Trust

by Sherri Hayes

  “Good. Rested.”

  That seemed to amuse him. “That’s good. You were out of it after your orgasm last night. I had to carry you to bed.” He leaned down and softly kissed my lips. “Sometimes your reactions amaze me.”

  Stephan didn’t allow me to respond to his observations. He deepened our kiss and wrapped me further into his embrace, tangling our legs together.

  When we broke apart, he took my face between his hands and gave me one last hard kiss. “Have you decided whether or not you want to go shopping with Diane?”

  I hadn’t. I hadn’t thought of much of anything after he began touching me last night. “No.”

  “No you don’t want to go, or no you haven’t thought any more about it?”

  “I hadn’t thought any more about it.” I paused, knowing he was going to want an answer one way or another. He said it was my decision, so I knew I had to decide. To my surprise, the thought of going shopping with Diane this morning didn’t produce the fear it had last night. I wasn’t sure if that was because it wasn’t there, or if I was just so relaxed from what Stephan had done to me that I couldn’t be frightened. Had that been his plan?

  “If you’re going, then we’ll need to get up soon so that you have enough time to get ready and eat something. If not, then I’m sure I can think of other ways to occupy our day.” The smile on his face was wicked, but I wasn’t scared.

  “I think . . .” I hesitated. “I think I want to go.”

  The next hour was spent getting ready and eating breakfast. Diane was thrilled when I told her I’d be going with her. She promised she wouldn’t leave my side for a moment.

  When Diane trotted off to the bathroom, leaving Stephan and I alone for a few minutes in the entryway, he pulled me into his arms. “You have your phone?”

  “Yes, Sir.”

  “Your credit card?”

  “Yes.”

  Kissing my lips, he reached into his back pocket and handed me several bills. “Put this in your pocket, not in your purse, and only use it in case of an emergency.”

  I took the money from him and did as he’d said, putting the money in the pocket of my jeans rather than the purse I was carrying.

  Diane rejoined us in the entryway. “Ready?”

  “Yes.” My voice was shaking, but it was the best I could do given the circumstances. As the time grew closer for us to leave, my nerves had made a reappearance. Stephan said that was only natural and assured me that he was only a phone call away.

  “Try to relax and have fun, all right, sweetheart?”

  “I will.”

  Diane was quiet as she drove. Due to the snow the night before, the roads were slick in spots. I was glad she was concentrating on driving and didn’t require me to keep up any sort of conversation, because I was trying to talk myself down from a ledge. Had I made the right choice in agreeing to go? Should I have stayed with Stephan? What if something happened? What if I freaked out and caused a scene? What if—

  “Everything okay?”

  I jumped but then forced myself to breathe. We hadn’t even gotten near people yet. “Yes. I’m just . . . nervous.”

  “About the crowds?”

  “Yes.”

  “That’s understandable, which is why we’re only going to make two stops today. One is to an art gallery, so there shouldn’t be too many people hanging about. They have a fairly exclusive clientele, and most of them buy via a buyer, the Internet, or at events the curator hosts. I, however, prefer the one-on-one approach.”

  “Okay.”

  “Our second stop is a boutique. They carry woman’s clothing that I absolutely adore. We may encounter more people there, but I think most after-Thanksgiving shoppers will be heading to the mall or the larger retailers. Personally I don’t much care for them, but to each their own, right?”

  I’d never heard Diane talk so much before, but I appreciated her breaking things down for me. It helped. “Thank you.”

  “Brianna, if you don’t mind me asking, is there something you need me to do if you do freak out as you fear you might?”

  That was easy to answer. “Call Stephan. He can calm me down better than anyone.”

  She smiled. “I’m glad he has you, Brianna. For the longest time he was so closed off. Even when he smiled, it never reached his eyes—not since his parents died anyway. The way I see him look at you . . . it warms my heart.”

  It was my turn to smile. I loved knowing that I made Stephan happy. With everything he helped me deal with, sometimes it was hard to see what he got out of it, but there was obviously something I gave him that no one else had before.

