by Kara Hart
I walk around the corner and I’m almost home, when I hear a rustle and a whisper. Wait, my intuition tells me, you might be on your last leg, but what’s the fun in letting yourself get killed? Of course, there’s no reason to do that. I stop walking and duck behind a dumpster. In my view is a young kid, maybe mid-twenties. It’s hard to tell. In his hand is a pistol, but it’s not clear he knows what the fuck he’s doing.
He’s pacing in circles and talking to himself. He keeps muttering “Stick to the plan. Just stick to the plan.” This is strange, but I’m not scared one bit. He’s a young punk who has no idea what he’s doing. Mainly, I can tell he’s looking for guidance. This is a call for help.
“What are you waiting for? Aim and pull the trigger,” I say. He quickly turns around and aims the pistol, but I’m not there. If there’s one thing I’m good at now, it’s hiding well.
His hand shakes and so does the pistol. Sweat drips down his neck. He turns wildly, yet no one is there. “Right behind you,” I say again.
He turns around. “Show yourself, dammit,” he says, voice trembling. “Come out if you don’t want a bullet in your neck.”
“You couldn’t aim to save your life, kid,” I laugh and jump from the top of the wall behind him. I slam my fist onto his pistol and quickly make sure the weapon is out of his hands. “Face me, punk. Fight me like a man.”
He clenches his fists hard and winds up, as if he’s going to fight me. I quickly realize that this is Bianca’s brother, the one working for Ricky. He’s glancing at the gun, over and over again. Of course, when he sees that there’s no way of winning, he takes off running.
“Not so fast,” I chase after him, a grown man running after a kid. It’s most likely a funny sight to watch. Nevertheless, it needs to be done. I tackle him into a pile of dirt and leaves and I have his wrists in my hands. “Make one false move and I snap both of your wrists. Got it?”
“Get off me, you bastard!” he screams like a little boy. He seems to be on the verge of tears. He’s fucking terrified of me. So why in God’s name did he come to try and kill me?
“Yeah, I am a bastard,” I say through clenched teeth. “You’ve got the right fucking idea. Now, why are you waiting for me?” I slam his back onto the dirt and keep him down, despite his constant struggling.
“Let me go and I’ll tell you,” he squirms.
“The only way I’m letting you go is if you’re dead and in need of a proper burial,” I say. “Now, get to talking.”
I’ve got a knee slammed down on his chest. There’s no way he’s getting out of this one now. He takes a deep breath and I feel him give up finally. “I came to tell you to stay away from my sister.”
I let up and lift him from the ground, making sure my gun is aimed straight at his heart. “You’re barking up the wrong tree,” I say. “I don’t know your sister.”
“I heard you two talking last night. I know you’re seeing her,” he breathes fast and hurried, like he’s got some place to be. “Just stay away, alright?”
“You’re too old to be caring about what your sister does behind closed doors. What’s your problem, son? What do you care what she does?” I ask him, staring steadily into his darkened eyes. He’s older, but he behaves like a child. He has no idea what it’s like to be a real man.
“I don’t give a shit about what she does, so long as she stays away from you,” he says. “Look, take the gun off me. I’m unarmed. Let’s sit down like men and talk.”
“You’re no man,” I make sure he knows this point, by putting my gun back into my pants. “You’re just a kid with some wild and grand delusions. That’s it. You want to be a gangster? Great. That’s fine by me. But don’t worship the life like it’s some sort of style. It’s a whole lot of death and risk for a chance at some money.”
“It’s never been about the money, Hunter,” I wince when he says my name. “It’s about justice. Plain and simple.”
“Well, alright then,” I smile wickedly. “You want to talk? Let’s talk. But don’t go thinking I’ll be listening intently to what you have to tell me. You’re still a little punk to me.”
We walk to my makeshift, shithole of a home, and sit down. “Welcome.” I gesture to a bottle of red wine in the center of the broken down, open-air room. “Go ahead. Make yourself at home.”
The kid’s probably thinking he’s made it into his first sit down, like he’s a regular old Al Capone or something. “Thanks,” he says, eying me cautiously. He takes a swig from the bottle and hands it to me. I do the same, as a friendly gesture.
