A Story about the Spiritual Journey

by Sharon Garlough Brown

  Meg’s gentle smile was full of warmth and sunlight. “It’s all one step at a time, remember?” she murmured. “You don’t need to have it all figured out. Maybe it’s enough to lay the burden down. You’ve been carrying so much for so long. Just rest, Hannah. Rest.”

  But resting was such hard work.

  12

  Walking Together in the Love of God

  As the Father has loved me, so I have loved you; abide in my love.

  John 15:9

  Rule of Life

  “Welcome to our last sacred journey group,” Katherine said.

  There was a chorus of wistful protests around the room.

  Katherine smiled. “It’s been such a joy and privilege to witness the Holy Spirit’s work of healing and transformation in your lives, and I know the Spirit’s work will continue.”

  Meg glanced in Hannah’s direction, but Hannah was sitting with her shoulders hunched forward, cradling her head in her hands, and Meg couldn’t see anything. Please help Hannah, Meg prayed. Please help her find true rest in you.

  Katherine said, “We’re going to spend time today celebrating and giving thanks for some of the ways that the Spirit has been stirring you these past few months. But before we move into a time of storytelling, I want to give you an opportunity to reflect on some of the spiritual practices that are helping you grow in love for God and love for others. Some people call this a rule, or rhythm, of life.

  “Rules of life are like trellises,” Katherine explained, “helping branches grow in the right direction and providing support and structure. They can be as simple or as detailed as you wish. I’ve known some people who benefit from having specific spiritual patterns and rhythms for each day; others prefer more of a free flow. What’s important is that you discern what brings you life. Which disciplines help you keep company with Jesus? Which practices create space where God can dwell deeply within you?”

  Meg thought about all the different ways of prayer that were bringing her life: simple breath prayers, walking the labyrinth, lectio divina, the examen, praying with the imagination, personalizing Scripture. Her awareness of God’s presence was becoming more habitual, like breathing. She was grateful. So grateful.

  “Each of us has our own unique spiritual rhythm,” Katherine went on. “What brings life to me may not bring life to you. Not only that, but we have our own cycles and seasons in the spiritual life that we need to pay attention to. A discipline that may be right for me when I’m parenting young children might have no meaning for me when I’m retired. What may help me during a season of spiritual dryness may not be as useful to me during a season of abundance. I might have a few daily spiritual disciplines that help me develop intimacy with Christ, and I might have several monthly disciplines that I practice in order to keep company with God. This is all about discerning what draws you close to the Lord in this particular season of your life. Nothing is set in stone.

  “So I invite you to take the next thirty minutes or so to begin to consider the practices that help you cooperate with the Spirit’s work of transformation. Think about the disciplines that help you be lovingly attentive to the God who loves you. When we string moments of God-ward attention together, soon we discover that our well-lived hours are stretching into well-lived days, weeks, months, and years. And that’s the kind of life worth living, isn’t it?”

  Sacred Journey, New Hope Retreat Center

  Session Six: Rule of Life

  Katherine Rhodes, Facilitator

  _______________________________________________

  In the early centuries of the church, many spiritual communities developed “rules of life,” which helped structure individual and corporate life around Christ as the center. The most well-known rule was developed in the sixth century by Benedict of Nursia, who wrote a practical, balanced, and down-to-earth guide to help form rhythms of work, prayer, and study. This guide addressed needs of the body and the spirit, the individual and the community—all for the purpose of being formed and transformed by the love and grace of God.

