by Claire Adams
What? “Retirement? Jess, I’ve worked too hard to retire this early.”
Her eyes met mine. “You’ve made more in a short amount of time than most make their whole lives.”
“And I intend to keep making that money until a proper retirement age.” I stood up. What did she know about my past? Not much. When we were alone, I monopolized the time to get to know her. And I guarded my past. Maybe if she knew about the struggle I’d had growing up, then she would get off my back about working. Wendy had done the same thing at times, even though she knew me back then. What was it with women always trying to fix me? I wasn’t broke. “I grew up in poverty, Jess. Like sometimes I didn’t eat for an entire day. I lived in a one bedroom apartment and slept on the floor. I’ve worked my ass off my whole life to never go back to that point again.”
“Noah,” Jess said. “I didn’t know.”
“And that’s my fault, but you should see where I’m coming from.”
“But you have money now,” she said. “You can do anything with it.”
“Like retire before I’m forty? She needs to look up to a strong parental figure. Not some guy who sits on his bank account and golfs all day.”
“I wasn’t saying that,” Jess said. “She knows you’re anything but lazy. Or a golfer.”
I knew she was trying to make light of the situation, but my mood wasn’t broken by her words.
“I’m more than that,” I said. “I’ve worked too hard to let it all go now. I’m in my prime, and I intend on going until I can’t go anymore.”
“What about Gina?”
“What about Gina?” I challenged.
“She only has one parent. Don’t you think it’s important to be there for her? Right now is a crucial time in her development—”
“Isn’t that why I hired you?” I said. The moment the words were out I regretted them.
Her lips pressed together until they were a thin white line. “I think I should go. Heat up the leftovers for a few minutes in the microwave,” Jess said and left the room without giving me a kiss.
I stood there, staring at her for several moments before I heard the front door close. She definitely wasn’t coming back to talk about what I’d said. That was her though. She always ran. She needed her space, especially after the stupid thing I said to her.
I went over to the plate and brought it to the microwave, following her instructions.
I watched the plate move in circles around in the microwave. I might have been a little too hard on her, but I’d had a rough day. I wasn’t sitting at home making a quilt and playing at the park. Jess had no idea what I went through each day. Though since she didn’t, it wasn’t fair for me to be rude to her. Tomorrow was another day. I’d apologize in the morning. We both needed time to cool off.
When the food was ready, I grabbed the plate and a slice of bread from that bakery Jess loved before heading up to my office. Our talk had given me an extra boost of energy that I needed to carry me through working the rest of the night, though Jess didn’t stray very far from my mind.
Chapter Twenty-Eight
Jess
All night I stewed about what Noah said to me. He’d taken my words completely out of context. Of course, I knew he was a hard worker. I only suggested he retire since he had so much money and had the opportunity to be with Gina more than he knew. What was wrong with that? With the progression of our relationship, didn’t he want me to be honest with him? When he worked, he didn’t think of anything else. He had no idea what long hours meant to Gina when she didn’t see her father for more than an hour a day. I wasn’t her mother, so there was no substitute for what she was missing.
Noah was the type who needed a push in the right direction when it came to his family. He had blinders on to the world around him. His eyes were focused on dollar signs when they should have been focused on his daughter who was growing up with a nanny. It wasn’t as if I wanted him to fire me, but in my first few weeks of working, he’d managed to come home at a decent time each night. I hoped we’d be able to return to that point soon. Gina was too young to understand a lot of this, but from her perspective, she always came last on Noah’s priorities. And for a three-year-old to comprehend that, well, it wasn’t right.
After thinking about it on the ride home, my mood softened a little. I assumed he had a bigger workload than he was used to so this had to be temporary. At least I hoped, for everyone’s sake. We’d had such a good time in Australia. I didn’t want to turn our happy memories into regretful ones. Or ones that would prevent Noah from ever leaving work for an extended period of time ever again.
Tomorrow would be better. He needed to get some sleep to clear his head, and I needed to give him the opportunity to talk to me about what he was feeling.
When I arrived at Noah’s the next morning, I took a breath before going inside. Today was a new day. Talking to him about our conversation last night would clear the air, and everything between us would be okay. This was our first serious argument, and we’d get through it and move on.
I just reached the foyer when Noah burst into the room, shoving on his suit jacket.
“Good morning,” I said.
“Hi,” he said dismissively.
There were heavy bags under his eyes. I didn’t need to wonder how little sleep he got last night.
“It’s going to be another late night,” he said. “I’ll pay you overtime. See you later.”
And with that, he was gone.
My chest tightened. Other than signing our contract, I never mentioned money to him. It was understood that he would work it out. Now I felt like another one of his employees instead of, what? His girlfriend? Whatever we were was more than a working relationship, yet his words suggested that’s all we were.
I slid into the chair in the hallway and listened to his car start up and pull out of the driveway. He was obviously still pissed about our conversation from last night. And here I was about to accept his apology. Apparently, I was delusional.
