Icing on the Casket

by Catherine Bruns

"Nope." Gianna sounded pleased with herself. "It went to Arthur."

  I almost fell out of the swivel chair. "But how? Linda said she was one of the witnesses. It was always meant to be hers."

  "Well, I don't know what happened, but for some reason, Eddie made a new will the week before he died," Gianna explained. "Roger even admitted to me that he was surprised when Eddie got in touch and demanded it be done right away." She paused. "Roger said he was in such a tizzy about it. Maybe Eddie knew his life was in danger."

  The pieces were starting to come together, and I didn't like what they were telling me. "Why would he cut Linda out? Did the document say what would happen to the place once Arthur passed?"

  "Roger did share that part with me, but I'm not sure it means anything. If Arthur can't take over or he dies, Phibbins Mortuary would go to Eddie's son, Terry. Linda received nothing. Roger didn't share her reaction, but I suspect she wasn't pleased."

  How I would have loved to have been a fly on the wall. "When was the reading?"

  "Roger said it was at three o'clock this afternoon."

  So Linda had lied. She hadn't gone to New York City. There's no way she would have been back by now. A chill passed over me. She could be on her way to the funeral parlor as we were speaking. I had to get out of here. "This changes everything. Linda's been lying all along."

  "But she didn't know until today that she wasn't getting the funeral home," Gianna said. "Unless Eddie told her ahead of time and she became so angry that she killed him."

  "She couldn't have killed him. She didn't know the embalming process." Then it hit me. What if Linda had killed him, but someone else had done the dirty work for her?

  There was a slight murmur in the background, and then Gianna said, "Tell him I'll be right there. Sal, I have a client waiting for me. I'll call you back in a little while."

  She clicked off before I could reply, but it was just as well. I needed to get out of here. It wasn't safe. And where the heck was Josie?

  On impulse, I ran my hand around the inside of the drawer casing. An envelope had slid down between the wooden part and the metal file rack. Heart thumping, I opened it and lifted out a document. The paper was for dissolution of marriage by one Edward Phibbins. My jaw dropped. I hadn't been expecting this. Eddie had been planning to divorce Linda. The document's date was the day before he'd disappeared. Linda had not signed the form, so perhaps she had never been served. Still, she must have known.

  Charlene had overheard Eddie on the phone, crying, How could you do this to me? Had Linda been the one ripping off Eddie's clientele? That would have been too much for honest Eddie to take, so he may have decided to file for divorce. Linda may have planned to do away with him before he got the chance and sell the funeral home to make a profit. But karma had intervened. It might be too late for Eddie, but at least he'd gotten the last word.

  I snapped a picture of the document with my phone, returned it to the desk, and closed the drawer. Josie should have been here be now, and the clock was ticking away precious minutes for me. I needed to call Brian, but it would have to wait until I was safe in my car. After switching off the light, I backed out of the office and shut the door.

  I turned around to find Linda watching me, an evil smile spreading across her face.

  "Hello, Sally," she greeted me. "I hope you found everything you were looking for?"

  My blood turned to ice when I looked into her eyes. Like a river running through the night, they were endless, dark, and cold.

  I struggled to compose myself. "Oh, hi, Linda. I'm glad you're here. The back door was unlocked, so I decided to come in and wait for you. I have news that I wanted to share."

  She drew her eyebrows together. "What news? I haven't heard of anything."

  Stay calm, Sal. Linda didn't appear to be armed and had at least thirty years on me. I could manage to get away from her. My phone beeped, but I didn't dare pull it out. Josie had most likely arrived and was in the lot, so I tried not to panic. "Yes. News about Charlene. You know that she's been arrested, right?"

  She snickered. "Please. That's old news. Everyone already knows. And the back door wasn't unlocked. Why don't you come clean? I know exactly what you've been up to."

  I took a step in the direction of the back door. "What do you mean?"

  Linda looked at me like I was a moron. "My son just called me and said that you and your dopey father have been harassing him. The camera outside is viewable from my computer at home. I saw you crossing the street from Starbucks." Her eyes glittered with anger. "Hope your last latte tasted delicious."

