by K A Sands
“You’re in the ICU recovery, Ayden. We’ll give you a little while, monitor your vitals and such then take you through to the ward, okay?” The doctor smiled at me and while I didn’t recognise the voice, I immediately recognised the face. He was a friend of my father’s and an immense comfort when my dad had been recovering from an assault himself, after disturbing a robbery at our house not long after we’d moved in. His manner was easy and caring, and I knew I was in good hands with him, probably the best.
Holding a cup in front of me, the straw almost poking me in the nose, my dad ordered me to drink. I took little sips, the cold water soothing my bruised throat more than anything else. The ever-present churn in my stomach had me worried the fluid, no matter how little, wouldn’t stay down. The doctor slipped from the room while my dad fussed over the cup and made me sip slower.
“How you feeling?” Removing the straw from my mouth, he placed the cup on the roll away table across the middle of the bed.
I groaned as I tried to shift to a more comfortable position, mindful of the multitude of tubes stuck in the back of my hand. I realised I had a catheter in as well when I rolled awkwardly, and the urinary tube pinched when I moved. “Like shit,” I wheezed out.
“Yeah...” he trailed off and looked around the room as if uncomfortable about something. I knew about Jake, maybe that was his worry - that I didn’t. I reached tentatively for his hand, which he grasped harder than before.
“Damage?”
He raised his eyebrows. “Jargon, or as is?” I shrugged as best I could, it hurt too much to continue talking so I didn’t, hoping he’d take my cue. “Okay...” dragging his fingers through his hair, I watched him search for the right place to start. “Skull fracture, brain bleed, stab wound to the lower back,” he blew out a long breath, “bruised and battered.” A tear tripped its way down his cheek as he rushed his words, as if saying them quicker would make it less real.
I tried to smile at him, but it was a weak attempt. “The bleed?”
“They had to drain it, said it was safer because of the fracture. Put you in an induced coma for a few days to see which way things would swing, give your body some time out.” His smile was tight, more of a grimace.
“Sophie?”
He nodded at me and let go of my hand, reaching for the chair behind him so he could sit next to the bed. Resting his elbows on the pale yellow cellular blanket, he dropped his hands to the coverlet. “She’s okay, Ayden, but...” I didn’t think he knew how to say what he wanted to, I’d seen her, knew what happened. They made me fucking watch.
I stared at my dad, not caring that I was full on sobbing, not ashamed, he’d seen it all before. “They made me watch...” I whispered.
The chair scraped backwards, and my dad had his arms wrapped around me as gently as he possibly could a second later. “Oh, Ayden.” His own emotion poured from him as he hugged me close. “She’s okay, as okay as she can be, but Jake...” his choke was harsh, and his fingers dug into my shoulders. “The baby’s okay, the baby’s okay.”
We both stayed where we were, my tears soaking into the comforting fabric of his t-shirt, his spilling down my bare back. It took him a long while to let go and when he did, he was far more composed than when he had stood up.
“The police want a statement.” Chewing on his lip, he slanted his head at me. “But listen, it’s up to you what you say to them. We can do it their way,” he paused, “or our way. I won’t judge, not for one single second. None of us will. Your choice.” He looked at the floor as if he wanted to hide how he felt or what he thought I should do. There was time to discuss it later, he wouldn’t let anyone near me until I was ready, until I’d spoken to Sophie.
“You need any pain meds?”
I nodded because every inch of me screamed and numbing the pain sounded like a great fucking idea, the best idea. He handed me a little paper cup that had been set down on the table and shook out two pills onto his hand. With his help I swallowed them down then relaxed back onto the bed and shut my eyes, waiting for the inevitable.
Letting out a shaky breath, I whispered, “I know who it was.”
Shaun
Ayden was asleep for five days. Five long, terse days.
I’d seen him, but I hadn’t really seen him. Sophie had napped on and off and I’d managed to get time up in the ICU, thanks to Lucca. The doctors had pulled him from the induced coma the day before yet still he slept. All I could do was will him to get better, I really wanted him to wake up.
