Jacob

by Allie K. Adams

  “I’m the oldest.” He couldn’t bring himself to say more and couldn’t understand why.

  Lee didn’t push him. He simply strolled along the waterfront, holding Jacob’s hand, and waited for him to continue.

  It took several breaths before he felt ready enough to go on. “After me, there’s Lucas, then the twins Timothy and Tamara, and finally little Eliza.”

  “Five?” Lee whistled. “Holidays must be fun.”

  “We don’t talk.” The impact of those three words hit hard. He had to close his eyes to recover. After everything he’d done to protect them, they still blamed him for breaking the family apart.

  “At all?”

  “No.” Jacob accepted the reality that he’d never see any of them again.

  It was a bad idea talking about this. His mood slipped, making him question going anywhere with Lee. Doing anything with Lee. He just wanted to go back to the Farm, sit and stare out the window until he grew tired enough to pop a pill and wash it down with Jack.

  “I’m sorry.”

  Jacob eyed him. Why would he apologize? “For?”

  “What you went through. I don’t know what happened and don’t need to know. It was enough to affect you, to hurt you. For that, I’m sorry you’re hurting.”

  “No one’s ever said that before.” He swallowed thickly, the emotions in Lee’s statement hitting him hard, tightening his throat.

  Lee stopped them and searched his eyes. Without words, he pulled Jacob into his arms and held him close. At first, he stiffened, resisting the embrace. As the warmth enveloped him, he melted and wrapped his arms around Lee’s midsection.

  They stood there for several wonderfully silent minutes. Jacob closed his eyes and rested his forehead against Lee’s cheek. He stroked Jacob’s hair, brushing his lips against his temple.

  “I just realized something,” Lee finally said, his voice thick with emotion.

  “That we’re in public?”

  They broke their embrace and kept their hands together as they walked. “That we’re not so different.”

  “How so?”

  “We both have pasts we’re struggling to not let define our future.”

  “No one talks like that.”

  Lee looked at him. “I do.”

  “I know. I like it.” He squeezed his hand.

  “How about this? No more talk of the past. No more talk of the future. We just live in the present and see where it takes us.”

  Since Jacob hadn’t given much thought to his future in over two years, he nodded. Hell, it was worth a try.

  They walked in silence, Lee’s shoes crunching the rocks on the wet pavement. Although it had rained earlier, it wasn’t raining now. People headed in all directions as they got a start on the weekend. A couple under the viaduct argued, the woman biting as she moved her arms wildly, the man hurrying on. Another couple, this one older, leaned on the railing facing the water, both smiling as they watched the ferries come and go.

  He wanted that, wanted to grow old with someone. He wanted to wake up and kiss his husband every morning. He wanted to fall asleep tangled together. The thought of growing old with someone like Lee made him smile.

  Whoa. Where’d that come from? This was their first date. There weren’t exactly ready to pick out china patterns. Besides, they had a past, and not a good one. If Lee knew the truth behind why Jacob had sought him out at the coffeehouse that day, he wouldn’t be so eager to spend any more time with him.

  Lee turned them onto the sidewalk leading to the Edgewater. Jacob frowned. Why were they going to a hotel? A high-end hotel, at that.

  “I booked us a suite,” he explained. When Jacob didn’t answer, he slowed. “Is that a problem?”

  “What’d you think was going to happen tonight?”

  “I had no idea.”

  “Yet you booked a suite at an expensive hotel.” Jacob couldn’t even afford a discount room at this place.

  “Wait until you see what’s inside the room.” He made no apology for assuming they’d end up here. For some reason, instead of that pissing him off, it impressed Jacob. Lee had taken the first step in establishing their roles for the night, and it wasn’t taking the bottom.

  They entered the lobby and paused in front of the elevator. Lee checked his phone before dropping it into his pocket. The doors opened, and they stepped inside, forced into opposite corners by the three other occupants. The cart was tiny for a hotel this size. The walls were decorated with little lights that made up a fish of some kind. Salmon, more than likely. The large flat screen displayed the hotel events for the weekend.

