by Sara Martin
So, she was doing scholarship exams as well? Lana’s intelligence and work ethic never ceased to amaze me. I wished her luck. Even though she didn’t need it.
When Lana’s exams were finally over, we met at a local pizza restaurant. She hopped down from a bar stool and gave me a hug.
“It’s over, Ivy. We’ve done it!”
“We have, haven’t we? It feels surreal.”
“In a way it’s kind of sad. We’ll never get to experience high school again.”
“That’s true. It’s a weird feeling.”
“I’ll kind of miss it.”
“Me too.”
I had enjoyed my high school experience. I would miss Anna’s cheery face from behind the issues desk in the library and Mr. Donaldson’s infectious passion for English literature. Then there was Miss April. I would never forget her kindness when she took me to see Lana at the hospital. It had only been a day since I left, and I was already reminiscing and feeling sentimental.
“Hey, we have the rest of our lives to look forward to now. Who knows what the future will bring?” Lana said, eyes shining and a determined look on her face.
“You’re right.” Time to stop dwelling on the past. I had everything to look forward to now.
Lana’s stomach rumbled. “I’m starving. Let’s order.”
We ordered cocktails and a large Margherita pizza to share.
“It’s been a while since we last caught up properly,” I said.
Lana nodded. “Too long. I have news.”
“Me too. You first!”
“I’ve been accepted for two more scholarships.”
“Really? That’s amazing.”
“One will cover my textbook costs. The other one will help with my living expenses.”
“So, you’re pretty much covered now?”
“Yep, just about.”
Lana was absolutely killing this scholarship thing. She had worked so hard, though, I knew she deserved it.
“And you?”
My news seemed less exciting, but I told her anyway. “I’ve figured out what to do next year.”
“Oh, yeah?”
“I’m going to work at my grandparents’ lodge while concentrating on my writing in my spare time. I’ve decided to write a novel.”
“Wow, that’s so cool!”
“Yeah. I love it there, and the surroundings are so beautiful and inspiring.”
“The perfect setting for an aspiring novelist.”
I nodded. “Hopefully I’ll be inspired to write something great.”
“I knew you’d figure something out. I’ll visit you when I can.”
“Thanks, Lana.”
The pizza arrived. I grabbed a piping-hot slice and devoured it. Lana followed suit.
“How’s it going with Julian?” Lana asked when she had finished her mouthful.
“It’s so wonderful. I haven’t seen him for a while, though. I wanted to concentrate on my exams. But he’s leaving on the second of December.”
“The second? That’s two days away!”
“What?”
Oh God no. I checked the date on my phone. My heart sunk.
“You’re right! This is terrible. I totally lost track of the time.” The thought of him leaving so soon was gut-wrenching. I felt sick to my stomach.
“You’re white. Are you okay?”
No, I’m not okay. Julian was leaving, and I was completely unprepared.
“I’m just upset he’s leaving so soon.”
“You’ve known about this for a long time, Ivy.”
“I must have blocked it out of my mind.”
“Weren’t you okay about this?”
“I thought I was. But I guess I’m not.” It had been so easy not to think about it, but the reality was sinking in. Very soon, I might never see Julian again. I felt numb.
“Why don’t you call him now and see what he’s up to?”
Just the thought of hearing his voice again perked me up. I called him straight away. My heart beat faster with every ring, willing him to pick up. The ringing stopped.
“You have reached the mailbox of—"
I sighed, hanging up. “He’s not answering.”
“So, send him a message.”
I typed a text message. You’re leaving soon. When can we see each other again?
“Another piña colada, please,” Lana said to the bartender. “That will make you feel better.”
“Thanks.”
My appetite had completely disappeared. All I could think about was Julian’s impending departure. I finally understood why he had been so weary about us getting together. My feelings for him had grown stronger, and now I didn’t want him to leave.
“I don’t think I can do this, Lana.”
“What do you mean?”
“I want more than this. I want Julian and I to be a couple.”
“Oh, Ivy,” Lana said, eyebrows knitted together in concern. “I think it’s too late for that.”
“I know. And this is what I agreed to with Julian.”
The bartender placed the drink in front of me.
“I’m being silly, aren’t I?” I swirled the straw in my glass.
“No, you’re not. It’s only natural you would feel this way.”
A ringtone sounded, and I desperately scrambled for my phone.
“Uh, it’s mine,” Lana said.
I sipped my drink while she talked on the phone. She sounded annoyed. “What was that about?” I asked.
“It was my mum. She wants me to come home. Even though school’s over, she’s still really strict about how long I can stay out.”
“She’s just worried about you.”
“I know.” She sighed. “I have to go now. Mum will be outside any minute to pick me up. Do you want a ride home?”
“I’ll walk.”
“Will you be okay?”
I put on a brave face and nodded.
“Good. You’ll get through this.” She smiled reassuringly and gave me a hug before she left.
Alone at the bar, I took my time finishing my drink while deeply absorbed in my thoughts. I checked my phone periodically. Nothing.
“Would you like another drink?” the bartender asked when I had finished.
