Absence of Faith

by Anthony S. Policastro

  "A few times, but they really just started," he said looking down. He brought his head up and stared into Chantress' eyes. "So tell me...what possesses you to work at The Other Syde? Excuse the pun."

  She did not laugh.

  "Sorry, I was only making a joke," Kyle said.

  "It's ok. Many people react the same way at first, then they accept it," she explained.

  "Accept what?"

  "The occult," she replied. "I've always been fascinated with life after death and the occult."

  "You mean devil worship?" he asked.

  "Well, that's part of it, but most people don't know that there are good devil worshippers and bad ones," she explained.

  "How could there be good devil worshippers? Isn't that a contradiction? Come on - you're worshipping evil - a figure that represents evil in its purest form," Kyle replied.

  "Listen, it's really not devil worship. It's called New Age and it emphasizes human potential. Unfortunately, none of the established religions will recognize it so it sits alone. The good devil worshippers have embraced it and incorporated it into their beliefs so many people now mistake it as devil worship. We now have the good and the bad in the same group, and it's ready to split apart," she explained. "Anything that people don't know about, they condemn. It's their ignorance and fear of the unknown!"

  "I see you’re really into it,” Kyle replied. He sipped his drink and Chantress did the same. They looked at each other.

  "I am," Chantress replied.

  "I still don't know the difference between good devil worshippers and bad ones," Kyle said. "It just doesn't make sense."

  "The good ones embrace only the New Age philosophies, while the bad ones have black masses, animal sacrifices, blood rituals and other disgusting things like smearing blood on each other," she said. "The good ones break no laws and believe in a non-conventional religion."

  "Well, then it's pretty dumb to associate with the devil worshippers," Kyle said.

  "That's because New Age has no formal organization and no money to promote its beliefs. The devil worshippers have power and money. I suspect in time the New Ageists will split and form a separate group," she explained. "The New Ageists are mainly people who feel that their church, their religion, and their god have let them down - they can no longer find what they need spiritually from their religion so they put more belief in themselves and the human potential."

  "They're going have a hard time shaking the devil worshipping image. I don't foresee it as a mainstream religion with a lot of followers," Kyle said.

  "I think you're wrong. Look at all the books on the bestseller list that have to do with human potential and new age beliefs, personal success. I think it's going to be the next big wave," she said. "Every decade has something - in the fifties it was alcohol and sex; in the sixties and seventies it was sex and drugs; in the eighties and nineties it was the Internet and now it has been and will continue to be spiritualism and the human potential."

  "Discontent..." Kyle said.

  "What?"

  "It's because people are restless. It seems that all of these things are fueled by discontent. You may have something here," he said. "I think there are a lot of people out there who are not happy, not happy about their jobs, their marriages, how their children turned out, how they are going to pay their bills, not happy about their lives in general."

  Kyle sipped his beer again.

  "You look spaced out. Are you ok?" Chantress asked.

  "Yeah, I'm just thinking. What's the purpose of worshipping the devil? Worshipping evil and hoping for bad things to happen - doing bad things?" Kyle asked. "What are the benefits?"

  "Power," she answered. "The leaders are usually losers with big egos who can't get what they want out of life, so they turn to Satan and begin worshipping him. They find they can manipulate people in the process."

  "Do they get what they want?" Kyle asked.

  "Yes, at first."

  "What do you mean?"

  "The leaders get their followers and their power, and they begin to believe that they are truly Satan's messenger, but the followers are different. They begin to see the leader as another manipulator. Eventually they begin to realize that Satanism is just like any other religion, but with a different god and a different viewpoint," Chantress explained. "New Age is different - it's the worship of human potential - a full and genuine belief in one's self and self worth. There are no false promises because you promise yourself that you will achieve your potential, and if you don't, you have only yourself to blame for not making it happen."

  "So who are these devil worshippers?"

  "Many are soul searching types with strong religious backgrounds, fundamentalists, who feel frustrated by the restraints of their religions like the taboos on sex, cursing or whatever. They also feel that they won't go to heaven if they do anything bad. They have a hard time accepting a God who does not forgive, does not accept mistakes, and does not accept the human condition."

  "So you're saying that most of these people have given up on God?"

  "Yeah, some can't understand why we live in an unjust world, why God lets the good people die and the bad ones live. Why so much tragedy and suffering befall good people," she explained. "These are usually doctors, nurses and others in service professions. Medical people see a lot of injustice in life and death, and many are deeply concerned about it."

  "You sure know a lot about it. Did this happen to you?"

  Chantress hesitated.

  "Yes, it did."

  Are you one of the leaders?" Kyle asked.

