Only

by HelenKay Dimon

  “You hadn’t mentioned our age difference in days, so I thought I’d remind you.”

  She had the power to disarm him. Throw him right off balance. “I’m managing to keep up.”

  “Please, your stamina matches mine in the sex department.” When the quiet stretched, she stopped skimming her hand over his stomach and looked up at him. “What?”

  “With my history, that’s not the kind of thing I hear very often.” People tended to whisper behind his back but not talk straight on with him about sex. But Kyra discounted his history, except to the extent she insisted the multiple partner part be over. “Honestly, women usually avoid the topic.”

  “It’s not a secret.”

  “Very true.” His mind went to Lena and his frustration over her decision to drag their private life into the open.

  He pushed the thoughts away as soon as they came because thinking about your ex while in bed with another woman, even in a nonsexual way, struck him as pretty sick.

  “Your background is part of you, so why ignore it.” Kyra’s intense gaze locked with his. “You never ask about my dating past before you or judge . . . or do you do that silently?”

  “I don’t.” Except to be happy that whatever and whoever came before him gave her such a healthy attitude toward liking sex.

  “Well, then it seems to me I should be grateful you had all that practice and got so good at it before I came along. I’d hate to break in a novice.” She sounded so serious but a bit of mischief twinkled in her eye.

  He had to laugh. “Glad to know you’re satisfied.”

  “That’s not up for debate.” She traced a finger over his lips. “But I’m thinking your reputation is overblown.”

  Typical of Kyra, he expected her to say one thing and she said another. “Is it now?”

  “You’ve been with all these women—”

  “Maybe we should find a new topic.” They hadn’t hit a snag. He didn’t see a reason to find one.

  “That’s interesting.” Her foot traveled up his bare calf. “Does it make you uncomfortable that we’re talking about this?”

  The combination of her hand low on his stomach and her thigh sliding over his made his concentration slip. “Doesn’t it upset you?”

  “No, and that’s my point.”

  “You’re going to have to use more words because I’m lost.” And he was ten seconds away from rolling her under him and spreading those amazing legs nice and wide. Talking would consist of grunts and begging after that.

  “Tell me the truth.” She shifted, moving her body up higher on his. The sheet around her tugged loose and she flashed him a healthy view of her breasts. “Is it possible, maybe just a little, that you hide behind your reputation to keep from getting seriously involved with another woman.”

  Thoughts of breasts and sex blinked out of his mind. A strange ball formed in his stomach. One that felt a bit like anxiety, which made no sense since little made him nervous.

  Refusing to give in to the odd reaction, he moved his arm under his neck and lifted his head to get a better look at her. “How did you come up with that?”

  “I know about the threesomes. Hell, everyone does.”

  One day he’d forgive Lena for making it so that every fucking non-work conversation in his life came back to this topic. But not today. “People know what they’ve read and assume the rest.”

  Kyra smiled. “Well, counselor, did they happen?”

  “Yes.”

  “Throughout your marriage?”

  That was enough past-relationship sharing. “Your point is?”

  “Except for me, you attract a certain type of woman now. Ones who want a thrill or to take a turn.” Her head tilted to the side as she ran the back of her fingers over his cheek and down to his chin. “Just seems to me that’s easier for you.”

  His jaw clenched and he had to exhale to keep from letting the anger spinning inside him seep into his voice. Not anger at her, but at the reoccurring sensation of being viewed through one lens. “I’m not a circus sideshow.”

  “Have I ever treated you that way?”

  “No.” The answer was automatic. She hadn’t. She’d dealt with his sexual past early and head-on.

  “So, there are women out there who want you for you.” She ducked her head and kissed his throat. “I know because I’m one of them.”

  The fury jamming up inside of him ran out again. She offered a rare gift—acceptance. She didn’t judge or condone. She didn’t seek out a thrill ride or an experience she could gossip about to her friends.

  He got why he was with her. He had no idea what she saw in him.

  “You could have anyone yet you picked a guy with emotional baggage and a very public history. And let’s not forget my dad, who made statements to the press about me being at fault for my divorce.”

  “There’s also your freaky need for secrets and the ex-wife who pops up out of nowhere.” Kyra closed one eye and shot him a confused look. “Why do you tolerate the latter again?”

  He noticed she ignored the question about her attraction to him but let the conversation get sidetracked to make a point. The same point he’d been making to Jarrett every time he asked why Lena kept coming around. “It’s not that bad.”

  “Uh-huh. So, the answer is?”

  That would teach him to let a conversation go sideways. “I got down on one knee and proposed to her. I stood at the end of an aisle and took vows. That has to mean something.”

  “True.”

  Kyra didn’t sound convinced so he said the rest. “Basically, I don’t want an angry post-divorce where I hate Lena and we fight. We loved each other once and it seems to me we can treat each other with respect now.”

  That was the truth. Bast let the marriage get away from him. He didn’t speak up or put the brakes on their sex life until they wanted different things and couldn’t find a common ground. He owned that.

