Divided Loyalties

by Patricia Scanlan

  Greg glanced in his rear-view mirror and saw that Carrie and Shauna were laughing. That was a relief. He was glad that she was driving with her sister. It took the pressure off him.

  ‘You look very nice, Shauna,’ Joanna Cassidy murmured as she air-kissed her daughter-in-law outside the crematorium. ‘Thank you for staying for the funeral. I know that Greg’s anxious to get back to the Gulf. Mother mucked us all up. I was having a great time in Rome.’

  ‘That’s unfortunate,’ Shauna murmured, amazed at her mother-in-law’s lack of emotion as she stood watching her mother’s coffin being lifted from the hearse. Joanna Cassidy really was a cool customer. No wonder Della and Greg were so self-obsessed. Joanna had no time for her children just as she’d no time for her mother. The only person Joanna was interested in was herself. She was a slender twig of a woman with chestnut hair liberally streaked with grey, which she wore in a plait. She favoured floaty chiffons and today was dressed in a long, flowing, mint green dress with a white crochet cardigan and cloche cap. She didn’t believe in wearing black to funerals. It wasn’t her colour.

  Shauna watched her flitting here and there, between the mourners, and thought of her own warm-hearted, cuddly mother who had enveloped her children in an endless flow of love and tenderness. She felt a sudden pang for Greg. He’d never known a mother’s love as she had. She tucked her arm in his and smiled at him. He managed a small smile back and squeezed her hand. It was obvious he was still under the weather. The sooner they got home the sooner he could go for a sleep and recover, she thought kindly.

  ‘Sorry for your trouble,’ she heard a familiar, deep voice say and looked up to see Dan, hand outstretched, in front of them.

  ‘Thanks, Dan,’ Greg mumbled, shaking hands.

  ‘You’re very good for coming, Dan,’ Shauna said warmly. ‘We weren’t expecting you.’

  ‘No problem.’ Dan smiled at her as he dropped an arm round Carrie’s shoulder and followed the rest of the mourners into the crematorium.

  ‘There’s something comforting about a church funeral. The crematorium’s a bit clinical, isn’t it?’ Gwen remarked an hour later as they sat in a local pub, eating limp ham sandwiches and drinking watery, lumpy tomato soup.

  ‘I suppose it depends on what you like personally. Carrie’s going to fling me onto the compost heap in Five Acre Field and say a few prayers over me,’ Dan teased.

  ‘You’ll be lucky to get the prayers,’ Carrie retorted fondly.

  ‘How’s the head?’ Gwen asked Greg, who was sipping a spritzer.

  ‘Improving,’ he said dryly.

  ‘That will teach the pair of you,’ she chuckled, winking at her husband.

  ‘It was good while it lasted,’ Billy informed her. ‘Wasn’t it, Greg?’

  ‘I mightn’t go that far,’ the other man grimaced and they all laughed.

  Della glanced over to the corner where Shauna and her gang were sitting laughing. The cheek of them, she thought furiously. Laughing at her grandmother’s funeral. Had they no sense of decorum?

  She’d felt the old familiar envy, bitterness and intense dislike when she’d seen Shauna looking like a Paris model at the funeral parlour. Even Carrie looked smart. How she’d cursed her bulk, which couldn’t have been disguised no matter what she’d worn. The gloves were making her hands sweat and the hat was giving her a headache but they were staying firmly in place, even in the dark pub.

  ‘Everything seems to be going fine, doesn’t it?’ her mother murmured, nibbling a ham sandwich that was curling at the edges.

  ‘Yeah,’ Della said heavily. Her feet were killing her in her high heels and her sciatic nerve was giving her hell. She wished it was all over and she was at home. She felt very down in the dumps.

  ‘Shauna looks very well as usual,’ Joanna remarked, looking over to where her son and daughter-in-law sat.

  ‘Why wouldn’t she, with all her money?’ Della snapped.

  ‘Don’t be like that, Della. Money isn’t everything,’ her mother reproached her. ‘She probably looks at you with envy.’

  ‘Me!’ Della snorted. ‘Don’t be ridiculous.’

  ‘I’m not being ridiculous,’ her mother said hotly, annoyed at her daughter’s derisive tone. ‘There you are, seven months gone with your third child and she’s been trying for over a year to get pregnant, so she told me during the summer, when they called to visit.’

