Discount Diva (Zodiac Girls)

by Cathy Hopkins

  I scratched my last card. A star. Another star. Omigod, this was going to be it. Two stars. I only needed one more. I scratched away the remaining square as my heart beat in my chest. A… a circle. A circle? Noooooooo. It couldn’t be. I stared hard at the card. Two stars and a circle. Maybe I’ve missed the winning card. Been too much in a hurry? I thought as I went through them again. But no. None of them had the required three stars. I hadn’t even won one single pound.

  “NOOoooooo,” I yelled as I ripped up the cards and threw them in the bin. Then I kicked the side of the bus shelter. Unfortunately it was just as an old man went past. He gave me a filthy look. “Stupid young vandals,” he muttered as he shuffled on.

  I felt like crying. I am not a vandal, I said to myself. I really really am a loser now. And oh god, I’ve gambled away Dan’s birthday present money. How am I going to explain that away? Oh God, oh God, oh God. I felt as if my insides had turned to stone, heavy, solid. What was I going to do? I couldn’t go home. I couldn’t go to my friends. I’d lied to them too. Sooner or later they were going to find out that I wasn’t going to Italy. And never had been.

  I watched the old man dodder along the path, still muttering. What does he know about my life? I thought. What does anyone know about my life and what it’s like being me and how much I try. Try to have friends when I can’t really keep up with them. Try to be cheerful for Mum when really I’m worried about her and the fact we might have to move. It’s very hard being me and keeping up all the pretence.

  And as for being a Zodiac Girl, what a load of old hogwash that is. I was stupid getting those scratch cards and I was stupid thinking that being a Zodiac Girl might make me special and I was stupid to believe Nessa’s insane story that she and the others were actually planets here in human form.

  I almost laughed out loud when I thought how stupid I had been. Far more stupid than Megan and her fairies.

  I suddenly felt very tired. Exhausted. I felt like lying under the bench in the bus shelter and going to sleep right there. And never waking up. Tears sprang to my eyes and slowly dripped one by one down my cheek. I hadn’t even got the energy to cry properly. No-one knows about my life and how unhappy I am sometimes, I thought. No-one. Not Mum. Not Andrea. Not Will. Nor Dan, nor Megan, nor Georgie, nor Hannah.

  As I sat there, it was as if a damn burst and all the feelings that I’d been holding back came rushing to the surface and I began to sob. I felt so stupid. Gambling away the only bit of money I had and Mum’s too. Hard earned cash from the car boot sale. I so should have known better. I’m so lonely, I thought. I kid myself that I have friends but they don’t know the real me. The poor me. The liar me. They’d hate me if they knew what I was really like. No wonder Dad didn’t want to live with me any more. I’m despicable.

  When he walked out on us, for a long time I felt that it was my fault. I never told anyone because I didn’t want to have it confirmed. But it’s what I felt. My fault. Dads don’t leave their children. Not without good reason. And not only did he leave. He went to the other side of the world. And he hardly ever phones. He can’t love me very much can he? I thought.

  As I sat there blubbing, I heard my Zodiac phone ring. I let it ring and ring. “I’m not answering you,” I said to it. “Fat lot of good being a Zodiac Girl has been to me. In fact, if it wasn’t for you, I wouldn’t be in this stupid mess.”

  I chucked my phone in the bin where I’d thrown the useless scratch cards.

  Planet earth to Tori, I heard a voice in my mind say. That’s where you belong, down on the ground, not up in the stars. Yes. Planet earth to loser.

  Chapter Thirteen

  All Alone

  Five o’clock went by.

  Six o’clock.

  Seven.

  I sat in the bus shelter and felt as if I couldn’t move. Frozen in time. Inside I felt numb. Empty. Outside I felt cold. And… hungry. God, I was hungry.

  But I wasn’t going home. I wasn’t going anywhere. I was going to stay here until moss grew over me and my skin rotted away and my bones turned to sand. Urghh, what a horrible image, I thought as a fresh wave of tears welled up inside of me.

  A few people walked by. A couple of them stared at me but then moved on. The sky turned grey and it began to drizzle.

  As the light began to fade, I looked up into the sky. The rain passed leaving a clear night, with stars beginning to twinkle and over the horizon was the silver light of a crescent moon. I wonder what’s really out there, I thought. I felt so small and insignificant sitting there. More planets, stars, galaxies? More people like me sitting somewhere on another bench in a bus shelter up in space in a parallel universe? Sad and lonely, like me?

