by Claire Adams
“I know,” she said.
“You do know I work this much so we can have everything we want.”
Gina sighed. “I know. Sometimes I really miss you though.”
“I always miss you,” I said, rubbing her cheek. “And one day, we’ll be together as much as we were on this vacation.”
Her eyes lit up. “Promise?”
“Promise,” I said, and I hoped I wouldn’t break my word. I’d figure something out.
Later that day, Gina and I returned home in time for tea. Well, in my case, coffee. I never liked the taste of tea, no matter how many different combinations I tried.
Chloe and Jess were already on the porch chatting when we arrived.
“You two look like you had fun,” Jess said, putting down her mug.
Gina raced over to her. “We did! Look at all the shells I got!”
After building our castle, Gina and I walked along the surf and collected all the “pretty” shells. They spilled over the top of the bucket, and I wondered if we’d left any of them on the beach.
“Those are lovely,” Jess said, looking into the bucket. “I like this purple one.”
“I got that one for you,” Gina said.
“You did?”
“Uh huh!”
Chloe stood up and patted the seat where she just got up from. “Take a seat, and I’ll get you some coffee.”
I sat next to Jess while Gina sorted through her shells on the front lawn.
“I’m really going to miss this place,” I said.
Jess nodded. “Yeah, I forgot how calm it is here. And the people aren’t running about as much as in the city.”
“It’s definitely different,” I noted.
Chloe returned and handed me a mug of coffee.
“Thank you,” I said.
Chloe looked over her shoulder and then sat down on the chair next to us. “For my own curiosities, what are you two? Do you have a label for it yet?”
I shot a look at Gina, but she was too far away from us to hear.
“Mom,” Jess warned.
Chloe shrugged. “Your relationship has progressed in the short time you’ve been here. I want to know that when you leave, my daughter is properly cared for.”
“She—” I started, but Jess silenced me by saying, “Noah, don’t answer that. She’s got her nose where it doesn’t belong.”
Chloe scoffed. “Is it so wrong to have my daughter open up to me?”
“You could have asked me, Mom. Me. You’re making this awkward for everyone now.”
Jess stormed away from us and went to Gina. “Gina, how about a bath before supper?”
She helped Gina put all the shells away into her bucket and took my daughter’s hand, shuffling her inside. She didn’t glance our way, but her jaw was set.
When they disappeared inside, I turned to Chloe. I could have said something to her about her question, but it made me think too. I knew I wanted Jess in my life, but I hadn’t thought much of the logistics of our future together. I wanted us to be more than just nanny and employer, but I wasn’t sure how to make that leap.
Chloe didn’t push the issue, knowing that Jess apparently didn’t want to talk about it. But with our daughters out of earshot, discussing this wouldn’t help anything. Jess explicitly avoided the question, but why?
Chapter Twenty-Six
Jess
I couldn’t believe Mom said that in front of Noah! She was lucky Gina was around or else I would have screamed at her. What was she thinking? Whatever Noah and I were, it was none of her business. And what if Gina had heard? She knew we were keeping our relationship a secret from her for now. Everything was complicated when it came to his daughter. And Mom with her selfish ways almost ruined that for the three of us.
I knew Gina loved me as much as I loved her, but being a nanny was much different than being her mom.
I drew in deep breaths and let them slowly out while I took Gina into the bathroom for her nightly bath. She especially needed it today since she went to the beach. Sand clung to various parts of her body. I had her stand on a towel, and I scrubbed as much off as I could. As pissed as I was at Mom, I wasn’t going to clog her drains with sand. There was already a healthy amount in the pipes from living near the beach and bringing it into the house on a regular basis. Though it would have been an appropriate parting gift from me for almost ruining everything in front of Gina.
“All right,” I said after the tub filled. “Let’s get you cleaned up.”
Gina shivered a little since I’d taken her bathing suit off. But when she got into the tub, she let out a satisfied sigh.
“This is nice,” she said.
I smiled. She always had a way of breaking through any shitty mood I was in. I tried to shove away the picture of the embarrassed look on Noah’s face. It was enough Mom tried to weasel her way into my life, and now she was pushing herself on Noah. It made me sick. I wished there was something I could say to make her stop spewing out the first thing that came to her mind. But that was a lost cause on her. She’d find a way to make everyone around her feel embarrassed.
I cleaned Gina while my mind wandered. I hated how Mom did that to me. We were having a perfectly good day, and she had to ruin it. She was normal all day when we went into town. I could tell how proud she was to show me off to the people who lived nearby. Most of them I didn’t remember, but I didn’t have much of a social life when I lived there full time. I was too busy taking care of Mom and hiding her from everyone in town to have a chance to get to know anyone.
“Can you brush my hair tonight?” Gina asked.
“Sure,” I said.
“I like when you do it,” she said, standing up and allowing me to help her from the tub. “Daddy hurts my hair.”
“That’s probably because Daddy doesn’t have as much hair like you and me and he doesn’t have the practice I do.”
