"Because I was there in art class when they met up again.”
"Okay so if you’re interested in her then how come you guys never you know hooked up or anything?" Kira pushes.
“What makes you think we haven’t?” Cliff tries but chuckles.
I wasn't sure what to say. I thought Cliff was cute and I know we'd have fun together but he wanted a girl he could hook up with and I just wasn't ready for that...I couldn't possibly be ready to be the kind of girl he wanted.
“We haven’t I swear.” I laugh.
"Because my sister went to great lengths to prove that I’m a dog. Sister’s ruin everything.”
"Aren't you though." I tease but I knew he knew I was just joking.
"You know me to well." He smiles playfully.
"Hey can I grab one from you?" I point to his smoke.
"Your smoking again?” He questions.
"Here and there.” I shrug. Cliff’s narrowed his eyes at me. “Just pass me one."
“Is it okay though? Thought you had to quit.”
“I had the surgery so now I can smoke.” I explain. “I only quit because I’d have a breathing tube etc etc.” I motion with my hands.
“Here Lucy.” Octavia passes me one.
“Thanks.” I smile at Cliff and take the smoke from Octavia.
A few minutes later the bell rings so we all make our way back inside. Cliff and the girl’s takeoff up the stairs while I walk down the hall to my locker.
I'm about halfway down the hall when I see Bobbie watching me. I get that feeling like everything is moving in slow motion. I can’t help but smile, tucking a strand behind my ear I move towards him. "Hey, you ready?" I ask confidently.
"Sure.” He says pushing off my locker.
Bobbie and I are walking towards the elevator after family studies. Time is ticking away. If I don't do this soon I'm going to lose my nerve but I’m already losing my confidence from earlier.
We've ridden the elevator so many times before I don't know why now should be any different? Except it is different. I know how I feel about him and I'm hoping I'll know how he feels about me soon enough.
Bobbie holds the door for me and I smile up at him as I walk past him. "Thanks." I say softly.
"Yep." He gets in and lets the door close behind us.
He start’s the elevator. The short ride between floors seems to be taking longer than usual. The air in here seems to be thinning.
Once we’re on the main floor Bobbie slips past me to get the door open. I step out smiling again like a fool.
A few girls walking by see that I'm acting strange which makes them giggle. Great now they probably think we were just doing something in there.
Bobbie catches on and his face begins to turn beat red. I can't help but wonder if his face is turning red because he does like me or he's embarrassed people are noticing us.
We move to the AR room barely saying a word to each other. Entering Mrs. Jang smiles at us knowingly.
"I'm going to work on the computer, how about you?" I ask walking ahead of him.
"Um yeah I could work on something." He rubs the back of his neck almost nervously.
Could he tell how I was feeling? Did he have an idea about my plans? Shit could someone have told him. We unpack our books at the computers either of us still saying anything.
The entire spare we've made small talk but I'm running out of time. I've got to do this today or I'll chicken out. My hearts racing and I'm totally freaking out but I have to know. I can't wait a minute longer.
"So I was wondering if you'd wanna go out with me?" I just blurt it out. I glance over my shoulder so I can see his reaction, but it’s the reaction I feared…He's in shock. He's literally stopped typing and his face is beat red. Suddenly I feel like I've just made a huge mistake.
"I can't…I'm kind of into Megan." He says not looking at me.
My chest feels like it's just been crushed into a million pieces. The room is spinning. I think I’m going to pass out. "Oh...Okay." Is all I can get manage to get out without showing my emotions. I’m trying to shrug it off by going back to my assignment so Bobbie can’t see how badly he's hurt me…but the more I see him sitting there and hear him type the more I break inside.
I need to escape. Bobbie's rejection seems to be my breaking point. I feel like I’m about to bawl. "Excuse me." I say pushing out my chair. "I'll be right back." My voice cracks as I try to talk.
"Yep." He says almost knowingly.