  I looked down from the sky and saw a lady with long, silver hair coming across the green towards me. She was dressed in a long, sea-green skirt and aquamarine top. I recognised her straight away. Selene Luna. The Moon. Oh noooooo, I thought. Well you can take a hike missus, I’ve had my fill of your lot. I sooo didn’t want anyone to see me in the state I was. I was sure I looked a right mess with a swollen nose and bloodshot eyes. And I didn’t want anyone feeling sorry for me either.

  As she reached the shelter, I was ready to tell her to go away but she didn’t say anything. Not a word. She gave me the briefest nod then sat down next to me. She sighed and then to my great surprise, she started blubbing. Blubbing for Britain, blubbing like she was going for the Olympic gold.

  I looked around and across the green to see if there was anyone who might know her. Might have upset her. But the landscape was completely deserted. Not a soul in sight.

  It stopped me crying that was for sure. No way I could compete. She was sobbing so hard a bubble of snot blew out the end of her nose. Eeww, impressive, I thought as I fished about in my pocket, found a tissue and handed it to her. She gave her nose a good blow, sighed a heavy sigh then turned to look at me at last.

  She still didn’t say anything.

  “I… I… know how you feel,” I said.

  That set her off again. This time, she managed two snot bubbles. One out of either nostril.

  I’d never seen an adult with nose bubbles before. Only toddlers and the sight of hers gave me the giggles. I tried my best to hold them in but as always when I know I’m not supposed to laugh, it always makes me want to laugh all the more. I clenched my jaw, I wriggled my shoulders, I breathed out heavily but I couldn’t suppress it and out came an explosion of laughter.

  She turned on me immediately. “What’s so funny?”

  “Nothing,” I said. “Nothing. Really. I’m sorry. Just… oh it’s been a mad day and here… well here we are sitting in the bus shelter, me crying, you crying…” I pointed vaguely at her nose.

  She followed my pointing finger and went cross-eyed as she focused on the end of her nose. That made me want to laugh even more but I wasn’t sure how she was going to react so once again, tried to hold it in. Oh please don’t start crying again, I thought as her face looked like it was about to crumple. But she didn’t. She started to laugh too. And that set me off again. Big time. We both sat there and had a really good laugh. It felt great.

  When we were both laughed out and cried out, she got up.

  “I’ll be off then,” she said.

  “Right then,” I said.

  And that set us off again. Laughing our heads off like loonie petunies.

  Then she bent over, pulled my phone out of the bin, handed it to me and whispered, “Never be afraid of your feelings Tori Taurus and never be afraid to let them out and share them. Now go home. Be yourself. Tell the truth. It’s all going to be all right.”

  I nodded. Yeah right, like I was going to take advice from a nut job (which she clearly was). But maybe I would go home and confess all. I had nothing left to lose.

  After she’d gone, I got out a tissue and blew my nose. I had a quick look at my phone to see who had been trying to call earlier. Missed call from Dr Cronus, it said. No loss there then, I thought as I stood up and glanced over at
the row of shops opposite. I wasn’t ready to go home and face the music just yet. I could see Pentangles, the salon that Nessa owned. Maybe I could go and see if she was there but there were no lights on when I walked over and looked in the window. At that moment, the smell of cooking wafted past my nose. Onions. Garlic. Whatever it was, it smelt delicious and reminded me that I was hungry. The smell was coming from the deli that Nessa had spoken about. As I moved along the street, I could see that inside there were several customers tucking into steaming plates of pasta at tables covered in red and white clothes. Just watching them made my mouth water. It looked cosy and warm in there but I had no money left to go in. I’d gambled it all away.

  With a rumbling tummy, I moved on. The next shop along was Uri’s cyber café and as I passed by, I felt a stab of guilt. How could I have spent the money for Dan’s present, that really was the lowest of the low. I’d have to find a way to make it up to him. Offer to do his homework for the next few years. Let him have the TV remote from now until eternity. Sit in the comfy red seat. Make him cheese and tuna toasties every night. Be his slave. I’ll do anything, I thought, as long as he forgives me.

