Anything but Love cl-3

by Beth Ciotta

  The tip of his shaft grazed and teased.

  Desperate for more, Rae gripped Luke’s butt, anxious for him to slide home. The longer he stalled the more she ached, the more she begged. He took his time, damn him, inch by inch and then … “Yes!”

  Luke plunged and rocked.

  Rae bucked and soared.

  The ride was slow and hard and achingly wonderful. He kissed her and she came, again and again, swept away by a tidal wave of mind-blowing ecstasy.

  A second later Luke followed, stunning her with the intensity of his release.

  She held silent as he shifted onto his back and pulled her into his arms.

  “It’s been a while,” he said as if reading her mind.

  “Since when?” she rasped.

  He caught her gaze, his expression unreadable. “Since you.”

  * * *

  Luke had always been fond of Sundays. His free day. His play day. The one day he always took off from the Shack. He’d spent countless Sundays with the Brody brothers—fishing, skiing, bowling—and occasional Sundays with one of his several girlfriends—picnics, festivals, hot air ballooning via his piloting cousin, Nash. Once in a great while he attended church, but not often, and usually only as a favor to his parents or Daisy. They worried about his soul. Not that he was a bad sort, just unfocused. Sure he ran the Sugar Shack, but he was only half owner and his attention to finances was half-hearted. If someone, typically a young woman, was desperate for a job, he’d take her on even if he already had too many employees on the payroll. Dev was constantly harping on Luke for allowing his soft heart to override good business. And Luke was forever telling his big brother to take the stick out of his ass.

  Dev was a control freak, a workaholic, and too grounded for his own good. Although he had loosened up since meeting Chloe—a blessing for everyone.

  Luke had always been one of those people who acted on instinct. He didn’t worry overly much about the consequences of his actions since his actions were usually rooted in good intentions. He didn’t worry overly much about the future. Didn’t think twice about the fact that he’d never committed to one woman. He was only thirty-two for crissake. His happy-go-lucky lifestyle suited him just fine—up until twenty-four hours ago.

  The only thing typical about this Sunday was that Luke planned on joining his family for their traditional Sunday dinner. This morning he’d woken up in bed with the mother of his child. Yeah, boy, that was a first. He’d ached to make love to her, to brand her body with his touch, to seduce her heart.

  Another first.

  He wasn’t in love with Rae. He’d been in love a hundred times. That rush you get at the onset of an infatuation. This wasn’t like anything he’d felt before. He didn’t know what it was, but he knew he wanted to push on. Sam had accused Luke of not knowing how to commit. Pure and simple, Luke had never had the inclination. Seeing that ultrasound of his unborn child had sparked a proprietorial urge that extended to Rae. He was immensely attracted to her vulnerability, her seeming innocence, her quiet strength, and her rabid love of the baby in her womb. As of this morning, Luke no longer saw her as Rachel Lacey, the mousy teaching assistant, or Reagan Deveraux, the hot socialite with a master’s degree and a freaking fortune. She was someone in between. Someone he wanted to know better. Someone who inspired him to be a better man. Or at least more focused.

  After making love, Rae had excused herself to take a shower. Sensitive to her quiet mood, instead of joining her, Luke had exercised restraint. He got it. They’d gone from zero to a hundred overnight. They barely knew each other and he’d proclaimed them “involved.” He knew from the voice mails that had accumulated on his phone that the news was already spreading throughout town. Once they left the sanctity of this room, they’d be viewed as a “couple” in everyone’s eyes. Except Luke and Rae hadn’t discussed specifics. For the first time in his life, Luke was contemplating the dynamics of an exclusive relationship.

  His heart hammered when she emerged from the bathroom wearing a cinched robe and a determined expression. “I’ve been thinking,” she said.

  “Me, too.”

  “We need to talk.”

  “Agreed. Can we do it over breakfast?” he asked. “Or at least coffee? I don’t know about you, but my brain doesn’t fully engage until I’ve downed at least one cup of beanjuice.”

  Her mouth curved. “We have one thing in common at least.” She glanced longingly at the carafe on the table as well as the two plates brimming with eggs, bacon, and toast. “Unfortunately, I need to avoid caffeine. I’ll have some of that orange juice though.”

