All Things Considered

by Debbie Macomber

  “That’s it,” Judd confirmed in a low voice.

  “What about the other buildings?” Another smaller home was close to the large barn, separated by only a few hundred feet from the larger house.

  “The Petermans live there.”

  “Neighbors?” It didn’t make sense to have all this land and then allow someone to build in your own backyard.

  “Dad’s foreman.” The shortness of Judd’s response revealed how distracted he was. The house was a shock. It had never been much of a showplace, but Stuart had his pride. The house had always been kept clean and in good repair, painted white every few years. Betty Peterman had been the housekeeper, and Jim Peterman had been a jack of all trades. The couple had lived in the small house for as long as Judd could remember. Whenever Judd thought about the Circle M, his mind automatically included the Petermans.

  Stuart’s letter had briefly mentioned that the Petermans were gone, leaving Stuart to himself. Compassion filled Judd. Not only was Stuart sick, but now he was alone and friendless.

  Judd followed the driveway and parked at the back of the house in the half-circle that arced toward the main house. As Lanni opened the car door, she noted the gallant attempt of a rosebush as it struggled to poke its head through the underbrush that knotted what must have once been flowerbeds a long time past. One velvety red blossom stuck its head through the thick patch of weeds and aimed for the sky, valiant and determined.

  Lanni’s attention abruptly rotated from the brave flower to the screen door as it swung open and Stuart Matthiessen moved onto the porch. He held on to the door as though he needed the support. And from the look of him, he required something to help him remain upright.

  Judd saw his father and was so shocked by the change in his appearance the words froze in his throat.

  Stuart spoke first. “I see you made it.”

  He was dangerously underweight, to the point of being gaunt. His thinness sharpened his features to such an extent that Judd suspected Jenny would be frightened.

  “You asked me to come.” Judd straightened and closed the car door. Lanni climbed out and moved to the back of the SUV in order to help Jenny out of the car seat.

  “I notice that you took your own sweet time,” Stuart accused him. The intense eyes narrowed on Judd. “I suppose you thought if you waited long enough, I’d be dead.”

  Judd opened his mouth to deny the accusation and quickly closed it, determined not to fall victim to verbal battles with his father. Let him assume what he would; it made little difference to Judd.

  “I see you don’t bother to deny it. Well, I fooled you this time. You thought I’d be dead and you’d sashay in here and claim the ranch.” His laugh was rusty and sharp. “I fooled you again, boy.”

  “I don’t need a thousand acres of headaches.”

  “Good, because you’re not getting it.” The words were hurled at Judd like acid. The sight of his father and the bitter words hit Judd in the chest, and for an instant, he couldn’t breathe evenly. He thought he was prepared for this meeting and realized that little could have readied him for this. The man had been waiting eighteen years to have his say and wouldn’t be cheated out of it now.

  “I suppose you think that because you’ve been all over the world that the Circle M isn’t good enough for you.”

  Judd responded with a sharp shake of his head. He had traveled thousands of miles to be insulted? He should have his head examined.

  The tone of Stuart’s voice paralyzed Lanni. She paused, uncertain of what to do. Her gaze skidded from Judd’s father back to her husband. She marveled at Judd’s control. The insults washed off his back like rainwater on an oil-slicked street. He gave no outward indication that the anger and resentment affected him in any way. But Lanni knew differently. The words to defend Judd burned on her lips. Stuart had no right to talk to her husband like this. He’d come at Stuart’s request. If there’d been any delay, it had been her fault; not Judd’s.

  “Mommy, I want to see my grandpa,” Jenny called from inside the car. “Let me out. Mommy, let me out.”

  Carefully, Lanni unbuckled Jenny from the car seat. The minute Jenny was free of the confining straps, she bolted from the car and up to the porch steps where her grandfather was standing.

  “Are you my grandpa?”

