Island Fling to Forever

by Sophie Pembroke

  ‘That’s not what I was saying,’ Rosa started.

  Jude shook his head. ‘Yes. It is.’

  ‘No! Jude... I—’

  ‘Don’t say it.’ If she was even thinking what he thought she was about to say, he couldn’t hear it. He couldn’t risk it. If she told him she loved him, there was no way he could walk away again, not knowing that. He’d give up everything to trail her around the world, and he’d end up resenting her for it.

  A shocked laugh bubbled up from somewhere inside him.

  ‘What’s so funny?’ Rosa asked, scowling.

  ‘I just realised,’ Jude said. ‘This must be exactly how you felt, three years ago.’ How Sancia felt in Oxford with the professor. How Gareth felt sometimes when Jude kept him safe, back at the hotel instead of out at the party where he wanted to be, blazing bright.

  Maybe Rosa was right. Maybe he never could have saved Gareth. But he could decide to save himself from any more heartbreak.

  It wasn’t much. But it was what he had left.

  ‘So you’re punishing me. Is that it?’ Rosa jumped to her feet, her colour high and her eyes blazing. ‘I left you three years ago, so you won’t even consider staying now? I know I hurt you, but, Jude, this is just petty.’

  ‘Petty! Rosa, you tore my heart out and stamped on it, then breezed back into my life and told me you’d just been ready for something new!’

  ‘I explained—’ Rosa started, but Jude was in no mood to hear it. All he’d wanted was one last night with Rosa, one perfect memory to say goodbye on.

  Instead he got this. Everything he ever wanted on a plate, except he knew it was laced with poison.

  ‘You explained. Right. But what it came down to was the same thing it will always come down to with you. You value your own freedom, your own choices, above everyone else’s. And that might work for you with the rest of the world. But for the people who love you? It’s horrible.’

  The colour faded from Rosa’s face as she stumbled backwards, grabbing a chair for support. ‘What do you mean? Is it so wrong for me to want to pursue my own dreams?’

  ‘No,’ Jude allowed. ‘But is it wrong of me to want to stay and look for my own?’ New York might not be everything he’d ever dreamed of, but he knew the rules there. He knew he was as safe as it was possible to get, knew he could look himself in the mirror and know he was living out his promise. New York had always been their dream—and Rosa was asking him to give it up.

  ‘But you’re not!’ Frustration leaked out of Rosa’s voice. ‘You’re doing what the label says you should, or the rest of the band. You’re not making new music, you’re just remaking the old stuff! Living for a memory. Does fame really mean so much to you that you can’t give it up to pursue the music that really makes you come alive again? Like the song you wrote here, for me?’

  Did she really not see? Did she really not understand? One look at her face told Jude she didn’t.

  ‘That wasn’t the music, Rosa. That was you.’

  ‘What?’

  Scrubbing a hand through his hair, Jude sighed. ‘I wrote that song—found the passion and the music—because I found you again. For three years, it didn’t much matter what I wrote or played because you weren’t there to hear it.’

  ‘Then why didn’t you come after me?’ From the way her eyes widened, and her hand went to her mouth, Rosa was as shocked by her words as he was.

  ‘How could I? You didn’t tell me where you were going.’

  ‘And in this day and age, with the Internet and everything, there was absolutely no way you could find out?’ She was right, Jude knew. He could have found her if he’d wanted to.

  But he hadn’t.

  ‘Gareth had just died. Forgive me if—’ But she could always tell when he was lying.

  ‘That’s not why, is it? Tell me the truth, Jude. We owe each other that much.’

  ‘I didn’t come after you because I knew I couldn’t take it if you turned me away again. You knew me, Rosa. You knew every depth of me, more than any other person in the world. And you turned your back on it and walked away. No, I didn’t come after you. Because I loved you, and I knew I could never, ever be enough for you.’

  ‘But you are!’ Rosa surged forward, grabbing his hands to her chest. ‘You are. You’re everything I need. That’s why I’m here, asking you. Come with me! I don’t see what the problem is. We can run together, keep having the same fun we’ve been having here on the island. It doesn’t have to end yet.’

