Changing Tides

by K A Sands

  “I need to get going. Got shit to do.” Ayden’s hunched shoulders told me all I needed to know. Disappointment tainted the air for many reasons, not just that it was time to go.

  I scraped my chair across the tiled floor and got up from the table. Depositing my coffee cup and the remnants of breakfast at the kitchen sink, I paused with my back to the room, heaving in the last taste of freedom and safety I dared.

  Time’s up, Gripp.

  The next time I saw my sister and Ayden, things would be very different, for good or for bad. Here’s hoping I came out the other end in one piece.

  * * *

  Leaving the Loft was a sting in the tail. I hugged Sophie far tighter than I normally would yet couldn’t bring myself to get lost in the chaste kiss goodbye that Ayden offered. His whispered ‘be careful’ as he linked his fingers with mine, did not fall on deaf ears and almost had me retreating to the sanctuary his room offered.

  Almost - I’d achieve nothing burying my head in the sand.

  I was on the way to face the first of the many mistakes I’d made and was genuinely sorry for. Ryder was chirpy when I sullenly climbed into his truck half an hour later, his happy go lucky attitude grating on my nerves. I was just about to put my whole life on the line and he was chuckling about Sunday bloody drivers. The closer to Beaufort we got, the sicker I felt.

  “Tell me about your pick up this week. You normally do that kind of thing?”

  The change in conversation and his serious mood suited me fine. “Yeah. I rarely do the runs, but Charlie has me collecting, knows I don’t take the crap. I don’t often use my fists, don’t need to, usually got two or three other blokes with me. Charlie’s goons, thick as mince so they are, don’t think before they act.”

  “Charlie likes to keep time with dunces. No offence, but it makes him feel smarter. He doesn’t like his boys to have too much between the ears.”

  “Truth. He was surprised when I showed my hand with numbers. Took him a while to trust me with the books, years in fact.”

  “The drug books are coded? They’re the only ones you do. Right?”

  “Yup. No idea about the rest. Those ledgers are locked up in his office. The ones I do, he keeps elsewhere, just brings them in twice a month. Usually after the runs are done.”

  Ryder slapped my thigh and beamed at me. “That’s something at least.” I watched the sea come into view through the car window again and rested my head against the glass. “Hey, Lucca’s a good guy, Shaun. Don’t be worrying about him, you’ll be all right.”

  I didn’t bother answering; meeting Lucca wasn’t the only thing bringing me down. Besides, I hadn’t known the bitch was married at first. I should have stopped when I found out, when she’d shoved an envelope of cash at me the first time. But I’d liked how fucking dirty she was, and the amount of money she’d put in my pocket afterwards when she would buy an ounce of coke or whatever. That was a lot of cash to say goodbye to. Still, I should have known better but apparently, I am the master of poor choices. Stella, Lucca’s wife, had been one more to add to the ever-growing list.

  In no time at all, Ryder was driving up a long road and into a driveway of an old Victorian house. A big house, one I could only ever dream about owning. These guys were minted, yet somehow, they kept their feet on the ground. Yeah, it was a big house, but it didn’t scream money. Much like Ayden’s place. A little blue Scirocco was parked off to the side, not a new car by any means, and next to it was an understated Porsche.

  “Chill, man. He’s not gonna eat you for lunch.”

  I laughed sardonically, served me right if he took my head clean off. “He got a gun too?”

  Ryder shifted in the seat so he was turned and facing me, one arm draped over the steering wheel. “Listen, Shaun. Stella’s not in the picture anymore, this is more than her and Lucca. Don’t fucking hide from him or he will tear you down and I’ll stand right next to him while he does. The game changed last night when you came to see me, and you’re gonna figure that out soon enough.” I nodded my head at him, having no clue what on earth he was on about. “And stop fucking around with my sister. Forget you know her. I’m not stupid, I know what she’s like, all the shit she gets up to but do me a favour - forget her. Clean slate from here on out.”

  Of course, he knew. I needed to stop underestimating this bloke, he’d had the upper hand the entire time, the right cards to play, was always one step ahead.

