Yesterday and Forever

by Victoria Alexander

  “Lydia?" She gasped, her gaze jumping to the blonde. Lydia appeared a picture of complete control. Only her eyes revealed her remorse, eyes that pleaded for forgiveness. Maggie threw the blanket off and leapt to her feet. "I thought you were my friend. How could you? And more to the point, why?"

  "Maggie." Lydia approached, her hands held out before her in a beseeching gesture. "It was not expected to turn out this way. Connor was to provide me with men. And you were not to be harmed in any way. I did not think that—"

  "No, you did not think at all, did you?" Adam's voice boomed behind Maggie. She glanced back. He stood close, a towering figure of icy golden rage. "You did not think she could have been killed, she could have been dishonored, she could even have been sold."

  "Sold?" Maggie swallowed hard. "What do you mean I could have been sold? Like to a brothel or harem or something? Yuck!"

  Adam ignored her outburst, his dangerous gaze still fastened on his sister. "She could have been harmed in other ways. Violated. Abused. We might never have known what happened to her. We might never have heard from her again."

  Maggie frowned. Whatever Lydia had done, and it now appeared she'd done quite a bit, she didn't deserve this treatment from her brother. They were the only family each other had. Since Maggie's arrival, her influence had triggered more and more confrontations between the pair. She knew the importance of family because all she had left was her sister. She refused to come between this brother and sister.

  Maggie reached out and gripped Adam's arm. His gaze met hers and his rage softened.

  Maggie turned back to Lydia, her voice quiet. "Why did you do it?"

  Lydia sighed deeply. "I watched you and Adam. Each so miserable without the other. At first I merely wanted to get his mind off trying to force me into a marriage." Lydia shot Adam a quick glance, then returned to Maggie. "Soon it was apparent you obviously loved each other but neither would admit it. I thought if you were in danger, kidnapped, Adam would discover how much he cared. Saving your reputation would dictate he would have to many you and the two of you would be together.”

  "That's what this was? Some kind of bizarre matchmaking scheme?" Maggie laughed, on the edge of hysterics. This revelation coupled with the events of the night was almost more than she could take. "You people are nuts. I thought you were all a little crazy when I first got here, but now that I've grown to know you. . ." She shook her head and wiped the tears from her eyes. "You just wanted us to get together? Jeez, Lydia. Adam and I have been sleeping together for days."

  Only the sharp crack of thunder outside competed with the shocked silence that slammed into the room.

  Lydia gasped.

  Adam groaned.

  Connor choked back something that sounded like a cross between a laugh and a snort.

  Maggie stared at the stunned faces around her and grimaced. "Whoops."

  Lydia turned an outraged expression toward her brother. "You have bedded her? Seduced her? You with all your talk of propriety and your criticism of my behavior? You took advantage of a women who has little understanding of our lives and our entire world. She doesn't know the harsh rules the ton adheres to for unmarried women. Oh, Adam, how could you?"

  "Lydia," Adam said sharply, “it's not like that. I love her. I want to marry her."

  "What?" Maggie cried.

  "Marry her?” Lydia snapped. "You'd bloody well better."

  "I intend to," Adam said crossly. "And I didn't need your interference to reach that conclusion. I knew it days ago."

  “Marry me?” Maggie whispered.

  "Excuse me.” Connor cleared his throat. "It appears to me this has become a distinctly family matter so I shall take my leave. Adam." Connor nodded, a barely suppressed grin on his face. "It has been, as always, an unforgettable experience.”

  He turned to Maggie. "My dear, I am truly sorry for any inadvertent role I played in this evening's fiasco and I wish you the heartiest congratulations. Be assured nothing I have heard this night will leave this room." He leaned toward her, a wicked sparkle in his eye. "But someday you must tell me who Bert is."

  He threw Lydia a wry glance. "Lydia." He nodded once more and headed toward the door.

  "I will see you out, Connor." She tossed a last withering glare at her brother and flounced out the door. Connor's eyes rolled toward the heavens and, groaning, he followed her.