  “Got you a glass of milk, too. Two glasses. One whole. One skim. Wasn’t sure.”

  “I have to confess, I’m starving.”

  “Not surprised, given you haven’t had much beyond broth and water since before yesterday.” He pulled out her chair, waited until she was seated, then took a place across from her. “I ordered pancakes and oatmeal, too. I wasn’t sure what you’d feel like or for that matter what you like. Take your pick.”

  “That’s sweet. Thank you.” She blew out a breath, shook her head. “It’s also a reminder of how little we know each other and yet—”

  “I declared us involved.” A verbal, public commitment. Spoken from the heart with little to no deep thought.

  “What does that mean exactly?” Her brow crinkled in confusion, and though her tone was calm, her vibe was intense. “I don’t mean to push,” she said, “but I need some sort of guidelines. I need to know how to plan. How to … act. What to say when someone asks about us—and you know they will.”

  Luke nodded toward his cell and said, “It’s already started,” then poured their coffee. “I checked my messages late last night after you’d fallen asleep. So far I’ve heard from Gram, Dev, Rocky, Nash, and Adam. All wanting to know what’s up with the rumor. Either Sam spilled the beans or someone from the Cupcake Lovers overheard our conversation.”

  “Or maybe the CLs pushed Sam to spill,” Rae said. “You did say that they were watching you two argue through the window.”

  “Either way, the word’s out.” Luke watched as Rae chose the skim milk and committed that to memory just as he’d noted her preference for sleeping on the left side of the bed. “I don’t know about long term, Rae,” he said honestly. “I can’t think that far ahead. I can’t predict.…”

  “Either we’re compatible or we’re not. Something like that?” she asked while forking a generous helping of scrambled eggs.

  “Something like.” She likes eggs, he thought, and wheat toast over white—no butter. “I don’t want you to see other men. Not the way I feel right now. Don’t ask me to explain. I can’t. Yet.”

  She eyed him over the brim of her glass.

  “I wouldn’t ask you to be faithful if I wasn’t willing to do the same.” The words sounded foreign to his ears and incited a short burst of panic. As Sam had pointed out, Luke had never been in a monogamous relationship for more than three days. What if he slipped? What if the Kelly twins tempted him with a ménage or what if he grew bored with Rae after a short couple of weeks?

  “I’d feel flattered if you didn’t look so miserable,” Rae said with a soft smile.

  “Unchartered territory, is all.”

  “Same here. What I mean,” she elaborated after a sip, “is that I’ve never been in a serious relationship, a committed relationship. Especially of a romantic nature.”

  “Never?”

  She shook her head then reached for the pancakes.

  Hearty appetite, Luke noted then scrunched his brow. “Not to be shallow,” he said plainly, “but you’re rich, beautiful, and smart. How is it you haven’t had men dogging after you since you were, I don’t know, fourteen?”

  “Plenty of dogs,” Rae said, looking uncomfortable now.

  “But no suitable contenders? No pledges of love? No marriage proposals?”

  “None that I took seriously.”

  He weighed her words, starting to f
eel uncomfortable himself. “Are you saying you haven’t met a man who met your standards?”

  “I’m saying I haven’t met a man who loved me for me.” She set aside her fork, the pancakes untouched. “Can we get back to us, please?”

  He felt a little blindsided. “Sure.” He chugged his coffee and poured more. This was a three-cup morning, at least. “Except … hell. I feel awkward asking now, because—”

  “You don’t love me.”

  “I don’t know you.”

  “Ask your question, Luke.”

  He dragged his hands though his hair, centered his thoughts then met her gaze. “I want to see you, Rae. Exclusively. I want to date you. I want to sleep with you. I want to learn what makes you tick, what makes you smile. I want to be with you the next time you visit a doctor. I want to talk about our baby’s future and explore the possibility of a future for us. You can’t deny there’s a connection.”

  “What if the connection is the baby? Period?”

  Luke didn’t answer. It was possible. Sure. But he’d wager not something Rae wanted to hear. He reached across the table and gently grasped her hand. “Will you be my girl, Rae?” The question was so freaking old-fashioned, he half expected her to laugh.