  She grabbed my arm in a death-like grip, and I yelped. "Let go of me!"

  Linda produced a pocketknife from her jacket and raised it in the air. Fear lodged in my throat. My body went numb as she pressed me up against the wall.

  "You wouldn't use that," I whispered.

  She narrowed her eyes. "I don't want to, but I'll do what I have to. You're not giving me much choice. Stupid me. When your idiot father suggested you come here with the cookies, I thought, it's a good cover-up. No one will think I have anything to hide if I let the dynamic duo from Sally's Samples in here. I figured, how much of a pain can she really be? Not as bad as her father, that's for sure. But I was wrong. You're ten times worse. Like a dog with a bone. You can't let anything go."

  I tried to stall for time. What the heck was Josie doing? Baking a cake? "You were stealing the jewelry from clients to support your gambling habit. Eddie found out and decided to divorce you, didn't he?"

  She looked at me, visibly impressed. "Well, I was wrong. You're not as stupid as your father. Yeah, Eddie gave me no choice. That was the one thing he could never tolerate—abuse of his clients and the business. If I'd had an affair, he would have been more forgiving. Eddie lived and died for this place." She gave a harsh laugh. "Yes, pun intended."

  Bile rose in the back of my throat. "You're sick."

  "Not really," she said. "I just need to protect my interests. Eddie got in the way, and now you're doing the same thing. Believe me, getting rid of you will weigh a lot less on my conscience than Eddie's death."

  The sound of tires crunching on the pavement met our ears. Thank God for Josie. Linda cocked her head in the direction of the parking lot, and I took that split second to shove her backwards. She hit her head against the wall, and the knife fell to the floor. There was no time to pick it up. I turned on my heel and fled for the back door.

  A car door slammed, and relief soared through me. Josie to the rescue. Everything would be okay now.

  Linda screamed at me to stop, but I'd gotten a good head start. I threw the door open and glanced around, searching for Josie's minivan. "Help!" I screamed. "This woman's a killer!"

  A man was standing on the small back porch, blocking my path to the lot. I tried to stop and turn around, but it was too late. He reached forward and grabbed me. I struggled, lost my balance, and fell down the stairs. My head hit the cement, and I landed in a heap on the pavement.

  "Get her back inside before someone sees!" Linda panted from the doorway.

  I tried to stand, but the man quickly half dragged, half carried me up the three steps back inside. My head throbbed painfully as I kicked and fought. I was dumped on the floor and heard the back door click behind me. I reached up and clawed at Linda's leg with my nails, and she returned the favor by kicking me in the side. The pain was blinding, and I struggled to keep from blacking out. Defeated, I finally lay still on my stomach.

  There had been no Josie waiting outside. Whenever she did arrive, it would be too late for me. I'd chosen the wrong exit to seek my escape. The story of my life.

  "Good thing you got here when you did." Linda was breathing hard. "That little snit would have gotten away, and we can't have that. She knows too much."

  "No worries," came a deep, throaty laugh. "We can handle her."

  My earlier suspicions were confirmed. The man dragged me up the hall toward the display room. My face burned painfully from contact with
the rug, and the pain in my side was so bad that I wondered if I'd broken a rib. I started to scream.

  "Shut up!" Linda yelled and shoved a rolled-up cloth in my mouth.

  Cold, stark fear consumed my body. Rough hands flipped me onto my back. I blinked and looked up. The picture before me was fuzzy, but I could see the cruel, triumphant-like smile on Linda's face. Standing next to her was Arthur. I'd guessed he was involved but unfortunately, it had taken me a little too long to figure it all out. I'd dismissed Linda from killing Eddie by herself because of the after-death process that had to be followed. That's where Arthur and his funeral home training had come in.

  It was as if he'd guessed what I'd been thinking. "No time to embalm Betty Crocker. People will be looking for her soon. She's got a baby, right? We'll just have to dispose of her."

  "Someone must know she's here," Linda said in a concerned voice.

  Arthur laughed. "No worries. Charlene's out on bail today, and I can make it look like she came here to meet Nancy Drew. They argued, and poof! Charlene killed her. As usual, I'll organize everything. I'm good at it, remember? A hell of a lot better than you."