  But asking another woman to deal with his guilt over Lena and his need to make sure she stayed okay was a different story. Bast couldn’t tell from Kyra’s staring what the response would be. She didn’t frown but she didn’t smile either.

  He tried to explain it another way. “Kyra, look—”

  “I think that’s pretty great.”

  He lifted his head to get a better look at her because she couldn’t just accept this and move on like she had with the rest . . . right? “What?”

  “I think she takes advantage of you.” When he started to respond to that, Kyra held a finger to his lips. “But that’s about her. The way you treat her tells me the most important thing I need to know about you.”

  “Which is?” He mumbled the question around her finger.

  “You’re not a dick.”

  The comment, so simple and straightforward lifted a crushing weight off his chest. One he didn’t know stood there until his breath started flowing again. “I’m guessing most women would hate it. The ongoing conversations with Lena could be seen as threatening in some way, though I don’t mean it that way.”

  “Well, I don’t want to have lunch with your ex and go clothes shopping, but I get you wanting to maintain a good relationship. She’s an important part of your past.” Kyra bent her leg and waved her foot around in the air behind her. “In many ways DC is like a gossipy small town but you have history with her, some of it good. I want you to hold on to the good parts.”

  He searched his mind for the right words. To say the right thing. When that failed, he went with simple.

  He pressed a soft kiss to her lips and let his forehead rest against hers for a second. “Thanks.”

  “You’re welcome.” Kyra lifted her head and put a bit of space between their mouths. “And when it comes to emotional baggage and messed-up fathers, I have you beat by a mile. So there.”

  Bast welcomed the lighter mood. Was als
o happy to take the conversation off him and put it on someone else. “You could be right on that.”

  “We all have things, Bast. We carry them, they weigh us down and sometimes they suck us under. The goal is to know when to drop and when to reach for a hand.”

  If he let himself feel more for her, he could really . . .

  He cut off the thought before it took hold. This was about sex. Really great sex. Not anything else because God knew saddling her with his bullshit when she already had so much of her own wasn’t fair.

  “How did you get so wise?” he asked, half joking but he really did wonder.

  “I watch a lot of television.” Her fingers trailed along his collarbone and she rested her head on his shoulder.

  “I’m serious. You’re young—”

  She groaned. “I thought we got over that hurdle.”

  “Let me finish.” In some way they had gotten around this, but time was still a reality. Not that numbers were his point. “You’re young but that’s about years and not maturity or life experience. You act older. Wiser. Definitely smarter than me most of the time.”

  “I didn’t have the luxury of being a kid when it came to my father. He wanted me in the family business.”

  That was a nice way of putting it. Bast decided to clarify. “Stealing.”

  “That I could handle. It was the part where he was happy I wasn’t ugly or chubby so he could use me to lure men.”

  Bast now knew what people meant when they said their blood ran cold. His insides iced over as he lifted her off him to look right at her and gauge her reaction. “What?”

  The answer didn’t come immediately. She waited. Stayed quiet as the gaze from those big sexy eyes roamed his face.

  Some of the spark left her and her skin dulled. “That was his brilliant plan. Set up guys and blackmail them and when my looks started to fade, which he thought would happen about now, arrange a relationship between me and some random criminal guy with more power who my dad needed for something.”

  “Did that happen?”

  “I didn’t let it get that far.”

  But her father put her in that position. Left unsaid was that for some period of time, she played that horrible game. It made Bast sick for her.

  “Wade should have killed him.” Bast debated calling the man now and filling him in. The result would be pure vengeance but part of Bast wanted that for her.

  “My dear brother doesn’t know the sex-as-a-weapon part of my father’s plan.” Her eyes went wide and she stopped blinking. “And he never will. Wade would go after my father and I can’t have that. I want Wade safe and out of prison.”

  “But you’re telling me about what happened.” Bast dragged out the words, trying to figure out why being her confidant felt so good.

  “I trust you.”

  Warmth spread through him, weird and pumping so strong. He hadn’t felt the sensation for a long time but welcomed it now. “You can, you know.”

  She smiled then and that foot kept flipping in the air behind her. “Because you’re a big-time lawyer?”

  She was joking but he was serious.

  Wanting to touch her, to have her understand, swamped any concerns about sending the wrong message. It was probably too damn late for that anyway. He held her face in his hands and brought her in closer. “Because I care about you. I don’t want anything to happen to you.”

  Turning her head, she kissed his palm. “I’m pretty tough.”

  “We all need someone sometimes.” Bast remembered saying that to Jarrett years ago and now he had Becca. Interesting how life cycled and changed.

  “Do you need anyone?”

  Part of him wanted to say no, but he knew deep down that wasn’t true. A guy didn’t yearn for a comfortable, happy home with a wife who loved him, and wanted only him, and not believe. “Yes.”

  Her focus never slipped. “Do you need me?”

  That was too easy. “Yes.”

  With a hand behind his neck, she brought his mouth closer to hers. “Then take me.”

  “Again?”