  “Ugh...yeah...Chrissie and I have been done a while now.”

  “Come on,” he knocked his fist to my shoulder, “don’t know about you, but I need a coffee fix.”

  Ayden

  “What gives with you and my brother?”

  Climbing into the back seat of the car, Sophie grinned at me. She’d packed a small bag, saying she wanted to get the rest of her stuff next weekend, to collect everything she’d left. Every time she’d thought about it and made an effort to go over to Shaun’s, she’d ended up doing something else. I think she’d finally made up her mind the moving in was permanent, and there was no way any of us were letting her go back to where she came from.

  I squirmed in my seat as she scrutinised me from the back, lunging forward so her head was between both front seats. Any avoidance of the subject of her brother didn’t look like it was going to go down well. “What do you mean?”

  “You’re like chalk and cheese, yet together you look like you were meant for each other.” I simply stared at her. When had she seen that?

  Shoving the keys into the ignition, I started up the car. “What do you know?”

  Then was as good a time as any I supposed, to have this conversation. Jake wasn’t paying attention anyway, his face firmly stuck in his phone playing one of those stupid app games. Boy was an addict.

  “I see a little something in him when he’s around you. He seems calmer. Especially this morning.”

  Well duh, I knew why that was. Coming three or four times the night before would be enough to mellow anyone out. “Yeah?” I grinned, hoping I’d made him smile this morning, made his day a little easier, the same way he had for me. A lot of what got Shaun going was guess work but if Sophie had seen something, I was on the right track.

  “Don’t you see it?” she insisted.

  Sometimes I did. The gruff man I’d met at first had taken his time to thaw. I’d caught him lost in his own world a time or two, when a subtle smile would grace his face and I’d wonder what he was thinking about. It’d be gone almost as soon as it appeared, the small glimpse enough for me though.

  “You’re sleeping together,” Sophie stated the obvious.

  “Well, yeah. Neither one of us are monks.” Had I said too much? She had promised she’d be fine with the idea of me and Shaun, maybe she didn’t like it so much now that she’d seen it with her own eyes. I worried my lip between my teeth as I shifted the car into gear and concentrated on pulling out into the clear road. “What’s going on? You said you’d be cool.”

  “I am,” she replied immediately. “I mean, he’s my brother, I want him to be happy, but he has this whole other world he lives in. It’s not good. I don’t want you getting caught up in it, or him dragging you into it. I don’t want to see either of you hurt.” Her voice got quieter and she cast her eyes toward Jake. “Where can the pair of you go with this?” Sighing, she sat back in the seat and proceeded to buckle herself in.

  “Is your brother and Ayden together going to be awkward for you?” Jake ignored his phone and looked over at Sophie, half twisting in his seat.

  “Hell, no! It just gets complicated. If I’m your friend and he’s your boyfriend. If things go tits up...” she trailed off. Hearing the doubt come from her unsettled me.

  “It doesn’t need to be,” I assured. “Besides, we’re just screwing around.” The lie slipped out easily, even as Jake scrunched his nose. I wasn’t messing around with Shaun, and I didn’t think he was messing around with me either.

  “He needs someone. You might just be it. I’m not enough.
” I caught her face in the rear-view mirror and scowled until I saw the tears gathering at the corners of her eyes. Those big blues held a lifetime of sadness that I wanted to whisk away.

  “Oh, come on, Sophie. Of course, you are. Bloody hell, he’d do anything for you. Don’t let me hear that tripe come out your mouth again. You’re more than enough.” I said with a touch of anger.

  Jake had turned all the way around by then, regardless that I was driving at a fair speed. “Sophie...” he reached out his hand, grabbing for her fingers.

  “You misunderstand. Both of you! I can’t love him like that, the way you could. Differently.”

  Jake eyed me, a look I couldn’t decipher, one I wasn’t used to seeing on him. A distance had opened between us since Sophie’s declaration, since he’d gotten his head around the fact he was going to be having a baby with her. It wasn’t a humungous crack by any means, but it was a shift. How it played out, we’d have to see.