  Maggie's shocked gaze turned to Adam. "Marry me?"

  Adam shook his head, a gesture sheepish and endearing. "I had not planned on asking you this way. I wanted to ask for your hand with all the romance and beautiful words that would put even Shakespeare to shame."

  Maggie was too stunned for words.

  "Maggie." He strode toward her and wrapped his arms around her. “I love you. I cannot imagine life without you. I want you by my side always. I want you to bear my children and grow old with me. Maggie, marry me." The love in his eyes, the anticipation in his voice, the strength of his embrace nearly undid her.

  "I . . ." Maggie's gaze locked with his. "I can't."

  Shock slapped Adam and his face twisted in disbelief. "What do you mean, you can't?"

  She pulled out of his arms and backed away, her gaze never leaving his. Maggie shook her head. "I'm not meant to be here, Adam. I'm not staying. We both know that."

  "I know nothing of the sort." His voice grew sharp with the pain she read in his eyes.

  "We've been through all this before." She turned away, no longer able to face his stunned hurt. "There is one person too many in this time. One person more than history says there should be. There's a definite imbalance. It's not right. Who knows what devastating changes my staying could bring? To the future. My future."

  She whirled to face him, hoping to make him understand. "You talk about your responsibilities to your position and your family. I have responsibilities, too. To a future you know nothing about. I know the way things are supposed to happen. If I stay, it could cause some horrible ripple effect. It could change history. Maybe for the better, possibly for the worse."

  "You cannot be positive of that."

  "You’re right. I'm not." She wrapped her arms around her chest in a protective gesture. "That's part of the problem. I just don't know. But I do know I can't take that chance. I can't take that responsibility."

  His dark eyes flashed. "You have told me yourself there is nothing in the future for you. With the exception of your sister, you have no family. Your life, even the independence you flaunt so proudly, has not made you happy." The desperate note in his voice tore at Maggie's soul. "I am offering you a life, a future, here where you can be happy. We can be happy. You love me as much as I do you."

  “Of course I love you," she said, her voice rising. "That's not the point. You think love alone will make this right?" A hysterical laugh punctuated her words. "You are a romantic. There's more than years that separate us. You love me now because of who I am, but it's my past, my history, that's made me what you love.

  "Adam." She had to make him understand. “Remember the Elgin marbles? In the future the Greek government and the British government will go round and round over who should have possession of them."

  "But we can care for them better," he said, puzzlement written on his face.

  "You can today, but things change." She struggled to find the words. "For the Greeks, the marbles are a part of them, part of their history, part of their collective past, part of what makes them who they are. It's the same way with me. The nearly two centuries of history that separate us have shaped me as distinctly as any genetic influence. They've made me what I am. If l stayed, the woman you love might not exist because that history might not exist. Would you still love me then?"

  "I will love you forever." His voice rang quietly with the truth of his words.

  Pain seared her heart and she stared at his beloved face. She had no choice. When the carriage came it would take her back, her one chance for happiness lost.

  "We don't have a forever." She shook her head s
lowly. "I’ll love you, and cry for you, and mourn losing you for the rest of my life, but I can’t stay here."

  He grabbed her arm and pulled her roughly to him, his dark eyes flashing down at her. "Why do you refuse to understand? Refuse to believe this must be your destiny? To be here with me. Fate has brought us to each other and we belong together. Surely you feel that as strongly as I do?"

  "Yes . . . no," she said. "I don't know. I only know I have to leave."

  The room thickened with anger and pain. Long moments passed. They stared silently, their eyes saying what words couldn't about love and loss.

  Adam pushed her away and his expression changed abruptly, growing formal, remote, cold. His words were icy, as if a door to his heart had clanged shut, as if he no longer cared, as if anguish had frozen all emotions, destroyed all love.

  “You say you love me. Yet you would relegate me to a yellowed, long—forgotten page in a history book. You would consign me to a dim memory in the dusty reaches of time. If this is your twentieth-century idea of love, then perhaps I am well off without it, well off without you."