  The shop was shut but in the window were a couple of state-of-the- art TV sets that caught my eye. Both were switched on and were showing what appeared to be a lecture in a hall. The lecture was being given by an elderly man with a beard. It was my old pal. Dr Cronus. There’s no getting away from him, I thought as I began to listen to what he had to say.

  “And so in life,” said Dr Cronus from the TV, “one of the major lessons to be learnt is that a person must make their own luck.”

  “Oh here we go again,” I groaned.

  “Who are you talking to, dingbat?” asked a familiar voice. I span around to see Will standing there with Stu, his tall, gangly mate from school.

  “The man on the telly,” I said. “He said that a person must make their own luck. Listen to him droning on.” I could hear Dr Cronus continuing his speech. “Get up and make it happen blah blah blah.” Similar stuff to the messages that Nessa had sent me before the car boot sale.

  Stu and Will were looking at me as if I was mad. Will tapped the shop front window. “D’er, glass. Probably double-glazed. How can you hear what he’s saying?” he asked.

  “By listening, idiot. Why? Can’t you hear?”

  Will and Stu both shook their heads but I could hear Dr Cronus as clear as if he was standing right next to me.

  “Probably because your ears are full of stuffing,” I said.

  Stu strained to listen but shook his head. “Nope, still can’t hear anything. You can read lips, can’t you?”

  “No,” I said. “I can hear what he’s saying. Can you really really not hear him?”

  Will shook his head again.

  “She’s winding you up,” said Stu and sloped off down the pavement.

  “I’m not,” I said.

  But Will had got bored too and followed his friend. Maybe they were winding me up, I thought as they disappeared around a corner, and they could hear him and are trying to make me think that I’m losing my mind. That’s the sort of sad thing that boys like to do for a laugh.

  Only one way to find out, I decided as a middle-aged lady approached.

  “Er excuse me but can you hear what that man on the television in that window is saying?” I asked and pointed at the display.

  She looked at the window then back at me as if I was mad. “No. No, I can’t,” she said and hurried off like she couldn’t get away from me fast enough.

  I was about to follow the boys when I heard a noise coming from the window, I turned back to see Dr Cronus knocking on the television screen. “Oi, you. I haven’t finished with you yet! Yes, you Victoria Taylor.”

  “You can… you can see me?” I said.

  The miniature Dr Cronus in the television set nodded. “Yes, I can see you, I tried calling before but there was no answer. Now, are you taking in what I’m trying to tell you?”

  “Yes. No. What?” I asked.

  “Make it happen,” he said. “Use your talents.”

  I looked up to the sky. It had grown cloudy again. “Yeah, yeah, so you said.”

  Dr Cronus looked angry. He reached out of the television screen and switched himself off. As the visual on the TV faded, I heard him call two words. “Lazy. Stubborn.”

  “You DON’T UNDERSTAND,” I yelled back at the shop window causing yet another passer-by to look at me as if I was bonkers.

  I may as well go home, I thought and made my way across the green. As I stood waiting for the bus, I did some serious thinking. Things were going to change. I was going to change. I couldn’t go on the way I had been. I was sick of the lying. And I wanted friends to like me for who I really was. Nickynonames, the discount diva. Me. Not who I pretended to be.

  In the distance, I could see a bus approaching. Just in time, I thought as the green lit up with a flash of lightning followed moments later by a rumble of thunder.

  As I got ready to flag down the bus, to my left, I saw a chubby man running towards me. He reached me just before the bus arrived and thrust two small bags into my hand.

  “Two gifts to help you on your way,” he said in a Greek accent. “A package for your brother from Uri. The other from me. No charge for either.”

  “For me? Oh! Thanks.”

  “You’re welcome. You have made good resolutions to be brave.”

  “But how do you…?”

  He tapped the side of his nose, stuck out his hand and waved the bus down. When it stopped, the doors opened and he ushered me on. A moment later, it began to pour down.

  It was only when I was in my seat that I realized who the chubby man was. Joe. Jupiter. I looked to see what was in the bags. In one was the computer game for Dan and in the other the most delicious vanilla slice I had ever tasted in my life. My unexpected windfall had arrived after all.

  Chapter Fourteen

  Dan’s day

  I made three calls when I got home.

  Luckily Mum was still at work when I walked through the front door and Andrea and Dan were so absorbed in a movie that they hardly registered that I was back or even that I was late.