  He learned over me as I managed to draw my leg up, and my foot connected with his prized male organs. He let out a yelp, groaned, and stumbled backwards. I got to my feet shakily.

  "Do something!" he screamed at Linda. "Don't just stand there!"

  Linda lunged forward with her bony fingers and grabbed my neck in a choke hold. She started to apply pressure, and it was only seconds before I was losing consciousness.

  "You did this to yourself," she hissed into my ear.

  My last thought before passing out was to wonder what my precious baby would do without me.

  CHAPTER TWENTY-TWO

  My eyelids were heavy when I opened them to complete blackness. Where was I? How had it gotten so dark already? I blinked a few times, but the blackness didn't disappear. The air was warm and confined, triggering a clammy sensation in me. My brain was foggy as I tried to recall what had happened. The last thing I remembered was Linda's hands around my neck. My head ached, and my throat was parched. I had no idea where I was, but at least I was alive. Blissfully alive.

  Sweat trickled down my face as I tried to raise my head, but it connected with something solid, forcing me down on my back. There was movement underneath me, and I knew I was in some type of vehicle. Why couldn't I see anything? A horn blared in the distance. Where were we going? Was I in the trunk?

  Terror seized me, and I wondered what they planned to do with me. I reached my hands out on either side, hoping there might be a tool in the trunk I could use. My arms couldn't stretch out completely. There was some type of wall on each side of me. I put my palms above my head, and there was one there too. Whatever I was in began to rock slightly from side to side. A box of some sort. Oh God. A terrifying realization occurred to me.

  I'm inside a coffin. They're going to bury me, like they had planned for Eddie.

  I took several deep breaths, trying hard not to hyperventilate and remain focused. Now was not the time to panic. Think, Sal. Think.

  Tears streamed down my face. I'd always been claustrophobic and not a fan of the dark. Mike had often teased me that the nightlight in Cookie's room was more for my benefit than hers. How much air was left in this thing? Could anyone outside hear me if I screamed?

  The vehicle stopped, but before I could open my mouth, loud angry voices commenced from behind me.

  "You stupid idiot," Arthur growled. "How the hell did I let you drag me into this?"

  "It's too late now," Linda retorted. "And you'd better make sure I get the twenty grand that you promised me."

  Arthur cackled like a witch. "Why should I give you anything? Boy, you played me like a violin. Got me to do all your dirty work for you. If I'd known that Eddie changed the will, I never would have helped you do away with him."

  "You wanted him gone too," she shot back.

  "Yes, but I didn't know you'd already offed him," he retorted angrily. "I told you to wait, but no, you wouldn't listen. He told me on the phone that he wanted to make amends—that it had been too long. Then he said he wanted to talk to me about something else. Probably where to find a good divorce lawyer."

  She laughed. "You're crazy."

  "I could have worked things out with him. If I'd have known he was leaving me the funeral home in his will, I never would have helped you. But he was already dead when I got there. What a fool I was. I should have run away and let you embalm and bury him yourself."

  "Shut up! I still can't believe he'd disinherit me like that."

  He grunted. "Then you're dumber than I thought. What I don't understood is that after you begged me to help dispose of him, you up and leave his body there? You were supposed to stay with him at the funeral home until I got back. What the hell were you thinking?"

  "It was only for an hour." Linda's tone became defensive. "How was I supposed to know that moron friend of his would turn up looking to take a nap? Dom Muccio is a wacko. I had no idea Eddie had given him a key."

  The car jerked forward again, and I assumed that the light must have changed. They continued squabbling, but it was difficult to hear everything over the sound of the vehicle. Most of my questions had already been answered. Linda had killed Eddie with the cyanide. She and Arthur had previously discussed killing him. Perhaps she was going to stage it to look like someone else had committed the murder. I wasn't sure. Arthur had turned up to meet with Eddie but instead found Linda with a dead body. They'd put aside their animosity to dispose of Eddie. They weren't having an affair either—at least that was one thing they hadn't pretended about. It was obvious they couldn't stand each other.