  ‘What!’ Della’s nose wrinkled in disbelief. ‘I’m afraid you’re barking up the wrong tree there, Mum. Greg’s had the snip. He said so last night.’

  ‘Impossible,’ Joanna retorted. ‘I caught Shauna crying in the garden because her period had arrived. That’s when she told me they were trying for another baby. Maybe he had it reversed or something.’

  Della’s brow furrowed in a frown.

  ‘Oh look, there’s Frannie Williams, Mother’s last home help. How nice of her to come. She even used to visit her in the nursing home. I should go and say hello.’ Joanna stood up and drifted off in a cloud of floating layers, leaving Della staring after her.

  Greg had definitely said that he’d had the snip and that it was a doddle. She’d heard him with her own two ears. Now her mother was telling her that she’d caught Shauna bawling because her period had arrived. How could that be? She looked over at her brother, deep in conversation with Billy. Greg made no secret of his dislike of kids. She vaguely remembered him once saying that one was more than enough. Her eyes widened. He hadn’t had the snip without telling Shauna, surely? Or had he?

  It was exactly the kind of thing her darling brother would do, she thought with a sudden sure knowledge. Excitement raced through her. She’d always sworn that she’d get even with those bitches. Maybe the moment was at hand. What was the old saying about revenge being a dish best served cold? This dish was so cold it was icy, she thought malevolently as she stood up from the table and moved with heavy, determined steps and a bright gleam of anticipation in her beady little eyes to where Shauna and Carrie were sitting.

  36

  ‘Thank you all so much for coming to Gran’s funeral. We appreciate it, don’t we, Greg?’ Della cooed sweetly to the group sitting round the table.

  ‘You’re welcome,’ Carrie murmured. Shauna remained silent. She was family. She didn’t need her sister-in-law thanking her for coming to Greg’s grandmother’s funeral.

  ‘I hope we didn’t put you out, having to stay the few days extra.’ Della turned to Shauna as though nothing untoward had ever happened between them. Shauna was gobsmacked. She wasn’t expecting this friendly display at all.

  ‘It’s fine,’ she said politely. ‘Chloe’s delighted to be off school for a few more days.’

  ‘I decided to leave Kathryn in school today. I don’t think funerals are any place for children. Unfortunately I had to bring this one,’ she chuckled, patting her bump.

  ‘When’s the baby due?’ Carrie asked, feeling she had to make some effort.

  ‘Late November, just in time for Christmas.’ Della’s heart was thumping. This was her chance. She took a deep breath and turned to Greg. ‘And after that, I think I’ll be trying to persuade Eddie to get the snip, like you did. How did you persuade him to have a vasectomy, Shauna? Give me a few tips.’ She smirked at her sister-in-law.

  ‘Sorry?’ Shauna looked flummoxed.

  ‘The snip. How did you persuade Gr—’

  ‘Shut up, Della, and don’t be talking nonsense!’ Greg snapped, his eyes registering dismay at her words.

  ‘What do you mean, don’t be talking nonsense? You were telling us about it yesterday.’ Della pretended puzzlement.

  ‘I vaguely remember you saying something about running scared – or was it scarred – for a few weeks afterwards. I’m surprised you were able to run at all,’ Billy chortled, highly amused at his little joke.

  Shauna looked stricken, but no-one except Della was looking at her. They were all looking at Greg, who had gone a dull red from his neck to his hairline.

  Bingo! G
ood enough for you, Della thought triumphantly as she saw her sister-in-law swallow hard and turn pale under her tan. An uneasy silence descended on the group as they looked at each other, wondering if this was a joke.

  ‘I should circulate,’ Della said airily. ‘Nice talking to you all.’ She directed a malevolent gaze at Shauna. ‘Safe journey back to the Emirates.’ She moved away, absolutely satisfied that she had dropped a bombshell from which Shauna might never recover.

  Shauna felt as though she was hearing Della’s voice from a long distance. She couldn’t take her eyes off Greg. He wouldn’t look at her. Fear engulfed her. Her stomach twisted in knots. Della was right. Greg had had a vasectomy and she’d found out about it and had deliberately come over to them and manipulated the conversation so that she could reveal his secret. She knew that Shauna didn’t know. She knew that this would destroy Shauna’s marriage. Della had got her own back in the vilest way possible.

