A Simple Singing

by Leslie Gould

  “I’ll have another piece too,” Becca said.

  Mamm turned toward me. “Would you serve our guests? And then take Becca up with you once she’s done? She can sleep in Jessica’s bed. The sheets are fresh.”

  Resigned, I stepped toward the kitchen island where the pies were. I understood from Mamm that I was to chaperone the two also. There would be no leaving Becca with a young man—not even one as trustworthy as Gordon. Mamm lived by the Ordnung, even more so than I. We were always to be beyond reproach. That was one fault she found in Dat—that he cared little for what others thought of him or our family in general.

  It seemed Gordon and Becca took forever to finish their pie. They talked about what happened in the barn, replaying each scene of the calf’s birth. It had been a breech, and Gordon and Amos had ended up having to pull the calf. Together, Gordon and Becca had worked on the creature until it started breathing. Clearly, she and Gordon shared a love of farming, just as Jessica and Silas did. I, on the other hand, much preferred sewing and cooking and cleaning over anything that had to do with the land or animals.

  As the two slowly ate their pie, Jessica and Silas told the last of their friends farewell and then started up the stairs. Everyone else headed for home, except for Gordon.

  Finally, he took the last drink of his coffee and declared it was past time for him to be on his way. I quickly scooped up the empty mugs and plates, and washed them. Gordon finally readied himself to go. Having my hands submerged in the hot water was my consolation prize for still being up instead of in my warm bed.

  As he stepped through the kitchen toward the back porch, Gordon told me farewell. “See you tomorrow,” he said.

  I waved as I placed a plate in the dish rack.

  Becca yawned, and I motioned toward the stairs. “You can go on up,” I said.

  “No, that’s all right. I’ll wait for you.”

  After I’d finished, I grabbed a flashlight and escorted Becca up to my room, fearing she might bump her leg in the dark.

  All my life, I shared a bedroom with Jessica and Leisel, then just with Leisel, and then with Jessica when she returned and Leisel left. I thought, starting tonight, I would have a room of my own for the first time in my life. But it would have to wait a few more days. As we climbed the stairs, Becca asked how old Gordon was.

  “Twenty-two,” I said. “I think.” I knew he was close to my age.

  “That old?”

  I nodded.

  “I thought he was younger.”

  “No,” I answered, a bit alarmed by her questions.

  She laughed. “I was just teasing. I’m way too young to be interested in anyone. And even if I were a decade older, I wouldn’t be interested in an Amish guy.”

  “Mennonite,” I said.

  She shrugged as we reached the landing. “You said that before, but it seems the same.”

  I didn’t bother to explain there was actually a big difference. Besides driving a car, he played a guitar and flew on airplanes. Jah, he had far more freedom than we did, which was fine with me. I had no regrets about what I wasn’t allowed to do.

  “Ouch!” Her voice was much louder than it needed to be.

  I stopped. She bumped into me.

  “What happened?” I shone the flashlight toward her.

  She held up her hand. “I whacked it against the wall. How do you get around in the dark?”

  I didn’t bother answering. I could navigate our home blindfolded.

  As soon as we reached the bedroom, I turned on the battery-operated lamp. “That’s a little better, but it’s still so dim,” Becca said. “How can you see?”

  “You get used to it,” I replied.

  “And so cold.” Rebecca wrapped her arms around herself for just a moment. But she then reached into her bag and pulled out a pair of shorts and a T-shirt.

  “Are those your pajamas?”

  She nodded.

  “You’ll freeze in those.” I grabbed a flannel nightgown from the bureau and tossed it toward her.

  I then grabbed my own nightgown and headed down the hall to change and brush my teeth. When I returned, Becca was under the covers, her teeth rattling. “I have an electric blanket at home,” she chattered. “Plus we have central heat. I didn’t know anyone in the United States lived this way.”

  It was my turn to laugh. At least she had the flannel nightgown on, and I guessed her skimpy pajamas on underneath it. She wouldn’t freeze. I climbed under my layers of quilts and told my niece good-night as I turned off the lamp. I thought I’d fall asleep right away, but instead I stayed awake, aware of Becca shivering. Finally, I got up and pulled another quilt from the closet and spread it over the top of her.