  The car stopped again, and Linda's words floated through the air. "If I'd known he was going to change the will and leave the funeral parlor to you, I never would have killed him. What would have been the point? So you owe me. I don't care what the will says. Part of the place belongs to me, so you'd better pay up."

  I brought my hand to my mouth in horror. Poor Eddie's death could have easily been avoided, but Linda's greed had instigated his killing. His own wife! She'd been sure she'd inherit the funeral home then sell it to Arthur for a nice profit. She'd played the brokenhearted widow to a tee, sobbing her heart out, not wanting to sell but being forced to for need of the income. It had all been a lie.

  Arthur, in turn, thought he would profit by Linda selling the funeral home to him at a cheaper price, which was why he'd helped her prepare Eddie for burial. He hadn't known the funeral home had been left to him. Yes, Karma had come to call, but not soon enough to save Eddie.

  The vehicle was still moving. With terror I realized I was taking the ride that had been meant for Eddie. Were we going to a cemetery? Tears began to flow down my cheeks. I closed my eyes against the darkness and tried to concentrate. After all the near-death experiences I'd been through before, this might be the most terrifying.

  I reached above my head and pushed hard on the lid, but it didn't budge. Was I in a pine box like Eddie? They wouldn't throw good money away on the likes of me. My father had told me about the cheap clasp on the outside. I pushed harder, but the lid refused to budge.

  Arthur grunted loudly from behind me, startling me out of my thoughts. "I know you were angry about the will, but damn it, woman. You almost gave yourself away when Dom stopped by with his daughter. Your ranting about how nothing was fair was a bit over the top, even for you."

  "I was upset," she admitted. "How did you want me to act? They seemed to buy it."

  "No, they didn't!" he roared. "Maybe he did, but I could tell by the look on his daughter's face that she didn't believe it. She was suspicious of us from the beginning."

  Yes, my face was literally going to be the death of me.

  "You weren't much better. Wanting to hire his stupid blog service? Then going to see her about the coffin cookies?" Linda asked in disbelief.

  The car started again. "Hey, that blog is genius. It would be
good advertising for the place. Dom's ego is a mile long, so I was just feeding it. Besides, I knew she'd say no about the cookies. That was just a cover-up. She's been suspicious of me since I walked in on you two in Eddie's office."

  "You wanted them to suspect me all along. Have them think that I did it. You never could be trusted," she said angrily.

  "And you could?" he laughed. "You wanted everyone to think I killed Eddie. I know you were saying stuff behind my back. The day he died, he told me on the phone about your little gambling debt. You disgusted him. Why he didn't divorce you sooner, I'll never know. Hell, I'm not sure why he ever married you. Plenty of other fish in the sea and better looking as well."

  The car swerved, and Linda shouted something. It was getting more difficult to breathe inside the coffin. If they were fighting, we might get into an accident, but that wasn't necessarily a bad thing. It could bring the police, who I sorely needed right now.

  The coffin shifted and moved against one side of the vehicle. In desperation, I pushed on the lid again. Sweat and tears mixed together and ran down my face, and it was becoming more difficult to remain calm. This time I heard a satisfying click, and the lid moved slightly. Thank God. I inhaled several gulps of air then was forced to put the lid back in place. It was too heavy to hold up for long and I didn't want to take a chance that Linda or Arthur might see any movement.

  The vehicle slowed, and we started going uphill. We must be near our destination. I had no idea how long I'd been unconscious after Linda had choked me. I lifted the lid again. Whatever sunlight was left was quickly evaporating, so chances were that it had to be after seven o'clock. Someway, somehow, I'd have to surprise Linda and Arthur when they lifted the coffin out of the vehicle. But there were two of them and only one of me. The odds weren't in my favor, so how was I going to pull this off?

  I simply had no choice. I needed to live—for my baby, for Mike, for my family. Mike always joked that I had nine lives like a cat. I prayed that I hadn't used up all of them.

  My family had to be worried, and Josie must be going crazy by now. Grandma Rosa had been wary before she left for church. A sickening thought swept through me. What if Josie had arrived before Linda and Arthur had left? Did they attack her too?