  “I’m rested up and ready to go.” As if to make her point, her fingers slipped down his waist to his cock. She gave him a little squeeze. “I think you are, too.”

  As his lips met hers, he got the very real sense he was the one who’d been captured.

  NINETEEN

  Bast figured the closed club was as good a place to meet Natalie on Monday afternoon as any other. Here, Becca and Jarrett could act as backup. They waited in Jarrett’s office right now, watching on the security cameras, just in case.

  Natalie’s administrative leave officially turned to termination a few hours earlier. By lunch Bast had her out of her house and office and ready to get out of town, though “ready” likely wasn’t the right word since she’d spent fifteen minutes sitting on a barstool, balking about going dark while Bast finalized her agreement.

  The reason for her refusal, one of them anyway, hovered by the main doors to the club’s dining room and eyed every employee who walked near him on their way to prep for tonight’s opening and kept them far away from Natalie. Gabe MacIntosh stood six-three, maybe taller, with dark shaggy hair, a dark beard and a dark disposition. Bast had worked with him on other cases and found the man rock solid. His security company had a reputation for being the best, and that’s what Natalie needed right now.

  She gave Gabe the side eye before returning to glaring at Bast. “This guy? It’s never going to work.”

  Fury vibrated in her voice. It was the one tie to the Natalie he knew before today. Gone was the pristine conservative suit and slicked-back hair. She wore jeans and her blond hair fell to her shoulders as she kept her constant vigil of looking around the room every two seconds.

  Bast had never seen her as disheveled or out of control. She teetered on the verge of both now and he hated that for her. She deserved better treatment from the agency she’d devoted her life to than to fear being hounded and destroyed.

  Never mind that she’d given the order for the treatment to be done to others. As far as Bast was concerned, Natalie paid penance for that when she put everything on the line for Elijah, Jarrett and Becca.

  Using his best soothing lawyer voice, Bast tried again to reason with her. “You are a burnable asset, which means you need protection. Gabe is the right man for the job.”

  She took another look and this time the man in question glanced back and held her gaze. “He looks like he rips down redwoods with his bare hands.”

  Which made Gabe the perfect choice for protecting her, as far as Bast was concerned. “He might.”

  “I don’t need a babysitter.”

  Gabe must have heard the word because a smile pulled at the corner of his mouth. His boots didn’t make a sound as he walked over the ground he’d staked out to guard. A tattoo peeked out from under his short sleeve. Bast tried to imagine the stern woman with the hint of Southern accent spending serious time with the gun for hire. They should hate each other, yet the heated looks suggested something else might be at work. Something Bast hoped didn’t get in the way of her protection.

  “I have been trained to handle situations like these,” she explained nice and slow as if talking to a child.

  Looked like this situation called for a walk down memory lane. “We could ask Todd what he thinks but since a CIA-backed kill squad got him, that won’t work.”

  “He died because of a gas leak and you’re not funny.” She slid her fingers over the glass in front of her. The ice had melted and she hadn’t taken a sip.

  “Not trying to be.”

  She swiveled on the chair and faced Bast full on, her voice dropping to a whisper. “I can go underground without help until this is worked out.”

  “It could be months.” Bast hated to even say it. He’d walked through the possible scenarios with Becca and Elijah. Na
talie could make her body a bigger target by picking the wrong hiding place. Spook the CIA into thinking she was going on the run and might be looking for a bidder for the information she possessed. No, the best thing was to keep the legal channel open, make the deal and keep her close.

  “It takes you that long to write an agreement?” Her near-shout had Gabe taking a step toward them at the bar.

  Bast held up a hand to keep Gabe back. Last thing he needed was two trained killers on top of him demanding answers. “It does if I want to be sure they abide by it. That they know they have something to lose.”

  “Which is what?”

  This was the last card Bast had to play and he’d dropped the hints with Natalie’s higher-ups this morning at a meeting at Langley. “Going after you tears the Jarrett agreement apart, and—”

  “But it really doesn’t.” Natalie went from looking at Bast to studying him.

  Not that the scrutiny bothered Bast. The woman sitting next to him knew how to dissect sentences and actions. He expected her to wield the same skills when dealing with him, lawyer or not. “Jarrett and I say it does. The CIA wants the steady stream of information on foreign threats Jarrett can provide, so the option of going after you becomes less appealing.”

  That was the plan. Bast worked it out with Jarrett, who insisted Natalie be protected just as she had protected Becca.

  “Yet you somehow make sure Jarrett holds the good stuff back.”

  She wasn’t the only one with skills. “This is not my first day on the job.”

  “You’re saying I’m going to have this guy hanging around for weeks.” She waved a hand in Gabe’s direction.

  No way could he let her get away with that. She knew the timing of these things. Wanting a shorter trigger wasn’t going to make it happen. “Months.”

  “No.”

  “Did something happen?”

  “Other than being fired from the only job I’ve had since college?”

  Bast knew that had to scrape her raw. She’d devoted her life to the agency, forfeited a private life. He’d read her file. She made a contribution. Made a difference. Getting tossed aside sucked.