  His words pierced her soul with an almost physical pain and for a moment she didn't know if she could bear it. Adam pivoted sharply and strode from the room, leaving Maggie's cries behind him.

  "Oh, Adam, no. I do love you." Tears welled in her eyes and streamed down her face. Her heart had never broken before, never known the kind of overwhelming despair that now coursed through her, never dreamed of grief this intense. How could anyone survive this kind of pain that ripped through her as sharply as a knife? How could she? Maggie collapsed slowly onto the sofa. She had just made the biggest decision of her life.

  And she prayed it was right.

  Chapter Seventeen

  Maggie wandered through the next days in a haze of heartache and confusion. More than anything she wanted to be with Adam, wanted to make him understand, but he avoided her. He rose before dawn and left the house, returning, if he came home at all, well after she had fallen into restless, dream-plagued sleep. She listened for his footsteps in the hall, strained to hear movement in his room. Nothing.

  Lydia seemed to avoid her as well. Two days after the kidnapping they ran into each other for the first time in the foyer. Lydia was no help.

  "I do not understand, Maggie." Lydia shook her head in frustration. "You love Adam. He loves you. Why will you not marry him?"

  Maggie sighed. She had explained over and over and was tired of repeating herself. Her explanations didn't change anything. "One more time, Lydia. I'm not supposed to be here, in this time, in this place. There's one person too many here; there's an imbalance. I have to go back."

  “And what about Adam?" Lydia said harshly. "What about him? Do you know in his entire life, I have never seen him the way he is with you. Not years ago when he was an impetuous, devil-may-care rake. And definitely not after Father died when he became so stiff, proper, and stuffy. These days with you, even when you are railing at each other, he has been alive as I have never before seen him. I've seen him laugh with you here." Her gaze locked with Maggie's. "You will destroy him if you leave."

  "I don't have a choice," Maggie said. "Don't you get this at all?"

  A shocked expression flashed across Lydia's face and she stared at Maggie. "You are scared."

  "Of course I'm scared. Scared of messing up two hundred years of history."

  "No, that's merely your excuse." Lydia's eyes widened and she nodded slowly, as if confirming her suspicions. "You are scared of what staying here would mean to you personally, not the coming centuries. Scared to throw your lot in with the man you love. Scared to build your own future with him. You would rather return to the safety of what you are familiar with, and I do not mean your horseless vehicles and your flying machines, but the comfort of not having a choice to make. You would rather go back to an empty existence than accept the challenge of a full, rich life here."

  Lydia stared Maggie straight in the eyes and, shocked, Maggie read disdain and pity there.

  “For all your talk of independence and freedom and how you run your own life, you are as trapped as I. But my prison comes from my society and my times. Yours is of your own making. You have been offered all I want in life, a man who loves you and a future filled with happiness. You are willing to toss it all away because you lack the courage to follow your heart."

  The icy expression on Lydia’s face heightened her resemblance to her brother, and Maggie's heart wrenched at the recognition. "I used to envy you, Maggie, the life you led, the life you told me about. But with all your knowledge and inventions and freedom, it does you no good. At least I know what I am searching for. You do not even know that."

  Lydia started to leave, then paused and pinned Maggie with a disappointed look. “I have the utmost sympathy for you, Maggie." She shook her head. "You are such a fool." Lydia turned and swept up the stairs.

  Maggie gaped in painful astonishment. Lydia’s accusations hurt. She couldn't possibly be . . . could she? Maggie sank onto the stairs. Was she just making excuses? Was she scared of making a choice? Making a commitment? Her own sister had accused her of drifting through her life. Was she still drifting?

  She desperately needed somebody to talk to, but Kiki wasn't here. Her friends weren't here. No one she knew would even be born for nearly one hundred and fifty years. Other than Adam and Lydia, she had no one.

  Except Edward.