  She thanked me, and a few minutes later we both fell asleep.

  I rose early the next morning, showered, dressed, and tiptoed down the stairs to start the coffee before anyone else in the house was up. But as I stood at the kitchen window, humming “Wherever He Leads, I’ll Go,” I could see the lanterns in the barn were lit and guessed that Gordon had already arrived to do the milking. It had snowed more during the night, and the path needed to be shoveled between the house and barn—and to Aenti Suz’s Dawdi Haus too.

  I continued humming as I worked. At church, we sang songs in German from our Ausbund hymnal, first printed over four hundred years ago. But we mostly sang Englisch hymns at the Youngie singings. Those were my favorite. And the songs I overheard Gordon sing while he worked.

  Without realizing it, I sang the words out loud. “‘Take up thy cross and follow me,’ I heard my Master say . . .’”

  “Guder Mariye.”

  I jumped, relieved that it was Jessica. Years ago, Mamm had limited me to humming in the house because she feared I was becoming prideful about my singing. It was an order I did my best to obey, although sometimes I broke into song without realizing it.

  I turned toward my sister. “Good morning to you too.”

  Silas tended the fire in the woodstove in the living room and then headed out to help Gordon with the milking, which he didn’t need to do. Arden and the boys would be out to help soon. But that was the kind of person Silas was.

  Frankly, I was surprised Jessica didn’t join him, but I was grateful that she stayed inside to help me because neither Mamm nor Aenti Suz were up yet. I guessed the wedding day had worn them out.

  As Jessica and I worked, she asked me what I thought of Becca.

  “I’m not sure what Amos told her about our life.” I grabbed a mixing bowl to start the biscuits. “But she was surprised that we didn’t have central heat.” I chuckled.

  Jessica simply said, “Poor thing.” She greased a baking pan and then began mixing an egg casserole.

  I’d never lived with heat in a house, besides from our woodstove. Jessica had lived in an apartment for three years, and I guessed it had heat—although I’d never asked her.

  Jessica whisked the egg whites. “Isn’t it a blessing to finally meet her? To think, if Amos hadn’t come home for Dat’s funeral, we wouldn’t even know she exists.”

  I nodded, but honestly I didn’t care as much about our Englisch relatives as Jessica seemed to. It wasn’t as if we’d ever see her after this. When I married, I wouldn’t invite Becca and Amos. When? I smiled, thinking of Elijah. I slipped the biscuits into the oven and then pulled the leftover ham from the refrigerator as Amos shuffled into the kitchen and straight for the coffee. After pouring himself a cup and taking a big swig, he said he was heading out to the barn.

  Surprisingly, Becca came down soon after. She wore jeans, a bulky sweatshirt, and the boots she’d had on the day before. She yawned as she practically stumbled into the kitchen. She shook her head when she saw Jessica. “What are you doing here?”

  Jessica smiled, a puzzled look on her face. “What do you mean?”

  “You just got married. Shouldn’t you be in a hotel or something?”

  Jessica laughed. “Jah, it’s a little hard to explain, but it’s the way we do things
. Silas and I will help finish the cleanup today and then go on to our new home.”

  Becca wrinkled her nose. Clearly we didn’t make sense to her. She sniffed. “Do I smell coffee?”

  “Jah.” Jessica pointed toward the pot. “The mugs are to the left of the stove.”

  “Is everyone out doing the milking?”

  “We’re not,” I said. “You’re welcome to help us in here.”

  She shook her head. “I don’t do so well with cooking. I’ll go see if I can help outside.” After she’d drained her cup, she left us too.

  Jessica slipped the casserole into the oven. “I really like her.”

  No doubt she did. Becca definitely reminded me of Jessica at that age.

  When Mamm came downstairs, she pulled the little table in the corner over near the big table, leaving just an inch of space. I pursed my lips but didn’t say anything. When Amos came for Dat’s funeral, he and Jessica sat in the corner at the shunning table. I’d heard of other families placing two tables just an inch apart, but Mamm had never done it before. Perhaps she didn’t want to alarm Becca.