I've totally ruined things. I make it into the hallway. My vision becomes blurry. The tears are stinging my eyes so I make a beeline for the girl’s bathroom. Thankfully once I'm inside the washroom is empty.
I slip into a stall. How could I be so stupid? Why did I feel like this was a good idea…? I begin to cry. How did I misread the signs? And Megan? Out of all the girls in this stupid school he had to like Megan...Someone walks into the bathroom so I hold my breath.
I dry my eyes then step out of the stall. The girl didn't even notice me and walked back out without even acknowledging me.
I approach the counter to splash some water on my face. Looking at myself in the mirror I can see my eyes are still all red and I literally look like someone has torn my heart out…because that’s exactly how I feel.
Whatever, it's not like Bobbie will be looking at me, anyway. Or ever again. I pat, my face dry, then take a deep breath then walk back to the AR room. Back to Bobbie...
Back inside Bobbie’s already packing up his things. I feel like a damn train wreck as I slowly approach him. Everything is moving in slow motion again. I watch as he grabs his books and slips them into his bag.
Defiantly scared him off. I approach but don't look at him. Glancing over my shoulder at the clock I see it’s the end of the period. I stay standing and log off my computer. In just a few clicks I’m logged off which means I’m that much closer to getting out of here.
For the first time, I can’t wait to get home. "Guess I'll see ya Monday." I say packing up my binder then slipping it into my backpack.
"Yep." He says.
I can tell our friendship has changed... I pretend to smile as I swing my backpack over my shoulder. I walk away. It’s not like there was anything else to say after all that.
I’m breaking the further I get away from him. The tears are stinging my eyes again. Hold it together. Your stronger than this. Don’t let them see you crack. If you’re going to cry about something cry about those late nights…my home life. Not about some boy.
I'm walking through the school hallway but everything is spinning. I feel like my world is falling apart.
Bobbie was the one thing holding me together. The mere thought of seeing him or hanging out with him every day gave me something to look forward to…but now I've gone and blown that…What do I have left?
My hearts breaking but I’d be willing to stay friends with him once everything blows over. Being friends with Bobbie was pretty much the best thing that’s ever happened to me and now I’ve gone and ruined it.
The ride home goes by in a blur, I vaguely remember Gloria saying "See you Monday." I just walked on in a daze.
As I walk in the front door my mom’s sitting on the couch watching her soaps. I don't feel like talking to anyone so I go upstairs to my room.
As soon as I’ve got my bedroom door closed behind me I can’t hold it in any longer. I break down again but this time it’s one of those horrible messy cries. I've gotten so good at hiding my pain I know how to break without anyone hearing me.
I can’t help but keep replaying Bobbie’s rejection.
I move into my room and flop down on my bed. Smothering my face in my pillow I let all my emotions pour out.
How did my life get so messed up? If Bobbie couldn't like me who could? I'd end up alone just like Max said...Could Bobbie see what I was hiding? At this point, does it matter? Bobbie’s clearly not interested in me. Probably never was...
I must have cried myself to sleep because when I wake
up my clock reads almost seven. Shit I slept through dinner. I crawl out of bed and walk down the hall to the bathroom. Walking past the mirror it looks like someone has punched me in the face. It’s all red and swollen from all the crying. How would I ever recover from this?
I try splashing cold water on my face. It helps a little. Heading downstairs I see my mom’s still sitting where I last saw her. The couch. Looking around the banister I see Matt playing with his toys but where's Jayden?
Stepping off the last step I walk around the corner and find Jayden playing on the kitchen floor. "You missed dinner." Jayden says to me.
"I know. I wasn't feeling well." I reply forcing a smile.
"Are you sick?" He questions concerned.
"I'm fine." I'd gotten good at lying so by now this was easy for me.
"If you’re hungry your dinner is in the fridge." My mom calls from the couch.
"Okay." I go to the fridge. It's just Kraft dinner. Typical around here.