  ‘Yet.’ That was what it came down to, wasn’t it? With Rosa, there was always a time limit—and only she knew what that might be. And Jude couldn’t live like that.

  He’d known, deep down, that Gareth had a time limit, too. That however hard he tried, Gareth lived too hard, too fast, to live for ever, or even to old age. He just hadn’t expected it to be so soon. He’d thought he could buy more time—just as he’d tried to do again on the island with Rosa.

  God, he was an idiot. Trying to control time, and other people. Both were equally impossible.

  The only thing he could control was himself. He could keep himself safe, even if he couldn’t ever have done the same for Gareth.

  Rosa would leave, sooner or later. It was all there in that tiny three-letter word: yet.

  Rosa stilled as she finally caught his meaning. ‘Nothing lasts for ever, Jude. Can’t we just enjoy this while it does last?’

  Jude shook his head.

  ‘Why not?’ Rosa slammed her hand down on the counter. ‘Jude, I love you. Whether you want to hear it or not. And right now, I can’t imagine ever loving another person my whole life—I haven’t before, and I can’t see that changing.’

  The words pierced him straight through his body. She loved him. This was what he had always wanted.

  And he was going to send it away. His choice, this time.

  ‘So you’d marry me? Promise me for ever? Go with me wherever life took me?’

  He didn’t need to hear her answer. He could see it in the fear on her face.

  ‘Why couldn’t you come wherever I went?’ she asked.

  ‘Because I won’t give up everything I have when I know that one day—sooner or later—you’ll walk out on me again,’ he said, simply. ‘It almost broke me last time, Rosa. I can’t risk it twice.’

  ‘You can’t trust me.’

  ‘Can you tell me I should?’

  She looked away. ‘No.’

  ‘Then I don’t think there’s anything more to say. Do you?’

  She didn’t answer.

  Grabbing his guitar, Jude walked out on the love of his life.

  He didn’t look back.

  CHAPTER THIRTEEN

  TEARS BLINDED HER as Rosa raced up the path back to the villa. Thank goodness everyone was leaving tomorrow. She could be packed and on a boat with them first thing, and on a plane to Russia, or Australia—anywhere—before breakfast. She needed to get as far away from La Isla Marina, and Jude Alexander, as possible—and fast.

  What had she been thinking? Of course he wouldn’t give up all his successes and fame to run away with her. Who would? Rosa had always been the screw-up, the wild and free one who couldn’t settle for anything. Now it seemed she couldn’t live up to Jude’s expectations any more than she’d lived up to her father’s or her sister’s. She couldn’t live up to his life in New York, or the memory of the best friend he’d lost. Especially when she couldn’t promise him for ever.

  Except...she’d wanted to. For a heartbeat of a moment, when he’d asked if she’d marry him, she’d wanted to say yes. Wanted to fall into his arms and be his for ever.

  Until he’d added ‘go with me’ and she’d known she couldn’t promise that.

  She wasn’t a follower. And neither was Jude. Neither of them would ever be happy trailing around after the other.

  I
t was an impossibility. They were an impossibility.

  It had been fun while it lasted, but she should never have expected anything more. She wasn’t good at compromise, or giving, or other people’s feelings. Hadn’t Anna made that clear enough?

  Her sister could change her path, change her mind, her life. But Rosa never had been able to live up to Anna’s example.

  For one, sharp moment Rosa missed her sister so much that it ached. They might not have always—okay, often—got along, but Anna was still family. She’d turned to Rosa when she’d found out she was pregnant, eventually, and now Rosa wished that she could do the same.

  But Anna was far away in Oxford with Leo, and all Rosa had left were her parents. The mother who’d taught her that the best way to deal with difficulties was to run away, and the father who’d always wanted her to be someone she wasn’t.

  Somehow, she couldn’t see either of them fixing this mess.

  Wiping her tears away, Rosa stepped into the main villa, the place she’d spent so many childhood holidays, that held so many memories.

  Then she stopped.

  And she stared.