I wallowed for a minute before brushing it off and chalking it up to stress. I’d give him a few days if he needed it. He always gave me time when I was upset about something. I had to keep reminding myself that this was temporary.
It had to be.
I got up from the chair and went into the kitchen to start on breakfast for Gina, all the while thinking of the things I would say to Noah when he finally wanted to talk to me like an adult.
Later that afternoon, Gina and I were working on the quilt again. We’d played a lot that morning and even though she’d already taken a nap, her eyes were heavy and it wasn’t even dinner time yet. The jet lag hadn’t affected me that much, but the Stones were quite the opposite. I didn’t intend on giving in to an earlier bedtime, though. The best way to combat it was to keep to a normal schedule no matter how tired she felt.
“We’re almost done,” I said, rolling out the finished part of the quilt.
“Cool,” Gina said flatly.
“I thought you would be more excited?” I said, ruffling her hair.
“I wanted to save Daddy’s square for last,” she said.
“You still can,” I said, confused by why she was so upset.
“He’s not even going to be here to see it!” she said, crossing her arms.
Now we were getting somewhere. Not seeing Noah for more than a day was getting to her, and mixed with a crabby attitude from sleep deprivation, it was making the little angel more upset than usual.
“He has to catch up on the work he missed when we were gone,” I explained, lightly tickling her knee.
She didn’t even flinch at my touch. Usually that would send her into a fit of giggles. “But he doesn’t even call to say good night. Or call you.”
She was right. While I’d sent Noah pictures of us throughout the day yesterday and today, I’d yet to hear a response. I wasn’t even sure if he was getting my messages or if he was too busy to look at his phone. Though I was sure if some client or employee ca
lled, he would pick up right away.
My anger from last night returned, but I remained calm for Gina’s sake. She tended to mirror my moods, so making sure that she stayed calm was my priority. “I’m sure everything will be okay soon.”
“I want to go back to Australia,” she said. “Daddy didn’t ignore me there.”
“He’s not ignoring you,” I said. “He’s working.”
She sighed heavily. “He’s always working.”
A tear slipped down Gina’s little rosy red cheek, and my heart broke. I reached out to her, and she launched herself into my arms. I rocked her and smoothed her hair. “It’s going to be okay.”
She sat back and looked into my eyes. “If we go back to Australia, then Daddy would have to go, right?”
“I think it might be a while before that’s possible. It’s not easy for him to take that much time off.”
“Daddy has money and says he can do anything,” Gina said.
I sucked in a breath as I got a glimpse of a future bratty, spoiled teenager. It wasn’t going to happen while I was around. No matter how much Noah was obsessed with money, I didn’t want her to follow in that path.
“Money can’t buy happiness,” I said. It was a stupid cliché, but I wanted her to know that. So what if Noah grew up poor, a lot of people had issues growing up. But I wasn’t going to let his twisted mentality taint this sweet little girl.
I put Gina down to bed right on time that night. After our discussion, while working on the quilt, she’d been in a dour mood for the rest of the day, but didn’t mention Noah and Australia again. Though I knew it was in the back of her mind. What had happened to us in Australia had burrowed itself into her brain. She saw the happiness that we had as a little trio; even though we weren’t a traditional family, we were something. And for her to see that and miss it, it broke my heart.
I read her several more books than I normally did, silently hoping that Noah would come home in the middle of a book and surprise us both. I sensed that she wanted the same thing, but at some point, she could no longer fight it and fell asleep.
I left her to rest and went to clean up the house for when Noah did finally return home.
Noah came in around eight that night. I’d already cleaned up our mess from the day and tidied a few rooms while waiting. I was on the couch reading a magazine when he came through the door.
“Hey,” I said from the sofa when he came into the living room.
His eyes were narrowed, and I wasn’t sure if it was exhaustion or resentment in his expression. I felt a little of both. I put the magazine down and went to him.
“I guess today wasn’t better?” I asked. I trod lightly, careful to keep my voice steady even though Gina’s tearful face stayed in the forefront of my mind.
“Not in the least,” he said. His shoulders sagged, and I wanted to comfort him, but I also wanted him to apologize for being so rude to me this morning. He could have done that to any other employee, but I thought we were something else to each other. I wasn’t looking for him to bow down to me, but a simple apology wouldn’t hurt.
“How was Gina today?” he asked and then let out a yawn.
I hesitated. He didn’t want me to guilt him about Gina, but as her father wouldn’t he want to know what she was feeling.
“Did something happen?” he asked since I still hadn’t answered him.
“Gina got upset today,” I said.
“About?”
“She wants us to go back to Australia because she thinks you’re ignoring her here.”
He rubbed at his brow and minutely shook his head. “This again? Jess, I don’t need someone to tell me how to raise my daughter. I’ve been working like this since she was born. I have to.”
“You don’t have to work this hard,” I said, then shook my head. I wasn’t going to push that issue again. “Or at the very least, respond to my texts during the day or call. That’s all she needs. Going from spending all day together to never seeing you, she’s confused and hurt.”