  A rule, or rhythm, of life is an intentional structure designed to free us to respond to the movement of the Spirit. Like a trellis, a rule helps us grow in the right direction as we orient our lives toward Christ. It can be intensely practical: not checking e-mail after 9 p.m., finding three nights a week to share a leisurely meal with family or friends, exercising regularly as a way of stewarding our bodies, etc. It includes both the practices that are life-giving to us and the ones that help us stretch beyond what is comfortable and easy. It can include daily, weekly, monthly, and seasonal practices that are well-suited both to our temperaments and stages of life. Unlike a New Year’s resolution or a personal growth plan, a rule is not focused on efforts to fix and control our lives. Rather, a rule of life is first discerned and developed after listening prayerfully to the Spirit. It focuses on deepening intimacy with God, not the improvement of self. Paul wrote that while all things are lawful, not all things are beneficial, and we are not to be enslaved by anything (1 Corinthians 6:12). While a rule of life can help free us from the habits or patterns of sin that enslave us, it must not become another burden or yoke. A rule of life is meant to breathe. It’s not a rigid list of duties or obligations. It needs to reflect who we are becoming in Christ at this moment in time.

  As you begin to pray about developing a rule of life, here are some questions to ask:

  What regular practices help me to receive, remain in, and respond to the love of God? What brings me life and helps me stay close to God? What practices help me deepen relationships and love others?

  What habits and patterns of sin impede my growth and formation in Christ? What regular practices can address these patterns and help me to cooperate with the grace of God?

  So here’s what I want you to do, God helping you:

  Take your everyday, ordinary life—your sleeping, eating, going-to-work, and walking-around life—and place it before God as an offering. Embracing what God does for you is the best thing you can do for him. Don’t become so well-adjusted to your culture that you fit into it without even thinking. Instead, fix your attention on God. You’ll be changed from the inside out. Readily recognize what he wants from you, and quickly respond to it. Unlike the culture around you, always dragging you down to its level of immaturity, God brings the best out of you, develops well-formed maturity in you. (Romans 12:1-2, The Message)

  “I was thinking about how much solitude and quiet I have in this season of my life,” Meg said as they shared their reflections in small groups during the second hour. “And I’m glad that my alone time is becoming more life-giving to me, because it was absolutely terrifying after Becca left.” She paused to read through the list she’d made of the disciplines that had helped her draw close to God.

  “I’m finding I’m becoming more aware of God’s presence with me even as I’m doing ordinary things throughout the day,” Meg continued, gently stroking her neck. “I’m grateful for that. Really grateful. But I’m feeling like maybe the Spirit is stretching me out of my comfort zone and showing me that I really need to be involved with a community. I don’t know how to do that yet. Maybe a group at my church, or something else here. But I need to find ways to intentionally connect with other people, apart from worship on a Sunday morning. Being in community needs to be part of my regular rhythm if I’m going to keep growing. And I want to keep growing.”

  “You go, girl,” Mara said, grinning. “You’re not the same woman who came here in your high heels in September! Or, like my therapist would say, you’re becoming a truer version of yourself.”

  “I like that,” Meg said. “Thank you.” She folded her hands in front of her. “Enough about me. Who’s next?”

  “Go ahead, Charissa,” Mara urged. “What did you come up with?”

  Charissa said, “Well, I’m glad Katherine mentioned that the rule can be as detailed and structured as possible because as you guys have probably figured out, I really like order.” Meg a
nd Mara laughed. “I need to get the balance right, though—especially since it seems that discipline and control are two sides of the same coin for me. I need to watch that. I’m such a control freak that I could easily strangle the life out of my relationship with God if I get too rigid. I’m trying to learn how to relax and take myself less seriously, but it’s hard for me.” Charissa smiled. “Is ‘letting go’ a spiritual discipline?”

  “That ‘palms-up, palms-down’ prayer was a way of doing that, right?” Meg offered. “Releasing and receiving?”

  “Oh, yeah! I forgot about that one! I hated that when we did it. But maybe that’s a good way for me to start off the day.” Charissa scribbled herself a note. “I guess one of the most important things I’m learning is that the spiritual formation journey is about transformation, not information. So I’m trying to let that shape the way I read God’s Word.”

  She paused, fingering the open pages of her Bible. “I’m starting to find some life in lectio divina,” Charissa went on slowly. “I’ve abandoned all my Scripture reading plans for right now—I need to back away from my compulsion to just tick Bible reading off my to-do list. And I’m trying to read slowly and prayerfully, listening for what the Spirit is saying. That’s really new for me.”