  The transformation in Stuart’s face was almost unbelievable. The thick frown softened and the tired, aged eyes brightened. “She looks like Lydia,” he murmured, to no one in particular. “Yes, I’m your grandpa,” he said softly. “I’ve been waiting for you to come.” Gently he took Jenny’s hand to lead her into the house.

  “We came a long, long ways. Daddy drove and drove and drove. I saw a cow. Daddy says he had a pony when he was a little boy. Can I have a pony?”

  Left standing alone by the car, Lanni looked to Judd. “He didn’t mean what he said.”

  Judd pretended not to hear as he retrieved the largest suitcase from the back end of the SUV. “He meant it. Every word.”

  Lanni longed to erase some of the pain she knew Judd was experiencing. While she searched, Judd picked up two of the largest suitcases and headed for the house.

  Carrying Jenny’s doll and a few odds and ends, Lanni followed him. If the outside of the house was in disrepair, it was nothing compared to the confusion that greeted her on the inside. Dirty dishes filled the huge porcelain kitchen sink. The table was littered with open jars of peanut butter and jelly, instant coffee, and a sugar bowl. The door off the kitchen led to the bathroom, and a glance revealed dirty clothes in every conceivable space.

  “Where are the Petermans?” Judd demanded of Stuart, setting down the suitcases.

  “Gone.”

  “What do you mean ‘gone’?”

  The anger in Judd’s tone brought Lanni up short. Judd was furious and was doing a poor job of disguising it.

  “They left about a month ago,” Stuart elaborated quickly.

  About the time he’d mailed the letter, Judd assumed. It didn’t make sense to him. The Petermans had lived most of their married lives on the Circle M. They wouldn’t have left without just cause. “Why would they go after all these years?”

  Stuart grunted. “You’ll have to ask them that.”

  “I plan on it.”

  Stuart snorted a second time and raised an arthritic finger, pointing it at Judd’s chest. “I won’t have you interfering in my business. You hear me?”

  Judd ignored his father’s words and stepped past him to the stairway, hauling the suitcases with him. Lanni claimed Jenny’s small hand and followed. Two weeks. They were committed to two weeks minimum of this terrible tension. Lanni doubted that she’d last a second longer. She yearned to cover Jenny’s ears.

  “It doesn’t look like any of the beds have been made up,” Judd said apologetically, glancing in turn through the three doorways.

  “That’s no problem,” Lanni said quickly, grateful to have something to do. “I’ll get them ready.”

  “I didn’t bring you along to do housework.” The fierce intensity of his gaze pressed her to the wall.

  “I don’t mind. Honestly. What do you expect me to do for the next couple of weeks?”

  “Not dirty dishes!”

  “Can I sleep in this room?” Jenny peeked into the room located at the farthest end of the long narrow hallway. “I like it in here.”

  Judd’s harsh countenance relaxed. “That used to be my bedroom.”

  “Any treasures hidden in there?” Lanni questioned, wanting to steer him away from a bad mood. She followed him to the bedroom.

  Judd shrugged. “Treasures? I don’t know.” It was the truth. He’d left nearly everything behind, taking only the bare essentials with him. The parting, like the reunion, had been bitter. Judd didn’t know what Stuart had done with the contents of the room and was mildly surprised to fi
nd it was exactly as he’d left it. Except for the stripped bed, it didn’t look as though Stuart had once come upstairs in all the years Judd had been away. His old football helmet rested on the top of the bureau, along with a picture of his mother, holding him in her arms. He’d been only a year old at the time. The narrow triangle-shaped banner from his high school team remained on the wall, along with a paint-by-number picture of two horses he’d patiently painted the year he was in the sixth grade.

  Lanni’s eye caught the photograph of Judd and his mother first and was amazed at how accurate Stuart’s statement had been. Jenny did have the same startling blue eyes as Judd’s mother. Lydia was lovely. Petite. Delicate. Refined. Lanni couldn’t imagine such a gentle woman married to Stuart Matthiessen. They were as different as silk and burlap.