  She took a deep breath. ‘It’s true, Greg, isn’t it? You had a vasectomy,’ she said quietly. Billy and Gwen looked horrified. Dan was stony-faced. Carrie was stunned. Shauna didn’t even notice them. All she could see was Greg and how he wouldn’t meet her gaze.

  ‘We’ll talk about it later,’ he muttered.

  ‘When?’ she demanded. ‘When did you have it?’

  ‘Last year when you came home,’ he growled.

  ‘You bastard, Greg.’ Carrie couldn’t contain herself. ‘How could you? Have you any idea what you’ve put Shauna through?’

  Shauna stood up. ‘Carrie, let’s go home,’ she said shakily. She walked out of the pub, trembling, followed by her sister.

  Della watched her go, well pleased. If Greg tackled her about it she’d plead innocence. How was she to know that he’d gone behind Shauna’s back and had the operation? He wouldn’t be able to argue with that. Win win! she thought viciously, feeling not the slightest twinge of regret or guilt for the anguish she had caused.

  ‘That was low, Greg,’ Dan said grimly as he stood up to leave.

  ‘Mind your own business,’ Greg retorted angrily.

  ‘Shauna is my business and I should knock your block off,’ Dan said tersely. He strode out of the pub leaving Greg sitting with Billy and Gwen.

  ‘I think it’s time we left too,’ Gwen said icily.

  ‘Sorry, mate,’ Billy muttered uncomfortably, knowing his big mouth had got Greg deeper in trouble. He had a sneaking sympathy for him. He got up and followed his wife.

  Greg gulped his drink, sitting alone at the table. It seemed he was a pariah. Even if it meant the end of his marriage, it was a massive relief to have his secret out in the open. It had been a heavy burden to carry all these months. He cringed as he remembered the way Shauna had looked at him, wounded to her core.

  His head throbbed. He stood up and went over to where his mother was talking to one of his aunts. ‘I’m heading off. I’ll talk to you soon,’ he said briskly, pretending nothing was amiss.

  ‘Fine, dear.’ Joanna proffered a cool cheek. He kissed her and turned to search for Della. She was sitting with Eddie, watching him like the cat that got the cream.

  He walked over to her and put his face close against hers. ‘Everything Shauna said about you was right, Della. You’re a horrible person,’ he said flatly.

  Della flushed, taken aback at his words. ‘It takes one to know one,’ she retorted, stung.

  ‘I can’t argue with that. Good luck with the baby. It’s got a cold bitch for a mother.’ He didn’t wait for her response but hurried out of the pub, anxious to put as much distance as possible between them.

  Shauna, Carrie and Dan were gone. He was on his own.

  Shauna felt completely numb and very cold. She’d been reading a book of short stories called Moments, whose theme was how life could change in the blink of an eye. In a ‘moment’, literally. Well, her life had just changed in a moment. All she had built her marriage on was gone in an instant. Her security, her life plan, such as it was, vanished. Her foundations were rubble under her feet.

  It was over between her and Greg. She could never be with him again. He had no love for her. If you loved someone you’d never wound them so deeply that they felt destroyed. Tears welled in her eyes and dropped silently down her cheeks. A muffled sob escaped her.

  ‘Oh, Shauna, don’t!’ Carrie exclaimed helplessly from the driver’s seat, as she heard her sister cry. She’d insisted on driving them home.

  ‘How could he do it to me, Carrie? Has he no feelings for me? Has he no respect for me? How could he let me go through abject misery, month after month, knowing that he was the cause of it? How could he be so devious? How could he make love to me knowing that he’d betrayed me in the cruellest possible way?’ The questions poured out of her as she sought answers that might take the crucifying pain away.

  ‘I don’t know,’ Carrie said miserably. ‘Look, you said it yourself, Shauna, they’re a weird family. They only ever consider themselves, because that’s the way that they’ve been brought up. So even though he’s done this terrible thing to you, sometimes I think he acts the way he does because he knows no better,’ she added lamely.

  ‘That’s not good enough. Anyone with any morals would know that what he did was an appalling breach of trust. He robbed me of my chance to have another baby, and you know the worst thing? I let him. I stayed on the Pill for at least three years even though I didn’t want to.’ She was crying and talking at the same time, her face a mess of streaked make-up and mascara.

  ‘All my life I’ve let men bully me. First Dad, then Greg. Never again, Carrie. Never again! I’ll never give my power away to a man again,’ she vowed bitterly.