  Sophie was possibly right. I could be just what Shaun needed. Certainly, those deep-seated feelings had come thick and fast for him and were taking root, burrowing down. I couldn’t think on it right then.

  We continued to Beaufort in silence, Jake turned back around in his seat and Sophie with her earbuds in, presumably listening to whatever bit of smut she’d managed to find the audio version to. Me - I tried to swat away notions and ideas of Shaun and concentrate on the road. The last twenty-four hours had been overwhelming and sexy as fuck, leaving me confused. I wouldn’t see Shaun for some time, and I hoped he could straighten out whatever it was he needed to. Tendrils of fear snaked through me every time I dared to think of his safety.

  He’d come back to me - he said he would - I had to believe him.

  Shaun

  Trailing behind Ryder as he entered the house, I was not a happy man. Self-conscious in my scruffy clothes I’d changed into, with a feeling I’d be judged for my baggy jeans, endless ink, and the metal in my mouth, I gritted my teeth in defiance. This was my style, my skin - one I shed for nobody. Lucca could judge me, he didn’t know me, had to believe Ryder when he said Lucca was a good guy. I didn’t respect many people but through the very short time I’d spent with him, he’d earned mine in buckets full. He was giving me a chance, trusting me to do the right thing. I’d let my guard down in his company, at ease with his demeanour toward me, understanding he was, indeed, good people. Far better than the scum I surrounded myself with daily.

  Far better than me.

  In retrospect, standing in Lucca’s ornate foyer, I felt nothing but trash. The fact that I was probably the shit on the bottom of most people’s shoes never more apparent than then. It hit me hard and I tried to justify it to myself. I did what I had to do to get through each day. It was dog eat dog where I came from and if I wasn’t on top, then I was someone’s bitch. That didn’t do it for me, not at all. I’d kept myself out of as much trouble as I could, was a lot more careful than I had been when I was younger, stayed off the radar. I was a big, ugly fish to some, but there was always bigger and always a different league. I’d managed to carve out a position for myself, so those larger threats left me alone, left Sophie alone. I’d proved my point when I needed to, and it afforded me a bit of leeway at least. I didn’t have to hide all the time or show my colours.

  Colours that were changing.

  I walked my walk, talked my talk, all to make sure Sophie wasn’t tainted with the same brush I was, to make sure she wasn’t touched by the horrors that ran in my world. To make sure neither of us ended up six feet under like our brother before we’d even had a chance at life. So far, I’d succeeded in keeping her safe, her leaving the flat had been a blessing, even if not my choice, and for the most part I’d kept my crew away from her. Yet, it still didn’t seem like enough.

  Out, I needed out, I was sick of telling myself the same thing, but it was true. So, if being self-conscious and swallowing my pride for an uncomfortable while was what it took - I was as ready as I’d ever be.

  Following Ryder down the long hallway, I ignored my surroundings. Lucca’s house seemed homey enough, big but comforting, and like Ayden, wasn’t into showy or ostentatious crap to prove he had money. In truth I didn’t want to look at anything because jealousy was a bitch at the best of times, and I was definitely a bit green. I’d never manage to give Sophie this, a home, and that hurt because I’d have given her the world if I could. She deserved better than what I could offer.

  Rounding the corner, I stopped at the entrance to a large kitchen, the smell of coffee punching the air. A woman had her back to me at the sink, washing out what looked like mugs. When I scanned the room, my eyes fell on the man at the kitchen island I knew to be Lucca. He was scrutinising me, head to toe, his speculative gaze travelling over every inch. He nodded once then got to his feet, approaching me.

  “Hey, Shaun.” Standing scant inches from me, he didn’t extend his hand in greeting, he simply watched. “Come on in.” He detoured to the woman by the sink and kissed her as she turned to him. “Another mug, baby.”

  Pulling her hands from the water, and shaking them out, she reached for a towel then turned completely into Lucca, her head peeking over his shoulder at me. Her eyes widened, and she fixed her gaze on my cheek.

  “What on earth?” Stepping away from Lucca, she resumed drying her hands but never wavered in her eye contact with me.