  After breakfast, which included Vi and Arden’s family, we spent the day moving furniture and cleaning up. Amos and Becca pitched in to help and seemed to enjoy themselves, and I overheard Becca call Mamm Grandma, even though the Amish term was Mammi.

  I snuck a look at Mamm to see if she minded, but she had a smile on her face and appeared pleased.

  Vi and Arden must have been all right with their children being around Becca, because they all came over in the afternoon for a snack. Brenda and Milton then gave Becca a grand tour of the farm, including the woods.

  I pulled out leftovers for our supper. Again, the shunning table was only an inch away. Becca gushed over the farm, commenting on how different it was from her Colorado grandparents’ ranch, saying she “really loved the Bachmann land.”

  I wondered if Amos told her that her Amish ancestors had lived on this property since 1752—long before her Englisch ancestors ever headed west.

  After supper, Jessica said she and Silas were going to head on over to the Stoltz farm. Mamm asked her to tell John and Mildred hello. It seemed that Mildred wasn’t well enough to come to the wedding because of her cancer, which was a shame. I hadn’t met them, but from everything Jessica said, they were good people.

  After Silas had hitched his horse to his buggy, we all told them good-bye. Then Amos gave Jessica a big hug, and so did Becca. I understood the two wouldn’t see Jessica for a long time, but it wasn’t really our way to be so affectionate. However, Jessica hugged them back tightly. She whispered something in Becca’s ear, although I couldn’t tell what. Living as an Englischer had made Jessica more emotional, I was sure. She’d never been sugary before, but now she was like maple syrup in November. Thick and sweet and all over everything.

  I didn’t step outside to watch Jessica and Silas go. I’d see them at church, unless the weather turned worse. Even if it did, I hoped the singing wouldn’t be canceled, and I’d still be able to see Elijah.

  Amos walked Jessica and Silas out to their buggy, and when he stepped back inside he had his cell phone in his hand. He glanced up at Becca, who stood with one hand leaning against the table.

  “We’d better get going tonight too. There’s another storm coming in, and I’m not sure we’ll be able to make it to the airport in the morning.”

  Becca frowned, but then Amos said, “You have your PSAT test Monday, remember? You can’t miss that.”

  I had no idea what Amos was referring to, but Becca agreed. “I’ll go grab my bag.”

  Within fifteen minutes, they were on their way too. Then Aenti Suz went out to her Dawdi Haus. I asked Mamm if she wanted to play a game of Scrabble, but she yawned and said she was going to bed. “Make sure and turn the lamp off when you turn in.”

  I assured her I would. With nothing to do, I wiped down the kitchen counters again even though I just had an hour before. The house felt so strange without Jessica. I thought I was fine with her leaving—but the truth was, I’d never felt so alone in my entire life. I missed both of my sisters horribly.

  My thoughts fell to Elijah, eager for the next verse of my life to start. Jah, I’d always adored Elijah even though I knew he wasn’t Mann material. Yet. But perhaps he would make a good husband. And soon.

  That’s what I wanted. A husband from our community. Someone who could someday be chosen to be a minister in our district, or even a bishop. I’d be fine with “like father like son.” I wanted a man I could stand by, and elevate and influence. A man who would appreciate my gifts and contributions. A man I could truly submit to.

  And, jah, I wanted a big old farmhouse I could clean and decorate, and I wanted to fill it with children. I wanted a garden. I wanted to can and cook and sew and quilt.

  I could only hope God was finally answering my prayers for all of those wishes through Elijah Jacobs. I could imagine telling our future children years from now that God truly did work in mysterious ways, while Elijah stood beside me, a look of adoration on his face.

  3

  Amos was right about the storm. So much Shnay fell that church was canceled the next morning, something that I couldn’t remember happening for years. But by late afternoon, it had stopped. Our farm sparkled as the sun came out.

  Mamm, Aenti Suz, and I all sat at the table and were playing a game of Scrabble when Milton stopped by the house to tell me that Elijah had left a message on the barn phone that he would pick me up for the singing in his Dat’s sleigh.