“So,” I sigh. “Go ahead. Say what you have to say. Give me the terms.”
“I’m going to give it to you straight. My sister deserves better than to be strung along into this life,” he says. “She’s a nice girl, even if she does butt into my life a bit too much. I don’t want to see her heartbroken, or dead.”
“I hear you,” I say. “But you have to understand something. She’s a grown woman. She can do whatever she wants. She can make her own decisions every now and then.”
“You’re being irresponsible.” He shakes his head at me and taps his fingers wildly. Clearly, this issue affects the kid. “This is an innocent bystander we’re talking about here. She’s a woman too. You know what the code says about that.”
“What’s your name?” I suddenly ask him.
“Giovanni,” he says. “Giovanni Luciotti.” He says this with pride.
“Giovanni, you’ve got this all wrong,” I say. “The code doesn’t say anything about being a woman. I’m not trying to kill her or anything. I just like being around her.”
“Your actions will get her killed. No doubt about that. Ricky,” he sighs. “Ricky’s a tough asshole. He’s not exactly the most just person in the world either, if you get me.”
“I know it more than anyone,” I tell him. “I’m the one under constant threat.”
“Well there you go.” He runs his hands through his greasy hair. “Plus, there’s something weird with him. I think…” he hesitates for a moment before saying what he’s going to say. Most likely, he’s struggling with believing it. “I think he’s in love with her or something.”
“Yeah, no shit,” I laugh. “That sick son of a bitch wants to fuck his cousin. It disgusts me.”
“Hey, watch your mouth. That’s my sister we’re talking about.” He wipes his hands clean and takes another swig.
“You think that’s normal?” I ask him. “It doesn’t make you feel weird that your cousin wants to marry your sister?”
“It makes me feel weird, okay?” He nearly laughs, but it’s that angry kind of laugh, like he can’t figure out what emotion to rely on. The thought drives him crazy. I can tell. “It makes me angrier than all hell. But what am I supposed to do? Kill the guy? He’s my cousin and he’s the Don of the family. I’d be dead in an instant.”
“You people and your loyalties,” I laugh. “Who gives a fuck? I thought you were a man. Stand up for what you think is right.”
“It’s not that easy,” he sighs. “I don’t want to end up like you. I don’t want to die.”
“Then get out. Now,” I say. “Get out while you can, dammit.”
“I didn’t come to kill you or to aim a gun at you,” he says after some silent seconds. “I told you what I needed to say. I just hope you can honor that. Nevertheless, I won’t come after you. I won’t tell them where you are either, not that it was hard to find.”
“Giovanni,” I bite my tongue. “I told Bianca I wouldn’t go after Ricky. I guess I have to respect her wishes, huh?”
“If you love my sister, you’ll do what she says,” he tells it to me straight. “She’s someone who really likes honesty.”
“I do love her,” I admit. Fuck. I do love her? Well, I guess I do. I would fight to the ends of the earth for her. Is that love? She gives me that feeling, and I’m not talking about that feeling that makes my cock jump. Although, she does that too. Shit, she gives me all the feelings and now I’m
being told to stay away? “How the fuck am I supposed to leave that woman alone?”
“They’ll get you one way or another,” he says. “You know it as much as I do. Ricky’s got all those men at his disposal.”
“Ricky doesn’t have shit,” I snap. “I killed all the heads of the other four families. I could bring down yours in a second.”
“Ricky’s different,” he reasons. “He’s a loose cannon. He’s a paranoid son of a bitch too. For some reason, that’s always helped him in the long run.”
“It can’t last forever,” I tell him, but I know he’s right. My luck has been good so far, but I’m getting tired and soft. It won’t be long before they track me down and throw me into my grave, just like they did with my parents. “Shit. Maybe you’re right.”
“You know I’m right.” He stands up and faces me. Now he’s actually behaving like a man and I have a small ounce of respect for the guy. “Disappear. She’ll be gone in a few days anyway.”
“Her heart will be broken,” I say, looking off into the distance. I don’t want to do this. I don’t want this at all.
