Divided Loyalties

by Patricia Scanlan

  ‘Hmmm, dishy,’ Shauna approved as she studied the dark-haired young man with the smiling eyes.

  ‘He’s nice. I’m glad for you, Bobby.’ Carrie leaned over and kissed him. ‘How long have you been together?’

  ‘Actually only very recently as a couple,’ Bobby confessed, ‘although we’ve known each other for yonks. We didn’t actually click until just before I came out here. It’s very, very early days but I’m really happy,’ he confided.

  ‘Are you living together?’

  ‘Not yet. He’s subletting in Notting Hill from a guy who’s in New York for a year, but he’s only got four months to go and then we’re going to set up home together. I’m dying for you to meet him.’

  ‘Why don’t you both come and stay with me in Malahide for a few days in July when I’m home?’ Shauna suggested.

  ‘Wouldn’t Greg mind?’ her brother queried.

  ‘Not at all, but he won’t be home until August anyway.’

  ‘You’re on,’ Bobby agreed eagerly.

  ‘Will you visit Dad?’ Carrie licked a smear of jam off her finger.

  ‘Well, if I do, I won’t bring Anton. That might be just toooo fraught.’

  ‘You can say that again,’ chortled Shauna. ‘Could you imagine poor old Dad if you pranced in with Anton and introduced him as your partner?’

  ‘I know. Some things are never going to happen and that’s one of them, no matter how much I’d like it. You two don’t know what it’s like,’ he accused.

  ‘No, we don’t,’ Carrie agreed. ‘And you’re dead right, some things will never change, but at least you can introduce him to us, so be thankful for small mercies and stop feeling sorry for yourself and try to let go of the past.’

  ‘You always were the bossy big sister,’ Bobby said affectionately as yells and laughter signalled the return of Dan and the children.

  ‘Let’s have a lazy day and go to the beach club for lunch and a swim,’ Shauna suggested.

  ‘Sounds perfect to me,’ Carrie agreed. ‘I’ve just finished Michael Palin and I’m going to start—’

  ‘You’re not reading. I haven’t seen you for three years,’ Bobby protested.

  ‘Tough! I’m on my holliers!’ Carrie retorted.

  ‘That’s all I’ve got from her since she arrived,’ Shauna said fondly, smiling happily at her dearly loved siblings.

  Dear Son

  I tried to phone you last night and tonight and have got no answer. I hope that you’re all right. As this is Easter and a time of reconciliation I’d like to hold out the olive branch to you after all this time in the hope that we could put the past behind us and start afresh.

  I realize that I may have been somewhat harsh with you in the past but my desire was always to be a good and loving father. Perhaps I’ve failed. I think your dear mother would be very unhappy with the estrangement there is between us; I know it troubles me. So if you can find it in your heart to accept my apologies for any hurt I’ve caused you I would be very grateful.

  I hope all is well with you. Your sister Carrie is on holiday with Shauna in the Gulf. I miss them all sorely and will be glad to see them all home safe and sound.

  I trust this letter finds you well and happy. I’m afflicted with bronchitis and am on antibiotics. I was lucky not to get pneumonia. God willing, I’ll recover.

  Your affectionate Father

  Noel studied the letter he had written to Bobby for the umpteenth time. It had taken a long time to draft but he felt he’d got it right. He’d crossed out and rewritten every second word until he was happy, and then he’d come to the end when he’d had to put in the closing line. He couldn’t quite bring himself to write your ‘loving’ father. A little too hypocritical and not quite accurate, he’d thought uncomfortably. Love wasn’t a word he associated with his feelings for his son, but ‘affectionate’ was a good word, he thought with satisfaction.

  He would post the letter first thing. He had Bobby’s address. He’d had to forward him post when he’d first moved to London and as far as he knew he hadn’t changed flats. Carrie would have told him if he had.

  Anna would be well pleased, he thought with satisfaction as he tidied away his writing materials and made his hot chocolate before going to bed. He had made a move towards reconciliation, the Christian thing to do, as Mrs O’Neill had advised. The next step was up to Bobby.

  It was their last night in Abu Dhabi and they all strolled through the souk absorbing the smells and sounds and colours that were a feast for the senses. Bobby was stocking up on spices, having already treated himself to a richly woven rug in crimson and gold. Davey had bought an Action Man that crawled on his belly and Chloe and Olivia were torn between various items of bling and Barbies. Hannah was happy with her Winnie-the-Pooh and Carrie had treated herself to another couple of lengths of beautiful silks. Shauna was subdued, feeling lonely already at the thought of their leaving.

