Angelina entered. “I think I’ll do the same.” She pulled her fancy overnight case from beside the folded up cot and carried it into the bathroom.
Rick leaned against the counter, downed one water and started a second. Angelina returned wearing clean clothes and got herself a water.
She twisted the cap. “No music playing?”
“Didn’t figure it a good idea through the night. The birth was enough disruption for the horses.”
“What time is it?”
He squinted at the tiny clock in the corner. “2:30? No, 3:30.”
“It’s 4:30 in the afternoon in Japan. Nicholas should be landing there any minute.”
“He’s gone again?”
“No. He never came home. Went straight from Seattle to Tokyo.”
“Does he speak Japanese?”
She laughed. “Right now I feel like I’m speaking Japanese.” She ran a hand through and down her long hair.
“Get your plumbing issues worked out?”
“Plumbing’s done. New flooring’s being shipped in on Monday. How much you want to bet, when Nicholas finally comes home he won’t even notice the changes.”
Rick wasn’t sure what she meant.
“He doesn’t care about the house. Doesn’t even see it, really. Doesn’t see me either. I’m very easy to leave.”
“I’m sure that’s not true.”
“I guess some people just aren’t cut out to be married and settle down. They’re restless. Goals take them other places, you know? Every woman wants a man who loves them the way you love Julie. I thought Nicholas loved me like that, but he doesn’t.”
She started to weep. Clearly embarrassed, she put both hands over her face and sobbed.
“He used to tell me I was beautiful. He used to say I was the most important thing in his world.”
“You’re certainly beautiful,” Rick said and squeezed her shoulder. “Hey. I’m sure Nicholas loves you, he just—”
“Forgets me. Doesn’t need me. Doesn’t want me.” She looked up at him, at his mouth. “Do you?”
Their gazes locked, and he saw the yearning and invitation in her eyes. He shook his head and stepped away.
Julie had been right.
“I shouldn’t have reached for you that way. I’m sorry,” she said behind his back.
“Apology accepted.”
And he hoped, he sincerely hoped, his would be accepted elsewhere.
“You won’t have any more trouble from me. I’ll move Godiva and the colts as soon as I can.”
Rick wiped a hand across his mouth and turned to her.
“You don’t have to move your horses. Just hear me when I tell you, no one can fix your marriage but you. And God. When Nicholas comes home you should tell him he’s hurting you. Take it from me, for whatever reason, he might not even know.”
She looked at the floor. “You’re probably right.”
He left the barn.
The horses whinnied, about the new colts, about the disturbances in the barn that night. Cicadas screamed, their shrieks followed him as he jogged to the back door and entered through the mud room. He shucked his work boots, filthy socks, and jeans, trotted on bare feet to their bedroom.
He caught Julie fresh from her shower, wrapped in a towel and standing at the vanity performing her nightly skincare rituals.
He hugged her. Fast and hard, then held her at arm’s length, looking straight into her eyes.
“When I got here I was still a mess, so I left my filthy pants and shoes in the mud room. I didn’t want to track through the house this time of night.”
“Thanks for that.”
“I did change shirts after you left. Alone. In the bathroom. I changed alone.”
“Okay.” Her eyebrows rose.
“Look. You were right about Angelina. You were right. I was wrong. And I’m sorry.” He shook his head. “Some leader I am.”
She didn’t yell at him. She didn’t hiss a rebuke. She didn’t even give him a look that labeled him a failure.
“You said you were wrong.” She was smiling. The most gentle, thankful smile he could ever imagine. With so much love and gratitude in her eyes it knocked him back a step. “You said you were wrong. And you’re sorry.”
“Yeah. And?”
“And that’s the best kind of leader I could ever have.”
He took her in his arms. Buried his face in her hair and breathed in her scent.
“I love you,” he said. “I love how you smell, how you look, I love that we’re figuring out how to talk to each other and will grow old together.”
