by Jason Kenyon
‘But if the King and his followers, such as Lord Bartell, run a system in which the currency is money, then surely they are running an immoral system?’ Archimegadon asked.
‘Well…’
‘The paladins were always sworn to the King, when I last checked.’
‘Perhaps the King is wrong,’ Neurion said after a long pause. ‘I don’t know…’
‘See?’ Archimegadon folded his arms. ‘The world’s more complex than you think, but it boils down to money. Money can get you everything you want, Neurion.’ He smiled. Soon he would have all the money he wanted. ‘What would you do if you had a lot of money?’
‘Well, I would improve the lives of the poor,’ Neurion replied.
‘So that pursuit of money would be moral, right?’
‘Ah, but Sir Mage, you’re not talking about money at all,’ Obdo said, walking out of the woods. ‘You’re talking about means and ends. If the means and the end are justified, then you’re secure. You want money for good things, you get it by good means, and you’re set. If you get money through villainy and spend it badly, you’re not too good on the old moral scale.’
‘Silence, oaf,’ Archimegadon said. ‘If I wanted you to speak I would have asked.’
‘The invitation was there,’ Obdo said, perching on the head of the Shadow. ‘You’re a real load of hot wind. You’re just greedy, Sir Mage.’
‘Pah, you speak nonsense,’ Archimegadon said, rising to his feet and waving the Staff of Antagules. ‘I am a Mage for Hire. Money is my business. Lord Bartell didn’t get where he is by spurning money.’
‘Yeah, I bet he’s a real bunch of laughs,’ Obdo said.
‘I’ll tell him that when I see him,’ Archimegadon said, ‘on your behalf. You see, I have a personal invite to drop by for any favour I like, once I have delivered the amulet.’
‘Is that what you’re getting paid?’ Neurion asked.
‘Rubbish,’ Obdo said. ‘He wants money, pure and simple. The favour’s just icing.’
‘Icing?’ Neurion asked. ‘Why is it icing?’
‘Icing on the cake!’ Archimegadon said. ‘It’s a metaphor!’
‘Ah.’ Neurion frowned, and for a moment Archimegadon suspected that the dull paladin wasn’t aware of metaphors either.
‘I should steal the amulet and deliver it myself,’ Obdo said. ‘Wonder how much you are getting paid.’
‘That’s for you to find out,’ Archimegadon said.
‘It must be a big figure,’ Obdo said. ‘What is it? Another reloran?’
Archimegadon stifled a mocking laugh. ‘Somewhere around that,’ he replied.
‘Let’s get going anyway,’ Neurion said. ‘Melethas is still a distance away.’ He stumbled to his feet.
‘You can walk?’ Obdo asked. ‘That was quite a couple of thwacks he gave you.’
‘Both entirely necessary,’ Archimegadon said.
‘I’m not disputing that,’ Obdo said with a grin.
‘I can walk, thank you,’ Neurion said. ‘But I won’t be eating for a bit, I think.’
*
The seemingly endless Central Way curved around for a bit and back into the pine forest, which was known from here out as the Forest of Nalius. After stopping for some fishing in a vain attempt to stock some food, Obdo repaid the others by regaling them with tales of his own fishing exploits. Archimegadon was about to doze off when he recalled Neurion’s question from earlier.
‘Ah, I remember now,’ Archimegadon said.
‘But then I told him that that wasn’t a fish, it was a…’ Obdo stopped. ‘Remember what? Anything that might let me off carrying all this stuff?’
‘Thankfully no,’ Archimegadon said, ‘but it is something that might stave off these tedious memories you have been trawling through.’
‘Oh shut up,’ Obdo said. ‘You don’t have any interesting stories, I bet.’
‘No, but then I do not plague people with them,’ Archimegadon said.
‘Yeah, you plague people by just being you,’ Obdo said.
‘Hush, necromancer,’ Neurion said. ‘Now what was it you wanted to say, Master Archimegadon?’ Despite his earlier disillusionment over the matter of money, Neurion still seemed to have some respect left for his companion. Archimegadon swore to wipe that out promptly.
‘You asked Obdo about what he did before he became a necromancer,’ Archimegadon replied. ‘We never quite reached the point of hearing the response.’
‘Bah, it’s just a boring memory anyway,’ Obdo said.