  “I think that’s wonderful, Charissa,” said Meg.

  “Thanks. I’m also realizing that everything’s in flux now with the baby. The things that may work for me now may not work after the baby’s born, and I want to be okay with that. I want to keep letting go of my desire to control everything.” She twirled a strand of hair around her finger. “I suppose the other big piece is about finding ways to serve other people, especially John. He’s so good at laying down his life for me, and I need ways to confront my own selfishness and self-absorption. I don’t know what that looks like yet, but it’s something for me to pray about.”

  Mara smiled at her. “As far as letting go and laying down your life, I think you’ll find that being a mom is the perfect spiritual discipline for that.”

  Charissa laughed. “I’m sure you’re right! Anyway . . . Thanks for your encouragement and your prayers. I hope we can keep connecting together.”

  Mara glanced at Hannah. “You’re awfully quiet, Hannah. You okay?”

  “Just processing a lot.” Hannah was thumbing through pages in her journal, avoiding eye contact. “I wrote down lectio divina, journaling, and the prayer of examen as daily disciplines. I put down spiritual direction as a monthly discipline—that one is key for me. I need someone sitting prayerfully with me and helping me discern what God is doing in my life. And even though I’ve got lots of silence and solitude right now, I know that if I’m not intentional about cultivating those disciplines, I’ll fall right back into old habits once I’m working again. So I’m going to read a lot about Sabbath-keeping and see if I can become a better steward of my time. And that’s about it.”

  Charissa was studying her hands. Meg was staring at her lap. Mara was trying to figure out how much she should say.

  “Those things are great,” Mara finally ventured, “but they’re all pretty personal, aren’t they? I mean, you need community too, right? Worship or a small group . . . Some place where you’re connecting with other people, like Meg was talking about. I just hope you won’t spend the rest of your sabbatical by yourself, you know?”

  “You’re right,” Hannah said simply. “That’s something for me to pray about.”

  But Mara wasn’t sure what her matter-of-fact tone actually meant.

  “How about you, Mara?” Meg asked. “What gives you life?”

  Mara leaned back in her chair and exhaled slowly. “Sounds crazy to say it, but confession. I want to keep confessing my junk to people I trust. That’s been life-changing for me. Totally life-changing. And you guys have been part of that healing process for me. So thank you.” She looked around the circle and smiled. “Now that I’ve tasted the freedom of dumping the junk, I don’t want to pick it all back up again, you know? So I need to keep practicing laying those burdens down. And speaking of that . . . I’m trying to let go of all my disappointment about Tom and the boys not coming to Crossroads House with me on Thanksgiving. I was really hoping they’d see how important it is to serve other people, but that’s a no-go. Still . . . Tom doesn’t care if I go, as long as it doesn’t affect our dinner plans.”

  Mara had been confessing her bitterness and resentment to God all week. She had fervently hoped that Tom would change his mind and agree that the boys would benefit from the experience. She had imagined herself phoning Jeremy to tell him the good news about how his prayers for a Thanksgiving gift had been answered. But it wasn’t going to happen. Not this year.

  Katherine was inviting everyone to finish discussion around the tables so that they could transition into a large group time of storytelling and prayer.

  “Anyway,” Mara said, “if any of you guys are looking for a place for Thanksgiving, you’d be welcome to join me at Crossroads. I’ve got the details.”

  “I wish I could,” said Charissa. “My parents are coming to town, though.”

  Meg rested her hand on Mara’s shoulder. “I was just going to be on my own, Mara. I’d love to be there with you.”

  “Great! How ’bout you, Hannah? Have you already got plans?”

  “I’m not sure what I’m doing yet. But thank you. Thanks for the invitation. I’ll let you know.”

  Mara gazed at her intently. “Just don’t stay by yourself, girlfriend. Okay? It’s not good for you to be alone.”