  “There may be a few old love letters lying around,” Judd teased, watching Lanni. Her gaze rested on the photo of his mother, and he wanted to distract her from the questions that burned in her eyes. They were ones he’d asked himself often enough over the years.

  “Love letters? No doubt,” she replied, with a fair amount of feigned indignation. Purposefully she crossed her arms, boldly meeting the mischief in his eyes.

  “I was known to turn a head or two in my day.”

  “I don’t doubt that, either.” He was still capable of garnering attention from the female population. After all that had passed between them, Lanni still found him devastating. She always had. Sitting beside Jenny on the bare mattress, Lanni pulled the little girl onto her lap. “Do you want to help Mommy put sheets on the bed?”

  The four-year-old nodded, eager to assist.

  “I told you I don’t want you doing housework!”

  “I’ve been doing it for a lot of years, Judd Matthiessen. What’s different now?” Her own voice contained a sharp edge. He had to know that she didn’t make enough income selling real estate to hire a live-in housekeeper. To his credit, the checks he sent every month were generous enough to afford one, but Lanni hadn’t once entertained the notion of such an extravagance. A large portion of each check went into a savings account for Jenny.

  “I won’t let Stuart use you,” Judd continued, his temper gaining momentum.

  “Use me? Judd, you’re overreacting.”

  “I won’t argue about it. You take care of Jenny and I’ll make up the beds.”

  “You’re being ridiculous.”

  “I’m not going to stand here and argue with you, Lanni.” He stalked out of the bedroom and down the narrow hallway to the first bedroom. With only a bed and a dresser, this was the smallest of the three bedrooms located upstairs. The ornate four-poster bedframe had to be a hundred-year-old antique. Lanni paused in the doorway to admire the simple elegance of the piece, mildly surprised to find something of beauty in this neglected house.

  “It’s lovely.”

  “Right,” Judd grumbled, pulling open the bottom dresser drawer and taking out a set of sheets. Lanni moved inside the room to help him. He ignored her as much as possible, unfolding the bottom sheet and spreading it across the bed. It lay haphazardly on the padded mattress. Lanni reached for the same corner as Judd, their hands bumping into each other’s in an effort to secure the sheet.

  “Lanni,” he muttered.

  “Yes?”

  “Don’t. Please.”

  Frustrated, she threw up her hands, releasing the smoothed edge of the cotton sheet. “All right, all right.” She left the room and immediately located the middle bedroom. This one was equally small; there was hardly room for the double bed and dresser. Again, the furniture was heavy, sturdy mahogany from yesteryear. She found the sheets and blankets in the bottom drawer of the dresser. Working silently, she efficiently spread out the sheets and blanket.

  “Lanni!” Judd growled from inside the doorway a couple of minutes later.

  The sheer volume of his voice frightened her half out of her wits. Her hand flew to her heart. “Don’t do that,” she gasped in a husky whisper.

  “Sorry.” But he didn’t look apologetic. He moved into the room, dominating what little space there was. In an effort to scoot past Lanni, his torso brushed hers, grazing her chest. The contact paralyzed him for an instant. His heart began to pound almost painfully. Lanni was the sexiest, most alluring woman he’d ever known, and she didn’t even know it. She had yet to guess the overwhelming effect she had on him.

  “Judd,” she asked innocently, “what’s wrong?”

  “Nothing.”

  “Then why are you standing like that?”

  “This is why,” he said with a groan. He turned to her, pulling her toward him by the shoulders. The back of her knees met the side of the mattress.

  Lanni’s eyes widened as her gaze flew to his. It shocked her to find how good Judd’s body felt pressing against her softness. Her own body reacted instinctively to his, shaping, molding, yielding to his hardness. His splayed hands spread wide across her back, arching her closer, craving the taste and scent of her softness. He moaned as her body yielded to meet his.