  She jumped on the thought like a flood victim to a rooftop and impulsively called for a carriage. If there was one rule she'd learned here it was that there was nothing more improper than visiting a man alone. But she was about fed up with the whole, primitive time period, the entire antique world and everyone in it. She was tired of feeling frustrated and helpless. Tired of hurting. Chances were Edward wouldn't be much help. She certainly couldn't explain everything to him. But he seemed like a nice guy, someone who might give her some support, who would be on her side. A friend. Right now having a friend wouldn't solve her problems, but it sure wouldn't hurt.

  ***

  Maggie prowled the fringes of the room. absently picking up an item here and there. The parlor in Edward's house was charming, his home not as big as Adam's but just as opulent. What would have happened to her if she'd landed at the feet of some of the less desirable members of nineteenth-century London?

  "Maggie." Edward strode into the room, smiling a welcome. He crossed to where she stood and took her two hands in his. "It is delightful to see you, but I must say I was surprised when I was told you were here."

  She sighed and avoided his eyes. Now that she was here, she wasn't sure quite what to say. She drew a deep breath and gazed up into his concerned blue eyes. "I just wanted to get out of the house. I had to get away and I needed somebody to talk to."

  Edward's brows drew together in a considering frown and his gaze searched her face. His words came quietly. "Has Ridgewood harmed you? Hurt you in some way?"

  The unexpected question shocked her. She pulled her hands from his and turned away. "No. Of course not." The irony of his inquiry leapt at her and she laughed bitterly. "If anything, I've hurt him."

  "How?"

  Maggie wrapped her arms across her chest and stared unseeing at the Persian carpets beneath their feet. "He wants to marry me." Her gaze locked with his. "I said no."

  In one sure step, Edward was beside her. He pulled her into his arms too swiftly for protest, crushing her against his chest.

  "Then marry me, Maggie," Edward said, his voice rough with emotion. "You have intrigued me since the moment we met. Your air of fire, your manner of speech, all have enchanted me. I can make you happy as Ridgewood never could."

  His lips descended on her startled reply, his mouth on hers in a kiss hungry and demanding. Too surprised to react, Maggie noticed only that while the pressure of his lips was pleasant enough, it wasn't what she wanted, who she wanted.

  She flattened her hands against his chest and pushed him away.

  "Edward," sh
e said indignantly. "Knock it off. I'm very flattered but I don't need a lover or, God knows, a husband right now. I need a friend. Don't you people make friends?" She glared at him. His expression changed from surprise to wry amusement.

  "I don't think I want to be a mere friend to you, Maggie." An odd but appealing smile twisted his face.

  A weird sense of apprehension shivered through her. She pushed it aside and pulled a steadying breath. "Well, you don't have a choice. It's friendship or nothing. Take it or leave it."

  His smile threatened to become a grin. “How could I possibly refuse such a gracious offer? Friendship it is then, although I must admit I have never been friends with a female before. This should prove quite interesting." He offered her his arm. "Now, my friend, if you'll allow me to escort you to a chair I will call for refreshments. Perhaps some tea?"

  "Brandy would be better," she said, taking his arm.

  He gave her a surprised look, then grinned. “Brandy it is then." Edward chuckled under his breath. "I will be your friend for now, Maggie, but I make no guarantees about the future."

  "No problem." She sighed and sank into a chair. "I do."

  ***

  Edward and Maggie spent the next few hours in companionable conversation. It was pleasant and relaxing to be able to take her mind off Adam, if only for a short time. The visit with Edward wasn't a mistake after all. The conversation did not return to her problems until she was nearly ready to leave.

  "Maggie," Edward began, eyeing her over the edge of his glass. "Why will you not marry Ridgewood?"

  She shook her head sadly. “I don't want to talk about it. Let's just say there are obstacles that make any long-term relationship between us impossible."

  He gave her a disbelieving look. "From what I have seen, Maggie, I do not believe you would let any obstacles stand in the path of something you wanted. I know no other Americans. Are you all so determined and outspoken?"