  Hannah smiled weakly but did not reply.

  Just before noon Katherine brought the large group time of sharing and prayer to a close. “In one of our early sessions,” she said, “I invited you to consider Jesus’ question in John 1: ‘What do you want?’ I’m hearing many of you respond the same way the disciples responded. You want to be with Jesus. I hope some of these spiritual practices will continue to help you do that.

  “Remember: even though we sometimes experience significant breakthroughs and tangible evidence of the Spirit’s work in our lives, spiritual growth is often imperceptible. I encourage you to be patient. Just as parents don’t notice physical changes in their children from day to day, we don’t often see immediate fruit from our disciplines. But think of grandparents coming to visit a child they haven’t seen in six months, and they’ll tell you how much that child has grown and changed. Months from now you’ll look back and perceive ways God has been transforming you, all because you’re saying yes and cooperating with the Spirit’s work in your lives.

  “God is faithful,” Katherine said. “So faithful. And there’s so much joy in the journey! My prayer for each of you is that you grow in trust. May you grow in the knowledge of God’s deep love for you. May you learn to relax into God and rest in his power and faithfulness. May you find opportunities to love God and love others. And since God made us for life together, may you find trustworthy companions to walk with you along the way.”

  “So, Meg,” said Charissa, looking into her planner. “I’ve got us down for being at the airport at noon a week from Monday.”

  “Thanks,” Meg said. “You guys don’t have to come, you know.”

  “Are you kidding?” Mara exclaimed. “I wouldn’t miss this for the world. We’ll pray you off in style!”

  Meg’s eyes filled with tears. “Thank you. Thank you so much. I’m so grateful for all of you.” She looked down at her shoes. “What a road we’ve walked so far.”

  “And so much farther to go!” Mara declared, laughing.

  “I still wish there were a straight line, without all the spirals and switchbacks,” Charissa commented, putting her laptop away. “But maybe the twists and turns make the journey more interesting.” She smiled at Mara’s raised eyebrows. “Maybe.”

  Mara said, “You guys sure you won’t join Meg and me for lunch?”

  Charissa replied, “I can’t. I’ve got tons of work to finish.”

  Hannah shook her head. “I’v
e got such a headache. I think I’ll just go back to the cottage and rest. Thank you, though.”

  Meg embraced her. “Praying for you,” she whispered.

  “Thanks,” Hannah mumbled. She said good-bye to the others, then hurried to her car.

  Revelation

  Hannah waited in the parking lot until she saw the others leave. Then she wrapped her scarf tightly around her neck, put on her hat and gloves, and made her way back to the courtyard. She wanted to walk the labyrinth alone.

  Had it really been less than three months since she’d been exiled from her world in Chicago?

  She had lived years since then, and she wasn’t even halfway through her sabbatical. What else was God going to bring to the surface?

  As she followed the winding path toward the center, she thought about everything the Spirit had already revealed: her false self rooted in productivity, her need to be needed, her hiding behind busyness. She thought about the death of her images of God, her disappointment and unconfessed sorrows, her anger, bitterness, and regrets. And now that she had actually spoken her family’s secret aloud—

  Where was that path going to lead?

  She kept walking back and forth, back and forth. It was so easy to become distracted by the twists and turns along the way, so easy to lose sight of where she was going.

  Where was she going?

  She was going deeper, deeper into the heart of God. She needed to stay focused on where this journey was taking her, especially when the path seemed disorienting and circuitous. She needed to pause and remember where she was going.

  So she stopped walking the path and turned to face the middle of the labyrinth.

  That was her destination: being held in the heart of God, knowing herself as the beloved, understanding at a deep level that the flowers really were for her. Even when she had her back turned toward the center—even when she couldn’t glimpse the goal—she needed to stop, turn, and face the middle. She needed to stop and remember that the Lord was inviting her to comprehend the breadth and length, height and depth of Christ’s immeasurable love for her.