“She’s survived worse,” he says. “You were a fun summer fling. She’ll spend a few months crying and then you’ll be a fond memory she can look back on.”
Just a fragment of a memory. That’s all I’ll ever be, isn’t it? Man, life gets heavy sometimes, doesn’t it? Everyone always told me love meant sacrifice. I just didn’t realize it meant giving up the chance to be with that person. If it means her being happy in the long term, I have to oblige.
“Fine,” I whisper. “I’ll do it. Just give me a day or two. I need to see her one last time. I need to send myself off on a good note.”
“That’s acceptable,” he says. “Just do it. Don’t be selfish. Think of Bianca.”
“I always do,” I say.
It’s not long before he leaves me to myself. He pats me on the back and suddenly, he’s gone. I walk through the streets and it’s an hour or two before I stop on a lonely corner and sit on the bench.
“Got some change, mister?” a homeless man asks me, shaking a can slowly. He’s all wired up, protected from the night. I throw a hundred-dollar bill into the can and he steps away in shock.
“Jesus, mister. Are you sure?” he smiles, revealing a lone tooth.
“Sure?” I ask him. “How can I be sure these days?”
“Well, I don’t know,” he sighs. “I suppose you’re right.”
“No, I’m not,” I say, looking at the cars speeding by us. He doesn’t realize just how much better off he is. He’ll at least have 20 more years out here. As for me, well, I’ll have maybe 20 more hours. And then comes my sentence. “I was never right, never good, and definitely never a noteworthy individual. You have a good night. Buy lots of booze and food. Have a feast. Go on. Go.”
“I won’t forget this!” he says, nearly skipping away. The money will last him until tomorrow and then he’ll be right back where he is.
Shit, now I’m feeling manically depressed. I pick my body up and slowly walk toward Bianca’s house. And when I get there, all I can do is watch.
I was lucky to have met her. That’s what I have to tell myself. It’s the kind of thing that weak people say when they’ve given up and decide to take a new path. There’s no new path for me to take, only the short road to my death. I’ll open that door, walk in and find my true glory. I hope they give me a new life. I’d rather that then end up in Hell. Worse, I could end up in Heaven with everyone I’ve killed.
If they give me a new life, they better make me a nice guy. They better give me a generous set of parents who look at me like a ray of sunshine. They better give me a good education and a whole lot of hope as foundation for me to do more than what I did here. I hope I don’t waste it. I hope everything ends up going well for me next time.
I fall asleep in a bush outside Bianca’s window and when I wake up, I’m looking like a mess.
“Hunter?” her voice says to me, soft and sweet. “You look like shit.” Okay, that’s not as soft and sweet as I thought, but she’s looking as beautiful as ever. I’m going to miss her, dammit. I’m going to miss the idea of waking up to that gorgeous smile.
Fuck it. I’m proud to have met her. “Hey there, darling. You’re looking as sweet as pie.”
180
Bianca
“I look as sweet as pie?” I laugh. “Damn. I sound pretty delicious.”
He picks the leaves out of his hair and smiles his goofy smile. “You are, baby. You’ve got the sweetest pussy in all of Detroit.”
I blush and help him up. “What about San Francisco?” I ask him.
“You’re the second sweetest in San Francisco. There’s a woman named Kayla who’s sweeter,” he smiles, clearly joking with me. He kisses my cheek and I playfully slap his arm.
“Damn you, Hunter,” I laugh. “What are you doing outside my house anyway? Are you trying to get yourself killed?”
“Sort of,” he sighs, looking around. The coast is clear for now. In fact, the neighborhood is oddly dead. Still, I walk him around to the side door and we go in quickly.
“I wanted to have a good day with you,” he says. “It’s almost time for you to go home and I’m going to honor that. For now, I want to take you somewhere.”
“Where?” I smile. He’s been so damn sweet lately. When he mentions me going home, that sinking feeling appears in my stomach, as if I’m going to be sick. The thought of leaving him is not something I want to think about now. However, I have to face the facts. I have to go back home.