  “You love him.”

  There was no reason to deny it. “Yes.”

  “And he loves you.”

  I felt my cheeks warm. “He does.”

  Diane didn’t say anything more after that, but she didn’t stop smiling.

  The art gallery was just as she said it would be. There were hundreds of paintings and photographs hanging on the walls or in glass cases scattered around the room. We were the only people in the gallery besides the older lady who helped Diane find what she needed. She was looking for a picture to go on the wall in Richard’s office. She wanted it to be special since that was his space and he spent a lot of time there going over patient files and other paperwork.

  Once we were finished at the gallery, she drove another few blocks before stopping in front of a small clothing store. At least it looked small from the outside, minuscule even, but once we got inside, I saw that the outside was deceiving. The building was longer than it was wide, and it had an upstairs. There were clothes everywhere.

  We worked our way through several racks, and Diane selected a few pieces she liked, draping them over her arm and then moving on to see whatever else she could find. I walked behind her, looking at some of the clothes but paying more attention to the other people in the store than anything else.

  “Have you thought about Christmas? Did you want to get Stephan something? I know I said we were only going to two stores, but if there is somewhere you want to go, I’d be more than happy to take you.”

  I hated to admit the thought hadn’t even crossed my mind. Christmas was just over a month away. “I don’t know what to get him.”

  She sighed. “You and me both. That man is notoriously hard to shop for. Of course, most men are.”

  “What do you normally get him for Christmas?”

  “Hmm. Let’s see. Last year I got him a watch and some gift certificates for books and movies. He loves both, although he has so many already I have no idea how he keeps track of what he has and doesn’t have.” She waved her hand in the air dismissively. “But those are my go-to items—books and movies. I always try to find him something else, though, that he’s not expecting.”

  Stephan did like books and movies. Most of the time we spent together that didn’t involve talking or sex included reading or watching one of the movies Stephan had in his collection. I’d asked him once why he had so many movies that most people would consider chick flicks since before me he’d never lived with a woman. He’d said that Sarah had commented once when they were together that he never had any movies she wanted to watch, so he’d gone out and bought a handful of movies the store clerk had assured him his girlfriend would love. Sarah had appreciated the gesture, and since then he’d made it a point to keep his collection diverse.

  We moved upstairs, and I noticed they had lingerie. Stephan had never expressed a desire for me to wear lingerie, but I also knew he enjoyed seeing me in the bra and panty sets Lily had picked out. As I continued to look, a couple of items caught my eye, but I pushed the thought aside. I had no idea what Stephan liked, and if I wore anything, it would be for his pleasure, not mine.

  Diane finished her shopping, and we headed back toward her house. Overall, it had been a good day. I didn’t buy anything, but I didn’t have one of my panic attacks either.

  I was on such an emotional high that I ran out of the car as soon as
Diane parked it in the garage and rushed into the house to find Stephan. He was in the hall talking to Richard. I made a beeline straight for him.

  He scooped me up in his arms and laughed.

  “I missed you.”

  “I missed you, too. Did you have a good time?”

  “Yes.”

  “Did you buy anything?”

  I hesitated. “No.”

  Stephan looked at me, curious. I knew there would be questions coming, but I was glad he didn’t ask me in front of his uncle.

  Richard cleared his throat, and again I was embarrassed. “If you’ll excuse me, I’m going to go see if my wife needs help carrying things in.”

  Stephan

  I’d been glued to my cell phone since she’d been gone. Richard shook his head a few times but otherwise didn’t comment. Given her smile when she got back, it seemed she had a good time.

  Richard helped Diane carry in the few bags she had, and then we all gathered in the kitchen for leftovers. We made a dent in what Diane had made but not a big one. I already knew Brianna and I would be taking home leftovers. She wouldn’t need to cook for a few days, at least.