  Jacob memorized everything he could about the others in the elevator with them. He couldn’t help it. Trained to respond in an instant, he had to be completely aware of all things surrounding him, including the people.

  Two stepped off on the second floor. Jacob and Lee snagged each other’s gazes and held them as the last person got off on the next floor, leaving them alone. Testing the waters, he slid next to Lee and took his hand. They exchanged glances again.

  When Lee licked his lips, Jacob couldn’t stand it and jerked the beautiful man to him, resting their lips together, but not quite kissing. Their breath mixed. He flicked out his tongue, running it along Lee’s wet lips.

  Lee shuddered in his arms. “Oh, God. Jacob.”

  He loved the sound of his name falling from this man’s lips. He nipped at his bottom lip before pulling back. Lee shuddered again. He loved the reaction his touch drew from the other man.

  Maybe it was premature to let Lee take top. Jacob wanted to explore this, to see just how far they’d push each other’s boundaries. He wanted to take charge of Lee’s pleasure, to control his body, to bring them both to within an inch of their limits.

  As they walked into the penthouse, Jacob’s mouth fell open at the panoramic view of Elliott Bay. If the sun hadn’t already set, he’d see the Olympic Mountains in the distance. The flames in the gas fireplace danced warmly, welcoming them in. “Is that a four post bed?”

  “With a few additions.”

  He grinned, curious, but forced himself to take in the rest of the setting before entering the upper floor of the split-level suite. He had a feeling once they made their way upstairs, they wouldn’t be back down.

  A glass dining table and wet bar sat in front of a sliding glass door leading to a private deck. If the night went well and the weather cooperated, they’d wake up tomorrow and have coffee at the bistro table while watching the sun come up.

  “This is really nice,” Jacob finally admitted, impressed. He could live here. Happily. Setting the food on the bar, he removed his coat and hung it on the back of a dining table chair.

  “It’s ours for the weekend.”

  “The entire weekend?”

  “I’ve already arranged for a late check-out Sunday.”

  A whole weekend in this room with this man. He’d take it. “Now that you have me here, what are you going to do with me?”

  Lee didn’t look away as he loosened his tie and approached. Jacob bounced his attention between the tie in his hands and those eyes darkening with unmistakable hunger. “I haven’t decided.”

  “I have.” Jacob helped himself to the tie, wrapping it around his hand as he read the acceptance in Lee’s gaze. They’d chosen their roles for the night.

  12

  Jacob started the negotiations. “Let’s talk boundaries.”

  “No humiliation of any kind, not even during punishment. That’s a hard limit for me.” Lee sliced his hand through the air.

  He nodded in agreement, taking a step toward him and readying the tie. “No blindfolds on me.” If he couldn’t see, he couldn’t protect.

  Lee stiffened. “Only when you’re topping, right?”

  Jacob thought about that. As a sub, giving control over to his Dom meant trusting him completely. That included taking the role of protector from him. The idea had the air sawing in and out of his lungs. He didn’t think he’d be able to do
it, not entirely. “I’m not sure.”

  “Let’s call it soft for now,” Lee offered. “Once you know you can trust me, we’ll revisit the blindfold idea. Tonight, it’s only on the table if you say it is.” He inched closer.

  “It isn’t. Tonight, I’m top.” He closed the subject, accepting his position as the dominant and closed his eyes to mentally slip into his role. If he approached this before he was ready, he’d never get to the euphoric topspace he strived for during a scene.

  Opening his eyes, he nodded for Lee to go to the bedroom. “We’ll use ‘yellow’ in warning and ‘red’ to stop.”

  “And ‘green’ to go faster,” he added.

  Jacob nodded, accepting the terms. “Tonight is about getting to know each other. Exploring each other. If you don’t like something, use your safe words. Prepare yourself. You have two minutes.”

  “Yes, Sir.”

  “You may call me Master.” He’d never been one for the term Sir, having had to use it too many times in the military and in TREX. It’d lost its meaning for him.