  ‘Mama?’ she whispered. Sancia didn’t hear her. ‘Dad?’ Louder this time. ‘What are you doing?’

  Sancia and Ernest broke apart, and Rosa regretted her question. It was pretty obvious what they were doing.

  Kissing.

  Her parents.

  After ten years apart. Estranged. Not speaking. Now suddenly they were...

  Kissing. Passionately.

  ‘Rosa!’ Sancia patted her hair as she smiled at her daughter. ‘Um, we have some news!’

  ‘So I can see.’ Rosa crossed her arms over her chest. Was everyone else finding their happy ever after on this island? Or, more likely, was this sudden reconciliation going to end in disaster—just as Jude and hers had?

  Sancia’s brow furrowed. ‘Are you okay, querida? Did something happen?’

  ‘I just caught my parents making out. Other than that...’ She didn’t want anyone to know about Jude. Not yet.

  Not when his words still hurt so much.

  Her father pulled a face. ‘Making out? Really, Rosa. Is it so wrong for two people in love to express their affection for each other?’

  ‘When they’re my parents...’ Rosa shook her head. ‘Never mind. Just...what’s going on? What’s your news?’ In love? Had she really heard those words from her buttoned-up father’s mouth?

  ‘Your father is moving here to the island!’ Sancia practically vibrated with excitement.

  Rosa blinked. And she’d thought Anna’s decision to stay on La Isla Marina was the about-turn of the century.

  ‘Here? You’re staying here?’ she asked her father.

  Ernest put his arm around Sancia and nodded. ‘I think it’s about time. Don’t you?’

  Time? Was that all it took? If she waited another decade would she be able to make things work with Jude? Somehow, she doubted he’d be willing to wait that long.

  ‘But...how can you just give up everything you’ve worked for in Oxford? All your old dreams?’ His career at the university, his professional reputation—they’d been all that mattered to him, when she was growing up. Everything in their lives had been arranged around them. And now he was just throwing them away? It didn’t make any sense.

  ‘Your mother needs support here on the island. And Anna will be here, too, so I’d be alone in Oxford.’

  So that was it. Of course. ‘You mean, your nursemaid is moving here so you better had, too?’

  ‘No.’ Ernest’s voice was sharp. ‘I’m moving here for many reasons. Not least, my health and well-being. Rosa, you’ve told me often enough over the years that I need to take responsibility for my health. I’d think you’d be glad I’m finally retiring to do that.’

  ‘I am,’ Rosa said, quickly. ‘I just...’

  Sancia pulled away to put an arm around Rosa’s shoulders. ‘What is it, querida?’

  Rosa looked at her mother. ‘Ten years ago you got fed up of living the life Dad wanted all the time, and you left to come here. To find your own dreams again. Right?’

  ‘I suppose,’ Sancia said. ‘I was tired of always coming second to his work and not being able to follow my heart. But most of all, I just missed my home, and my parents needed me more than he did.’ Her smile turned sad. ‘Even more than you girls did, in some ways. Your father and I were arguing more and more, and it was making me so unhappy... I knew it had to be affecting you and Anna, too. I didn’t want you to grow up in an unhappy home, and I didn’t want to regret staying when I should have gone...but, Rosa, leaving you girls behind, only seeing you in the holidays, that was the hardest choice I ever had to make. You know that, don’t you?’

  ‘I do,’ Rosa said as Sancia hugged her close. Her mother had always made it clear that her leaving was nothing to do with the girls—even if it had taken Rosa a while to believe it when she was younger.

  Perhaps that was why she’d never asked her mother outright for all the reasons she’d left. She’d listened to what Sancia said, tried to believe it, and always just assumed it was because she was tired of life in Oxford.

  But now she needed firm answers. She needed to understand. ‘Dad, what if the same thing happens to you?’

  ‘What do you mean?’ Ernest asked.

  ‘What if, living here, you get, well, bored? You’re giving up everything that has always mattered to you. I don’t want you to end up resenting Mama for that in a few months, or years. When you realise you’re tied to her dreams and obligated to stay.’

  She’d never seen the smile on her father’s face before, Rosa realised. It was softer, kinder, more indulgent than any smile he’d given her before.