  An hour later they sat on the balcony eating chawirma and salads, watching the dhows sailing up and down the silver Gulf as the moon hung low in the pitch black sky and stars glimmered enchantingly. Jenna and Brett had called in to say goodbye and there was laughter and relaxed chat between the adults as the children began to get drowsy and Filomena discreetly and efficiently undertook the bedtime duties.

  Carrie slipped Hannah’s pyjama top over her head and smiled as the toddler’s curly head lolled against her shoulder. Poor Hannah was out for the count. She’d be back in her routine next week and late night bedtimes would be but a dream.

  It was a relaxing evening. Shauna had turned down invites to a barbecue in the beach club in favour of a family night and Carrie was glad. She’d enjoyed her last browse through the souk with the children and Bobby but she knew that Shauna was feeling down despite her bright facade in front of Jenna and Brett. She was torn herself, hating to leave her brother and sister but looking forward to seeing her father and getting home.

  ‘You’ll be home too for the summer,’ she comforted Shauna as they filled the dishwasher before going to bed.

  ‘I know. It was just so lovely having you and Bobby here. You’re a great sister, Carrie, and I love the kids and Dan. I really miss home sometimes. It’s getting harder to come back after each summer.’

  ‘Would you not be bored if you came home? This is a very exotic, jazzy life.’

  ‘When I go home I’m perfectly happy having elbows-on-the-table lunches with you and Sadie, and Chloe is always very settled with her cousins.’ Shauna turned the dial to the cycle and switched on the dishwasher. ‘Greg would hate it,’ she added wryly.

  ‘Tough choice,’ Carrie murmured, not envying her sister one bit.

  ‘And Della thinks my life is a bed of roses.’ Shauna shook her head.

  ‘Let’s not even waste our breath talking about her. Let’s have a nightcap with the lads.’

  ‘OK. And thanks for listening.’

  ‘A regular agony aunt, that’s me. Stop getting maudlin, for heaven’s sake,’ Carrie urged, waving a bottle of gin. ‘Bring the lemon and the Pringles. Might as well add another couple of pounds and go up a full stone while I’m at it.’

  Shauna laughed and did as she was told.

  ‘Dad, we’re just leaving Shauna’s now. The flight’s at midnight and we’ll be flying from Schiphol at eight in the morning. We’ll be home around half ten, all going well.’ Carrie’s voice sounded as though it was coming from next door.

  ‘I’ll have the kettle on and the place aired,’ Noel promised, longing to see them all.

  ‘The time went fast, didn’t it? I can’t believe we’re coming home.’ Carrie smiled at the excitement in his voice.

  ‘I’m looking forward to seeing you. And you know what, Carrie? You might be pleased to know that I wrote a letter to your brother, hoping that he might let bygones be bygones. I tried to phone a couple of times earlier in the week but there was no answer.’ Noel couldn’t disguise the note of self-satisfaction in his voice.

  ‘You wrote a lette
r to Bobby?’ Carrie couldn’t hide her surprise.

  ‘It’s been too long.’ Noel sighed. ‘Your mother wouldn’t be happy the way things are.’

  ‘No, Dad, Mam wouldn’t be at all happy. She’d be delighted you wrote asking him to let bygones be bygones.’ Carrie stared questioningly at Bobby, who was sitting at the kitchen counter drinking coffee. He looked shocked and made a face. She beckoned him over sternly.

  ‘Dad, the reason you didn’t catch Bobby in London is because he flew out here to give us a surprise. I’ll put him on to you.’ She handed the phone to a reluctant Bobby. ‘Go on. He’s written a letter of reconciliation to you,’ she hissed. ‘That was hard for him. Do your bit.’

  Bobby cleared his throat. ‘Hello, Dad.’

  There was silence at the other end of the phone and then he heard Noel’s well-remembered voice.

  ‘Hello, son,’ his father said gruffly. ‘Are you having a good holiday?’

  ‘Er . . . great. It was terrific to see the girls and the kids . . . um . . . it’s been a while,’ he managed.

  ‘Too long. Maybe you might get home in the summer. It would be . . . it would be good to see you.’

  ‘That would be nice, Dad,’ Bobby said quietly.