I glanced at my sister, who was sitting up in her bed staring at the television. With the volume muted, she wasn’t watching it, or taking it in, she was lost inside her own head and I didn’t know how to pull her back. Sophie hadn’t said a word since she’d been brought in, hadn’t even asked about Ayden, or Jake for that matter. Lucca had been in many times, but she didn’t look in his direction once. Despite her ignorance he continued to visit.
Her sleep was broken and didn’t last long; fitful and sweaty bouts I cringed over every time she closed her eyes. Sophie had to be exhausted, I was. She was eating little bits here and there, but I suspected that was down to her trying to keep her baby sustained and healthy rather than herself. I’d never seen her like this before and it was utterly heart-breaking, coupled with the fact I didn’t know how to help - I was exasperated.
The awful events of that day changed us all. It had to. How could it not? There were things in life you simply didn’t come back from and I feared this was Sophie’s. Her baby had been left without a father and she had been brutalised in the most inhumane way, no wonder she wasn’t talking to anyone.
“You gonna speak to me today, Soph?” I asked her.
Her head darted around to meet my gaze, sorrow etched across her gaunt features. She tried to smile but it didn’t quite fall right on her chapped lips, yet it fell heavy on my chipped heart. Tears pooled in her eyes and it was all the invitation I needed. Shuffling over to the bed, I climbed up next to her, mindful of her shoulder that was wrapped in a blue sling. I tucked my arm around her middle and pulled her into my chest.
“I’m scared, Shaun.”
I squeezed my eyes shut in relief at hearing her speak, no matter how broken her words sounded, how hoarse her voice was. I still didn’t know what to say to her, so I stayed quiet, watching as she rubbed her hand across her barely there bump. “Ayden awake yet?”
“No Sophie, not yet, babe,” I sighed. He would though, he’d wake up and take the world by the balls and make every last motherfucker pay for what happened that night. I’d be standing right with him. No one was getting away with what they had done, come hell or high water, they were going to pay.
“Boomer was asking for you.”
I’d called and filled him in with a bare bones version of events, leaving a hell of a lot out, Ryder had encouraged it even though he’d just started his rehab. Said he needed to be kept in the loop, not feel like he was being excluded or punished for getting better. He was as much a part of mine and Sophie’s family, he had a right to know the basics at least. I’d promised him I’d let Sophie know he was asking for her.
“Where is he?” She looked around the room as if he might appear from somewhere.
“He’s getting clean.”
Sophie’s glorious smile made an appearance, the first real emotion I’d seen from her in such a long time. I smiled right along with her, glad talking of Boomer managed to cheer her a little.
“I’m happy about that,” she said simply. “I’m not ready to talk about this, Shaun.” Her words were laced with sincere apology, and I understood. I thought she was waiting for Ayden anyway, maybe they could lean on each other and try to heal together. It made sense really, so I wasn’t mad, no - I was hopeful.
A knock on the room door diverted my attention to the man poking his head around the frame.
“Can I come in?” Lucca asked.
Sophie sat up straighter, pulling the coverlet further up her chest, almost to her neck. “O
f course.” The way Lucca strode into the room gave away he had news, good news. He stood confidently at the side of the bed and grinned at Sophie. With a simple nod of the head he waved his hand in the air.
“He’s awake.”
Ayden
Every time I closed my eyes I was greeted with visions of blood; lots and lots of blood. And the silence, it was deafening. But I couldn’t wallow in my own misfortune and self-pity because Sophie needed me. I swallowed down the gruesome images and tucked them away, hoping they’d wait until dark when I was alone, so they could drag me down.
“I need to see Sophie.” I said to my Dad, who was sitting by my side reading his daily paper.
He looked up surprised. “Not Shaun?” I shook my head no. I remembered everything, there were no gaps and as much as I didn’t want to take heed, I couldn’t ignore the fissure of anger that was buried somewhere deep down. I’d deal with Shaun later, first came Sophie.