“I’m giving up my dream, Rick.” She wrapped her arms around him. “I won’t leave you, and I can’t live not being able to tell you I love you or apologize when I need to.”
She drew back and looked in his eyes. “I love you. I’ll never reject you again. I’m proud to be your wife, Rick. Your wife.”
She kissed his throat.
“Your friend.”
She kissed his jaw.
“And your lover.”
She kissed his lips.
She. Kissed. Him.
And kept kissing him.
He kissed her back. And kissed her and kissed her and kissed her.
EPILOGUE
Nine months later
The Barn Church was packed. Most churches were on Easter Sunday.
Julie had never been more nervous in her life. What if the pianist started too early? What if the choir missed their cue?
As Pastor Pierce Crane neared the close of his sermon—she recognized the ending from rehearsals—Rick leaned over to whisper in her ear. “Everything’s gonna be okay.”
“I know. I know. I just have to survive the next ten minutes.”
Her whole family was lined up down the pew. Rick, Julie, Ben, Sean, her mother, and Rachel on the center aisle. Trudey had run with the Easter theme—fuchsia body suit, cobalt blue heels, and a wide-brimmed hat so big Julie knew neither Clyde nor Millie Newman sitting behind them could see a blessed thing. Thankfully, they didn’t seem to care, and Julie knew it wouldn’t matter anyway in about two more minutes.
Pastor Crane gave his final words. Then, “Please remain seated,” he said, giving the cue for the final song of the service.
Julie took a deep breath and—
Rachel stood. She opened her mouth and with heartbreaking depth sang the first verse a capella.
“If I had watched You die that day ...”
Clear and strong, every note true.
She continued at the chorus, the piano joining her.
“If I had been at Calvary ...”
Her intonation was perfect. Her tone, exquisite. Julie knew when she wrote the song, that Rachel’s voice would make it soar.
All these years, her mother had never once attended church to hear her sing. That Trudey would make the effort, would make the trip to hear Rachel, gave Julie hope that one day she and her mother might actually connect.
Rachel stepped into the aisle as she reached the second chorus. The choir on stage rose and joined in. Their voices mixed and blended, built and rose until the crowd was on its feet and clapping so loudly, Julie expected the church rafters to sway in gospel rhythm.
Her daughter could sing.
In a heartbeat the song was over. The crowd broke into applause, some for Rachel, Julie knew, but mostly for God because the message of the song—the Cross, Jesus’ sacrifice, His unswerving determination to do exactly what God wanted Him to do—compelled listeners to see that kind of love and welcome it. Wrap it up with both arms and never let go.
Joy and celebration echoed through the room as Pastor Crane dismissed them. Julie received many hugs and accolades. But her focus was on Rachel, on the way her daughter’s face had glowed with bliss while she sang.
Her mother came close. “You know, she might have a chance at a career. That must be hard, seeing such talent from her after how hard you tried.”
Julie didn’t let the stab go deep.
“She is great, Mama.”
“She’s lost weight, hasn’t she? Must’ve been leftover baby fat. Are you still drinking those pineapple smoothies?”
“Sometimes.” Still she was content with her size. She’d never be petite, her hair would never be silky smooth, but as long as she could fit in Rick’s arms, well, that’s pretty much all she needed.
“Sorry I can’t stay longer, but, well, you know.”
“Yes, Mama, I do.” She knew her mother had taken the quick turn around flight to maintain her frequent flyer miles as much as to hear Rachel’s soloist debut.
“I left a package in the back of your truck. It’s for Rachel—don’t worry, it’s not something that will melt—and there’s a little something for you. That won’t melt either.” She adjusted her push-up bra straps as Mr. Newman passed by. “Well, I gotta go. Rental car’s gotta go back before I catch my flight.”
Julie’s family of five made it home. As they ate they shared stories of Sean’s continued artillery training, of Ben’s newest birdhouse design, of Rachel’s upcoming part in the high school’s spring musical. On the bar, Rachel’s pet painted turtle, Opus I, munched on an apple slice in his terrarium.