  Instead, she brushed her thumb over the back of his hand. “One stipulation.”

  The first time he’d ever offered a woman an exclusive commitment and she had a stipulation? “Shoot.”

  “If it’s not working, if we’re not compatible, we call it off. Before we start resenting one another, before it gets ugly. If nothing else, I want us to be friends for the sake of our daughter.”

  “Or son.”

  “I’m serious, Luke. If even one of us is unhappy in this exclusive relationship … It only takes one to end it.”

  “Not sure I like the sound of that.”

  “It’s the only thing I feel comfortable with.”

  Huh. He should’ve been dancing on air. She’d just offered him the perfect out. It bugged the hell out of him. He squeezed her hand. “Okay.”

  “Okay.” She smiled a little even though he sensed the tension in her body. “You’re not going to ask me to wear your class ring, are you?” she teased in light of his adolescent proposal. “Proof to the men of Sugar Creek that I’m off-limits?”

  “Lucky for you, I lost that ring years ago. But no worries,” he teased back. “I’ll make it clear you’re my girl.”

  She narrowed her beautiful albeit suspicious eyes. “Should I be worried?”

  Luke’s brain buzzed with everything he’d learned about Rae so far, which wasn’t much, but enough to know she hadn’t been treated well by the men in her life, that she had a shitty relationship with her family, few friends, and few, if any, brushes with genuine affection. The mother of his child deserved better. Any woman deserved better. “Let’s just say you’ve been warned.”

  NINETEEN

  “In addition to toddler and preschool programs, I’m toying with the idea of enrichment programs for ages five through ten,” Rae said. “Supplemental educational opportunities that complement the elementary school’s core curriculum. Most classrooms are overcrowded these days and some children need extra help. I could—”

  “You could what?”

  Rae looked away from the locked doors of Sugar Tots to the man sitting next to her. On their way to J. T. Monroe’s Department Store, Luke had pulled into the small parking lot of Sugar Tots. He’d invited her to share her plans for reopening the day care center. He’d been the first to ask and apparently she was dying to voice her aspirations because, she realized now, she’d been rambling nonstop for several minutes. “I could help.” A flush crept up her neck to her cheeks. “I don’t mean to sound arrogant, but I have a gift with children and head for education. Special techniques to make learning fun. I have all these ideas—”

  “What kind of ideas?”

  Rae fussed with her seat belt, angled away the heating vent, and checked her watch. They’d been idling in Luke’s car, in front of Sugar Tots for twenty minutes. It felt like a blip and a lifetime rolled into one.

  “Why are you so shy about sharing your vision?” Luke asked.

  “I’m not shy. I could talk about my vision for Sugar Tots for hours.”

  “So?”

  “I’ve been rambling. You’re probably bored to tears and too polite to say.”

  “If I was bored I wouldn’t prod you to share more.” He cocked his head. “How did you do it?”

  “Do what?”

  “Bottle up all that passion and knowledge when you were working here under Gretchen?”

  Rae shrugged. “It leaked out sometimes, but she didn’t want to hear it. She was set in her ways.”

  “And not half as committed to the children of this town as you are. She threw in the towel and you’re not only picking up the pieces, but raising the bar.” He narrowed his eyes. “How is it you’re not already established as a teacher somewhere else?”

  “Jobs are hard to come by.”

  “Surely not for someone as smart and influential—”

  “You mean rich. I wasn’t rich before. Not personally.”

  “But now you are.”

  “The thing about being smart and influential is that there’s always someone smarter and more influential than you. And if that person wants to derail your life well then you’re sort of screwed.” Rae cursed the words as soon as they left her mouth. What was wrong with her? She’d never been so forthright. When she was younger, yes, but not for a long time. Not after learning how people twisted her words. Not after enduring disappointment, humiliation, and betrayal on multiple counts.

  “Who wants to derail your life, Rae?”

  “No one. Forget I said anything.”

  “Your mom? Geoffrey?”

  Rae blinked.

  “I’d have to be an idiot not to notice the tension between you and those two when I was at your house—”

  “Their house.”