  Sensation seared a path through Judd. Slowly, deliberately, he lowered his mouth to hers, starving for the taste of her. She was honey and wine. Champagne. Orchids. Love. Acceptance. All that had ever been good in his life. And all that had been denied.

  The pressure of his hold had Lanni nearly bent in half. When she could endure it no longer, she fell backward, taking him with her as they tumbled onto the mattress. The force of his weight over hers knocked the breath from her lungs and she gave a small cry of fright.

  “What’s wrong? Are you hurt?” His forearms framed her face as his wide gaze studied her.

  She shook her head. Unable to resist, she raised her hand and touched the frowning lines that fanned out from the corners of his eyes. Character lines.

  His torso pressed her deep within the soft mattress. His body felt incredibly good over hers. He paused, half expecting Lanni to stop him, and when she didn’t, he kissed her with a thoroughness that rocked her very being.

  Lanni shut her eyes, longing to lose herself in the passion of the moment, yearning to forget all that had gone before them and to savor these priceless moments of contentment.

  “Lanni, Lanni,” he said and groaned, kissing her as though he couldn’t bear to let her go, even to breathe. “No. No. This is wrong. I promised you…I promised you…” Even as he spoke, his mouth came down on hers.

  Lanni was shocked into numbness. Judd had always been extraordinarily gentle with her. This urgency was so unlike him that she didn’t know how to react. At first she did nothing, letting him kiss her greedily as though she were an unwilling participant. Her lack of response lasted less than a moment. Judd’s mouth gentled and Lanni was lost. Frantically, she combed her fingers through his hair and pressed closer to him.

  “Mommy. Daddy.” Jenny’s soft voice calling to them permeated the fog of passion that cloaked Judd’s mind.

  Lanni recovered first. “Yes, sweetheart.”

  “I made my bed all by myself.”

  Lanni pushed against Judd, wanting him to release her, but he held her fast and she doubted that he felt the pressure of her hands.

  “Are you proud of me, Daddy?”

  “Very proud.” His voice was little more than a whisper. He rolled onto his back, freeing Lanni. His hand covered his eyes. “And very relieved.” Sweat broke out across his upper lip as the shivers raced down his arms and legs. He’d come so close. Too close. He didn’t know what was the matter with him. His word. He’d given Lanni his word. He’d committed his share of sins in his life, but he’d promised Lanni and himself that he wouldn’t touch her. When they returned to Seattle she would be free of him.

  Lanni struggled into a sitting position, her heart pounding at how dangerously close she’d been to tossing aside everything that was important for a few minutes of pleasure.

&n
bsp; “I’m on my way, Cupcake,” Lanni said, her voice incredibly weak. “Let me see your bed.”

  Seven

  Betty Peterman’s work-gnarled hands surrounded the steaming coffee mug. She looked out of place in the tiny apartment kitchen two blocks off Main Street in Twin Deer. Her husband, Jim, sat next to her, and Judd was across the table from them both.

  “He asked us to leave. Gave no reason,” Jim stated, his eyes revealing the shock of the request. “After nearly forty years, I don’t mind telling you it came as a jolt.”

  “But why?” Judd couldn’t begin to understand what had driven his father to such drastic measures.

  “He didn’t give us any reason.”

  “Money?” Judd voiced the only plausible explanation. As far as he knew, the ranch had always been financially sound. The only possible reasoning was that his father had fallen onto hard times. Judd wasn’t ignorant of the problems ranchers faced—low beef prices had brought foreclosure to many of their neighbors.

  “He gave us a settlement,” Betty said. She smiled at him, but the effort to show any pleasure was negated by the hurt disbelief in her eyes. Judd was aware of how much the two had aged. Jim had always been tall, wiry, and bowlegged from so many years in a saddle. His hair was completely white now, and his shoulders hunched forward. But his firm handshake proved that he was still as rough as a bronco and as tough as shoe leather. Twenty years had changed only the outward appearance. As few things are in life, Jim Peterman was constant.