  After lunch, I disappeared upstairs for a few minutes to grab our bags. As I was turning to leave, I noticed Richard lingering in the hallway again. “Hey.”

  “Stephan.”

  When he didn’t say more, a knot began to form in the pit of my stomach. He’d been pleasant during our visit thus far. I was hoping that wasn’t going to suddenly change. “Something wrong?”

  He shook his head. “No. I just . . . I wanted to say that maybe I was wrong. Before.”

  I raised my eyebrow in question.

  “You aren’t going to make this easy, are you?” He sighed. “I realize that I jumped to conclusions all those months ago when Tami came to see me. When she showed me pictures of her bruises and said you’d caused them, I immediately went into doctor mode. Over the years, I’ve seen too many cases of domestic violence, and the thought that you might be one of those abusers turned my blood cold. I was angry, and I admit I didn’t listen to you as I should have. I’m sorry.”

  To say I was shocked was an understatement. Never had I thought I’d get an apology from Richard—not about that anyway. “Thank you.”

  “Don’t get me wrong. I still don’t completely understand your need to . . . to . . .”

  “Be a Dom?”

  He released an exaggerated breath. “Yes. I suppose that would be the easiest way to put it. I don’t get it, and I don’t think I ever will, but even I have to admit Brianna seems happy. She doesn’t appear to be afraid of you in any way. In the end, I’m a scientist, and I have to take the evidence for what it is.”

  “Thanks. I think.”

  Richard chuckled. “I’m not doing this very well, am I?”

  I smiled, letting him off the hook. “I think you did all right. Richard, if you have questions about my lifestyle, I will be more than happy to answer them for you, but only if you go into it with an open mind. If all you want to do is condemn, then I think it’s better we just agree to disagree on the subject.”

  He nodded but didn’t say any more.

  The drive home took longer than usual. It seemed as if everyone was out and driving the exact same way we were—into the city. I would have thought people would be heading home at this point in the day but apparently not. Of course, it didn’t help that we hit every traffic light—that, in and of itself, added another fifteen minutes to our drive.

  Back in the condo, we unpacked and Brianna put away the food. Although the time at Richard and Diane’s had been relaxing, there was something about being home.

  I walked up behind Brianna as she unloaded the dishwasher. She melted back into me, and my arms wrapped around her waist. “What were you thinking about earlier?”

  There was no need to specify when. Brianna knew what I was talking about. “Diane and I went to a clothing store today. They had lingerie there, and I wondered if that was something you liked?”

  Burying my face in her neck, I chuckled. “Brianna, I don’t think there are too many guys out there who don’t like to see their women in lingerie.”

  “Okay.”

  “Of course, I like you naked as well. I’m not picky.” To drive home my point, I reached up and found her cloth-covered nipple and gave it a quick pinch.

  She let out a squeak.

  I smiled and took a step back. “I’ll be upstairs for a while. Once you’re finished, you can read or watch television. I’ll be down once I’m finished sorting through e-mails.”

  After giving her a quick kiss, I disappeared upstairs.

  The next few weeks were relatively uneventful, with the exception of our meetings with Oscar and Emma. They were both concerned. Ian Pierce was holding firm, and it was looking more and more every day like we were going to have to go to trial. To make matters worse, Emma delivered another blow that afternoon. John was requesting to see Brianna.

  I was angry Emma even brought it up, but she stood her ground and insisted that, as Brianna’s lawyer, she wouldn’t be doing her job if she kept something like that from her client. Oscar agreed, which didn’t improve my mood.

  “You don’t have to decide right away, Anna.” Even Emma’s tone was grating on my nerves, although I had no idea why. She wasn’t talking any differently than she normally did. “Think about it and let me know.”

  “Are we done?”

  Oscar, Emma, and Brianna all abruptly turned their attention to me. I could feel the disapproval radiating from my lawyer. Whether he liked my attitude or not was irrelevant, as was Brianna going to see her father, in my opinion. Hadn’t the man done enough damage? Now he was skirting the system, enlisting the help of one of his friends in law enforcement, to make contact with Brianna he wasn’t supposed to have.