Later that evening, Julie found Rick in the indoor arena. His country music flowed through the speakers as he leveled new sand he’d had delivered yesterday.
“It’s okay to take a day off now and then,” she said.
“This kind of work relaxes me. You know that.”
“Yes, I do. And I’d rather be near you than away from you, so ...” She left him and found another rake.
They worked side by side, smoothing the ground.
“You wrote a beautiful song, Julie. With Rachel’s voice—man. ’Bout made me cry between it being your words and my baby girl’s voice.”
“Rachel doesn’t know it, but they made a recording for me. For her. I thought we could give one to Carmine. See if he thinks it’s good enough to send to Thaddeus Bartell.”
“We should let her decide if she wants to send it.”
“You’re right,” she said. “Feel like dancing with me instead of that rake?”
He flung the rake aside. She did the same, stepped into his arms, kissed him and laughed.
“What did your mom give you?”
“If you can believe it, a picture of my dad.”
“You’ve wanted that for a long time.”
“Yes, I have.” She paused as they danced. “I’ve got four new vocal clients starting lessons next week. Might not be able to help you as much as I have been.”
“Guess that’ll require some really good communication on our part. We might have to spend lots of time together talking and ...” He nibbled her ear.
“We don’t get much talking done when you do that.”
He pulled back. “Problem?”
“No,” Julie said, and meant it. “No problem at all. I even like this song.”
They swayed together to Alison Krauss’ “When You Say Nothing At All.”
DISCUSSION QUESTIONS FOR
STICKS AND STONES
1. In the opening of the story, we see Julie and Rick as a couple, as parents, and as individuals. How would you describe the condition of their marriage? Do they appear to be of one mind regarding their children? Every marriage is made of two individuals. Discuss how a marriage can be affected when one spouse is living his/her dream, while the other waits for his/her opportunity. Have you ever had to put a dream or aspiration aside for your family? What benefits or negative results did you see in your marriage?
2. Rick has known of Julie’s professional dreams since before they married. What is his opinion of how Julie’s mother handled her daughter’s opportunities? Do you think Rick should have done anything before now to help Julie realize her dream? Why, or why not?
3. Julie’s third pregnancy was unplanned. Discuss how an unexpected event/blessing can have both a positive and a negative impact on a marriage. Has there been a “surprise” (a child, opportunity or other change) in your marriage? Do you and your mate have the same view of that surprise? What effects did it have on you? On your mate? What challenges did that surprise bring to your marriage?
4. The birth of their special needs child created a dynamic in Rick and Julie’s marriage neither expected as they survived the initial crisis of keeping Ben alive. What stresses did Julie experience from Ben’s special needs? How did she respond to that stress? What stresses did Rick experience? How did he respond to that stress? Discuss how coping with stress can create unhealthy habits in a marriage. What stresses have caused unhealthy habits in your marriage? What are those unhealthy habits? Do you identify more with Rick or Julie in regard to habits and coping mechanisms?
5. By the day of Julie’s accident, communication between Julie and Rick is unhealthy—full of offensive and defensive comments. What parts of their conversation show their pain and frustration? Could either of them have said anything to the other to diffuse that conflict? Why, or why not? If one of them had tried to diffuse the conflict, do you think the other would have received the gesture as it was intended? Why, or why not? In marriage, we don’t always recognize negative pre-judgments we make about our spouse based on past experience and behavior—how we expect our mate to behave. At this point, what negative judgments (expectations based on pattern) do you think Rick and Julie have about each other? Discuss any negative judgments you have about your spouse, or vice versa.
6. While in recovery, Julie’s nurse mentions hearing Julie sing in church, as well as seeing her family sitting together during service. Discuss how our perceptions of others, especially those who attend church, might not be based in reality. Do you think Rick or Julie would have spoken up in a Sunday School class or small group meeting regarding the state of their marriage, if they’d been asked? Why, or why not? What might you say to Julie and Rick, if you had the chance to counsel them about their marriage? Discuss how we sometimes deprive ourselves of the help and support we need by not sharing our needs with trustworthy believers.