‘Go on,’ Neurion said. ‘I want to know what it was that prompted you to pursue the path of evil.’
‘I was a farmhand,’ Obdo said, sidestepping as a cart nearly ran into him after the bulls leading it mistook the Shadow’s head for a living monster and tried to pre-emptively charge it. ‘In the Valley of Horan, a couple of mountains over from the Forest of Gale. Old Farmer Belias has been there for a long, long time. Hah, my grandfather claimed that Farmer Belias was a farmer there when he was a boy. Well, it was inevitable that I would end up working there on the farm, after my parents booted me out.’
‘They probably saw your necromantic tendencies,’ Neurion said.
‘Yeah, spent my childhood summoning the undead,’ Obdo said.
‘That’ll be it then,’ Neurion said.
Obdo glared at Neurion. ‘Once I’d finished raising an army of ancient skeletons and finding a job, I ended up on that farm there. My cousin Albarte dropped by, once he became an official mage. Guess he wasn’t as great a mage as you, eh, Archimegadon?’
‘I am an impossible act to follow,’ Archimegadon replied.
‘Well, there were five of us up on that farm,’ Obdo went on. ‘I ended up having to tend to the cows and milk them, when I wasn’t depopulating the local graveyards.’ He sighed. ‘It gets a bit boring, I tell you, doing the same thing over and over. But this isn’t much better.’ Obdo scowled at the Shadow.
‘Be satisfied with your lot,’ Neurion said. ‘Ambition above your station is a sign of darkness.’
‘So you say, Sir Rusty,’ Obdo said. ‘But I bet you’ll splash out on pretty armour and swords when you get the chance.’
Neurion bowed his head as if in prayer. ‘It is all in the service of the greater powers.’
‘Well, quite.’ Archimegadon gave Obdo a shove. ‘Then those farmers started having trouble on the farm, and decided to tell a poor Mage for Hire that a small problem was killing off their livestock, when it turned out to be a great demon.’
‘It got you hired, though,’ Obdo said. ‘Better than you claiming that those other three were your friends.’
‘They were my friends,’ Archimegadon lied.
‘Then where are they now?’
‘Off on another quest,’ Archimegadon replied. ‘We don’t always work together.’
‘I’ll bet.’
‘You are an appalling cynic,’ Neurion said. ‘Obdo, that defect must go along with your necromancy. It is good that you have this chance to reform yourself.’
‘Hard to kick a lifetime’s habit of creating demons from old bones,’ Obdo said.
Neurion gave Archimegadon a hopeless look. ‘It’s going to take a long time to help this one,’ he said.
‘Let us get to Melethas,’ Archimegadon said. ‘Once I have my reward, I will be able to solve all our problems.’
Chapter Seven: Deliveries in Melethas
Night saw the adventurers caught out from under cover, so Archimegadon, Neurion and Obdo were forced to put together a makeshift hut using a rather hopeless array of discarded branches and twigs. Obdo was allowed to stay under cover as a one-time act of kindness from Archimegadon, but the Shadow was forced to sleep outside.
Morning broke and the travellers, in singularly bad moods, trudged out from their shelter, which had been utterly destroyed by a strong downpour during the night. Archimegadon’s robe, which had looked so splendid against Neurion’s cheap rags and the ooze-ridden Obdo, was now irreparably
stained and destroyed by a combination of mud, tree sap and the Shadow’s ooze, which had washed into the shelter. The Staff of Antagules at least had remained as it always was, never requiring cleaning or any sort of care. Archimegadon decided that he would buy some magical robes with his thousand relorans, in the hope that they would have the same dirt-repelling abilities as his staff.
Neurion couldn’t possibly have looked any dirtier with his cheap clothes, but Obdo looked almost cleaner. Two minutes after they continued walking along the Central Way Obdo returned to his usual filth-covered self, the Shadow’s head dripping with its seemingly endless supply of demon blood. Archimegadon looked back at one point and noticed that they were leaving a very obvious trail of demon blood for anyone to follow, and he hoped that Felick and his thieves were not still after them.