  “Factor in your unwillingness to raise your child anywhere near them? I’m sensing bad blood.”

  “We don’t get along, that’s for sure. Can we go now?” She wasn’t ready for this conversation. She didn’t want to think about her mom or Geoffrey, let alone talk about the misery they’d inflicted. But even as she pushed away the memories, anger and panic tripped her pulse.

  Luke shifted into reverse. “Whatever it is—”

  “It isn’t anything.” Rae massaged her aching chest. Could a person’s heart burst through their rib cage?

  Luke cast her an enigmatic glance then focused on the road. “Okay.”

  She nodded, swallowed. Told herself to chill. Her mother had dashed any hope of ever forming a genuine, caring bond. She’d chosen that bastard Geoffrey over her only daughter, and Geoffrey.… Even though Rae hadn’t divulged details regarding his betrayal, the man had retaliated against Rae nonetheless. Retaliated and refreshed his threat. In turn, Rae had chosen a new life. This life. If only they’d leave her alone. She glanced at her cell, noting another text from the woman who’d given her life and little else.

  JUST LET ME KNOW U R OK

  As if Olivia really cared. What she cared about was the money Rae had promised her—an emergency fund should she ever find herself unwed for longer than two years. Unwed and broke. Like that would ever happen. If Geoffrey ever cut Olivia loose, she’d just latch onto another tycoon. Money and men—her drug of choice. Along with attention. Still … the aging pseudocelebrity was probably just logical enough to want a back-up plan—namely access to her daughter’s inheritance.

  Chest tight, Rae thumbed a response.

  DON’T WORRY. WON’T CUT U OFF.

  Not financially. But emotionally …

  Severing that tie was crucial, otherwise Rae would forever mourn their wretched relationship.

  She stared at the screen, dreading a reply. None came. Apparently she’d calmed Olivia’s concern and that was that. For now. Disgusted, Rae tossed her cell in her purse.
r />   “Everything okay?” Luke asked.

  Rae forced a smile. “It will be.” She scrambled to divert the conversation.

  Luke beat her to it. “Join me tonight,” he said as he pulled into a private side lot of J.T.’s.

  “For what?”

  “Dinner,” he said as he pocketed his keys. “Rocky’s house, formerly Daisy’s house. Our traditional weekly dinner. Although Chloe will be cooking. New tradition.”

  Thud. Thud. “Thank you, but no.”

  “Why not?”

  “It’s a family dinner.”

  “Family and friends. Different guests every week, depending on who can make it. Monica and Leo will be there, if it makes you feel any better.”

  It didn’t. A family and friends—close friends—dinner with the Monroes? It was too much, too soon. Too intimate.

  “Daisy will be there, too,” Luke added. “Chloe. Rocky. Aside from my sister you haven’t met up with any of the Cupcake Lovers since you returned, right?”

  “Just Sam.”

  “Right. Anyway it might make things easier, more comfortable, if you reconnected on a personal level with some of the members instead of stepping in cold at Thursday’s meeting.”

  It made sense, but she still wasn’t convinced. “Speaking of Sam, will he be there?”

  “I’m not sure. Even if he is…” Luke shrugged. “Maybe it would help to have the family as a buffer. Plus, I’ve never brought a girl to Sunday dinner, Rae. If I bring you along, Sam will know I’m serious. About you. Us. Everyone will know.”

  “Are you sure you’re ready for that?”

  “Hell, no.”

  She laughed at that. At his casual honesty. For some reason it made her feel better to know Luke was still wary of their new liaison. Otherwise she’d question the wisdom of this whirlwind commitment even more than she already did. “Okay. I’ll come. In for a penny, in for a pound.” As nervous as she was about this family dinner, Luke had made some good points.

  His mouth twitched. “You sure?”

  “Hell, no.”

  He smiled full out then cupped the back of her neck and pulled her in for a kiss.

  It was slow and deep and sweet, causing Rae’s body to hum with memories of their lovemaking a few hours before. Aside from the sheer physical pleasure, Luke had intensified the moment by admitting that he hadn’t been with another woman since their tumble in Bel Air.