“I think you’re looking too much into this,” he said.
“I’m not. She bawled her eyes out today when we talked about this.”
“And I’m assuming you brought it up to her,” he said.
I scoffed. “I didn’t, she mentioned it.”
“I’m sure you fed into it.”
“Noah, what the hell is your problem?”
“I don’t have a problem,” he said, flashing his teeth. “I think this is the problem here.”
“This?”
“I don’t need to come home every night to someone who can’t handle Gina and her toddler moods.”
“I can handle her. I’ve been handling her,” I said.
“That’s obviously not true,” he said coolly.
“What are you saying?”
“I think our relationship with you is a little muddled. It would be best for everyone if you go and I found another nanny for Gina.”
Indecision raged through the center of my chest. He was being irrational to some degree and over nothing? He was scared. He had to be. Maybe I had finally overstepped my boundaries, but to have him react so harshly? It wasn’t right.
“You don’t mean that,” I said. Heat moved up my neck and burned my cheeks and ears.
“I really do,” he said and then turned away from me and left the room.
I stood there frozen to the spot. Did Noah just fire me? For telling him about how his daughter felt about him working so much? My entire body went numb, but when Noah didn’t return to say anything to me, I forced myself to grab my things and leave the house.
On the way home, my mind replayed the conversation with Noah over and over again. My initial instincts were right: I shouldn’t have said anything to Noah about Gina missing him. But on the other hand, he needed to know how much his working affected his own daughter. He was too worried about his job, and now I knew one of the main reasons why Noah couldn’t keep a nanny for very long. It was mostly because of him.
Heat licked behind my eyes as I thought of Gina. What was he going to do with her now? I hated that I wouldn’t see her tomorrow, but he fired me, so there was no reason to go back.
I felt like an ass for allowing the both of them to latch onto my heart. Now I was out of a job and heartbroken. What was I going to do now?
Chapter Twenty-Nine
Noah
The next morning, I woke up with the worst headache. I went to bed late last night, and the lack of sleep was starting to affect me.
I rolled over and checked the clock. I’d set my alarm for early, knowing that I’d have to take Gina to work again. I groaned. Why didn’t Jess do her job and mind her own business? I might have over reacted when I fired her, but the last thing I needed when I came home was to deal with another whiny employee.
Of course, Gina was upset that I wasn’t with her twenty-four hours a day like I was in Australia. I wasn’t working then. Why didn’t Jess explain that to her? She probably fed Gina’s need and wanted to make me feel bad when I got home from a shitty day at work.
Jess had no idea how much stress I worked with each day, and she wasn’t making it easier for me when I got home.
This transition to yet another nanny would suck, but I’d already emailed Allison last night to bring up the previous nanny applications for a second look. As much as I still wanted Jess to warm my bed, maybe things had gone too far between us. Jess distracted me, and it wasn’t in her job description to judge my life and how I chose to live it.
I took a shower and got ready for the day. Then I went into Gina’s room to wake her.
“Daddy?” she croaked and turned around. She held her arms out to me, and I wrapped her in a tight embrace.
“You’re coming to work with me today, honey.”
She rubbed her eyes and sat up. “Where is Jess?”
“She’s not watching you today,” I said. I didn’t have time to get into the details with Gina. I would later on once I finished work for the
day.
“Why? We need to finish the quilt.”
I didn’t have time for this. “We’ll talk about it later, honey. Right now you need to get ready. We have to leave soon.”
Gina quirked her lips as if she somehow knew that Jess wasn’t coming back at all. But then she smiled so broadly that it made my heart ache. “I get to go to work with Daddy!”
While she dug through her dresser drawers, I made her bed. “I’m still catching up from last week. So, I need you to be on your best behavior today. I’m not going to be able to play with you that much okay?”
“Okay, Daddy.”
My phone chirped, and I checked my messages. I cursed under my breath. Allison had the flu and wasn’t coming in. Instead, she called the temp agency, and they were sending someone over.
That’s just what I needed today. I couldn’t trust a temp to help me watch my kid. And I would be pushed back a day for finding a new nanny. It wasn’t Allison’s fault, but it only added to another shitty day for me. And Gina wasn’t going to make this any easier.
“Hurry up, Gina,” I said, firmly. “We have to go. I don’t have time for you to go through all of your clothes.”
She whipped her head around and looked at me. Her lower lip trembled.
“I don’t want to be late,” I said in a softer tone. I had to get to the office and prep the temp with all the work for the day. This was already shaping up to be another stressful day. And with taking care of Gina on top of it, my mood wasn’t going to improve by standing there.
I managed to get Gina out of the house within ten minutes. We didn’t have time to gather toys for her, so the supplies I had at the office would suffice.
On the way to work, I picked up some donut holes for Gina and a large coffee for myself. I hoped the caffeine would help with my headache. The pressure on my temples was worse than earlier that morning.