  Shifting on my feet uncomfortably, I shook my head roughly, knowing exactly what she was referring to.

  “Laura,” Lucca warned.

  “What?” she asked, almost innocently. “I know what that means.” Her words were indignant, unapologetic when she pointed under her own eyelid. “A man comes into my house with a tattoo like that, I want to know.” She didn’t flinch when Lucca coughed loudly into the room, didn’t lower her gaze from mine as she dared me to answer. Oh, this woman was fierce, and I immediately liked her, despite feeling like I was caught in a stand-off with her. “I don’t get this.” She then pointed to my cheek. “Why would you brag about something like that?”

  Clearing my throat, I answered, if only to ease her mind. “No, it’s not what you think,” I said, shaking my head.

  “But you are in a gang that runs drugs, right? Hurts people?”

  My head swung back to Lucca, who’d asked the question. “Yes, sir. That’s a fair assumption.”

  He rubbed at his chin, as if contemplating his next words. I felt put on the spot, so I indicated to the stools, seeking silent permission to get off my feet. If we were laying it all out, I wanted to be sitting down, doing it eye to eye with him.

  “How far in?”

  The question confused me. Pulling out the stool, I considered his question. There was no in or out with Charlie, no two ways about it, he surely knew that. “Pretty far in, sir.”

  His tone was sharp with his next words, I admired it. “Cut the sir shit. My name’s Lucca. Pretty far in? Both of you?” Again, confusion must have coloured my face for he went on to clarify. “Sophie?”

  “Fuck, no!” I shouted, before remembering my manners and that there was a woman in the room. A woman who slid a cup of welcoming coffee in front of me the same time I spoke.

  How could he even suggest my sister was all in, had Ryder not given him at least the basics? Exasperation became predominant as I reached for the dainty little sugar bowl that seemed at odds with the hulking man sitting watching me with narrowed eyes. Sophie must matter in this scenario if he was asking, what was I missing here?

  A hand on my shoulder startled me and I dropped the sugar spoon with a clatter to the counter. “Sorry,” I mumbled as I looked around at the woman whose hand felt far too comforting over my coat.

  Mother figure...

  “How far in, son?” The word son smoothed over me, leaving icy prickles in its wake. No one had ever called me that, including the poor excuse whose sperm was the reason I was alive and most definitely kicking.

  “I’m a dead man walking unless I find a way to cut the head off. In my
case, Charlie. That’s how far in.”

  “Okay.” He steepled his fingers under his chin and asked about Sophie again, to which I told him she was safer where she was, with her best friends. “Just so I’m clear, we’re all clear - you want out? You need help?” He slipped a glance at Ryder who had yet to say a word.

  Emotion clogged thick up my throat and a sudden flare of panic hit. These guys could rip the rug out from under me, simply tell me to fuck off and leave me without anywhere to turn. They had wives, they had families. I got the personal connection with Charlie in Ryder’s case, I also understood how risky this was. Hell, they could stitch me up and put my arse in jail right along with my boss for all I knew. There was no loyalty to me, none.

  “You got somewhere to be tonight?” I shook my head. No matter how much I wanted to turn up on Ayden’s doorstep, I wasn’t going back until I was a free man, until I could promise him the things he deserved. “My son is coming home this afternoon with his friends. I’d like to discuss a thing or two with you before he arrives, then I’d like you to stay here for the night, take some down time without any pressure. Clear heads going forward, huh? Your friend Ben? He be okay at your flat?”

  “Yeah, it’s Sunday. Nobody should bother him.”

  “Rehab next week,” Ryder slipped into the conversation. “Non-negotiable. If I need to go up and convince the bloke myself, then I will.”

  For whatever reason, these guys cared, and it humbled me they did, especially with a virtual stranger. That they would extend hope to a fucked-up mess of a man like me, do these things to help me. I’d fucked up with Boomer big time, disregarded what was right in front of my face for years. Every time I confronted it myself, tackling his addiction felt like such a huge mountain to climb on top of everything else, so I’d ignored it.