The morning took them over hills and through glades, and past tiny little villages that were hemmed in by fields full of sheep, goats and cows. Obdo glowered as they journeyed through the farms, fed to the teeth as he was of farm work. They crossed rivers and passed little water mills, and every so often they encountered other mages like Archimegadon, who were using their powers to make money. Unlike Archimegadon, the Mage for Hire explained, they were doing silly little magic tricks, while the great mage himself used his abilities to ‘help the people of Valanthas’. Obdo was still not convinced.
And so their journey came to its end that bright day. As the sun hit the centre spot overhead they emerged from the Forest of Nalius and stood upon the outskirts of a little town. Small thatched houses had been built all over the place, as though a farmer sowing one day had found that his seeds sprouted into houses. A great windmill dominated this end of the town, while at the far end, not visible from here, stood a large but dour grey hall, which Archimegadon knew as the Mage School, and to the right, overlooking the endless plains of Valanthas, was the great Guard Tower of Melethas.
‘We did it!’ Neurion cried. ‘Great job, everyone! We really earned this.’
Obdo shrugged and nearly dropped the Shadow’s head. ‘It wasn’t that tough, Sir Rusty. Aside from those thieves and your magic spell yesterday, we didn’t have any trouble at all.’
‘Don’t be such a killjoy,’ Neurion said. ‘This was a marvellous effort.’
‘Withstanding Obdo’s company was,’ Archimegadon said. ‘Now hush. It is time for me to collect on the money I have earnt. First things first. Neurion, you go and get me my hire money.’
‘You’ve earned it,’ Neurion said.
‘I forgot,’ Obdo said. ‘How much is he getting again?’
‘One reloran,’ Neurion replied.
‘Oh, yeah.’ Obdo kicked at the dust. ‘You’re just raking it in, Sir Mage.’
Archimegadon chuckled. ‘Oh yes, oaf. That is indeed correct.’ He took out the amulet and hung it round his neck. ‘Just this to get rid of and I will have raked it right in.’
Obdo rolled his eyes. ‘Let’s get this finished with. I’m fed up of this demon head.’
‘Ah, I am feeling generous today indeed,’ Archimegadon said. Despite the previous night’s downpour, and the state his robes were in, the mage was happy indeed. There was no sign of any thieves, Melethas had not been burnt down, the sun was shining, he was about to receive a lot of money, and he was going to boot Obdo and Neurion right up the…
‘Master Archimegadon, let’s go,’ Neurion said.
‘Very well, lead on,’ Archimegadon said. ‘I grew up here, you know. And I trained in the Mage School.’
‘Will the wonders never cease?’ Obdo asked.
‘Not today they won’t,’ Archimegadon replied. On this day, even Obdo’s cheek could not ruin his mood.
They wandered right through the village and arrived under the shadow of the Guard Tower. Obdo looked up to the top and dropped the Shadow’s head. A bunch of children playing nearby noticed the head and screamed.
‘Good work, Obdo,’ Archimegadon said. ‘Well, here we are. Go and get the High Captain, Neurion.’
‘No worries, Master Archimegadon,’ Neurion said. ‘I’ll get him right away.’
‘No, you won’t,’ said a knight, descending from the Guard Tower and holding a huge polearm out to bar their way. It seemed to be a woman, to listen to the voice. ‘Not with that thing.’
‘Obdo is one of our companions,’ Archimegadon said.
‘You named that demon?’ the knight asked.
‘Oh, you mean the Shadow?’ Neurion asked. ‘I have been commanded by the High Captain to bring it here.’
The knight’s shoulders fell, as though she was disappointed. ‘You’re not here to attack?’
‘No,’ Neurion replied.
‘Is everyone here this violent?’ Obdo asked Archimegadon. He poked Archimegadon in the ribs. ‘Except for you, that is, you old coward you.’
‘Shut up,’ Archimegadon said.
‘May I have the pleasure of your name?’ Neurion asked.
‘I am Valia Relassis,’ the knight replied, pulling off her helmet. ‘Welcome to Melethas.’
She was no natural beauty, it was true, but Archimegadon thought she had a very pleasant smile, and her long brown hair shone nicely in the sun. Her emerald eyes glinted too, and Archimegadon was reminded of the amulet. Where the amulet’s eye was sinister, though, Archimegadon didn’t get the same uneasy feeling from Valia. Compared to most Valanthians, who tended to be quite tanned in the regular sunshine, Valia was fairly pale, though her cheeks were flushed and made her look a cross between angry and embarrassed.