  I quickly went to find the phone in the kitchen and called Hannah, Megan and Georgie. I invited each of them to Dan’s birthday party. “… it’s a last minute thing really, Mum decided to do it as a surprise which is why I couldn’t let you know earlier.” I said as I vowed to myself that was the last lie I was ever going to tell. “And I… I have something really important to tell you afterwards.”

  “Sounds serious,” teased Georgie.

  “It is,” I replied.

  The next morning was a hive of activity in our house. Will whisked Dan out of the way to play some early morning footie practice and the rest of us got stuck in getting everything ready for the party.

  Uncle Kev arrived and Mum was straight out down the shops with him to get supplies. Aunt Pat and Phoebe came soon after they’d gone and started baking and preparing food. Uncle Ernie and cousin David put up the gazebo that we’d used at the car boot sale in the garden. Andrea was in charge of decorations and I went from room to room mucking in where ever I could.

  By the time it was twelve o’clock, the house looked festive and bright and all our efforts were worth it when Will brought Dan back. His face lit up to see what everyone had done for him and when he got his presents, he looked like he was going to burst. This is the best, I thought. Seeing people that I love happy. Inwardly I thanked Joe for giving me the computer game. I would have hated myself today if Dan hadn’t got it because of my stupidity.

  Guests arrived: more relatives and their kids, Megan, Georgie, Hannah, neighbours, more friends and the party was soon in full swing. Will and a bunch of his mates dressed up as clowns and put on a hilarious show for the younger kids and Megan, Hannah and Georgie looked as if they were enjoying it all as much as the five year-olds.

  I was so pleased that they’d come as I’d thought that they
may have had far more glamorous things to do but all of them had leapt at the chance when I asked them last night. As I watched them larking about, the thought of what I had to do and say made me catch my breath with fear. Today was the day that I was going to come clean with them. Tell them the whole story, the truth about me and my family. If they ditched me then so be it, I had no-one to blame but myself.

  As the afternoon wore on, the food got eaten, people began to tire and the grown ups all went inside for a cup of tea and ‘to put their feet up’ while some of the younger ones played tag at the end of the garden. Will and his mates went into the sitting room to watch telly and Dan and his mates went up to his bedroom to try out the computer game.

  That left me with Megan, Hannah and Georgie at the tables at the top of the garden. I began to clear a few things away, stack plates and put leftovers in a bin bag but I knew that the moment would come sooner or later.

  And it did.

  “So what was it that you wanted to talk to us about?” asked Megan.

  “Oh…” I started. The three of them were all staring at me so earnestly that I almost lost my nerve. “I… I… I’m not who you think I am,” I blustered.

  Hannah laughed. “Who are you then?”

  “No. I mean, I am Tori. Tori Taylor, it’s just that… well… I’ve…” This is soooooooo difficult, I thought. The most difficult thing I have ever done in my whole life. “I’ve… Look, I’m just going to come right out and say it and I hope you won’t hate me forever. Okay. Here goes. Right. I’m a liar. And a loser. And…”

  “No,” said Georgie. “Not a loser.”

  “And not a liar,” said Megan.

  “Yeah. What are you talking about?” asked Hannah. She looked around with a puzzled expression on her face. “Is this some kind of pretend game?”

  “No. I wish it was. I am a liar. You don’t know,” I said. I held out my arms and indicated the house. “For starters, my family is poor. My Mum’s poor. She does three jobs. Or at least did. She was made redundant from one of them last week. We may have to move. And… and the decorators have never been in.” As the truth came tumbling out, I felt my voice wobble as tears threatened to spill out. “We… we couldn’t afford decorators. And my Uncle hasn’t got a country estate. He lives in a council estate a few miles away. And I haven’t got any of the things that I said I had and I can’t afford designer clothes. I am Nickynonames. I get my clothes from charity shops. We get loads of stuff from charity shops. Books, CDs, games. And I can’t afford to go to Italy either. Never could. I have nothing. Not even a dad. He went to the other side of the world and hardly gets in touch. He even forgot Dan’s birthday today…” The thought of that made my eyes fill up with the tears I’d been holding back and all the girls reached out but I crossed my arms. “Don’t be nice. I don’t deserve it. I am the worst friend in the whole world.”