  “Goodness,” Aenti Suz said. “That sounds like fun.”

  Mamm’s eyes shone. “Marie . . .”

  When she didn’t say anything more, I asked, “What is it, Mamm?”

  She shook her head but kept smiling.

  “Ach, he’s going back to Florida. . . .” My voice trailed off as I wondered for the first time if he had a whole string of girlfriends down there.

  Mamm pulled her tiles closer. “I doubt he’ll be gone for long.”

  Aenti Suz placed the word partner on the board and then laughed a little.

  “What is it?” I asked.

  “Oh, nothing.”

  “It’s something,” I countered.

  Aenti Suz smiled. “It’s just that you and Elijah are about as different as can be.”

  “But opposites attract.” Mamm picked up a tile.

  I nodded. Plus, there was the fact that I’d been attracted to him for years, which I wouldn’t admit. Not now. Someday it would become part of our story. Perhaps he’d been attracted to me all along as well.

  As Mamm added an s to partner, Aenti Suz said, “Time will tell.”

  I agreed.

  I dressed warmly and waited at the living room window for Elijah to pick me up. Soon it was dark, and the light of the nearly full moon bounced off the white landscape. The entire evening was enchanting, except, minute by minute, I feared Elijah had stood me up.

  As if she could read my mind, Mamm said, “Don’t worry, he’ll be here.”

  When I was about ready to give up hope, a sleigh came up our drive. I quickly told Mamm good-bye as I slipped on my cape and stepped to the door. As I opened it, I could hear bells as Elijah pulled the sleigh to a stop. I hurried down the steps.

  Elijah waved, jumped down, and then helped me into the sleigh. As I glanced back at the house, I spied Mamm looking out the window. She waved, and I waved back, not caring if Elijah knew how pleased Mamm was that we were going out.

  “I doubt many will show up for the singing,” he said. “If no one else comes, we can have a snack with my Mamm and Dat. Would that be all right?”

  “Of course,” I answered.

  As it turned out, I was the only one who showed up, and I wondered if Elijah had planned it that way all along. When I asked him, he said he thought there was the possibility that some other Youngie would make it through the snow. “A slight one,” he added with a grin.

  I was disappointed not to be able to sing, but h
is parents were welcoming, as always. We all sat at the table, sipping hot chocolate and eating pecan pie. I’d always gotten along well with Bishop Jacobs, unlike Jessica, and now with Dat gone he’d become like a second father to me.

  Elijah’s mother, Laura, was reserved but still a kind person. I wasn’t sure who Elijah got his personality from—but it wasn’t from either of his parents. They were both so serious and conscientious.

  We talked about the weather, then Jessica and Silas and their new home on the Stoltz farm. Finally, Laura asked about Amos and Becca and if I expected them back anytime soon.

  I shook my head, not knowing what else to say. I didn’t see any reason for them to return.

  “How is Arden and Jessica’s arrangement of managing the farm working out?” Bishop Jacobs looped his thumbs through his suspenders.

  I wrinkled my nose. Our father had set up an odd arrangement with his lawyer before he died that required Jessica and Arden to make all decisions about the land together, which prevented Arden from selling rights to a fracking company or selling off a chunk of land for development. I simply shrugged my shoulders and said, “You’d have to ask them.” It wasn’t that I was avoiding gossip—the truth was, I didn’t know. I wasn’t interested in our land. The house was my domain.

  After a while, Elijah said he’d take me home. Once I thanked his parents, we were back out in the sleigh.

  “Sorry,” he said.

  “About what?”

  “My parents. They’re a little boring.”

  I laughed a little. “Most are.”

  He shook his head. “Your Dat wasn’t.”

  That was true. “Your parents are wonderful. I enjoyed spending time with them.” And you.

  “Denki.” He turned toward me, his eyes shiny. “That means a lot.” He chuckled. “Even though I find them”—he grinned—“as I said, unexciting.”

  “Well, then I’ll appreciate them doubly for both of us.”

  He didn’t respond for a long moment and then in a breathy voice said, “I’d like to see you more while I’m home, if possible.”

  My heart raced. “I’d like that too,” I said.