‘Let’s go and get the High Captain,’ Neurion said. ‘I have the quest scroll here.’
‘You were given a quest?’ Valia asked. She glanced over at Archimegadon and Obdo. ‘What, are you mercenaries or something?’
‘I’m a paladin!’ Neurion replied with a proud smile, but Valia appeared to be about as impressed as Archimegadon and Obdo.
‘Great.’ Valia gestured for Neurion to follow her. ‘Let’s finish off this quest of yours.’
Neurion gave Archimegadon a big thumbs-up and a grin and followed Valia into the Guard Tower.
‘Does he think he’s in with a chance with that knight?’ Obdo asked.
‘Sadly, I don’t think that’s crossed his mind,’ Archimegadon replied. ‘The fool no doubt is very excited at completing a quest, probably for the first time.’
‘Don’t see why you’re so negative,’ Obdo said. ‘You’re the same.’
‘He’s only making one reloran out of it,’ Archimegadon said.
‘You got half his fee?’
Archimegadon laughed for a few seconds. ‘The knave offered it. I wasn’t about to refuse.’
‘I was that stupid too,’ Obdo said with a sigh. ‘I had two vallins and I handed them away in a humorous gesture. They never seem so clever when you realise how much money you wasted on them.’ A few moment passed. ‘There’s no chance I could get one of those coins back?’
‘None.’
‘Sod.’
‘Exactly.’
Obdo sat on the Shadow, and he whistled a tuneless string of notes. ‘You know, this might be the last time I sit on this thing. It’s amazing how happy such a thought can make you.’
‘Yes, Obdo, but perhaps it wasn’t the last time you will have to carry it,’ Archimegadon said.
‘I hope not,’ Obdo said. ‘I wish I had found a little claw or something. This is the biggest backfire trophy ever.’
‘The… I mean, my vortex clearly couldn’t suck in that thing,’ Archimegadon said. ‘Lucky for our young paladin, or he wouldn’t have made any money at all.’
‘Guess you’ll have to make those famous flamebolt vortexes of yours a little more powerful in future, then,’ Obdo said.
‘Believe me, I will,’ Archimegadon said with narrowed eyes.
They were interrupted by the appearance of the High Captain himself, who was clad entirely in armour, just as Valia had been, although his was covered in various unnecessary lion heads and a huge great ca
pe. The High Captain’s sword was probably bigger than Obdo, and the man seemed to have trouble with it catching on the steps that led down from the tower to the ground. He finally came to a stop and seemed out of breath.
‘A little overdressed in this weather?’ Obdo asked.
The High Captain glared through the slit in his helmet.
‘He’s a necromancer,’ Neurion said quickly to the High Captain in a hushed voice.
‘This Shadow creature must have been bigger than the reports we were given,’ the High Captain said when he had caught his breath. ‘You did well to defeat such a creature, even with the aid of this Master Armatennadon. Your money is well earned, Neurion.’ The High Captain dropped two relorans into Neurion’s hand, and Obdo stared regretfully at them as they disappeared into the paladin’s pocket.
‘Er… what do you want done with this thing, sir?’ Valia asked.
‘I will arrange for it to be mounted above our door,’ the High Captain replied.
‘But then we’ll look like some kind of dark magic tower, sir,’ Valia said.
‘Excellent,’ said the High Captain, who wasn’t listening.
Archimegadon sidled up to Neurion. ‘Ah, good work, my friend. You have done your training proud. And your parents. And your country. And the King, too!’
‘The reloran, as arranged,’ Neurion said, retrieving and dropping the coin into Archimegadon’s hand, which was not so much being offered as it was being forced on Neurion.
Archimegadon smiled. ‘Pleasure doing business with you, Neurion. Farewell, then. This is the end of our journey together, it seems, and short indeed it was.’
‘You’re going?’ Neurion asked, looking a little surprised.
‘That’s what Mages for Hire do, right?’ Obdo asked, wiping some of the Shadow’s ooze off. ‘They work for money and then they clear off to the next quest. No attachments, no loyalties, but lots of money.’
Archimegadon nodded. ‘That’s how it goes.’ He paused. ‘Ah yes, Obdo. I release you from your bond. I feel that you have learnt how not to be a necromancer.’