  "No, never. I've always been interested in psychology. I got involved as a way to rebel against my parents. They are Catholics and sent me to Catholic school - the whole bit. I just couldn't buy the Catholic religion - too unnatural for me. I believe the Church misinterpreted Christ's teachings to benefit their own ends with all this suffering they propose everyone should do to gain entrance into heaven. It just seems unnatural to me. I think God intended us to be happy, fruitful and fulfilled in what we do in our lives. I don't believe God intended for us to suffer, put ourselves down and be humble. So I joined the Satanists hoping to find those things," Chantress explained.

  "Did you?"

  "Yes and no. Satanism is the exact opposite of the Roman Catholic Church. Its ceremonies mimic the Catholic Mass only in reverse. It was great at first. I had found a group that put down the Catholic Church and its teachings and they maintained that you should do what you believed to make yourself happy. Do what you believe is good for yourself with little regard for rules and regulations...and others," she said. "The lure of Satanism is that there is no wrong. It's very powerful. We can have whatever pleasure we desire. Do whatever we want."

  "That would cause total chaos," Kyle said.

  "Yes and no. They didn't say break any laws; just do your own thing. Focus your energies on doing what you wanted," she added.

  "So what happened? You sound like it didn't work for you?"

  "It didn't. I realized that Satanism is just another religion and its leaders use it as a means to gain power over other people...a power trip for the leaders. I also don't like Satanism’s disregard for others. Do what you want; what makes your happy even if it hurts others."

  "So you quit?"

  "No. I organized a few members - ones that thought like I did - into this New Age group I was telling you about, but it's not working," she said.

  "Why not? Just quit, hold your meetings somewhere else and forget about the devil worshippers," Kyle added.

  "It's not that easy. Many have a bond with the Magus and if they leave misfortune will strike," she explained.

  "Magus?"

  "He's the leader, the high priest. The bond is like a curse, and many won't leave for fear of personal tragedy, even bodily harm."

  "What a bunch of bull!" Kyle said. "He has that kind of power over them?"

  "Without a doubt," she said.

  "Does he have this over you?"

  "
No, because I'm not as high in rank as the others," Chantress said.

  "Well then just have one of your meetings and invite everybody," Kyle suggested.

  "No one would come. They're too scared, but if I brought you to one of the Black Masses, they would see that I was gaining support. Would you come?" Chantress asked.

  "Yeah, why not. Are you sure I would be allowed?"

  "Sure. They're having a Black Mass this Sunday at the Magus' house. I'll set it up," she told him.

  The two remained silent until the waiter dressed in black approached their table and asked if they needed anything. Chantress ordered a cinnamon herb tea, and Kyle ordered another beer.

  "DWI you know and I'm driving tonight," Chantress said. "I did all the talking, now it's your turn. Do you work? Go to school?" Chantress asked.

  "I'm a bartender at The Drunken Pelican three nights a week," Kyle replied. "I tried some courses at the county college, but I just couldn’t get into it."

  "Oh," Chantress said.

  "Tell me more about the Black Mass," Kyle explained.

  "I'm not supposed to...you'll have to see it for yourself if they allow you to come," she said.

  "Allow me to come?"

  "You have to be approved by the Magus. I have to bring you to his house in the afternoon and he decides," she said.

  "I have to be approved? What kind of crap is that? Either you want to be a member or not. Approved!"

  "There are reasons."

  "What? What reasons?"

  "I can’t tell you now."

  "Let's go to my place. I have a bottle of wine, and I'd love to share it with you," he said.

  Chantress looked deep into Kyle's eyes searching for something, just anything that would tell her it would be a mistake. The clearly defined pupils surrounded by a radiating blue with their unfocused, random movements set off ancient and primitive alarms in her subconscious. But the alarms remained unheard - an emotional fog that seeped into every crevice of her consciousness silenced their message. Once the voice did come through and caused her stomach to twitch slightly, but the wetness between her legs caused her to ignore this all-important message.

  "Sure, I'd love to. Let's go," she said.

  As they left the table, Kyle noticed a man staring at him from the table next to theirs. The man had piercing black eyes, black hair, ruddy dark skin and a long narrow face. The man was motionless like a photograph.

  "What's the matter? Chantress asked also seeing the man. "Do you know him?"

  "No, it's something about him. I think I know him, but I can't place him. His eyes seem to look right into my soul and grab hold. His eyes are hungry like he was after something...anxious," Kyle explained turning to leave.

  "And I'm the devil worshiper," she laughed.

  "His stare gave me a strange sensation. That's all," Kyle said.

  "Like the ones you have been having?"

  "No, this is different - I can't explain it," Kyle said.

  Kyle looked back and the man was gone.

  "Did you see him leave? Where did he go? He was just there a second ago!" Kyle said.