“Okay, I’ll see what I can do; I’m not sure how mobile she is.”
I closed my eyes, needing the relief of sleep. In slumber I could maybe believe this was not my reality. Pain caught my breath and scooped me away until I tumbled head first into blackness.
A day later Sophie was wheeled into my room, the relief at seeing her, all consuming. She looked tired, but the same emotions were reflected in her face as mine when she looked at me.
My dad pulled her wheelchair closer, as close as he could get it then lowered my bed, so we were the same height. He could read me so well; knew I’d need to touch her. I reached my hand out to hers and she grasped hold, tightening her grip. As if she was afraid to let go. We looked at each other for so long, I didn’t even notice that my father had left the room. I did however see the tears spilling down Sophie’s cheek.
“Hey, Sophie, it’s okay.” It wasn’t really, but what else was there to say? I hadn’t thought past simply seeing her with my own eyes.
She bit at her bottom lip before talking. “I didn’t know if you were okay.” She sobbed loudly, her other hand coming up to cover her mouth.
I took a moment to look her over, really look at her. The sigh that escaped me as I stopped at her still small stomach didn’t go unnoticed. A shaky grin flitted across her face for just a millisecond, but I caught it.
“She’s fine, absolutely fine.”
Remarkably her face was free from the hellish green and purple bruises that marred her neck. I remembered again how she looked lying on the floor that night and I knew those marks didn’t just stop at her neck. Where she bled, I bled. I felt every morsel of pain that she endured, and it tightened at my already scarred heart, pinching it hard.
“The police want a statement, Ayden. I don’t know what to do.” She looked down at our clasped hands. Knowing this would have to be the focus of our discussion, it surprised me that she was so quick to bring it up. “Shaun can handle it, or they can. We need to decide.”
We were both silent for a while, contemplating the outcome of either decision. Neither was encouraging. I knew what Shaun handling it meant all too well, it was so risky but as mad as I was at him, the thought of losing him to a jail cell didn’t appeal in the slightest.
“What do you want to do?” I asked eventually. After all, the decision would ultimately be hers.
“To give my statement, same as you.” She stopped for a second, looking up to the ceiling. “We both know who it was.” I nodded, she was right, we did. “I can’t not tell him, and when I do, you know what the consequences are just as much as I do. This wasn’t his first time, Ayden.” She gave me a pointed look and I understood what she was saying straight away. She didn’t need to spell it out for me.
“Sophie,” I said softly, “come here.”
She let go of my hand and gingerly climbed onto the bed as I inched over as far as I could to make room for her. I wrapped an arm around her as she cuddled into the crook of my shoulder, kissing the top of her head as she settled.
“Then we need to tell them, okay?”
She sniffled into me and I felt her head shaking in agreement. Oddly enough, I was okay with that, because she was right. He’d destroyed both of our lives enough already. He’d taken from both of us and now it was time to take from him.
Shaun
I stood outside his room door for a good five minutes trying to gather myself. Sophie said he was feeling a bit better and I knew he was medically recuperating but I was still unsettled. He’d woken three days earlier and he hadn’t allowed me up to see him. I couldn’t help but take that shit personally, and honestly....it fucking hurt. Lucca had no answers and Sophie wasn’t talking. Said it wasn’t her place. She’d been up a few times in the last few days, was I upset? Of course, I was, but the mere thought of him just being okay dampened the hurt a little. Now was my time, and it had been far too long. Fuck did I need to see him. It had been too many endless days since his smile had warmed my heart, I needed him like I needed the air to breathe. How could I have not realised it sooner?
I knocked softly on the door before walking in. When my eyes caught his, my unease fell away and I rushed to his side. “Ayden...” I breathed, looking him up and down to make sure he was, in fact, going to be fine. I could see nothing to suggest that he’d almost died, just a cannula stuck into the back of his hand and a yellowish colouring around his eyes.