Gina giggled and covered her mouth. Her eyes sparkled as I rubbed the towel over her to dry off her little body. I wrapped it around her then pulled her against me in a tight hug. The very thought of losing Gina made me want to hold onto her longer. Maybe that was why Noah and I hadn’t discussed our future, because there was a chance that if we didn’t work out, my future wouldn’t include her, and I couldn’t bear the thought.
Noah and Mom were still outside after I changed Gina into her pajamas. I closed the door to the bedroom, not even wanting to hear the faint sound of Mom’s voice.
Gina and I sat on the guest room bed with her between my legs. I slowly pulled the comb through her hair, feeling the small pops as I moved through the tangles. She didn’t complain. I knew what she sounded like when Noah did it, and I tried to spare her that agony when I could.
“Did your mom do this when you were little?” she asked.
I didn’t have any fond memories of it, but I was sure she did. “Yeah.”
“I miss my mom,” she said.
I stiffened.
“I don’t remember her,” Gina said. “But I’m upset that I don’t have one. All the kids on T.V. have moms.”
“Well, it’s okay to be upset; have you spoken to your dad about this?”
“Daddy doesn’t like to talk about my mom,” Gina said. “He acts strange when I ask.”
“I’m sure he misses her too.”
She nodded. “I wish you were my mom.”
I stopped brushing, and Gina turned around to look at me. Her brown eyes pierced through my soul. What did she expect me to say? Had she heard my mom outside? Did she know about Noah and me?
Then she turned back around, and I continued brushing her hair, my hands moved automatically through the motions. Being so young, Gina didn’t know the effect of some of the things she said. And like when Mom asked about me and Noah, I had no idea what to say this time either.
Noah and Mom entered the house, and I turned my attention back to Gina’s hair. I smoothed it down with the brush and quickly twisted it into a loose braid. Lately, her hair starte
d to go a little wild so keeping it back, even at night, helped with tangles.
“Daddy!” Gina said leaping off the bed.
Noah stood in the doorway, and he smiled down at his daughter. He scooped her up into a hug and whirled her around.
“You smell good enough to eat,” he said then growled against her neck.
I couldn’t help but laugh as she squealed at him to let her down.
He pretended to bite her a few more times before he let her to the ground. She came over to the bed and hopped up again. “Daddy, I want to sleep with you tonight.”
Noah sobered then glanced at me.
I nodded but said nothing. I could go one night without sleeping with him. Besides, I knew when we got back, Noah’s time would be filled with work again. He needed this time with Gina for the both of them.
“Sure, honey,” he said then looked at me again. “Your mom wants to start up the barbecue but needs some matches. I’m going to hop in the shower and get this sand off me.”
“Okay,” I said, heading out of the room.
He touched my arm. “I’m going to set Gina in front of the television. Your mom wanted to speak with you privately.”
Of course, she did. Probably to tell me to knock off my attitude. I was right, and I planned on making that perfectly clear.
“Thanks,” I said.
Gina shoved passed us toward the living room.
I kissed Noah lightly on the lips.
He smiled. “What was that for?”
I shrugged. “Just because.” Then I headed into the kitchen for the matches before I lost my nerve.
Mom was cleaning the barbie when I got out there with the matches.
“Thanks, love,” she said, taking them from me.
“I want to talk to you about earlier,” I said, diving right in. I wanted this to be resolved before dinner as I didn’t want to leave us in an awkward position for our last night.
“Love, it’s a conversation you need to have,” she said.
“You need to stay out of my business.”
“This is no longer just your business.” She took the matches from my hand and clicked on the starter. “You brought a little girl into my life and like hell am I going to let you hurt her.”
“How am I going to hurt her?”
“You’re lying to her. And if things go badly between you and Noah, Gina is going to be heartbroken. It’s better to hash this all out now and save yourself heartache down the line.”
“It’s fine,” I said. “I’m a big girl.” Yet why did she continually make me feel like a child? I wondered if that would ever stop. But as long as she was alive, she’d mother me until the day she died.
“All I’m saying is I want you to be careful and know what you’re getting into before Gina gets too attached to you.”
“It’s a little late for that, Mom,” I said.
“Well, then I think you need to pray that it works out. Because at the end of the day, she is Noah’s daughter. You can’t have one without the other.”
Chapter Twenty-Seven
Noah
Tuesday morning arrived before I was ready for it. I barely got any sleep the night before since I was jet-lagged worse than I ever had been before. The American flight attendants were less concerned with my sleep than the Australian attendants had been on the way down. Even though Gina, Jess, and I were in good spirits. That last leg of our journey dragged on much longer than it needed to. And after dropping Jess at her apartment, Gina and I went home and passed out.
It was a good thing I’d set my alarm for work because when it went off, my body and mind were in different time zones and I had no clue what day it was. Checking my phone, I realized it was Tuesday already, and I had to get ready for work.
I lingered in the shower for longer than normal, turning the water cold so that I could wake up. I promised myself I would get right to work when I returned from Australia. That was easier said than done.
It appeared to be the first day I’d ever gotten dressed since I put my pants on backward and went through two pairs of socks before I managed to match them.