“No, thank you,” I replied.
A large, loud group arrived, destroying my peace. That was my cue to leave. I walked the short distance home. When I arrived, I showered and changed into pyjamas. I stayed up for a while, listening to music to drown out my incessant thoughts. Eventually, my mind quietened down. I turned the lights off and went to bed.
I was on the cusp of drifting to sleep when my room lit up. Through bleary eyes, I searched for the light source. It was my phone screen. Suddenly alert, I reached for it. One new message from Julian.
Are you home?
Yes, I replied.
I’m coming over.
I panicked. Although I desperately wanted to see him, he couldn’t come over now. I quickly messaged him back.
My parents will freak if you turn up this late.
Don’t worry. Turn a light on and open your curtains.
What exactly was he planning? I did as he said, my room filling with soft lamplight. I paced anxiously. The window rattled, startling me, but it was only the wind. I curled up on my bed, phone beside me, waiting.
Finally, a new message came.
I’m here.
I went to the window. Julian stood in the garden outside my room, moonlight and shadow on his skin. He looked like a beautiful apparition, tall and heartachingly handsome. I was so relieved to see him.
He breathed on the glass and wrote “Hi” in the mist.
I opened the window. Cool night air flooded my room. “What are you doing?” I whispered.
“I had to see you,” he said softly.
Not wanting to leave him standing there, I pushed the window open as far as it could go. “Come in. Don’t make any noise.”
Julian obliged, quietly climbing
in. He stood in my room, towering over me and eyes boring into me. I stared back, mesmerised.
“Is this a dream?” I asked.
Julian hushed me with his lips. His mouth was warm and welcoming. I pulled him closer, holding him tightly against me. We kissed deeply, completely in sync with each other. My whole body felt weak. I relented to his touch as his hands explored me. I trembled, not from nerves, but from anticipation. My thoughts were a blur, except for an overpowering desire for him.
A noise in the hallway startled us, and we broke away. I tried to catch my breath as we stood in stunned silence. The moment had passed and reason caught up with me. He couldn’t stay. I didn’t want to do anything I might later regret. Not to mention what would happen if we got caught.
“You better go,” I whispered.
Julian nodded, understanding.
“Will I see you again?”
“Come over tomorrow.”
After one last kiss on the cheek, he left out of the window, disappearing back into the night. I fell to my bed with a sigh.
37
I had never been to Julian’s house before. When I pulled up outside, I double checked the address on my phone. 34 Evelyn Road.
This is it. The small townhouse’s exterior was weathered, and the front garden slightly overgrown. I pressed the doorbell and waited. Finally, the door creaked open.
“Hey,” Julian said. He leaned against the door frame in his white t-shirt, hair damp as if he had just gotten out of the shower. He ran a hand through it.
Seeing him caused me to flash back to our encounter the previous night. Heat rose to my cheeks. I bit my lip.
“Hey.”
A hint of a smile crossed his face. He stood aside. “Come in.”
Julian’s luggage lined the hallway. A stark reminder he would be gone soon. I brushed the thought aside.
“I’m glad you’re here. I’m all packed and ready to go. Priscilla is taking me to the airport first thing tomorrow.”
He led me through the house. Its sunny yellow walls and eclectic furnishings charmed me.
“Your house is so cool.”
“Thanks. It’s going to be sad to leave it.”
“What’s going to happen to the house?”
“It’s going to be put on the market. Priscilla will take care of all that. There’s still a lot of packing that needs to be done.”
My eyes were drawn to the pictures on the wall. Photographs of Julian’s family.
“I bet you have a lot of memories here.”
“Yeah.”
I took a closer look at a picture of three boys, all with dark features and mischievous grins. “Is that you and your brothers?”
“Yes.”
“So cute. Which one is you?”
He pointed to the boy in the middle, who was curly haired and poking his tongue out slightly.
“Adorable!”
Julian took the photo down. “I better take this. My parents will want to keep it.”
We moved on to the kitchen. It had open shelves full of mismatched vintage dishes and utensils.
“There isn’t much food or drink left in the fridge, but I can get you a glass of water if you want,” Julian said.
“Yes, please.”
He filled a glass from the tap and dropped two ice cubes in.
“Thanks.” I drank it down quickly. I must have been parched.
From the dining room, a sliding door opened onto a sun-soaked veranda dotted with plants in ceramic pots. We walked outside. I leaned against the railing and looked out over the unkempt backyard. Julian stood behind me.
“About last night…” he began, a note of uncertainty in his voice.
I smiled, thinking back to that beautiful, dream-like moment in my room. “It was perfect.”
“I had been out with my co-workers from Lucky Books, and I didn’t see your message until I got home. I was desperate to see you.”
“It was a relief to see you. I missed you so much.”
“Me too.” He hugged me from behind and kissed me on the head.
The sunlight dimmed as the sky filled with clouds. We went back inside just as it started to rain. I followed Julian down the hallway to a bedroom.
“Is this your room?” I asked.
“Yeah.”