“Hi,” he said back, looking up at me. I had to touch him, needed to touch him. I leant down and kissed his forehead, watching as he closed his eyes at the contact. It was the only sign I needed.
God, I’d missed him so fucking much.
My heart ached at all he’d gone through, all that I’d done to both him and Sophie. It didn’t bear thinking about, but I couldn’t shove it out of my head. I told him that I missed him. Told him that I was sorry, sorry for fucking up. Sorry his best friend was gone. Sorry he was hurting because of me. He smiled at me shyly, reaching up to stroke his hand along my cheek. I soaked up his warm fingers, his loving touch.
Home....he felt like home.
“I missed you too.”
“I’m sorry I wasn’t there.” I felt the tears coming and mentally willed myself to be strong; he didn’t need my pansy arse crying.
“It’s okay, it wasn’t your fault.” His voice was rough and scratchy. I clasped my hand over his on my face and drew in a deep breath.
It was a stupid question, but I had to know how he was feeling. He removed his hand from underneath mine and cleared his throat. “Better.” Somehow hearing it from him and not some random stranger made all the difference and my shrivelled black heart unfurled some more.
For the first time since I’d met him I had no clue what to say. It wasn’t awkward exactly, but I didn’t feel as comfortable with him as I normally did. My confidence had taken a battering, and I kept running my mind back to the last time I’d seen him at his dad’s house. I could sense there was something more going on and it had my insides knotted tight.
He spelled it out for me, in black and fucking white, no punches pulled. “Tell me what’s going on with Chrissie.” I stood stunned for a moment, trying to process his words, not expecting his anger to be about her. “I can’t go any further with you until you explain.”
Always straight to the point, man, I loved that about him even when I was on the other end of his scrutiny.
“Explain it!” His tone caught me off guard and I winced at the slight hint of venom. “You said you’d had no girlfriends. You lied to me, Shaun.” He blew out a breath, readying to say more. I absolutely knew what was coming and I deserved every single bit of anger he so rightly had for me. “Explain Chrissie....and how she ended up in your flat that night with you balls deep in her.”
I looked at him before sighing and then laying it out for him. I told him it all, didn’t leave out a single thing, including the fact I’d had my cock in her mouth two weeks before. That was the hardest to admit to because whatever way I wanted to look at it, that right there was a fucking betrayal and it hurt him more tha
n what I’d left out about my tumultuous history with Chrissie. He’d had enough of my crap, yet there I was giving him more and I had never felt shittier in my entire life. I tried to reason with myself I needed to be truthful with him if we were ever to move forward. Spilling my guts was the only thing to do. No more lies or secrets or half-truths.
“I was going with the motions.” No excuse; but it was exactly what it was. Nothing more and nothing less. “I never expected you, Ayden. I didn’t think falling in love was on the cards for me. I don’t know when you were never under my skin, I can’t remember a time without you. That fucking night was something I can’t get my head around; it’s missing, I can’t dredge up a single minute at the bar. It was a set up. Her. Charlie. Who knows? But some fucker planned it.”
I wanted to grovel, get down on my hands and knees and show this man everything he meant to me. I possibly had another chance here, and there was no way I was losing him over something that never meant anything.
“I can only promise that it will never happen again, on my life, I swear. You’re it for me.”
With no more words left to convince him, what happened next was entirely in Ayden’s hands. One thing was for sure, I wasn’t resting until he understood my love for him, whether he told me to fuck off or not.
Ayden
Every word he spoke was the truth. Yet that truth presented me with a Shaun I didn’t know and made it more difficult to hear. I didn’t want to admit I didn’t like the person he was telling me about. I thought it would be an impossibility but there I was feeling exactly that. I wasn’t naïve enough to not think what happened with Chrissie had been a set-up, someone out to take away the things he coveted. Much like the other night with Sophie. People were out to hurt Shaun, not caring for the consequences, and it was a cruel fucking joke, that much had been clear the minute I’d opened those texts.