7. Consider Rick’s feelings right after Julie’s accident. Discuss how it is possible to love your spouse, yet not like a particular aspect of your relationship. While Julie is in the hospital, we see more of the issues in her marriage. Which of Julie’s actions appear to be based in anger but are really based in fear? What actions do you have such as: anger, impatience, indifference, sarcasm, resentment or even blaming others, which are based in fear? How are those actions affecting your marriage? Do you know the source of your fear? Can you name/articulate your fear? (e.g., fear of failure, rejection, discovery, etc.)
8. What is Julie’s biggest fear? Why? Julie begs God to heal her voice. Soon she learns that the cord paralysis was a gift and helped reveal a serious problem with her voice. Discuss how we are sometimes quick to ask God to remove or fix a symptom of a problem without knowing the root of the problem.
9. Rick obviously loves Julie, yet for some time he has withheld from Julie the tender care he demonstrates in front of the hospital nurse. Discuss how Julie feels at the nurse’s comment “Wish I had one like that.” What do you think is worse: doing something you shouldn’t in marriage (e.g., Julie hurting her family with her words) or not doing something you should be doing (e.g., Rick not showing care for Julie on a regular basis before the accident)? When have you mirrored Julie and/or Rick’s behavior? What damage did that do to your marriage?
10. During the swallow test, Julie and Rick connect in a way they haven’t for a very long time. How can witnessing your spouse’s suffering or struggle help you have compassion for him/her? How can sharing your own suffering or struggle help you connect with your mate? If you are hesitant to acknowledge the first or do the second (above), why are you hesitant? What do you need from God to help you overcome this barrier in your marriage?
11. After Rick finds Julie crying in the bathroom and washes her hair, their relationship improves. What part of that improvement comes from Julie not being able to speak? What p
art comes from him taking care of her? In a marriage, it’s possible to create habits of reacting to our spouse, rather than acting on behalf of our marriage and faith. For example, he does that, so I respond with this—when neither action is righteous or yields positive results. So, our dysfunction feeds on itself. What behavior do you have that seems to provoke a negative response in your spouse, and vice versa? What behavior should you put in its place? What do you need from God to make that new habit?
12. Trudey’s presence helps us understand why Julie thinks, feels, and behaves the way she does. What thoughts, feelings, and behavior did Julie bring to the marriage because of her history with her mother? What thoughts, feelings, and behavior have you brought to your marriage because of your family history? Are they positive or negative? What impact have they had on your marriage? Discuss how even as believers, we can have behaviors we consider “normal” or understandable, which are rooted in our pre-marriage history.
13. As the story progresses, we learn that all three of Rick and Julie’s children have been affected by the condition of their parents’ marriage. How is Sean affected? Rachel? Ben? Discuss that Julie “ministers” to others with her voice on Sundays, yet that same voice and her words have become a source of pain to her family. Because of this state in their family, what possible reactions could her children have to attending church or participating in faith? Discuss how our children, grandchildren, and others we influence “learn” about faith and family as they observe a marriage.
14. Rick has a habit of running interference between Julie and Rachel, and it’s implied that he is a permissive parent with Rachel. Does Rick like being in this position? Who put him in that position? What would Rick need to do to stop this pattern? Discuss how sometimes to avoid an immediate conflict, we can mistakenly build toward a larger, more problematic conflict.
15. When Julie’s voice returns, Rick immediately braces himself against being berated. Can you understand his behavior? Julie seeks Laurie’s help when she senses Rick’s withdrawal. Discuss how we can have unseen faults and habits which hurt others, as Julie does. Should Rick have told Julie when she hurt him with her words? Why, or why not? Discuss how sometimes telling someone the truth might hurt that person’s feelings, but might avoid more pain for both in the future.
Sticks and Stones (The Barn Church Series) Page 29