  “Yes, I think we’re finished. For now.”

  I didn’t wait for Oscar, or Emma, to add anything more before standing and ushering Brianna toward the door.

  “Anna?”

  Brianna looked over her shoulder at Emma while I tried to calm myself down. Why was it that I was the only one who appeared concerned with protecting Brianna . . . shielding her from more hurt. Everyone else seemed content to throw her to the wolves and hope she made it out relatively unscathed.

  Once Emma reminded Brianna that she’d be stopping by our condo next Saturday to go over some things with her, we left. All I wanted to do was get home, sit in my chair, and hold Brianna. With every day that passed, I hated Ian Pierce more and more. As for John . . . I wanted to see him rot in a jail cell for the rest of his life. I pictured something cold and dark and devoid of normal human interaction.

  “You’re angry.”

  “Yes.”

  “Did I do something?”

  I sighed and tried to calm myself. “No. It’s not you.”

  “You don’t want me to see John.”

  I wasn’t going to lie to her. “No, I don’t.”

  “Why?”

  Glancing over at her, I shook my head. “Because I don’t see the point. We don’t even know why he wants to see you.” I paused. “Do you want to see him?”

  She shrugged. “Not really. I guess I’m curious. He kept asking to see me after he was arrested, but then he stopped. Now he wants to see me again. Why?”

  I guess I could see her point. He was, after all, the only living family she had left. I gripped the steering wheel hard, my knuckles turning white. “As much as I hate to admit it, Emma is right. It’s your decision. I won’t stop you if you want to talk to him but, Brianna, I want you to think about this long and hard. John hurt you. A lot. He’s the one ultimately responsible for you ending up in Ian’s clutches for ten months. You don’t owe him anything. If you want to go see him, fine. I won’t stop you. But don’t do this for him. He doesn’t deserve it.”

  Brianna nodded and reached for my hand. I took it, and after placing a soft kiss on her fingers, placed our joined hands in my lap. Starting the ve
hicle, I maneuvered out into traffic. We drove home in silence, both of us with a lot to think about.

  Chapter 37

  Stephan

  As promised, Emma stopped by the following Saturday. It was less than two weeks before Christmas, and it was anything but the joyous time I’d hoped it would be for Brianna. Because of that, I hovered like a mother hen over their meeting. Emma gave me the evil eye a few times, but I pretended not to notice. There was no way I was leaving Brianna to deal with whatever Emma needed to go over with her alone.

  It turned out to be copies of Brianna’s statement. There were a few items the prosecution wanted clarified since it was looking like we’d be going to trial come February. I could tell Emma was attempting to make the ordeal as easy as possible, but reliving any part of that nightmare was difficult for Brianna.

  When I heard her voice become monotone, I intervened.

  I knelt down beside her chair. “Look at me, Brianna.”

  Emma startled a little at my brisk tone, but I dismissed her reaction and focused on Brianna. She slowly turned to meet my gaze, but her eyes were unfocused. I knew she wasn’t truly with me in that moment.

  Reaching out, I took hold of both her hands and brought them to the side of my face. I wanted her to be able to feel me here with her. “Take a deep breath.”

  She did.

  “Another.”

  Her chest rose and then fell as she sucked in the calming breath.

  “Good girl. What number?” I knew it was probably high, even though by all outward appearances she wasn’t having a panic attack. This was how Brianna had coped, and it was something I feared she might always fall back to.

  “Six.”

  I nodded and glanced over to Emma. “She needs a break. We’ll be back shortly.”

  Helping Brianna to stand, I picked her up and carried her into her bedroom. I would have taken her over to my chair in the living room, but I wanted her away from Emma for a time so that she could decompress. The next best option was the chair in her room.

  Getting us both comfortable, I let her cling to me for a few minutes. It was what she needed, and I gradually felt her heart rate slow to a normal pace.