I take out the container and pop it into the microwave. As it's crackling away I look out the kitchen window. Unit twenty-nine is for rent again huh, guess Ray's buddy is moving out. The microwave beeps and I turn my attention back to my food.
Testing to see if my food is warm enough. I carry it back upstairs with me. Closing my door behind me I walk across the room. Sitting on my bed I’m looking at all the magazine clippings on my walls.
All the celebrities plastered on my walls remind me of Bobbie in some way. With my bowl of Kraft dinner in one hand I start going around the room ripping down posters and magazine clippings. It's time for a change.
By the time I’m finished with my dinner there's a huge pile of posters and clippings all over the floor. That’s when I faintly hear the phone ringing.
Shit it’s, probably Octavia. I jump up off the floor and rush into my mom’s room.
"Hello." I say answering before she hangs up.
"Hey finally, I've been calling you for hours what's going on did you ask him or what?" Octavia asks.
"What do you think?" I say slowly.
"You didn't do it." She laughs.
"You'd be wrong then." I offer.
"Judging by that it didn't go well?" Octavia questions. I hear the sympathy in her voice.
"He says, he's into Megan." I sniffle.
"Seriously…?” “Are you going to be okay?"
"I guess...How could he do this to me Octavia?" I begin to cry now.
"I don’t know.” She pauses. “Sorry Lucy…why don't you come over?" Octavia offers.
"I think I just need to be alone right now."
I’m not up to going anywhere. I just want to curl up in bed and shut the world out.
"Are you sure? Maybe I could come over for a bit?" Octavia pushes.
"I appreciate it but my mom's home and I don't really want her spying on us. The last thing I need is for her to listen in." I cover. I just don’t want her here in case Max shows up.
"Alright…but if you change your mind call me okay?"
"I will…Are you making plans with Sunny D?”
"If you’re sure you don't need me." Octavia continues.
"I'm fine for tonight but maybe we'll do something tomorrow or Sunday?" I add.
"Okay.” I hear shuffling. “I'll check in with you later.”
"Thanks Octavia, you’re the best."
"Of course, night.”
"Night."
I hang up and spend the rest of the night taking items and leftover tape off my walls. I play through a few tapes before it starts getting dark outside.
I'm switching to another mix tape when I hear my mom and Max putting my little brothers to bed.
That’s all I need. For Max to be here. I pause the song to make sure they go downstairs afterwards. The last thing I want is for them to be standing outside my bedroom listening to me.
I wait maybe five minutes before I hear them leave. Mom better not be going to bingo tonight, she promised she wasn't. I don’t think I could handle being left alone with Max… I swipe away a tear. He's ruining me...No one will ever love me for me. I’m just too broken.
Feeling defeated I curl up in my bed. I switch my music to my Walkman so I can cry again in private. As the songs continue to play I still can’t help but replay this entire year with Bobbie.
It seems as if it was all for nothing. All those stolen moments…I kept letting myself get reeled in. I dropped down all my walls to let him in then he turns around and tells me he’s into someone else. Who does that…?
Chapter Fourteen
Saturday night mom breaks her promise. She’s going to bingo. I'm struck with panic. I can't be here while she's gone. Not with Max.
I run into my mom’s room, picking up the phone I call Octavia. She picks up on the second ring. "Have you changed your mind?" She questions.
"Mom's going out and Max is here." I say. I can hear the panic in my voice.
"Say no more we're coming to get you." Octavia replies.
I love how she knows exactly what I mean when I say mom's going out and Max is here. I quickly pack a bag and head back downstairs.
"Where are you going?" Max questions as I rush past him.
"Like it's any of your business." I push past him and go into the kitchen. "I'm going to Octavia's for the night I'll be home tomorrow probably after dinner." I say to my mom as Max follows me into the kitchen.
"What's going on?" He questions leaning against the kitchen wall.
"Um Lucy's going to her friends." My mom says.
"Tonight?" Max asks.
"Yeah." My mom returns.