  “Yes, Master.” He hurried up the few stairs and disappeared into the room. Jacob paced, counting the seconds, eager to start. Dear God, he’d never experienced a longer two minutes in his life.

  When time was finally up, Jacob marched up the stairs, pulling his shirt over his head along the way. He kicked off his boots and left them at the top. The socks were next, followed by his pants. By the time he reached the bedroom, only his underwear remained, straining to hold in his erection.

  He skidded to a stop when he spotted Lee on the bed, fully clothed, his eyes red. He set his glasses on the nightstand and glanced up at Jacob. “I don’t know if I can do this.”

  Shit. He’d already pushed him too far. Jacob hurried out and grabbed his jeans, quickly jumping into them before returning to the room and joining Lee on the bed. He pulled the man into his arms, resting Lee’s head on his shoulder. “What happened?”

  “As soon as I spotted the bindings on each post, I imagined being restrained, helpless to defend myself.” His voice trembled. “Like before.”

  “Ah, Jesus.” He held him, knowing what he needed to do but unsure if he’d be able to go through with it. If he saw that fear in Lee’s eyes, anything close to the look he’d had on his face that night, Jacob wouldn’t survive.

  With a deep breath to stay in his role, he stood, keeping his back to Lee. He didn’t use either of his safe words. “The slave will do as told.”

  “W-What?”

  “Questioning his Master will result in punishment. If you want me to stop, use your safe word.”

  “Jacob?”

  He glanced over his shoulder, keeping his expression still.

  “Master,” Lee quickly corrected. Jacob nodded and returned his gaze to the wall.

  “If you no longer wish to play, use your safe word to stop.”

  With a deep breath, Lee answered. “I wish to play.”

  “Then prepare yourself. Two minutes.”

  “But I…”

  He glanced over his shoulder once again. “One punishment.”

  Lee jumped off the bed. Jacob turned back and began to count. When he reached one-twenty, he spun, relieved to see Lee stretched out on the bed, naked as the day he was born.

  “Beautiful,” he murmured, his focus landing on the rapidly expanding flesh between Lee’s legs. The sight of it had Jacob’s body reacting in kind, excitement flooding his groin, hardening his cock.

  Jacob played with the tie in his hands, teasing Lee with the idea of what he planned to do with it. “Close your eyes.”

  “I thought blindfolds were off the table.” Although he questioned the command, he did as told.

  “On me.” He climbed behind him onto the bed and wrapped the tie over Lee’s eyes, tying it tight enough to stay put yet loose enough to not cause any discomfort. He then slowly trailed kisses along his neck, down to his shoulder. Lee’s head fell to the side, granting Jacob better access. He licked and teased, keeping his sub distracted while he took one wrist and fastened it to the bed. He then slipped to his other side, never lifting his mouth, and went to work on the other side, feasting on his flesh while binding his wrist.

  “Lie back,” Jacob whispered. Lee trembled, his breathing coming in short gasps. “Breathe, slave.”

  “I’m scared.”

  He feathered kisses along Lee’s ear. “Breathe.”

  “J-Jacob.”

  He rested his hand to his cheek, stroking softly. “You’re safe with me. I’ll never let anything happen to you ever again. I’ll protect you with my life. That’s my promise to you.”

  His breathing slowed, though he still trembled.

  “Do you believe me?”

  “Y-Yes, Master.”

  “Lie back.”

  He pushed off the bed so Lee could do as told. His feet hung off the edge, he was so tall. Jacob released one wrist and fastened it to the same post as the other so Lee lay diagonal. At least he fit at that angle.

  “Comfortable?”

  “Yes, Master.”

  At least he didn’t stutter that time. Progress. Jacob removed his pants and underwear, slowly stroking himself as he eyed Lee’s erection. Licking his lips, he crawled onto the bed, not slowing until he dragged his tongue along the rigid flesh.

  Lee moaned and shifted against the restraints, whimpering. Jacob licked again, twirling his tongue along the tip, lapping up the glistening drops. Lee jerked and rocked his hips. “Oh, God.”

  “Master,” Jacob corrected.