  ‘Yes, well, there’s a letter in the post for you. Maybe we can put the past behind us and start afresh,’ his father said hesitantly.

  ‘Of course we can.’ Bobby’s heart softened. Holding a grudge was not in his nature. ‘I’ll see you in the summer. And Dad . . .’

  ‘Yes, son?’

  ‘Thanks for the letter. I’ll be looking forward to reading it when I get home.’

  ‘Well I’m not the best at writing letters,’ Noel admitted with a dry chuckle. ‘I just muddled along with it. Enjoy the rest of your holiday now. I’ll just say a quick hello to Shauna.’

  ‘’Bye, Dad.’ Bobby swallowed hard as he handed the phone over to his sister. Who would have believed that his father would make the first move towards forgiveness? A pang of shame made his heart constrict. If it had been left to him, it might never have happened. Maybe Carrie was right; maybe he was more like his father than he cared to admit. It wasn’t something he wanted to dwell on too long.

  ‘What a wonderful way to end the best holiday I’ve ever had,’ Carrie whispered as she hugged him tight.

  ‘Stop. I don’t want to bawl,’ he grimaced.

  ‘OK, but I’m glad,’ she murmured.

  ‘Me too. I’m looking forward to visiting in the summer now.’

  ‘It’s going to be the best summer ever,’ Shauna declared. She was glad that Bobby was here for another few days. Saying goodbye to Carrie was the pits.

  ‘At least the kids will sleep on the plane,’ she said to Carrie an hour later as they tumbled out of the SUV, excited at the thought of going home and wondering what film would be shown on the flight. Hannah was falling asleep in Dan’s arms.

  ‘Thanks for a great holiday. Don’t come in,’ Carrie urged. ‘It’s much better not to prolong the goodbyes. We’ll see you in the summer and it won’t be long coming.’

  ‘OK.’ Shauna couldn’t hide her tears.

  ‘Stop, please, Shauna.’ Carrie tried to swallow the lump in her throat.

  ‘Shauna, get your ass out of here.’ Dan laid Hannah in her buggy and turned to his sister-in-law and enveloped her in a bear hug before giving her a whoosh up into the front seat. ‘And a nice ass it is too.’ He winked and she laughed. Greg waved and started the engine and before Dan had pushed their trolley through Departures they were roaring off in the darkness along the highway that crossed the desert.

  Noel flipped the last of the rashers into the dish holding the sausages, covered it and slid it into the oven. He filled the sizzling pan with sliced mushrooms and seasoned them with pepper and salt and threw in an extra knob of butter. While he was waiting for them to cook, he buttered slices of brown and white bread and laid them in two bread baskets.

  A warm breeze blew in the kitchen window and Davey’s fish swam happily in their tank. Noel had cut the grass front and back and on the island in the kitchen stood a big steak and vegetable casserole that Mrs O’Neill had thoughtfully cooked for Carrie.

  ‘The last thing that poor girl will want to do is cook dinner later on so she can pop this in the microwave,’ his friend assured him as she handed him the dish of aromatic food. ‘And make sure to have milk and bread for them until she has time to do a shop,’ she advised. It was good advice. He wouldn’t have thought of it, he reflected, giving the mushrooms a stir.

  He opened a can of beans and tipped them into a saucepan. Davey and Dan loved beans with a fry so they’d go down a treat. He was peckish too, he realized, as the smell of frying mushrooms made his mouth water.

  He heard the crunch of tyres on gravel and his heart leapt as he hurried out to the hall and peered out the window beside the front door. A big maroon people carrier taxi had pulled up outside and he could see Davey jumping out. Noel flung open the front door, a beam creasing his lined face.

  ‘Grandpa!’ Davey raced over to him and embraced him tightly. Noel ruffled his tawny head, unable to speak, as Olivia and Hannah galloped over to him squealing with delight.

  ‘Hello, hello,’ he said gruffly and then Carrie was beside him hugging him, tears in her eyes, and Noel felt more loved than he’d ever felt in his life.

  ‘Hello, Mr Mac.’ Dan gripped him by the hand and inhaled appreciatively. ‘Is that rashers and sausages I smell?’

  ‘It certainly is,’ Noel said proudly. ‘I’ve cooked us all a big fry-up. I thought you’d be hungry.’

  ‘Deadly, Grandpa, we’re starving!’ Davey exclaimed. ‘How are my fish?’