Let me guess he's going to try and keep me here with him. Please mom don't agree with him. Let me go...if you could for once just sense how badly I need to get away, now would be that time. Tears were stinging my eyes but not because I was upset over Bobbie but because if she made me stay home while she’s gone… I'm sure Max will come to my room...and I might not recover. My heart might just explode...
"I think maybe she should stay home." He returns.
I look over at him and I know he's got something planned. Suddenly I'm not feeling well. There’s this hidden look he’s giving me. Deep breath.
"Look I'm going, my rides probably already here. I was just informing you of my plans.” I take a quick steadying breath. “I wasn't really asking for permission." I push past Max and make my way to the front door to grab my boots.
"Are you going to let her talk to you like that?" Max yells at my mom.
"Just let her go. One less person you have to worry about."
That's not what his problem is. He'll be left here all alone...No one to keep him entertained. My stomach turns.
The knock at our front door startles me. I look over my shoulder to see Octavia standing there. Thank you I mouth.
"I'm out of here." I yell moving to the front door.
"Wait your mother hasn't said yes yet." Max snaps.
"Are you freaking kidding me my friend is already standing outside waiting for me." I haven't made a habit of inviting Octavia in when Max is here because I've got to protect her from him.
I walk past Max and go into the kitchen. "I'm not staying here if he's going to be here.” I flat out say to my mom. I’m done being nice. “Either he leaves and I invite my friend in to spend the night while I watch Matt and Jayden or I'm gone." I cross my arms over my chest. I'm not usually this forward but there's no way I'm staying here this weekend.
My mom looks over at Max and then at me. "You can go. See you Sunday night."
He's losing his control over us. "Thank you, see you Sunday night." I walk back past Max who just stares at me.
Guess your plans fell through huh. I think walking past him. How do you like feeling powerless?
I open the front door and step out. I slam the door shut on my way out because I know how mad it makes Max. I can't help but laugh.
I love this feeling of being in control. This must be what Britney feels like. She's so strong...I just wish I could
come forth with what I know and get rid of Max once and for all, but for now I'll just have to keep hiding out with Octavia. At least at her place I'm safe.
Outside Octavia and I are laughing about the door as she throws her arm around my shoulders. Turning on the path I catch sight of Max watching Octavia and I.
The way he's looking at us I know he's thinking things he shouldn't be. "I wish I could just give him the finger." I whisper to Octavia.
"If you won't I will." She turns around and flips him the bird. I see anger surface in his face as we run away to her mom's van.
"I can't believe you just did that." I laugh.
"What's going on?" Octavia's mom questions.
"Nothing." Octavia says slamming the van's sliding door.
As we drive away I suddenly feel different, confident. I fought back and it felt so good. I put my hand over my chest and for once my heart is racing with excitement not fear or heart break.
I never want to let go of this feeling...I'm tired of being afraid. I want to be brave. I want...life to start happening. I want to fall in love for real and I want a boy to fall in love with me too.
Octavia and I stayed up almost all night talking. She couldn't believe Bobbie is holding out hope for Megan.
"I think Bobbie's making such a huge mistake Lucy, Megan's not interested in him." She says matter-of-factly.
"You don't know that?" I offer.
"Come on Lucy. Megan's like your typical mean girl. The last person she's going to be interested in is Bobbie." Octavia says painting her big toe.
"I guess." I say looking across the room at her.
"Why do you like him so much anyway? I mean Bobbie's cute I guess but I don't see why your so hung up on him. There are plenty of guys at our school who are good looking why aren't you interested in any of them?"
"Maybe because no one else is interested in me." I say lowering my eyes. Octavia crosses the room with her toes pointing to the ceiling. "But in all honesty I don't know why I like him so much... It's not that he's "good-looking" but I see him differently you know." I look down at my hands. "Some time's I think maybe I see someone in a totally different way..."
"Sounds like you’re in love." Octavia offers.
The Moment Everything Changed (Lucy's Life #1) Page 17