.

  47. All Hallows’ Eve

  The next weeks that followed flew by like a jet. With Monica and Veronica’s help, we planned a small and elegant wedding. We chose a gorgeous, Gothic-inspired castle located in the wine valley. It was perfect. We planned to have the ceremony outside on the lawn, with a candlelight reception on the patio. We discovered that there was a cancellation and Veronica managed to pull some strings with her connections. Dylan’s friends would play the music, and Veronica arranged all of the decorating. Everything was in place.

  I, however, was still a nervous wreck. We had my bachelorette party the week before, from which I had vague memories of doing some pole dancing at Jessica’s urging. Of course she also managed to record it on her phone and send it to Dylan. He claimed that I had more fun than he did that night.

  I also managed to meet his parents finally. We had dinner with them the week after we returned from Willows. I loved them immediately. Ethan and Dylan were very lucky to be blessed with such great parents.

  Veronica tried to talk me into staying at her house the night before the wedding, but I didn’t want to be away from Dylan. She continued to do so much for me. I felt guilty for automatically asking Monica to be my matron-of-honor, but when I told Veronica that I made a sudden decision after divulging my secrets to Monica, she completely understood. Besides, Monica and I had been friends since elementary school. Veronica did, however, allow my parents to stay in one of her guestrooms while they were in town, which I greatly appreciated.

  I had a terrible time trying to sleep the night before the wedding. I kept going over all of the details in my mind, certain that I was going to forget something important and afraid that somet
hing would go wrong. Dylan tried to get me to relax and finally brought me a glass of wine. I eventually dozed off, and the dream I had was very familiar.

  Ethan and I were at a party at Priscilla’s house again, only we were the main attraction, because we had just gotten married. Everyone was there, including my parents, relatives, and friends. The only one missing was Alexis. I never got to see her.

  As I continued to dream, I couldn’t believe that my friends and relatives were hanging out with all the spirits, like there was nothing at all strange about it. It felt surreal, just like everything I had experienced before coming out of my coma. It was like I was looking down on myself. I was in a long strapless gown, only it was black. I was smiling and dancing with my handsome new husband, like I was so happy everyone was there, but I was anxious to be alone with Ethan. He held me close, and I leaned up to kiss him, only as soon as my lips touched his, he faded away. I looked around us, and all of the other spirits were fading away too.

  I gasped, sat up in my bed, and then flipped on the light. Dylan squinted and put his arm around my waist.

  “What is it?” he asked.

  “My dream!”

  “You had a nightmare? Probably because you’re worrying too much. You OK?”

  He sat up slowly and put his arms around me. I felt bad for waking him.

  “I had this same nightmare before, right after my coma.”

  While I explained the details to him, I became terrified.

  “It’s like it was a premonition,” I explained. “When I had the dream back then, I was picturing myself as this older woman in a black dress, getting married to you…and then you faded away.” I began to cry. “I knew it back then, and I’m being reminded now, that something’s going to happen to you.”

  “Sarah, you’re just worrying yourself. Nothing is going to happen to me. Do you really think I’m just going to fade away? You know that’s crazy.”

  “Our whole relationship has been crazy. And by the way, you have faded away before.”

  “I’m not going anywhere this time. I promise.” He kissed my forehead, but I was still sick with worry. “Besides,” he added, “you’re not wearing a black dress tomorrow, right?”

  “No.”

  “Well, there you go then. Nothing like your dream. Besides, I don’t expect there to be a room full of spirits, just our families and friends.”

  “We’re getting married on Halloween, though, the night the spirits come out. That’s a big coincidence.”

  Dylan chuckled a little. “You’re reading into things too much. You have to try to get some sleep.”

  “I’ll try.”

  He turned out the light and held me close to him. I finally did fall asleep again, but not for hours.

  “Sarah, you have to calm down. I can’t do your make-up when you’re all flush and sweaty,” Monica said with frustration.

  “I’m sorry. Didn’t Veronica go to get a fan?”

  “Right here,” said Veronica, plugging in the fan and turning it to face me.

  “Thanks. I’m so nervous.”

  “Why?” asked Monica with a laugh.

  “Because of a stupid dream she had last night,” chimed in Veronica. “She’s afraid that something’s going to happen to Dylan.”

  “That’s understandable,” said Monica, talking to me like the psychiatrist that she was. “You lost him before, and now that you found him again, you’re still fearful that he’ll…”

  “You’re not helping Monica,” said Veronica, putting her hand on Monica’s shoulder. Veronica leaned down to look me in the eyes. “Nothing is going to happen to Dylan. Don’t ruin your wedding day with worry. Allow yourself to finally be completely happy. OK?”

  “I know. I know you’re right.”

  “I can’t believe you’re not going off to some exotic place for your honeymoon,” Monica said, changing the subject.

  “I want to take him to Paris in the spring. Besides, Dylan can’t miss school, and Jessica is leaving for New York tomorrow. I can’t be away from the gallery for long.”

  “Well, wait until you see your honeymoon suite tonight,” Veronica said excitedly. “I made sure that it’s perfect and equipped with everything to make it your most romantic night ever.”

  I did smile at that thought. I was sure that I would feel better after the ceremony. I concentrated on calming down while Monica finished my make-up and hair, which she pinned up loosely with a sparkly hairpin.