Maybe, I think to myself, he can come with. Maybe I can sneak him in my trunk. They’ll never think to look on the west coast for him. As for a job, he can find something temporary that works. I could eventually earn double what he could ever make. I could be the breadwinning lawyer. It’s not a pipe dream, right? It’s doable.
“The old drive-in theater,” he says. “You know the one?”
“That place? I haven’t been there since I was a kid,” I say. “It’s not running anymore, is it?”
“No, it’s not,” he smiles. “I thought we could hang out there tonight.”
“That sounds fun. Alright, I’m in,” I tell him. Any excuse to be with Hunter tonight is a good one. I’m feeling very connected to him lately. So connected that I’m starting to doubt I can get on without him. I mean, is it that weird that I’ve fallen for him? My heart pounds at the thought of feeling his warmth every day. I gulp down and say “Come back here at seven? I have to help my dad clean up the scraps in the yard.”
“Sure thing, sweetheart,” he kisses me on the cheek and squeezes my hand. “See you then.”
The hours pass and the sun shines overhead. Dad throws his arm around my shoulder. “It’s a small job. Won’t take more than a few hours.”
“I don’t mind,” I say. “It’s my last day. I don’t have any plans until tonight.”
He gives me the rake and I start collecting the twigs and any other loose rubbish. “Are you going out with Teresa tonight?” he asks. “That could be fun, but I want you to be careful. Things are weird in this city now. I think Ricky’s made a lot of enemies and, well, you know how these people are. You never know when another one of these goons tries to prove himself by hurting one of Ricky’s relatives.”
“I’ll be fine, Dad,” I smile, trying to put him at ease. He’s always been so worried about my safety here. It’s for good reason, obviously. Being with Hunter makes me more of a target than ever. It doesn’t scare me, though. He could take out a whole gang of people. He’s my man.
Wait, did I really just say that? Did I really just call him “my man?” It’s getting serious, I guess. My need for him is growing. Fuck it. Why am I denying myself that feeling? I have to give in to it. I want to scream it to everyone I see. I want to tell my dad that I’ve found the love of my life and that we’re moving in together. I don’t care how crazy I sound. It’s how I feel, dammit.
“Just be careful is all I’m sayi
ng,” he smiles gently.
“It’s good, now that Giovanni is back, right?” I ask him, turning the twigs and leaves into a small pile. He sets his ladder against the roof and climbs up to collect whatever debris has gotten into the drain.
“Yeah, I suppose it is,” he sighs, clearly stressed about it. “But he keeps leaving in the middle of the night. Where the hell is that man going off to? I have half a mind to kick him out of the house.”
“I hope he’ll realize how stupid he’s being. I hope he’ll grow up,” I say. My dad doesn’t respond and I realize I’ve struck a chord.
After a few minutes of working, he turns to me. “Who were you talking to this morning?”
I smile and feel the butterflies flapping away against my stomach. I feel so happy when I think about Hunter that it kind of makes me sick. “No one,” I laugh.
He stops working and smiles back. “A boy?”
“A man,” I say. “No one important.”
“I knew it,” he shakes his head. “I knew you’ve fallen for someone out here. What’s his name?”
Oh God, my dad is behaving like I’m in high school or something. Do I really have to give out every detail of my personal life? I can only imagine his expression if I said his name aloud. Yes, dad, I’m dating a well-known killer and gangster. Oh and I’m fantasizing about running away with him! No, thanks.
“Come on, dad,” I sigh. “He’s just some guy. A summer fling. It’s nothing serious. I’ve got school to think about.”
“You know, you could always transfer and take classes out here,” he says. “Think how great that would be. We could be a family again.”
“We’re a family now though,” I laugh. “You act as if me going off to college is my death sentence.”
“No, it’s not like that,” he sighs. “It’s just that I miss my daughter. I miss how it used to be is all. I’ll get over it.”
“Dad…” I choke up. It’s hard to hear these kinds of things from the person who gave me everything. He raised me and now he’s slowly ending up alone. It’s no wonder he won’t kick Giovanni out of the house. If he did, the place would be empty and desolate.