  "Come on. We probably didn't see him leave," Chantress replied grabbing his arm. "I have to catch up with Yanni and Krista and give them my keys."

  Kyle looked around the dim cafe.

  "He just vanished," Kyle said. "Weird."

  * * *

  Kyle's garden apartment was typical of the apartments of the 1980s - built cheaply and quickly and now after almost twenty six years, the red brick was weathered and chipped, the wood trim cracked and begging for more paint. Chantress didn't notice the run-down appearance of the multiple housing units - she had only one thought on her mind, and it ricocheted around her head like a wild bullet with endless energy. They entered the main entrance and walked through a maze of hallways to his apartment. He opened the door, and turned on a light, and they entered a tiny alcove that led into a single, large room. The room was sparse - a black velvet couch, a lounge chair that leaned to one side, a glass-topped coffee table covered in pizza boxes and empty beer bottles, a TV, stereo and naked wooden floors, and equally-naked walls.

  "The furniture was leftover from my parent's house," Kyle said. That's why none of it matches."

  "Oh, it's wonderful because it's all yours...your place," Chantress replied. "I would love to have my own place, but I can't afford it yet."

  Chantress sat down on the black velvet sofa and rubbed her hand over the top. She let the smooth sensation excite her hands and run down to her toes.

  Kyle went into the tiny kitchen and returned with a bottle of wine and two long-stemmed wine glasses with gold trim around the tops. Kyle filled the glasses and handed one to Chantress. She took a few sips and then moved closer to Kyle. She kissed him pushing his head down on the sofa, and then slowly moved the rest of her body on top of his. He smiled inside as her hand found his belt, and then his zipper, and eventually made its way inside. After several minutes, she sat up and slowly moved her hands over him. He peeled the black tube top off, revealing her large red nipples, and round, firm breasts. Kyle's hands then grabbed each one and squeezed. She pushed his hands away and pulled up on his shirt. He raised his arms and she pulled it off. Then she stood and motioned to Kyle to peel off her jeans. First, he ran his hands over her hips, then slowly towards her groin. He stopped after a few seconds, then moved up and grabbed the waist of her pants and slowly peeled them down. When he pulled the pants down past her groin, she shuddered. He stopped shortly and smiled to himself again, and then he stood up and pulled his pants off. He was anxious now and moved like a snake about to ensnare its prey.

  "I like it slow," she breathed into his ear.

  He listened and slowly entered her. Every few minutes Chantress would shutter and gasp.

  While they made love, Kyle glanced up through a haze of wine and ecstasy and saw a man standing in the alcove.

  "How did you get in? What do you want?" Kyle shouted.

  Chantress moved and turned like a coiled spring and knocked Kyle onto the floor. Kyle rolled over and then jumped up. He grabbed the wine bottle off the coffee table and threw it at the man. The bottle hit the shade of the table lamp and crashed to the floor. They were smothered in darkness. Kyle moved quickly toward the alcove and switched on the overhead ceiling light. The room lit up. The bottle punched a small dent in the wall.

  The man was gone.

  "Who was there?" Chantress said, covering her naked body with bits of scattered clothing lying about.

  "It was the man I saw at the cafe - the one sitting near us. He must have followed us home. But, I don't understand how he got in and where he went. I'd better check the bedroom. Stay here."

  Kyle vanished and returned a few moments later.

  "Not there?"

  "Did you see him, Chantress?"

  "No. I was trying to figure out what was going on," she said. "Are you sure you saw him? I didn't hear anything."

  "I know I saw him. He was standing right there with that same strange look. Scared the hell out of me," he said.

  "Maybe you were dreaming," she said.

  "Maybe, but it was awfully real," he said.

  "Some dreams are like that. Maybe he’s a ghost?"

  "A ghost? Come on. I don't think so," he said.

  "Well, how do you explain what you saw?"

  "I don't know. Maybe, I was hallucinating. I don't know."

  "Did you have one of your psychic experiences?" Chantress said.

  Kyle stared at her strangely.

  "No," he said.

  "I'll clean up the glass for you," Chantress said.

  "I'll take you home now. I need to be alone...to think this out," Kyle said.

  "Whatever."

  The Magus - Chapter 10

  Chantress called Kyle the next morning.

  "Don't forget. I'm picking you up in about twenty minutes. We have that meeting with the Magus."

  "Sure. I'll be ready," Kyle said.

  Chantress a
rrived on time and had to blow the horn several times before Kyle came out. They drove to an upscale suburban development and entered a cul-de-sac with only four homes.

  "I thought you said this guy is some kind of high priest. This doesn't look like a priest's house - this could be any body's house. I thought we were going to a church of some sort," Kyle said.

  "Satanists are just normal people with different beliefs," she replied.