  ‘Alive and kicking – or should I say swimming,’ he joked, delighted that they were home at last.

  ‘That smells great, Dad. I’m dying for a cup of tea,’ Carrie exclaimed, as Hannah made straight for her toys.

  ‘Well, sit down there now and I’ll dish up and you can tell me all the news.’ Noel opened the oven and lifted out a big dish of sausages, rashers and fried tomatoes. ‘You might put them on the plates, Carrie, and I’ll serve the beans and make the tea.’

  ‘Right,’ she agreed, thinking that he looked a bit pale, and watery around the eyes.

  ‘Grandpa, this is the best breakfast ever,’ Olivia declared ten minutes later as they settled down round the big pine table and Dan poured tea into their mugs.

  ‘That’s good.’ Noel smiled at her. ‘It’s the best breakfast ever for the best family in the world. Now tell me all the news.’

  As Carrie sat listening to her children regaling their grandfather with every detail of their holiday she gave a little prayer of thanks. For the first time in years their family was on an even keel again and it was a huge relief. Her father and brother’s estrangement had been an underlying worry to her and even the fact that Noel had cooked them a welcome-home breakfast was a surprising change in behaviour. Maybe their short absence had made him appreciate them. It certainly seemed that way.

  Shauna had said that it was going to be the best summer ever and perhaps she was right. Old wounds would be healed and fresh starts would be made. What more could they all ask for?

  SUMMER

  (the same year)

  27

  ‘Look, Chloe, it’s our plane. The green one with the big shamrock on the tail. We’ll be home soon. Isn’t it exciting?’ With mounting excitement Shauna pointed out the big Aer Lingus jet taxiing to a halt at the jetway on the tarmac in front of them.

  There was nothing like seeing an Aer Lingus plane in a foreign airport to lift a weary traveller’s heart, she thought happily. Stepping on board was the first real feeling of being home. No matter how many times she flew, alone or with Greg, she always felt that same frisson of excitement when she saw the familiar green logo on her journey back to Ireland.

  ‘I’m tired, Mom,’ Chloe whined.

  ‘I know, darling, but it won’t be long now and then you can go straight to
bed and when we wake up we’ll unpack and settle in and then maybe tomorrow we’ll drive out to see your cousins.’ Shauna tried to jolly her weary daughter along. It had been a tiring midnight flight from the Gulf on the KLM Airbus and they’d had to wait several hours for their connecting flight to Dublin. Filomena was nodding off in her seat, surrounded by various duty free bags and two of Chloe’s dollies.

  Shauna was longing for a cup of tea and a slice of brown soda bread smeared with butter and marmalade and then a shower and a long sleep in a freshly changed bed, at home, without being disturbed by the rattle and whine of air-conditioning.

  The humidity in the Emirates in the last few weeks had been unbearable. Ten minutes in the open had the perspiration running in rivulets down her back and if it weren’t for the air-conditioning she would have melted. The breeze that had whispered between the jetway and the cabin door when she’d disembarked at Schiphol had given her a taste of fresh, refreshing breezes to come. The smell of the air was different, too: no heady scents of the desert, no oven blast of heat. It was great. She didn’t know how Greg stuck it in the Gulf in high summer. She’d been utterly wilted the last few weeks as the temperatures had soared to over a hundred and the humidity had been intense.

  ‘Mom, when are we getting on the plane?’

  ‘Soon,’ Shauna fibbed, watching the disembarking passengers. It would be at least another half an hour before the turnaround. ‘Let’s have one last cup of hot chocolate,’ she suggested. The hot chocolate in Schiphol was particularly tasty and a firm favourite of her daughter’s.

  ‘OK.’ Chloe perked up. ‘And some biscuits?’

  ‘Just this last time now, Chloe,’ she warned. ‘We’re definitely cutting down on the junk this summer.’

  ‘OK, Mom.’ Chloe rolled her eyes heavenward. She’d heard all this before.

  Two hours later Shauna peered eagerly out the cabin window and saw the unmistakable red and white ESB towers, Dublin port, and Dun Laoghaire to the left of her as they flew low over the glittering blue-green waters of the Irish Sea. The plane banked and straightened for its final approach, minutes away from landing. She could see the Seacat skimming across the white-capped sea below and two trawlers chugging along towards Howth with their catch of the day. To the right, North County Dublin was flashes of emerald green and gold.