  “Oh, Master.”

  “Legs open.”

  Lee trembled at the command and locked his knees.

  “Two punishments.”

  He did as told, his breathing back to the short gasps, his body shaking. Jacob had to help him push through this fear. It held him back from truly enjoying himself, not only in play, but in life. He eyed Lee’s belt.

  “Tell me what you’re afraid of.” Working it through the loops, he freed it and returned to the bed, gently trailing the buckle along Lee’s chest.

  “What is that?”

  “I asked you a question.”

  “I’m afraid of not having any control over the situation.”

  “Losing control and surrendering that control over to your Master are two very different things.”

  “Either way, I have no control.”

  “That’s where you’re wrong.” He continued to tease Lee’s chest with the buckle. “You have all the control. You control my actions by controlling the safe words. You control the pace for the same reason. You, my slave, have total control over the scene. Never lose sight of that.”

  Lee nodded. “Green.”

  Jacob grinned. He lifted the belt and came down with the opposite end, lightly tapping Lee’s nipple.

  He inhaled sharply. “Jacob!”

  “Shh. That’s right. It’s just me. I’m right here, baby. I’m right here.” He ran the flat of his hand over Lee’s chest, soothing him. His shaking slowed, as did his breathing. “What did I promise you?”

  “That I’m s-safe with you.” He was less than convincing.

  “Say it again.” He took the end of the belt and slapped it against Lee’s nipple.

  “Jacob,” he moaned and arched his back. His rigid flesh grew purple. Lee definitely liked having his nipple spanked.

  “Say it.” He slapped again.

  “I’m s-safe with you.”

  “Again.” And again, he used the belt.

  “I’m safe with you.”

  “Again.” He brought it down harder.

  Lee arched his back again and released a hiss. “I’m safe with you.”

  Associating the phrase with pleasurable pain was the first step. Jacob repeated the process several more times, each time increasing the strength of the belt against Lee’s nipple. As with each slap, Lee cried out, “I’m safe with you!”

  Next step, associating the phrase with gentle caresses. Jacob tossed the belt aside
and rested his lips to Lee’s ear. “You’re safe with me.”

  Lee panted hard, but no threat of the safe word. Not even a yellow. Interesting.

  “Say it with me.” He positioned himself between Lee’s legs, stroking them both. “You’re safe with me.”

  “I’m safe with you,” Lee whispered at the same time.

  He rubbed Lee’s chest slowly, repeating the words, having him repeat the words along with him as the man slowly came down. Only after the shaking ended did Jacob allow him to stop repeating the phrase.

  He eyed the lube and condoms on the nightstand next to the bed. No idea, my ass. Grabbing the lube, he drizzled it on both their erections, stroking them together.

  “Oh, God.”

  “Master,” Jacob growled, reminding him of the appropriate response.

  “I’m going to come.”

  “Not without my permission.”

  “Jacob!”

  He stroked them with more purpose, the sound of his name instead of Master so sweet he nearly lost it. “Not yet.” He gripped their cocks, rubbing them together. “Lee,” he whispered.

  “Jacob,” he whispered in return.

  “Come with me.” He rocked his hips as he slid his hand up and down their shafts one last time. He stiffened and shot as the orgasm seized him. Lee cried out as he arched his back, his release joining Jacob’s.

  He stroked them slowly as they both rode out their climaxes. Only after they were both spent did he remove his hand and clean them with the towel on the floor next to the bed.

  Last step, associating the phrase with absolute and total trust. Even in their raw state, this step would be the hardest to take. For him. For them both. Only one way for him to know if Lee believed what he said. Reluctantly, Jacob removed the blindfold, staring into his eyes.

  The fear was evident, and the sight destroyed him. But then something shifted in his expression. It softened in awareness and comprehension. He stopped struggling against the restraints, stopped shaking, stopped entirely and studied Jacob as if seeing him for the first time.

  He held the man’s gaze, hoping this worked. If it didn’t, they’d start over. He didn’t know any other way to break through Lee’s fear in short order.