  My mother and Jessica walked in to ask how I was doing. Both of them gave me a hug, and my mom was already in tears. They helped me slip into my dress. Putting the dress on made me feel instantly beautiful. It was perfect. It was a sexy, off-white, floor-length gown with gathered layers. The silhouette had a dropped waist, and it was laced-up in the back.

  “So do you have it all? Something old, something new?” asked Jessica.

  “I think so,” I answered. “Vintage dress, new shoes, borrowed accessories…Damn, I forgot the blue.”

  “That’s why I brought you this,” said Veronica, dangling a blue, heart-shaped necklace in her hand.

  My mother and I exchanged a sentimental look, recognizing the piece instantly. It was Alexis’ necklace, the one I gave Veronica for Christmas years ago, the same day that Ethan went into the light.

  I had to hold back the tears so I wouldn’t make my make-up run. “Veronica, I gave this necklace to you.”

  “Consider it another borrowed item then. This way Alexis can be with you today.” She gently walked behind me and fastened it on. My mother was wiping her tears.

  “OK. It’s time,” said Monica. “You look beautiful,” she told me as she kissed my cheek.

  My mother handed me my bouquet and hugged me again as I headed out the door to meet my father. He looked so handsome in his tuxedo.

  “No costume?” I asked.

  “I’ll save it for your anniversary,” he joked and then put his arm out for me to take. He smiled and looked at me. “Dylan’s a lucky man. He better take good care of you.”

  “He will,” I said, choking up again. “I love you, Dad.”

  “I love you too,” he said, tearing up himself as he gave me a quick hug.

  As we peeked outside, I could see everyone seated on the lawn. It was almost dark, and the aisle was lined with luminaries. Our wedding party had already begun their walk. My ladies, Monica, Veronica, and Jessica were thrilled that I didn’t dress them in horrible bridesmaid dresses. Instead, they were wearing a mix of off-white and black. Each dress was uniquely chosen, and they all looked elegantly sexy. Dylan’s best man was Jake, and his groomsmen were two close friends from high school, from his current life of course.

  My heart began to race once I realized that everyone was finally standing in place and just waiting for me to appear. I took a deep breath and looked at my father, who winked at me and gently led me forward. Suddenly I felt like I was in a daze, almost drunk, although I hadn’t had a drink. I had to remember to keep smiling, until I could clearly see Dylan standing in front of the candlelit gazebo, smiling so big at me with his eyes glistening, and then my smile came naturally. I remembered what he told me when he proposed, that his soul would never let me go. I finally realized that I should never have any reason to fear, because no matter what could ever happen, our souls would always find each other again. I believed that completely.

  I kept my eyes on Dylan until I finally reached him. I thought that I loved him before, and I absolutely did, but never as much as in this moment. My father kissed my cheek, and I handed my bouquet to Monica before putting my hands in Dylan’s. My priest was the same one I had talked to in the church that day, many years ago, when I told him about my spiritual experience with Ethan. I chose not to tell him who Dylan was. He was so happy for me, even though I chose not to get married in a church and to keep the ceremony short.

  Dylan rubbed my hand with his thumb as my priest spoke. I could barely hear the words he was saying, but I managed to say my lines on queue. Dyl
an and I made sure to have him leave out ‘until death do us part’ and change it to ‘forever’.

  Before I knew it, it was time to say ‘I do’. Tears that I could no longer contain began to roll down my cheeks as I said the words, and when Dylan kissed me, I didn’t want to let go, and our kiss lingered until my priest cleared his throat. I faintly heard chuckles from our guests as we pulled away. Dylan and I laughed as we continued to stare into each other’s eyes. I wanted to jump up and down.

  We walked quickly down the aisle as everyone clapped and cheered us on. Dylan squeezed my hand tightly and then kissed it. When we entered the castle, he kissed me again deeply.

  “See, I told you there was nothing to worry about, Mrs. Harper.”

  I laughed, thinking how strange my name sounded. “I love you so much,” I told him, putting my hand on his cheek. “I can’t believe we’re married!”

  “I can’t believe I’ll have to endure a catered reception before I can get you up to that suite.”

  “Pictures too!”

  He threw his head back in frustration.

  “You’ll survive,” I said, laughing again and giving him another quick kiss.

  Our reception was a blast. I had been to enough wedding receptions that were boring to know the difference. Veronica had fun with our Halloween theme, but she presented it tastefully, with black and gold décor, a slew of candles, black martinis with gold sugar on the glass rims, and delicious autumn dishes for dinner. Even our cake was gold and sparkly, with black vines that swirled around the tiers, and a big gold ribbon made of icing on top. I insisted that a little plate of chocolate cookies be placed on every table as well.

  We made sure to talk with every guest. Dylan acted like he was gushing with pride, and I felt like I was floating all night. Both sets of Dylan’s parents were there. I even noticed them talking to each other a few times. If they only knew…

  I thought about the guests who weren’t there too, the others who knew about my relationship with Ethan, like Penelope and Daphne. Too bad we lost touch with them many years ago. I always wondered what happened to them and kept telling myself that I should make more of an effort to find out. Of course, I also thought about Priscilla and Alexis. I wished so badly that they could have shared this day with us. I could just picture Priscilla dancing around with a martini.