The large room was empty—apart from a bed, bare bookshelves, and boxes packed with all his belongings. I sat on the edge of his bed.
“So, do you know what your room in Florence will be like?”
Julian nodded. “I’ve seen a few photos. It’s nice, but it’s going to be tiny compared to this.”
“You’ll be spending most of your time in Barsetti’s studio anyway.”
“You’re right.” He sighed. He shuffled closer towards me and draped his arm around my back.
I leaned against his shoulder and listened to the muffled sound of his beating heart. “I wish we could stay like this.”
Julian murmured in agreement. He stroked my hair, entwining his fingers in it.
I looked up at him, taking every exquisite detail in as if to try to burn his image into my brain. His dark, tousled hair, sparkling green eyes and strong jawline. I ran my hand down his chest. He let out a sigh and pulled me closer, burying his face in my hair, his arms around me. Next thing I knew, his lips were on mine. He kissed me as if his life depended on it, pressing me down onto my back, his body against mine.
All I could think about was him leaving. The cold feeling washed over me and wouldn’t subside, no matter how many kisses he showered me with.
I can’t do this. “Julian,” I said breathlessly, pushing him away.
“What’s wrong?”
I began to cry. I couldn’t help it. “You’re leaving,” I sobbed.
Julian cradled me to his chest. “It’s going to be okay.”
I shook my head. “This might be the last time I see you. Ever.”
“Don’t say that.”
“It’s true.”
“We’ll see each other again.”
“Are you sure?”
Julian nodded. “We can visit each other.”
“Really?”
“You’re welcome any time.”
A small consolation, but I knew in my heart it wasn’t enough.
“Let’s just enjoy these last few moments together.” He stroked my hair, calming me.
We lay side by side. I rolled over and lay my head on his warm chest. I tried my best to block out all thoughts of the future and to just enjoy this moment with him.
We spent the rest of the day in each other’s arms—chatting, laughing, kissing, and trying to keep my mind from his impending departure.
A lump formed in my throat when it was time to leave. Part of me wanted to stay longer, but I knew dragging it out wouldn’t do any good. Julian walked me to the door.
“So, this is it,” he said.
I didn’t move. I didn’t speak. He opened the door and sunlight seeped through the crack.
“Wait!” I grasped at his shirt, panicked. “I can’t do this.”
He stopped. The colour drained from his face.
“I don’t want this.”
“What do you mean?”
I couldn’t keep it in any longer. The truth had to come out. “I want to be with you.”
Julian stepped back, completely thrown off-guard. “You know that’s not possible.” His voice wavered.
“Tell me why. I don’t understand.”
“You’ll be here. I’ll be in Florence. Our lives are going in completely different directions.”
“Can’t we try to make it work?” I spluttered. “Plenty of people are in long-distance relationships.”
Julian seemed to consider this for a moment. My heart sank when his expression settled into a pained grimace.
“It’s not an option,” he said solemnly.
So, this is how he truly feels… There’s nothing else I can do. It took all my effort not to break down.
Julian was visibly
upset. He blinked back his tears. “I’m sorry, Ivy.”
I forced myself to put on a smile. “Let me know when you get there safe and sound.”
“I will.”
I stood on the doorstep expectantly.
“Goodbye, Ivy.”
“Goodbye.” I swallowed, my throat dry. Not even an offer of a goodbye hug.
I turned and walked back to the car, glancing over my shoulder. He stood on the doorstep, giving me a final wave goodbye. Then the door closed and it was as if I had lost him forever. I got in the car. I barely kept myself together as I drove.
So, this is what a broken heart feels like. Soon, Julian would be halfway around the world.
I didn’t go straight home, instead I drove out of town until the houses became fields. Up a nearby hill, I parked at a deserted spot. I got out of the car. Standing on the edge of the hill, I screamed into the air until my voice turned hoarse. Hot tears stung my cheeks. I let it all out. A trembling, aching mess, I got back into the car and silently drove home.
Mum saw me when I opened the front door. “Are you all right?” she asked.
I opened my mouth to reply, but no words came out. Instead, I broke down into tears. “He’s gone,” I sobbed.
Mum didn’t say anything, she just held me in her arms and led me inside.
38
I woke to the warm glow of sunlight enveloping me. I yawned and stretched, overcome by a momentary feeling of bliss. Then, everything rushed back to me, leaving a dull ache in my heart. Julian would be on the plane by now. The thought made my stomach knot. It took everything I had to drag my heavy body out of bed. I made toast for breakfast but found I didn’t have the stomach for it and tossed it in the bin.
I checked my phone, yearning to see a message from Julian. Instead, I was surprised to see one from Anna.
Check out today’s Flagstaff! :)
I was immediately curious and went to find the newspaper. Its usual resting place, the coffee table, was bare. I decided to ask Dad, who was sitting in front of the computer.
“Do we have today’s Flagstaff?”
“Since when do you read the newspaper?” he asked, amused.
“Since now.”
He smirked. “I don’t have it. Ask your mother.”
I found Mum sitting in the living room, cup of tea in hand.