By the time I got downstairs, I was a little more grounded in my schedule. I made a strong pot of coffee and guzzled two cups before Jess arrived.
“Good morning,” Jess said cheerfully from the doorway.
I glanced at the clock. I needed to leave now.
“Hey, Jess,” I said and pecked her on the cheek. “I gotta go.”
“Have a good day,” she said as I headed out the door to start what was going to be what I knew would be a rough first day back at work.
The coffee kicked in halfway to work, and by the time I got there, my hands were shaking. At least my brain worked again.
Even though Allison rarely came in before eight-thirty, she was at my door when I arrived at the office.
“Give me everything in order of importance,” I said, opening my office door.
“Everything is important today, Noah,” Allison said. “Last week was a bit busy for everyone.” I tried not to hear the twinge of attitude in her tone of voice. I seemed to recall her taking every single vacation day since she’d come to work for me. Yes, I was the boss, but I deserved some time off too. Even if it meant I’d regret it soon after when dealing with people like her.
I tried to calm my declining mood. It was only because of my lack of sleep. Allison had done nothing wrong.
She showed me a stack of paperwork on my desk. The sight of it was alarming as I generally worked through each day’s contracts and proposals and other miscellaneous things to sign on a daily basis. I’d never seen this much work on my plate before. For a brief moment, I regretted going on vacation at all. But as Jess said yesterday on the way home, everyone needed a vacation.
I wished Jess could understand why I never went on them. I didn’t regret going to Australia, but I should have expected this workload. It was easy for her since, at the end of the day, she didn’t have to take work home with her, or deal with employees’ livelihoods in her hands.
Yet the time I spent with Gina last week was priceless.
I hated that I constantly battled between my personal and professional life. The daily war waged harder today, and the only way I could deal with it was to bury myself in my job.
By noon, I’d barely dented the pile, but I’d fallen into my routine much quicker than I’d anticipated. Allison held off on any meetings or phone calls for me, so I was able to lock myself in my office and get caught up.
A little after noon, I received a photo from Jess. She and Gina were at the park on the swings. I took a satisfying breath and looked at their smiling faces. How I wanted to get back home to them and extend our vacation just a little longer.
Seeing the stack on my desk propelled me to work harder so I’d be able to get home to Jess sooner.
My phone buzzed. I groaned and picked up. “I thought I said I needed time to catch up.”
“I know, Noah, but the warehouse just called, and one of the trucks is out of commission, affecting three deliveries today.”
I hung my head. “Get me in touch with them now, please.”
As Allison connected me to the warehouse, I closed my eyes and tried to remember the calming crash of water on the shore from my many trips to the beach last week. I was already fired up and needed to calm down before someone else was about to be.
It was seven o’clock by the time I got home from work. I’d texted Jess to let her know she’d have to stay late that night. Guilt snaked through me at the fact that I wouldn’t be able to see Gina until tomorrow night, but it wasn’t something I could help. Once I got back on track, I’d be able to get home earlier, but I had no idea when that would be. We were backlogged an entire week, and with my stress levels, no one was going to have a good week. My company hadn’t been this off track since we’d first started.
“Hey,” Jess said to me when I got home.
I pecked her on the lips and placed my briefcase on the kitchen
table. I had a lot of work to complete tonight, but now that I was home, all I wanted to do was go to bed.
“Rough day?” she asked.
I rubbed my eyes. “Rougher than I can remember for a long time.”
She placed a hand on my shoulder. “I’m sure tomorrow will be better.”
“I damn well hope so,” I said.
Jess frowned. “I made a casserole for dinner. Do you want me to heat it up for you?”
I checked my watch. “If you wouldn’t mind. I know it’s late though.”
“Don’t worry about it. I’m sort of the reason you’re stressed out now.”
“It’s not your fault,” I said. “I should have done more work when I was over there. Allison significantly underestimated how much was going on while I was gone.”
“Do you think you can catch up this week?” she asked.
“Probably not; I have this week’s work to do as well. I’m going to be pulling a lot of hours this week. I hope you don’t mind.”
“Not at all,” she said. She opened the refrigerator and pulled out a glass container. She moved around the kitchen as it were her own.
I sat down on one of the bar stools and watched her take a plate from the cabinet and place a chunk of the casserole onto it.
“Gina really missed you today,” she said.
“I feel guilty enough, Jess. I don’t need to hear that.”
“I’m just telling you what your daughter said,” I noted a hint of annoyance in her voice. Her attitude wasn’t helping my mood. I knew Gina missed me, but what the hell was I supposed to do about that? I had to work. Someone around here did.
“It will take her a few days to adjust to the new schedule,” Jess said. “Sometimes vacations, especially ones halfway across the country, need a little time. That’s all I was saying.”
“I know,” I said. “Today is the first day in a long line of days of adjustment for me.”
Jess broke up the chunk of casserole with a fork while she spoke. “Well, it’s a good thing you have a lot of money. If it gets too stressful, you can always sell the business and retire comfortably. I know Gina would love having you around more. Or you could take a demotion and be a salesman if you get bored with retirement.”