  ‘What are you going to do?’ Carrie asked hesitantly as she drove back onto the M50 and headed north.

  ‘One thing’s for sure, I’m not going back to Abu Dhabi,’ Shauna said grimly, taking a tissue out of her bag. ‘I’m staying at home and I’m going to make a life for myself on my terms.’

  ‘You’ll have to get Chloe into a school,’ Carrie pointed out.

  ‘I know. But I think we’re better off here. I couldn’t bear to live with Greg, not even for Chloe’s sake.’ She started to cry again.

  ‘Look, give yourself a week or two. You don’t have to make a decision immediately,’ Carrie advised.

  Shauna’s phone rang. She took it out of her bag and saw that it was Greg. ‘Go to hell,’ she muttered and let it ring out.

  They drove on in silence. Carrie turned off the busy motorway onto the relative calm of the M1. Shauna gazed at tilting fields full of massive golden bales of hay that lined either side of the dual carriageway. Cattle grazed contentedly in a field of emerald green. A tractor and a combine harvester worked together, harvesting a field of rippling corn in perfect precision, moving slowly in great wide arcs to gather the precious grain. Smoke curled from the chimney of a small cottage, drifting into a copse of russet-tipped trees that swayed idly in the autumn breeze. The calm, indolent rhythm of the September afternoon was a complete contrast to her own turmoil.

  ‘Della took great pleasure in letting me know about it, didn’t she?’ Shauna said a little later as they turned onto the slip road that led to Whiteshells Bay.

  ‘She’s a vindictive cow,’ Carrie declared vehemently.

  ‘I think she’s sad,’ Shauna said reflectively. ‘If that’s what it takes to make her happy and feel superior, who’d want to be her?’

  ‘Well, you know what they say, what goes around comes around, and what we put into the lives of others comes back into our own. She’ll never have any luck for what she’s done today, and neither will Greg.’

  ‘Is that supposed to make me feel better?’ Shauna managed a small smile.

  ‘Yeah, but it’s true. “Do unto others . . .” and all of that, as Dad used to say when we were naughty.’

  Shauna groaned. ‘Oh Lord, what’s he going to say when I tell him that I’ve left Greg? I’ll never hear the end of it.’

  ‘Let that be the least
of your worries,’ Carrie counselled. ‘The important thing is to do what’s right for you and Chloe.’

  ‘What am I going to tell her?’ Shauna burst into fresh tears.

  ‘I don’t know how to advise you, Shauna. Sleep on it tonight. You’ll have to talk to Greg at some stage. See what comes out of that,’ her sister suggested. ‘Do you think that you could get beyond it?’ she probed delicately.

  ‘Could you?’ Shauna retorted.

  ‘No,’ Carrie said quietly. ‘I’d die if Dan did that to me.’

  ‘Dan would never do anything like that. Dan’s a real man in every sense of the word. Morally and physically. He knows how to treat people. You’ve a great marriage, Carrie,’ she said wistfully.

  ‘I know,’ her sister agreed.

  ‘I don’t respect Greg now. And I hate him for what he’s done to us. To our family, to the family we could have had, and could have been.’ She cried bitter tears and Carrie let her alone, knowing that there were a lot more tears to come in the weeks ahead.

  ‘You’ll stay with us tonight, won’t you?’ she said as they drove into her driveway.

  ‘I don’t know. Maybe I should go home and get it over and done with.’

  ‘Not tonight. Stay tonight,’ Carrie urged. ‘And Shauna, when you go to meet Greg, leave Chloe here. She doesn’t need to hear you fighting.’

  ‘OK,’ her sister agreed wearily.

  Dan, who had got home just before them, had the kettle boiling when they went into the kitchen. ‘If there’s anything you need or there’s anything you want me to do, you only have to ask,’ he said sympathetically, drawing Shauna to him in a bear hug.

  ‘Thanks, Dan,’ she murmured against his chest, thinking how solid and strong and dependable he was.

  ‘Sit down and have a cup of tea here with Carrie. I’ll go over to Sadie’s to collect the kids.’

  ‘OK.’ She sank tiredly onto the comfy, fat-cushioned sofa and felt a little of the tension seep out of her.

  They had just finished their tea, and Dan had left to collect the children, when Noel arrived. ‘Are you all right? You look shook. Was it a very sad funeral?’ he asked as he noticed his younger daughter’s ravaged face.