  Professor Gray held a hand out to Sancia, who took it with a smile of her own. Rosa watched, confused.

  ‘You’re forgetting my most important reason to stay here, Rosa,’ her father said. ‘I’m in love with your mother.’

  Love. The word caught her in the throat. Did it always have to come down to that?

  ‘What if that isn’t enough?’ she asked, and the concern on Sancia’s face returned.

  ‘Rosa, did something happen with Jude?’ she asked.

  ‘I just need to know,’ Rosa said desperately, her arms wrapped tight around her middle. ‘What if love isn’t enough?’

  ‘Then nothing is,’ Sancia said, simply.

  ‘When it’s true love, staying isn’t an obligation. It’s a privilege.’ Professor Gray pressed a kiss to his ex-wife’s head. ‘I’m giving up my old dreams for new ones. Better ones.’

  ‘We got it wrong last time,’ Sancia said. ‘Both of us. We thought there were more important things than love.’

  ‘Aren’t there?’ Rosa felt as if the bottom were falling out of her heart.

  ‘There are things that matter as much,’ Professor Gray allowed. ‘And there are circumstances that can overwhelm it, if you’re not careful.’

  ‘So if it’s love, you have to give up everything?’ Because that didn’t sound like love to her.

  ‘No, querida.’ Sancia moved forward, guiding Rosa with an arm around her shoulder to one of the low, cushioned benches that were scattered around the reception area. ‘Love is about accepting the other person as they are, and loving them in spite of your differences.’

  ‘Or because of them,’ her father added, sitting down beside her. ‘Your mother and I...we’re very different people. But those differences don’t lessen our love any.’

  ‘And in some ways they even make us stronger,’ Sancia added. ‘As long as we accept them and respect them.’

  ‘You mean he has to love me for who I am?’ Because in that case, there really was no hope for Jude and her.

  Sancia laughed, lightly. ‘That’s the easy part, querieda. Who could not love you?’

  Rosa star
ed at her mother in amazement. ‘You have to love me. You’re my parents. But I know I’m not easy to love. I know it’s in spite of all my flaws and not because of them. I’m no Anna.’

  ‘We never wanted you to be Anna,’ Sancia said, surprised. ‘We just wanted you to be happy.’

  Beside her, Rosa’s father was nodding his agreement. Rosa looked at him in confusion. ‘But... I never could follow the schedule or plan ahead. I couldn’t settle to anything, especially not studying.’

  ‘And none of that meant we loved you any less,’ Ernest said. ‘Or that we were any the less proud of you than we are of Anna.’

  Rosa blinked, tears burning behind her eyes again.

  ‘Oh, Rosa.’ Sancia hugged her tightly. ‘How could you think you are difficult to love? You’re so full of life and spirit.’

  ‘Just like your mother. That’s one of the many reasons I fell in love with her,’ Ernest put in. ‘And you’ve taken that spirit out into the world, forging your own, brilliant path. Your sister collects all your photos and articles and saves them for me, you know. I have them all catalogued in my office.’ He said it so casually, as if it were obvious. An inevitability. But the knowledge lifted Rosa’s heart, even in the middle of her misery.

  ‘We’re very proud of you, querida,’ Sancia said. ‘And we love you very much. And if Jude doesn’t, then he’s a fool.’

  Rosa shook her head. ‘He’s not. Last time... I left him. I broke his heart.’

  ‘I wonder where you learnt to do that,’ Ernest murmured, but he was smiling fondly at Sancia as he said it.

  ‘Then he’s a coward, if he won’t take the risk of loving you again.’ Sancia looked outraged on Rosa’s behalf.

  ‘I don’t blame him,’ Rosa admitted. ‘I’m not sure I would. I’m asking him to give up everything.’

  ‘Love does take some compromise, Rosa,’ her father said, gently. ‘But the rewards should always be greater than whatever you have to give up.’

  ‘In the end, love is the only thing that lasts,’ Sancia said, smiling at her husband as she stood, holding her hand out to him. ‘And it’s worth ten times of everything else.’